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Pregnant bride? Is this a really bad idea?

(21 Posts)
DefinitelyMaybeBaby Fri 21-Nov-14 20:53:39

Hi all,
I'm getting married in May 2015, about 5.5 months away, and although I am excited about it I am far more excited about having a baby. Me and H2B are both very keen to start a family and had agreed to start trying immediately after the big day however at the moment I'm struggling with waiting that long (I know it's 5.5 months and I'm being ridiculous but I feel almost obsessed at the moment - there are 3 newborns in our very close circle which isn't helping me forget about it!)
Sooo I'm really thinking about starting trying now because I am aware it might not happen straight away - never been pregnant or TTC conceive before so no idea how it might go.
I don't really mind the idea of being a preggie bride (I don't drink anyway so wouldn't miss that aspect) however I have already bought a dress and not sure how it would alter for a bump, and I also dunno if I would suffer bad tiredness/sickness/etc. (& aware older relatives might be judgey!)

Thinking maybe start trying in Jan might be a good compromise?? Would love to announce it in the speeches if time works out perfectly!

Would like to hear any opinions you have - throw them at me! Also would love to know if anyone was a pregnant bride how they found it?


bluebeanie Fri 21-Nov-14 20:57:24

Is time a factor? How old are you? Any medical issues?

DefinitelyMaybeBaby Fri 21-Nov-14 21:03:17

No blush I'm just a crazy impatient lady always looking to the next step! I'm 25, and have some stomach issues (IBS type of thing) but hopefully shouldn't affect fertility, generally healthy.

bluebeanie Fri 21-Nov-14 21:23:41

Ultimately the decision of when you ttc is up to you and future Dh. No one knows what the future holds. Could you afford to get a new dress if you got pregnant? What does does dp think? Do you care what relatives think? do you want to spend time with just you and Dh?

I thought you were my dsis, but name changed! She wants to ttc in April (gets married in May 2015 too!) But she's 31 and has a few hormone issues etc.

Congrats for the wedding. Only you can decide re ttc. smile Personally, I got married at 27 and had first dc at 30. Wanted some alone time. Everyone is different though.

FruitBasedDrinkForALady Fri 21-Nov-14 21:32:40

I was 6 months pregnant when we got married. The pregnancy was a massive surprise, but we decided to go ahead with the wedding rather than postpone mainly because we'd shelled out a small fortune for the honeymoon the week before I peed on the stick . Our wedding was lovely, but to be honest, I would have preferred that I wasn't pregnant. I was lucky that I was over my massive nausea by then (I wouldn't have been with DS and that would have been a miserable day) and I bopped most of the night away, but I was tired and I ended up with crazily swollen legs the next day and would have really loved a couple of glasses of bubbly. If you aren't under any time or biological pressures, I'd hold off the 5 months and go for a honeymoon baby instead!

Iheartgilbertblythe Fri 21-Nov-14 21:32:50

I was about 8 weeks pregnant when married. Planned. Conceived on first attempt, didn't expect to. Wouldn't change DS for the world but wouldn't recommend it. Had a bleed the week before and although it turned out okay, I realised if I had miscarried how utterly rubbish I would've felt at wedding. I didn't mind not drinking at all, but was utterly exhausted. All worked out in the end tho, but have looked back and thought I was lucky, in hindsight. Felt exactly like you beforehand. Good luck whatever you decide.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby Fri 21-Nov-14 21:53:43

Thanks ladies. Blue, I totally know what you mean about it being up to me and DP but helps me to rationalise by talking to people completely removed from us and who don't know us. DP is fully on-board and very keen to have a baby, but not with the same manic emotional/hormonal intensity of me and is happy to wait and try for a honeymoon baby, but equally happy to go for it before if it's what I decide. Not so bothered what the old farts think and pretty sure our parents would be delighted!

Really good to hear from some people who were pregnant brides so thanks! Totally get what you mean about if something had gone wrong iheartgilbertblythe, and I hadn't really though of that actually! I am aware I am a worrier with tendancy to overthink and I have though that if we do start trying now and nothing has happened by the wedding I might have that little voice in my head saying something might be wrong - so maybe better to leave it and be happy in ignorance. I already know I'm totally not going to be one of these "We'll just stop using contraceptive and see what happens" casual breezy types you might be able to tell ha!

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 21-Nov-14 21:59:09

I wouldn't as if you are less than about 14 weeks then you might feel absolutely vile. I was 8 weeks on my 30th and we went away on holiday for it (mainly to avoid all the "why aren't you drinking" questions!) All I remember from the holiday was feeling rotten and being really annoyed at the lack of non alcoholic cocktails in the AI hotel!

Chunderella Sat 22-Nov-14 08:40:14

I agree with mum. If you ttc in Jan and get pregnant on the first or second go, there's a good chance you will not be feeling at your best! Saying that, my aunt had her wedding when she was 12 weeks with no 3, and had a great day. But it would have killed me.

sparklyandbright Sat 22-Nov-14 08:51:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixa Sat 22-Nov-14 09:00:55

Sparklyandbright, my DH didn't want us to ttc for fear of MC around the wedding and honeymoon. It can just be so much pressure and stress to put yourself through. So sorry to hear about you friend. flowers and also that your MS caused you some issues. cake

OP, I was terribly broody for about a good 18 months before the wedoing and was surrounded by newborns and little ones at work but I am pleased we waited. It's now three months after our wedding, and we are TTC-ing and have been since the wedding night. It made our wedding that little bit more special knowing it was the day we would start to make our little family.

Daveface Sat 22-Nov-14 09:04:26

I would wait. You have already planned your wedding.

Enjoy that and then enjoy the baby making part afterwards!

You only get one wedding, don't risk ruining it. It's not that far off.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby Sat 22-Nov-14 10:36:20

Thank you all so much for your replies! It has been so helpful. Everyone has said wait and it's definitely shifted my thinking.
My best friend is one of the ones who has just had a newborn and she's been pushing for me to try now, saying stuff like "oh you'll be fine, I didn't get sick" and "you don't know how long it'll take so better start sooner than later". I can see now that she just wants our kids to have a close age gap and she wants a new mum friend. Because I was already overrun with emotional broodiness I was totally letting her get in my head.
The original plan was try straight after the wedding and I think we should stick to that.
I still absolutely love the idea of announcing we are pregnant during the speeches on the day might have been already practising speech in my head blush but probably not worth it if I had to run of the bathroom to make said speech between vomiting!
Sparkly, your poor friend miscarrying on her wedding day that is truly awful, so sad.

artylady14 Sun 23-Nov-14 09:10:19

I'm ttc and getting married in February. Having a very small low fuss wedding and most prep is done so doubt I will get stressed...looking toward to both hopefully!

Spinaroo Sun 23-Nov-14 09:15:36

I would wait- mainly because if what Gilbert said . Have a lovely day with no stress.

bluetrain Sun 23-Nov-14 09:29:26

I would wait too. I started trying two months before my wedding, got pregnant first cycle but then I found out I had a mmc the week before my wedding. I now look back on my wedding as a bit of a sad time rather than the happy time it should have been. You sound like me - young and impatient! I should have waited.

On the other hand my cousin was unexpectedly 5 months pregnant on her wedding day, she had her dress altered and you couldn't see her bump at all.

WantToGoingTo Sun 23-Nov-14 09:32:13

We waited a year after getting married to start trying and I was so broody! Mainly cos we were moving house. My wedding day was the best day of my life so far but I was exhausted by 10pm, weddings are tiring! Being pregnant, although wonderful news, may hinder your enjoyment - no champagne at toast and the tiredness and boob ache! And if you suffer from ms that would be awful. As hard as it is I would wait. Like others say, if smth went wrong it would be a horrible time for you too. And if you already have your dress I would think about how amazing you feel in it and how you felt when you had found 'the one' cos if it couldn't be changed for a bump, no it wouldn't be the end of the world, but would be a shame and expense and stress of finding another! Good luck ,)

Mulderandskully Sun 23-Nov-14 09:34:44

I agree with the others- I didn't get sick- the first tri is still very miserable. This is such a fantastic time in your life why not fully enjoy them both alone? Weddings make you feel amazing, then you can get a second round of that when you have your baby

Smartiepants79 Sun 23-Nov-14 09:36:50

I felt like shit for the first 20 weeks and in fact never really felt good the whole time I was pregnant. You don't want your wedding to feel like that.
Wait. Enjoy one life changing event at a time!

bessie84 Sun 23-Nov-14 11:29:51

i would wait. i got married at 15 weeks. trying for years, just landed when id given up. then our honeymoon was in rome, mid july, 40+ degrees. all in all miserable. felt like shit, looked like shit. didnt enjoy my wedding day.

i agree, your wedding day is yours, not great when pregnant. id wait. one life changing thing at a time. x

bessie84 Sun 23-Nov-14 11:30:41

oh and on top of that, my dress didnt fit right, i was uncomfortable and ended up taking my wedding dress off after lunch and wore BLACK for the rest of the day. went home early cos i was knackered, felt sick. x

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