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Don't know how much longer I can cope...

(16 Posts)
BB113 Sat 29-Nov-14 22:13:53

I've been ttc for months... Have fertility issues on both sides.

BF is pregnant, SIL announced pregnancy 2 months ago, my sister told me that she is pregnant today. I would be lying if I said I'm not devastated. I have nobody to talk to. My partner is not very good with me, today he even left me in a heap breaking my heart on the floor after hearing my sisters news to go and play football.

It's affecting my parenting of my dd who I love with every piece of my heart and she is enough, more than enough, but my whole life is consumed by this. It's affecting my working life, I'm struggling to focus. It's affecting my friendships, I cannot stand to look at or being near the pregnant people in my life. I don't think my relationship is going to survive. And it's affecting my health, I suffer with lots of side effects of stress and I feel like it's slowly killing me.

GP is not interested - "I just need to relax" I just feel so alone.

Elektra83 Sat 29-Nov-14 22:32:16

Hi, I didn't want to read and run, unfortunately I don't have anything constructive to say. Just try and be nice to yourself and focus on the good things in your life like your DD. Maybe have a girly day with her to reconnect if you have been struggling.

We've been ttc for our first and nothing has happened, not even a snifter! But I've come to realise the past 3 years have been hard on us - our whole married life together has been tough, we've only been trying this year but there's been too much to deal with. It's not easy and when I see friends announcing it on Fb or whatever it makes me sad too. My BF is ttc too and I am sure if she was to announce her pregnancy I'd feel like you.

Just try to be nice to yourself and take everything slowly.

BobsyBoo Sun 30-Nov-14 09:15:04

BB113 I could have written this post myself! I am in the same position myself. We have been trying for our second for 22 months now, our DD is 4 really wanted her to have a sibling before now. After a few tests just on my & no problems found my GP wil do no more because of my age (I'm 38 was 36 when we started TTC). Everyone who had babies around same time have had their second & some even had a third. A girl at work got pg with #2 straight after coming off the pill & I have to face her & her baby bump every day, another friend is pg with her second & my cousin & wife have just had their second, their first has only just turned 2!

My OH doesn't understand how bad these pregnancies make me feel & earlier this year we nearly split up because of all the problems with TTC. He just doesn't understand how badly the arrival of AF effects me every month & pregnancy & new baby announcements.

I know I have nothing helpful to say but just wanted to same in same position & can relate to everything you say.

Beansprout30 Sun 30-Nov-14 09:17:25

Sorry you are feeling so rotten, it really does get you down when everyone else is announcing pregnancies and it isn't happening for you.

Is your partner completely on board with ttc? Perhaps deep down he is really struggling too and needed to get out and do something despite being rather cruel leaving you upset. I know each month we get a bfn my dh is just as gutted as me.

Could you maybe have a couple of months off ttc just so you can give yourself a break and put it to the back of your mind? Dh went away all summer for work and I thought id struggle to get through 5 months having to put it on hold, but it was actually good to take a step back and enjoy everyday life again and I felt positive again when the time came to try again. . Still no bfp for us though sad

Ladyboluna Sun 30-Nov-14 15:44:56

This post could also have been written by me - we've been TTC for 16 months now and neither of us have children. In that time there have been 4 babies in the family and 3 of my close friends either are currently pregnant or have had a baby. Feels like nothing that anybody says to me means much (I know they don't know what to say and mean well) as no one I know is going through the same.

Every time I see family - its aww look at the baby. Every time I see friends - admiring someone's bump. Like you I understand what you mean when you feel devastated by it.

I find it a little easier when I remember that there isn't someone sat in an office somewhere deciding who deserves one the most and who has been waiting the longest - it's just a case of a sperm meeting an egg, both of which are completely oblivious to the bodies they came from.

BB113 Sun 30-Nov-14 17:35:00

Thank you all for your lovely words. It's been a really hard weekend, and with Christmas coming, does it seem worse? I was sure I would be wrapping a bump up nice and warm... Just so sad.

I took your advice Electra & spent the day with my daughter at winter wonderland which was lovely although I think they should ban prams and babies I hope you get your BFP as a Christmas treat and 2015 will be a happy year for you & your DH. Do you have any known fertility issues?

bobsy I'm glad that you & your DH worked through it and I hope we can .. It's why we are doing it after all. DD is not bio to DP so a baby together would be the missing piece of our family puzzle. It's even worse with the way I feel about other pregnant people, especially people close to me. I have always prided myself on being selfish or unkind and now I feel myself being both. Has your partner had tests?

beansprout a few months off sounds like a dream, it's sometimes the pre-occupation of it all. I just feel like every time I see a pg person it drives me more insane to need it. I think if I were on a desert island somewhere, I'd stand half a chance! Do you know any reasons that you may not have your BFP yet? DP was the one who started all this ttc... I was certain I didn't want more children for years and then I met him and everything changed. He is sometimes so emotionally detached that sometimes I think I just want to shake him so hard. sad

That's a good way to think about it lady - I sometimes punish myself for things I have done in the past and convince myself this is karma. It really is just sperm meets egg. My problem is providing the egg... Are you investigating your reason for no BFP yet?

Thank you all again x

Sheepoverthemoon Sun 30-Nov-14 17:42:44

I work with lots of females who are falling pregnant around me, I find it really hard. I just don't want to know or hear about it, I hate feeling like that and keep thinking that I am really happy for them really, but I just don't want to think about it, hear about it, know about it. My copying mechanism is to try and switch off and focus on other hobbies - I have a non pregnant friend who I do lots with. But with christmas coming up it gets so hard, all i ever wanted was a bfp and it's been 6 month and I also have a problematic history which you just can't help blaming yourself - I really struggled with this, but getting stronger. I hope knowing other people understand helps a bit.

Pipbin Sun 30-Nov-14 17:48:49

It is horrible and it is hard, but it does get easier.
DH and I spent nearly 4 years TTCing. I remember when every pregnancy announcement felt like it was being made just to upset me. The worst one was friend who got pregnant and had been with her partner for less time than we had been TTCing.

You have a DD, concentrate on her, step back from TTCing, Constant monitoring can be very destructive.

I know this is easier said than done, but it does get easier. You have a child, many woman who have been on this journey never will.
Although this is a different situation it may help to hear from women who feel the same:

Ladyboluna Mon 01-Dec-14 11:52:52

Pipbin thanks for that link, I clicked through from that and around and found a website for support for people struggling with fertility issues and they have a really useful PDF you can print/email to people explaining what the etiquette is for family and friends - goes into detail about how telling people to "relax" is the worst thing to say, etc.

Ladyboluna Mon 01-Dec-14 11:53:23

Meant to add on the end - if anyone wants the pdf link send me a private message.

Pipbin Mon 01-Dec-14 12:07:57

I think it is important for people who are TTCing to see it like grief.
You grieve for the child who will never be born.
You grieve for the mother you will never be.
You grieve for the empty room that will never be a nursery.

Like grief you never get over it, you simply learn to live with it.

Nomio230 Wed 03-Dec-14 17:56:01

Pipbin-That is a really good way of putting it.

BB113-0I feel exactly the same. I have been ttc for so long now that I am starting to think it will never happen. It is so, so hard when everyone you know gets pregnant and you are still struggling on.

Any time you fancy a moan, feel free to send me a pm & we can feel sorry for ourselves together!

Isolde85 Sat 13-Dec-14 19:43:05

BB113 are you based in London, as you mentioned going to Winter Wonderland? Have you considered fertility acupuncture? I went to an amazing London acupuncturist (Emma Cannon) after months of TTC, convinced something was wrong as my cycles were going crazy even though I had been to a fertility clinic who told me all was fine after loads of tests. I conceived on my first cycle of acupuncture with Emma (sadly lost the baby) but Emma then recommended I go to a different gyno who instantly told me I had PCOS - she had suspected it even though I never had. I then conceived DS on my next cycle (now 16 months) and currently pregnant again with my second by a total accident. I really recommend her, she is the loveliest most heartwarming person - she also has books (you can buy on amazon etc) which are great if you are not in London or just can't afford the option...she really changed my life and also my general attitude towards periods as being a positive things rather than a nightmare. Do check her out, I can't recommend her enough. X

dildoos Sun 14-Dec-14 06:55:25

Bless you bb!
I am in exact same position!
Dd 6 ( 7 march) not dp bio child but knows him to be daddy!
I am 34 dp 32.
TTC cycle 43
7 mc
Stress through roof at times with it all!
Bf and I started TTC together her 3rd child 3 April
Sil has had 2 babies in this duration
Sister had her 2nd in this time ( I was told by our mum poor thing didn't expect to fall straight away so bad time for her?!)
We are now under dr shehata for treatment in London ( 3 our journey every time but hey)

Anyway wanted you to know your not alone and feel free to download when ever needed and yes it's ok to cry and scream when's my turn every time someone announces another friggin pregnancy! )
Anyway I am on day 3 of cycle today? Where are you? X

Legodino Sun 14-Dec-14 07:04:05

Change GP's or approach your GP again and request a day 21 progesterone test if you have been TTC for 6 months or 12 months depending on your age.

Legodino Sun 14-Dec-14 07:07:05

It doesn't matter if its general infertility or secondary, if you are over 35 only wait 6 months

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