So a lot of my friends and co-workers have gotten pregnant lately. And more people seem to have decided that it's okay to ask me when I'm going to have kids, whether all these pregnancies are making me want one, etc.
As someone who's been trying to conceive for nearly a year, it's actually a pretty sensitive and upsetting subject. Trying to keep positive etc., but I don't really want to share with all and sundry. And even if you've only just started trying, how do you even answer that?
I've never been secretive about wanting kids someday, but I just don't know how to respond to a question about timings when the answer is "as soon as possible" but I might not get pregnant any time soon. The last thing I want is people wondering what's wrong with me :(
And some of these people are good friends, the kind who I'd never expect it from.
Suggestions very much appreciated.
When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.
Conception
The "when are you having kids?" question
lucifermourning · 14/11/2014 16:14
I used to dodge it by saying something like 'when I'm pregnant, you'll be the first to know!', but that usually led to the inevitable 'you don't want to leave it too long' comment. I think the only answer you can give them which shuts them up without going into details is 'its none of your business' - but I was never brave enough to say that!
Good luck with ttc. It took me over 1.5 years and 1 mc to become pregnant with my ds but it's worth all the stress and worry when you finally get there 
.
Ugh I hate this question. I just don't understand why people think it's ok to ask it, it's basically asking about your health, sex life and finances all in one go, but casual acquaintances seem quite happy asking it!
We tried for 2 years before conceiving DS and in the end I started answering "I don't know" in a tone which shut down all further enquiries . IME it's often asked by people who've had no problem falling pregnant and have no idea what it's like to wait month after month without success. I didn't feel it was my job to educate such people about the ins and out of infertility so can understand why you wouldn't want to share, but I think after about a year I did start telling close friends, and actually this made the whole experience a bit easier as they were a bit more sensitive.
It's a really shit situation and I hope you get your BFP soon.
Sypathies - it's bizarre how all and sundry seem to think it's appropriate to enquire about your sex life and fertility when they feel the time is right for you to have children, isn't it? 
"When are you going to have children?"
Dismissive laugh "Oh, who knows? That's a lovely jumper you've go on - where's it from?" (People love to be flattered and asked about themselves - good distraction, usually works)
"I hear your sister is expecting - it'll be you next!"
"You think? Well, I would not want to steal her thunder… That's nice necklace…." 
"Now, it's your 25th/30th/35th/40th birthday today - you know time is not on your side, don't you?"
"Yes, there is no denying biology. That's a gorgeous dress you've got on…. "
Do you see a pattern emerging?
I got rather adept at deflecting all enquiries (except my mother's - she does NOT know when to stop and head to be told to Drop It in no uncertain terms)
I have also used "I don't want to talk about this at all as it is very upsetting to me" with some (good) friends as I did not want to lie. It worked but was a bit of a conversation stopped at the time - we all got over it.
Good luck 
I hated this too ... BUT I think people just don't realise. Before I got married I told everyone I couldn't wait to get pregnant including all my work colleagues. I then moved jobs - thank The Lord! Because it then took me 20months to conceive and tbh I had opened myself to these questions by being so honest (and naive).
When I moved jobs I used to say to people 'yeah right! That's just what I need! I've enough to with this job'. It made me seem job focused but honestly could lead to some very upsetting comments 'you'll never be pregnant with that attitude'.
I also had many cry in the toilets days but I understand why people did it - it's just naivite. They think they're being lovely.
Now, when I talk about my pregnancy I make very clear how long it took and tell 'my story' because I think it's an issue that should be out there, and I'm lucky enough that I don't get the pity now.
Anyway, bit of a long post but wanted to say stay strong and good luck with the elusive BFP and all the cr*p along the way 
We didn't get married until we were 30 and then waited 5 years before trying. DH would have started a couple of years earlier but I wasn't ready then. We put up with 5 years of comments. At first it was easy to say 'well we've just got married, give us a bit of time!'
But then we could tell people thought we either were TTC and not succeeding and we got lots of sympathetic looks if someone mentioned babies, or they thought e didn't want them. I don't know how many times we were asked 'Do you not want a family then?' We started to get a bit pissed off.
DH's grandmas were funny. One- who is deaf and speaks very loudly- said to his mum when she thought we couldn't hear her 'Is there something wrong with them?' They asked us everytime we saw them if we were going to have any great- grandchildren before they die!
When I did get pregnant it was a bit of a srprise and when we told them one of them said 'Well done our ......' to DH The other one said 'Well I Never, we'd given up on the pair of you.'
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.