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to have a 3rd or not?! how do you decide?

(6 Posts)
Lorriella Mon 24-Nov-14 13:24:01

My husband and I are currently umming and ahhing about having another baby. Our children are 5 and 3 and one of our main concerns is how another baby would fit in with their very close bond. There would be a 4 year age gap between the new baby and our youngest and I would worry that the bond that my two children already have would make the younger one feel left out! I don't know anyone with three children so can't ask their advice about how the family dynamic will change. I'd love another but I'd hate upsetting our little family unit! Is anyone else feeling the same?

willitbe Mon 24-Nov-14 18:47:38

There are plenty of practical downsides to three. Car seats, hotel rooms, ..... watching three in the park / swimming pool is much more difficult than two, swimming pools insist on no more than two children under 12 with one adult.

There is also the "middle child" issue. Although to be fair I don't think it has been too much of a difficulty so far for us. Two play together better than three, but with three they can pair up in different combinations for different things.

On a purely practical front, we should have stopped at two. But our third is amazing, we wouldn't be without him. Made me want to have a forth!

Think through the practical issues and if you still want to go through with it, then go for it!

Lorriella Mon 24-Nov-14 21:08:49

Oh gosh you don't make having 3 sound very inviting!

willitbe Tue 25-Nov-14 09:42:16

Sorry, if it sounds like I am trying to put you off, I am not trying to do that, but there really are down-sides in practical terms of having 3. Do I regret having 3 - of course I don't regret having someone I love so much in our lives.

I just would not be fair if I said it was all fabulous, there are big practical differences between having two and having three. Both big and little differences. But if you and your dh really love the idea of having number 3, then you will get around all the practical issues, and the love of the third will outweigh the practical.

As for the age gap, mine were 4 and 5 when the third was born, at first when he was small, it was hard, he was always being left out. I only had 15 months between the first two and they were very close playmates. That changed with having a third, but obviously no one can say it would not have changed eventually anyway.
Now at ages 11,10 and 6 they play together ok, mostly in pairings, but generally the third one finds something to play with by themselves.

spamanderson Tue 25-Nov-14 15:52:58

We are going for our 3rd (reversal op all going well that is!) I'm not worrying about how the child will fit in tbh, my children are 7 and 5. My friend has 3 aged 7, 4 and 2. She says 3 is hard, obviously harder than 2, but she has never felt she has a middle child as such, no-one gets left out etc. My 2 are very much looking forward to hopefully having a baby brother or sister and they're at the ages where they can both help out with things. I don't think an age gap necessarily means they get left out and they'll bond with their sibling as well as they have with each other.
I would say though, if you are unsure, then don't make the decision yet if that makes sense. I am desperate for number 3, I know that a 3rd, for us, is the right decision.

SmileAndNod Tue 25-Nov-14 16:02:11

I always wanted three. I have three. It's bloody hard, the third has broken me (almost literally).

Of course she's wonderful and we wouldn't be without her, but I saw beautiful boden-clad families on the beach and about town and seriously underestimated just how bloody hard it is - logistically at the very least. You are out numbered, don't have enough hands, or eyes. Mine are still quite young (7,4,1) so hoping it gets easiersmile

Two didn't feel enough. Three definitely does!

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