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TTC friend envy - moany old sod alert!

(16 Posts)
InThisTogether Thu 20-Nov-14 23:47:38

Oh, bliss, oh wonder, oh rapture! How overjoyed I am for my newly ttc friends who have joyously (and copiously) announced they "can't believe they 'caught' so quickly" and that she had "literally JUST come off contraception that week" and they "didn't expect it to happen straightaway" and they "hope we can go through it together!"

yeah, after months and months and months of trying and ttc #1, I had hoped so too...

Sorry for the moan, ladies, I thought you would allow me just the once after I used up all my joy on being delighted for my friend! (the wife is lovely but her husband is ungraciously competetive and has no concept that his gloating and 'winning' is knocking my already slightly dented confidence!) Any tips?

InThisTogether Fri 21-Nov-14 07:32:04

I had a little sleep, re-read this and realised what a horrid, jealous cow I sounded like. SO I'm going to buy her a bunch of flowers and say 'well done' again and again to repent.

JimmyCorkhill Fri 21-Nov-14 10:02:50

You don't sound horrible at all. flowers for you.

backtotheplanet Fri 21-Nov-14 10:12:28

Hi InThisTogether I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the way you feel. Its perfectly normal. I TTC #1 for a year and had two miscarriages before I conceived my son. I can assure you I felt the same as you when friends fell pregnant easily. Conception is such a lottery and results are not necessarily related to effort - it can be so unfair! My best friend had a similar road to conception as me so we talked about the negative emotions we had, and I knew I was not alone. The most helpful thing I did was start a diary that I just wrote down all of the shit and horrid feelings I had when I had them and it helped so much. Just remember, you feel bad about having these negative feelings because you are a nice person who just wants to be happy for her friend. You are just upset at the situation and, from experience, people who fall pregnant easily don't always understand how hard it is to be TTC long term.

On a final note, after a year I fell pregnant with my son who is now 2. Had I not gone through that year, I wouldn't have this lovely little boy. That sperm wouldn't have met that egg, and now I wouldn't change a thing. I am trying to hold that in my mind now 9 months into TTC #2! Keep going, it will be worth it. flowers

WiggleGinger Fri 21-Nov-14 10:14:50

You are not horrible!!! Of course you are going to feel like this! It's ok its normal xxxxx

PaperJamCheckTray Fri 21-Nov-14 12:15:30

Another one to add to the 'you sound perfectly normal'. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's been over two years, one miscarriage and still childless for me and not only do I get into moany sod mode for quick conceptions, you can add accidental pregnancies and people moaning about being pregnant to the list. I never say anything to the people involved though, obvs, but having an internal groan or moan is fine (or sharing it here), even cathartic. Hope you get your BFP soon.

hanflan Fri 21-Nov-14 12:50:17

sad so sorry for what you are going through! You can be happy for your friend as well as being jealous and angry and upset, that's totally normal and does not make you a horrible cow.

I am on the other end of the stick where my best friend in the whole world has been trying for over 2 years now and is now under fertility investigations. 7 months ago DH and I started TTC and were successful in the second cycle. It was horrible feeling like I had to hold back from her for fear of upsetting her, and it must be horrible for her seeing my bump grow etc. We have found that talking is the best thing though. She talks and cries to me about her frustrations and she also is happy for me when I chat about various pregnancy things and what I've bought for the baby etc.

It's hard, but I'm sure you will get there. Some people just have a longer, bumpier road than others. flowers

allchatnicknamesgone Fri 21-Nov-14 18:58:28

If they know you are ttc they are shit friends. But yes, send the flowers because thats the right, nice thing to do and you don't want to be shit.
Chin up. Crossed fingers it will be your turn soon.

NewEraNewMindset Fri 21-Nov-14 19:00:28

I always think be careful who you are envious of as sometimes their lives don't go to plan either and you realise just how lucky you are after all.

InThisTogether Fri 21-Nov-14 21:23:42

thanks all, how lovely Mumsnetters are!

allchatnicknames I don't think they know how long we have been trying, so I don't think it's malice.
Backtotheplanet that's a really lovely way to think about it, we are obviously just waiting for the right baby to come along!
PaperJam so sorry for you, it's even harder for you.

Thanks for making me feel normal, everyone!

Mrsgrumble Fri 21-Nov-14 21:28:16

Ah I totally get you. We were at least 13 cycles and it was upsetting but I think I got the best ever baby, so maybe that's right.. You are waiting for someone very special

I know the waiting is awful though.


BobsyBoo Fri 21-Nov-14 21:45:40

InThis I can totally relate to how you feel been trying for 23 months for #2 & a work colleague got pregnant with her second straight after coming off the pill, she's never gloated or made a big deal out of it but I feel such a cow for being jealous & not wanting to to on a work get together. It is so hard when you've been trying for so long & someone you know gets pregnant so easily.

NewLeafExpat Sat 22-Nov-14 12:04:39

you are not awful, natural reaction, a blip...

I love that - you're just waiting for your baby to be made and baby is waiting for the right time to come to you. it will happen.

(ttc#1 for 11 months and counting)

Cariad2014 Sat 22-Nov-14 14:46:31

Inthis - your reaction is perfectly normal, and you're definitely not alone...

DH and I have been ttc #1 since May, and 1cp and ectopic later, we're now the only couple in my close group of friends who aren't pregnant/ haven't had a baby in the past few months. My BFF is due to have her baby the day after my ectopic would have been due. I haven't seen her since she announced her pregnancy, but tbh I'm dreading it. It's not that I'm not delighted for her, it's just that seeing her so excited reminds me of what we've lost....

Liking the idea that we're all just waiting for the right baby to come along though... Thanks for that ladies - I shall cling onto that.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 22-Nov-14 15:27:09

Firstly. You don't sound like a horrible jealous cow at all, you sound like a human being who wants something so much that your heart aches. It's the one thing you want more that anything else in the world and your friends have it.
You think you're bad. I'm a complete bitch. I saw an old friend the other month supporting a bump she said #"Hi Ghost". I just looked right through her. Got back in my car went home and sobbed with utter jealousy.
On good days I'm confident that time will come but on bad days every where I look I see pregnant women. It's strange because I don't get jealous of women with babies, but I get insanely jealous of those pregnant bellies. On really really bad days. I feel like pregnant women are laughing at me saying ha ha I can get pregnant and you can't. Ridiculously irrational yes as they may like all of us on here have been struggling but you're not rational when you're ttc.

m33r Sat 22-Nov-14 20:14:46

It's sooo hard and you are not a bad person. It took my DH and I 20 months. We were ttc-ing at the same time as my bf (they started 5months before us). My bf and her DH are still not pg. I'm 23+2. It is awful. We both went through all the tests; all the poas; the initial excitement (when we were naive) and now she has shut me out a bit. I find this very lonely sometimes (I miss her) but I can't imagine what she's going through watching me get closer and closer...

You are not a bad person!

From my point of view, even though I haven't met my LO yet, I know he is the boy I was always to get and all those months seem a bit more ok now.

Good luck op: I hope you get your baby that is just waiting to get to you very soon (and don't beat yourself up) x

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