Just gone ballistic at DP, is there no chance this month or have I over reacted?

[52States]

Hi,

Been TTC for 3 months now, I know it's not long but it feels like an eternity. Nothing is going according to plan, and for various reasons I really wanted to get caught before December (Which would result in a September baby) One of the reasons being paying nursery fees for an extra year. My DD (6) is a September baby and that extra year of nursery fees was a killer, plus she was so bored at nursery for that last year and it made life very difficult. I also feel we've left the age gap too big.

Anyway, I'm due to ovulate this Friday but DP has gone away this morning to a sporting event and won't be back until Saturday morning. We DTD plenty last week, then I was away with DD on Fri until Sun, so we didn't DTD again until this Monday (4 days before ovulation) The plan was to DTD again this morning before he left, but as he leaves everything until last minute, he was in too much of a rush. I went ballistic, I know I sound unreasonable but I was so desperate to get caught this month.

It's not likely that sex on Monday is going to result in pregnancy when I ovulate this Friday is it? It's possible i'll ovulate a day earlier as I did last month, but it's obviously not certain.

Is there any chance I could conceive on Saturday?

[TheAlias]

Gosh. Is this really how you want to live and what you want sex to be like?

If DH had reacted like that to me, I wouldn't be sleeping with him on Saturday.

[WipsGlitter]

You really need to chillax about it! But you know that. Sex on a schedule is never ever fun!

[gamerchick]

Howay man you can't go on like that.

Huge massive apology to your husband or you might not get any at all at the weekend.

[Bumpedbonce]

Please try and calm down, nursery fees really suck but you've only been trying 3 months. Sex when everyone is angry is no fun

[52States]

i've messed up haven't i?

last week it wasn't on a schedule, it was fun and natural. but as i know ovulation is approaching i panicked and thought with him being away it needed to be done.

[TurnOverTheTv]

Calm the fuck down. You're not doing yourself, or your marriage any favours.

[WipsGlitter]

Also your body is not a machine you may ovulate this Friday and you may not. Just have sex the next time you see him!

[WreckTheHalls]

You REALLY need to relax. Three months is nothing. Sex under duress is crap. And planning a baby to fit in with nursery is bonkers.

But you know all this.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd forget you're even TTC over December and just have some wine and shag loads because you enjoy sex with your husband.

[patienceisvirtuous]

You really can't schedule pregnancy with as much precision as you're hoping!

[52States]

i've tracked my periods for the last 5 years, i have a 31 day cycle so it's pretty certain it'll be friday, although as i said, last month i ovulated a day earlier.

i can't help but feel stressed that we have probably missed the opportunity this month. i will certainly apologise to him. i really don't like ttc!

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Gamerchick, it's the first time I've picked up that you're a Geordie

52. It sounds like your hormones are already in a spin...!! Carry on like that and you might find yourself a single parent to your 6 yo DD. Madness. Calm the hell down and leave nature to it. At least try to conceive this baby in a natural loving relationship for a while. Leave the 'getting it done technically' if you don't 'catch on' after a while. 3 months is nothing.

Apologise to you DH.

[52States]

so, for those of you that have more of a clue about ttc than i do, have i missed the boat this month?

WreckTheHalls yes, i do know all that. i'm an idiot. wish i could turn back time to this morning and not reacted that way.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

'I really don't like tic'

Then just bloody stop it. Have unprotected sex with your DH when the mood takes you both and let nature do it's thing! Worry about 'ttc' if it doesn't happen in the next year or whatever.

[WipsGlitter]

You have not missed the boat. You cannot be 100% certain when you ovulate.

[Thumbwitch]

No you haven't necessarily missed the boat, if you ovulate on Friday as expected then there's still a chance for the next day or so but not unless, as others have said so succinctly, you calm down and apologise to your DH!

If you're that fussed about school years, then give it a rest for a few months, if you don't fall pg this one!

[HopefulHamster]

Oh OP I know how it is to go down the rabbit hole of ttc nuttiness but really you must calm down!

I had to ttc for over two years before I got to that stage of grumpiness if it didn't happen when I wanted to.

Try to have a baby with a due date before Sep if you want, but realise it might even take another year (hopefully not though), by which point you'll be grateful for a child due in any month.

[SirChenjin]

Could you ask him leave a daily deposit in a jam jar, and then just get the turkey baster out as and when you need to?

[BauerTime]

gamerchick I had no idea you were a Geordie either!

Yes nursery fees are a financial pain but your next DC might actually benefit from an extra year at nursery rather than starting school just after they turn 4 (I assume you mean you wanted a summer baby?), you just never know.

You need to relax, you already are way ahead of the game having only been ttc for 3 months and already having such a great handle on your cycle. But even so, its not a sure thing that you will fall pregnant even if you have sex at exactly the right time in a given month anyway.

[52States]

thanks for the replies everyone. it's made me see sense. i still really want to get caught this month but i don't know how likely it is that sperm from monday will still be alive and waiting on friday, probably very unlikely so i need to suck it up. oh and i've just rang him and apologised profusely, he has very graciously accepted.

SirChenjin I bloddy wish i would have!

[SirChenjin]

so i need to suck it up

[clairewitchproject]

I got pregnant when we avoided DTD around my fertile time. We last DTD on day 10, 4 days before ovulation. Sperm can live for up to 7 days (but that is pretty rare) so there is a faint chance. You can also get pg if you DTD within 12 hours or so of ovulation, so if you jump his bones Sat morning you might get lucky....

[bonkersLFDT20]

There is no perfect age gap. You should find a better nursery. No child should be bored regardless of when they were born.

Your DH obviously doesn't have the same sense of urgency as you do.

[52States]

bonkers september children in private nursery have to do two years of pre school. my daughter got extremely bored in the second year repeating everything she'd learned, playing with the same toys etc. it was distressing, she would sob going in, she was so frustrated. she was SO ready for school the year before. it was a wonderful nursery and they tried to do all they could to ensure she enjoyed her time there and was stimulated, but she simply had outgrown it. according to the nursery this is a very common problem with september/october babies. i would prefer not to have that issue again, but of course, i'm aware it's not really in my hands and i'll probably not get an august baby now.

[TheAlias]

The extra nursery fees and being bored in nursery can be a problem but there is loads of evidence that long term, September born children, do far better than summer babies. Being the oldest in class, and therefore more capable at 4/5 (when being a year older is a lot) can affect their confidence for life.

[WannaBe]

good god. you do realise op that stressing this much about ttc can actually delay ovulation, don't you? and then your period will be late leading you to think you're pregnant when actually you've stressed yourself out so much about it that you've either ovulated late or perhaps not at all.

This level of obsession over ttc to conceive the baby at exactly the right time to ensure a nursery/school place at the right time really isn't healthy. at all.

If you're meant to get pregnant then you will, when the time is right. If you're not pregnant within a year go and get some help but in the meantime it's normal to ttc for up to a year. If you carry on like this the next year is going to be a living hell for your dp and you'll be lucky if he sticks around for the foreseeable if you carry on like that.

Sorry, I have little sympathy for someone who is this stressed after only three months ttc and who thinks that having a baby can be done on a schedule - it can't.

PS: I ttc unsuccessfully for six years and even then I managed not to hold my then h responsible if we didn't dtd on my preferred schedule. Acting like that helps no-one, least of all the process to get pregnant.