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Does anyone consider giving up ttc?

(7 Posts)
Not2bObvious Wed 26-Nov-14 00:34:37

Just that really. 40 with 2 dc, not trying that long(though already feels like forever)
Wondering has the ship sailed? Shorter and shorter cycled every month since stopping the pill, finding life tough enough with 2, am I being selfish wanting another? Is this my lot? sad

BeforeIChangeMyMind Wed 26-Nov-14 13:35:07

I didn't want to leave you unanswered. I certainly considered giving up ttc.

I felt, with me, that there was a big part of me that just wanted to 'win' at getting pregnant, if that makes sense. Post mc, I wanted to see if I still could. So when it went on a bit we decided to take a break from ttc and now I'm 13 weeks pg. Not the best example, perhaps!

But it absolutely depends what you want. You are absolutely allowed to look at your life again - stress of ttc, pregnancy, newborn stage, etc etc - and say "I've changed my mind" and then stop. Just because you've set out ttc doesn't mean you have to see it through.

On the other hand, if you can see all the stress and (potential) difficulty and deep down, you are prepared to go through it all again, then do.

But just be careful that it's a baby you want and not to 'win' at getting pregnant - I don't mean to sound at all patronising, that's just what I found was going on in my head. Now there's a real baby in the offing, I am happy, but also very nervous.

I hope it goes your way, whatever happens.

BobsyBoo Wed 26-Nov-14 17:23:27

Hi Not2beObvious I've been wondering about putting on this same thread on myself. I have been trying for 22 months now to conceive my second and no luck. I know I'm very lucky to have my DD but I'm desperate for her to have a sibling. I've always wanted more than one child so that my child isn't an only one it's always been important to me. Every month for the past few months when AF has arrived I've wanted to give up and just accept that it won't happen but I can't quite bring myself to do it and OH doesn't agree we should give up. I'm totally stressed out with it, I'm heart broken every month that it's not worked. I really wish I could just bring myself to give up but I just can't at the moment. I've tried just about everything I can to help, my GP won't help me any further now because of my age, I'm 38 but I was 36 when we started trying.

Not2bObvious Wed 26-Nov-14 19:02:39

Ahh Bobsy I'm so sorry you're struggling for your second, having wanting a second so badly myself I can understand how hard this must be for you, I was so very lucky to fall quickly on mine, which is probably why I'm feeling so despondent after a stupidly short amount of time trying for no. 3 (6 months) I think being 40 is why I'm doubting trying. I seriously hope you get that baby, I hope it's not an insensitive or stupid question but have you considering going to another doctor? The G in GP makes me wonder if their opinions are too general and not clued in enough - or sympathetic enough to your situation.
Thanks too Before, you've made some great points that I really need to think about and be honest with myself. I had actually taken 1 of my pill and then stopped again, I mentioned to my dh I had doubts and wanted to stop ttc but I'm not happy with his lack of response or engagement, I was "us" to decide yes or no, not me being all hormonal after getting af, I don't have time on my side, if we say no now, I won't go bank on it. I can hold off on going back on the pill til next month if that's choice. Hope you have a fab pregnancy and Bobsy I really really pray you get that baby - thanks girls x

BobsyBoo Thu 27-Nov-14 17:15:11

Thanks for you kind comments Not2 This has been one of the worst things I have gone through. I got pregnant very easily with my DD and I know I'm lucky to have her but really want a sibling for her. I have read of a few people on here falling pregnant fairly easily in there 40's. I don't know if you're the same as me but I'm worried I will regret giving up when it's too late. Also, I would have loved to had 3 DC's but if I am ever lucky enough to fall pregnant again I wouldn't try for #3 as I would never want to put myself through this again. I'm thinking about making another appointment and seeing a different GP.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

BeforeIChangeMyMind Fri 28-Nov-14 10:41:38

Bobsy I would absolutely see a different GP. You should be entitled to medical support or investigations if you've been trying for more than a year - it shouldn't matter that you've already got one child.

*Not2b" - good luck. I understand about you wanting your DH to be interested / engaged. You day you're stressed out and heart broken with it - I know how hard it is (long, long wait for no. 1) but can you do anything to make yourself feel better? Or direct your energy into finding out more about your cycle to maximise your chances? Be kind to yourself, whatever happens.

iniquity Fri 28-Nov-14 12:53:47

I think it is helpful to give up actively trying to conceive. But don't use contraception as you would only kick your self wondering what ifs.

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