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TTC a girl. What would you do?

(102 Posts)
NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 12:18:55

Hi,

I've been trying to conceive for a few months now. I track my fertility on an app and have been having sex usually a couple of days before ovulation up until the day of ovulation with no luck (although i'm not actually so sure how accurate this app is)

This month i'm using cheap ovulation tests, tested today and it's positive (according to the instructions this means I should ovulate in the next 24 hours)

Anyway DH and I had spontaneous sex on Friday night, didn't on Saturday night (too tired) but were planning to to tonight as we had our positive ovulation test.

The problem is, we would like a girl. We already have a Daughter. Our reasons for this is purely financial, it would be a lot easier due to hand me downs and I guess part of the reason is because we want DD to have a Sister, we figured she would probably grow to have a closer relationship with a Sister as opposed to a Brother. This could be a load of crap of course, but it's just out own experiences within our own family. I always said if I choose I would want either 2 girls or 2 boys. Never wanted one of each.

I know there'll be ladies on this board struggling to conceive at all, and I apologise if preferring one sex over the other is an emotive subject. I just feel a girl would be a better fit for us, although we would still be delighted with a Son if we are lucky enough to conceive at all.

Anyway, having briefly read up on Shettles method etc.. It appears the best bet for a girl is to not have sex too close to ovulation. I had sex two days before ovulation, and was planning sex on ovulation. Am I better off not having sex on tonight in order to increase my chances of conceiving a girl? Only thing is, I probably won't conceive at all if I only have sex two days before ovulation? Or do you think the best bet is just to have sex and leave it to fate?

Ainmnua Sun 30-Nov-14 12:20:37

I have no words.

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 12:20:53

*it's just our own experiences within our own families
*I always said if I could choose

Some of my post didn't make sense there due to missing words out!

Hurr1cane Sun 30-Nov-14 12:30:33

It's all bollocks, it's nothing to do with when you have sex because the gene that decides the sex of a baby is in the sperm. Sorry.

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 12:36:17

I thought so to Hurr1cane but thought there may be something in the statement that female sperm live longer/swim slower so the further from conception you conceive, the more likely it is that the female sperm fertilised the egg as the male sperm would be more likely to have died at that point?

Hurr1cane Sun 30-Nov-14 12:41:48

I think it's bollocks still and a very dangerous game. You could end up resenting a boy.

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 12:49:50

I see what you mean, but I honestly don't think I would. Your child is your child, regardless of sex. I would prefer a girl, yes, but it's more so for practical reasons. Boys are wonderful, it's certainly nothing to do with preferring girls over boys. Also my DD is almost 8, so I can't imagine her ever having anything in common with a boy 8 years younger than her. Wish I has started TTC a lot sooner than this, but there never appears to have been a "right time"

As I said, in an ideal scenario I never wanted one of each. Either 2 boys or 2 girls is what I always preferred.

I just want to increase my chances of another girl, but then has Shettles ever even been proven?

Iggi999 Sun 30-Nov-14 12:52:27

Having tried for a baby for 6 months only dtd on the ovulation days, we switched to doing it for the 5 days before - and got pg straight away. With a boy. smile I think if you go into this expecting control you will be disappointed. You sound like you'd want another child anyway, so if you really do, just leave it to chance.

Iggi999 Sun 30-Nov-14 12:53:59

If have two boys with a five year gap and they have very little in common play-wise. With an 8 year gap I think them liking the same stuff is irrelevant really. Has your dd even said she wants a sister?

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 12:57:24

Iggi Did you stop before ovulation? Excellent point about going into this expecting control. Oh yes, she's desperate for a sister, but I assumed most girls would be, i'm sure she'd love a brother just as much.

Floggingmolly Sun 30-Nov-14 13:04:42

For practical reasons... For fucks sake!

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 13:07:49

Floggingmolly What? Practically it would be better, for a number of reasons.

tumbletumble Sun 30-Nov-14 13:18:57

OP, I've heard that there is some truth in the method you're describing. But only such that you alter the chances from 50/50 to approx 55/45 in favour of the sex you're trying for. Sorry - can't find a link to back that up.

herecomesthsun Sun 30-Nov-14 14:03:42

My BFF had a DB 9 years younger than her, she reported adoring him, no sibling rivalry, many little girls do love having a little baby sibling whatever sex. Also the age gap would be sufficient that they wouldn't have been going to the same dance classes etc any way...

Ladyboluna Sun 30-Nov-14 15:36:33

There is a 7 year age gap between me and my sister. By the time she wanted to play with Barbies I was going out for sleepovers and was into make-up and music. We would get annoyed with each other as she wanted me to play with her all the time, but really I had long since grown out of the things she wanted to do.

I'm sorry to say this Newyorkdeli but you're living in a fantasy world. Do you think that with the age gap they really would have anything in common? Regarding clothes... what if they don't grow at the same rate and in the same proportions? Do you fit into the same clothes as any friends that are the same age as you?

Why is it that only apps that want you to download them make promises about helping you get the right gender? It is random.

I've been trying for 16 months and I find your worries abhorrent.

TrixieRay Sun 30-Nov-14 16:02:35

Hi there, answering the question you've asked, I would say DTD to maximise your chances of conceiving at all. I'm ttc #1 (on cycle 12) and while I have no real preference over sex I have done a bit of reading and the whole stopping before ov is due to male sperm swimming faster than girl sperm. However I have a friend who DTD before ov and had a boy. I would do a bit more Googling because there is a lot of info online about how diet can affect sex but I really think it is mainly down to chance.

countrybumpkingirl Sun 30-Nov-14 16:04:26

Ladyboluna is right - you can't guarantee whether they will have anything in common but I do feel the same a little, being from a family of 4 girls. HOWEVER, I don't think there is anything (bar embryo selection after IVF) that actually gives you a higher chance of conceiving a particular sex. I think you should feel blessed whatever sex your baby is, and forget about the finances - babies are expensive however you look at it! There are plenty of secondhand sales, ebay etc to keep costs down and you could always sell your baby girl stuff if you have a boy? Good luck!

Passthecake30 Sun 30-Nov-14 16:18:25

Omg. A baby is a blessing whatever sex it is. I have a boy and a girl 18 months apart and they are extremely close and very protective if each other. I have a 3 sisters and one brother and frankly wasn't close to any of them as the next one up (sister) is 5 yrs older, we had no similar interests. If it's about the hand me down clothes confusedjust swap with friends or sell on ebay.

TeaandHobnobs Sun 30-Nov-14 16:22:01

I conceived both times late in my cycle (2nd time only about a week before I was due). One boy, one girl.

Purplelilly Sun 30-Nov-14 16:26:10

As others have said, these methods of conceiving one sex or another are mostly a load of rubbish.

I had a brother who was 7 years older than me and have a sister who is a year older than me. My brother was my hero, my best friend and soul mate. He honestly was the closest person I've ever had in my life and I've never connected to another person like that in my life. I doubt I ever will, there will always be that black hole that can never be filled.
I love my sister just as much and we are close, but we never had that same connection.

Don't worry about them not being close, it really does depend on their personalities more than anything. They won't be close just because they are the same sex.
As for the cost, you would be able to swap like for like, so I don't think it'd work out much more expensive at all.

Don't get too drawn into these myths, we have a tendency to believe anecdotal evidence over the facts and figures, but they can just leave you a bit disappointed.

Good luck with conceiving smile

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 30-Nov-14 19:09:25

If you were that hard up for another baby you'd have anything. If you only want a girl perhaps it's not a good idea to get pregnant.
I hate all that shit. I want a girl/boy. I don't want a boy/girl. I'm afraid you get what you're given.
Also I have noticed that gender disapointment is always aimed at boys.

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Nov-14 19:14:19

Sad, sad thread. Poor little boy, if he's conceived.

NewYorkDeli Sun 30-Nov-14 19:38:53

Thanks for the replies. I still feel from what i've seen online, most girls seem to be conceived a few days before ovulation. I had sex two days before ovulation and if I have sex tonight (whilst ovulating) I hope that does ensure it's 50/50, at least then i'll know it was out of my control and I couldn't have swayed it (If I conceive) I'd rather believe that what is meant for you won't pass you by.

Bowlersarm Yes, God love my imaginary Son. How awful that his Mother had a slight preference, but would still love him and want him more than life itself.

I'm pretty sure most women have a slight preference, whether they are willing to admit it or not is another matter.

If I thought for one minute i'd have "gender disappointment" I would not be trying to conceive. It wouldn't be fair on anyone.

BB113 Sun 30-Nov-14 19:49:01

*god love my imaginary son*

No. God love the women who read this post, who you have carelessly offended who are trying their absolute hardest to have any baby with the most unjust difficulties, some who have conceived and lost, maybe multiple times and would give ANYTHING to have ANY gender baby. I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience this feeling and live to regret this post. And I can assure you, "most women" only have a preference that their child is born healthy and lives a happy life.

Ladyboluna Sun 30-Nov-14 19:54:16

Have you ever heard about preferential bias?

If you look for something that confirms your belief even if it's deluded then you'll find it and believe it. So of course you'll find something that confirms you can influence the gender of your baby. Because you want to ignore all the other evidence. But I bet what you found wasn't on a scientific website but was a blog post advertising crystal healing and one tip to lose weight without any effort? Am I right?

If you don't care what gender the child is and you'd love a boy eequally why did you post this thread?

Examine your conscience newyorkdeli

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