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40+ and TTC? Join the club...

(997 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

cloudjumper Wed 24-Sep-14 13:32:15

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

WipsGlitter Thu 25-Sep-14 13:53:04

Hello, might as well throw my hat in the ring!

44, TTC #3!

Have said we will give it until Christmas and if it's not happened by then give up!

Not doing anything to assist the chances just the usual way!!

jassS Thu 25-Sep-14 20:43:15

Found you again!
Am 44, 45 in december, ttc for that last baby now for almost 4 years. have 4DC, all conceived either first cycle trying or even on birth control, but looks like as soon as i turned 40 somw tap got turned off and I now mc all my pregnancies - i still get bfps several times a year, but have only once made it to the stage that digi test showed 3+. It was this summer, and we even got a tiny 3mm fetus in there, sadly without heartbeat. miscarried finally around week 11 and needed some cleaning up after bleeding for a week. It is 4 weeks and some from my treatment, 5 weeks from mc and passing most tissue, but only 10 days i think from testing neg finally. So, no ttc until period shows up and i feel I will not obsess about it anymore. I have turned into real sex-hater from all the ttc, but we will see what life holds in store when my cycle comes back.
good luck to all!

airedailleurs Thu 25-Sep-14 20:53:44

DD conceived accidentally when I was 41, born at 42.5, thanks, I believe, to acupuncture treatment that I was having for something completely different...could be worth a try? Good luck!

Puppydogstails1 Thu 25-Sep-14 21:14:45

Hi - am 41 and just decided to go for no.4 - my youngest is 6 on Sunday...feel more ready to have a baby than I ever did before and therefore more nervous than ever about the potential issues that could arise. Good luck everyone x

Puppydogstails1 Thu 25-Sep-14 21:15:31

am actually 40 but would be 41 if and when I would have baby...hopefully x

AWombWithoutAFoof Fri 26-Sep-14 08:45:45

Well, AF has properly arrived. Pah. Was actually starting to wonder about implantation bleeding.

How do you find the balance of remaining positive whilst not becoming so invested that every month is a crushing blow?

Pessimoptimistic Fri 26-Sep-14 09:51:41

I got my af today also. My positive is that it is the first time since I started following my cycles that I ovulated on day 14 of a 28 day cycle. It's alias 18 or 19 or 20. So after having periods since I was 11 I now have a normal cycle.

Hugely stressed with work though and that is not helping. So wish I could just step away for 6 months and concentrate on having a baby

NewEraNewMindset Fri 26-Sep-14 10:02:08

Sorry for AF girls sad

I ordered a supplement called FertilAid yesterday for OH. Has amazing reviews all over the interest but takes four months to actually kick in.

My Num told me yesterday that her 'psychic' friend told her I would be pregnant by Christmas. I don't believe a word of it but I'm still glad she said it, makes me feel there is a tiny bit of hope out there.

My monitor has put me in the fertile window for another two days. We generally don't have sex after OV as I know it's pointless but I'm starting to think maybe it isn't pointless and maybe my egg dawdles along the Fallopian tube and sex later would get me upduffed. So the plan is sex today and tomorrow if DP isn't totally knackered and comatose

NewEraNewMindset Fri 26-Sep-14 10:02:28

*the internet

AWombWithoutAFoof Fri 26-Sep-14 10:12:42

Pessimop, sympathies to you. Glad you hear your cycle is straightening out.

DP has 12% sperm antibodies, I wonder whether that FertilAid would help? The gynaecologist didn't think it was that serious an issue but we're trying all avenues. I'm off to a kinesiologist next week, having previously thought it was all bollocks. I'll add the new bottle of snake oil to my tins of striped paint and my display of sky hooks.

NewEra, would you ask your mum to ask her friend whether I'll be pregnant by Christmas? grin

NewEraNewMindset Fri 26-Sep-14 11:02:08

PMSL AWomb, I just asked her and she said yes! grin. You too shall be pregnant by Christmas, by the powers of Greyskull and Treefoo Tom using 'real world magic' it is so and so it shall be.

I have no idea about my OHs sperm count or morphology etc. He has Relapsing Remitting MS which has been under control for years due to Avonex which supposedly has no impact on fertility but you just never know. It can't help in my mind!!

I have just shouted like a banshee at my son who just snapped my last nerve. He is now in his bedroom for his nap as he has driven me beyond mental this morning. It's times like this when I think one child is absolutely fine and I can totally live with secondary infertility.

AWombWithoutAFoof Fri 26-Sep-14 11:18:04

Marvellous! I shall get knitting immediately! grin

druscilla Fri 26-Sep-14 16:40:10

Nearing the end of the TWW. I've been looking up lists of symptoms and imagining each one into existence as I read it, eg cramps [starts cramping], metallic taste in mouth [tastes metal] etc. etc. A bit like the pilot coming down with food poisoning in Airplane.

That said, I have a feeling this isn't my month. So, sorry for AF pessimop and awombwithout - think I'll be joining you soon.

AWombWithoutAFoof Fri 26-Sep-14 18:58:09

Fingers crossed for you druscilla

For those of you who take supplements, how did you decide which ones?

I'm doing Chinese herbs, have just upgraded from big standard antenatal vits to pregnacare conceive and I've randomly bought a high dose vitamin E today. Wary of consuming a long list of things in case they counteract each other.

druscilla Fri 26-Sep-14 19:05:55

Last month I upgraded from Boots folic acid + vitamin D to Boots 'conception support'. I was thinking of upgrading to pregnacare conceive next time, though each upgrade seems to cost twice as much as the last :-)

Pessimoptimistic Fri 26-Sep-14 21:01:14

Vit e
Vit d3
Vitb6 200mg.
Folic acid
Cq10
dhea

AWombWithoutAFoof Sat 27-Sep-14 08:34:01

Thanks for your supplement lists. Did a HCP suggest them, or are they from your own research? I used B6 for a couple of weeks when ADs had skewed my cycle, but I'm not sure about taking them now my cycle is back to normal. (Ignoring my weird CD25 bleeding this month!)
Is each supplement supposed to do something specific? The lady in Holland and Barrett yesterday was suggesting Agnus Castus but she's run out.

TheCSLibraryPree Sat 27-Sep-14 11:00:10

Thought I'd introduce myself...

I'm 42 (43 in a couple of months) TTC #1. Have conceived x2 in the past (in my 20's and 30's) so know everything works - or al least did once upon a time

Was due to have next Depo last week but obviously not gone for it.

I had weight loss surgery almost 3 years ago so have spoken to my specialist nurse about what vitamins I should take and their advice is to switch from standard multivitamins to Pregnacare now and they will refer me to the obstetrician who deals with high risk pregnancies as and when I conceive and I will have regular hospital follow up.

FattyFishwife Sat 27-Sep-14 22:51:33

Hiya

FFW here - 43, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4 (plus 2 angel babies who would have been 25 and 18 this year)

TTC for almost a year now but it just aint happening sad longest it took me before now is 4 months.

Have been on the supplements, but grew despondent after AF paid yet another unwelcome visit, so have stopped taking them for the last few weeks.

Think I had a chem back in April, at a stressy time with my mum being admitted to hospital as an emergency.

Really really want just one more, then I will know and more importantly FEEL that my family is complete. I have put it off and put it off, frightened of what other people would say

'bloody hell, was the telly broke again',

'oops, bad luck at your accident, bet you thought you were all done with nappies and sleepless nights',

'SURELY you don't want another one at YOUR age',

'dont be so GREEDY, you have 5 already'

'you should be looking forward to being a nan like every other woman your age'

then when i finally grow a pair of balls (metaphorically speaking) and decide...feck everyone else.......mother nature decides to stick 2 fingers up to me and make it VERY difficult/impossible for me to realise my dream

sometimes i wonder am I being greedy/foolish and should just step away from the TTC forums/internetz/supplements, and stop hoping?

Gumblossom Sat 27-Sep-14 23:28:54

FFW, you are in a very similar situation to me, though I am ahead of you by three years. My eldest DS is 23,then I have DS 21, DD 17, DD14 and DS 6.

I do understand how you feel as I've felt very much the same, expecting those kinds of comments, wondering if I was being too selfish, but in the end, I realised that having that last baby, for me, was about being authentic and living with integrity. We are only once on this earth (that I know of, perhaps we do come back, but we're not conscious of it) so I have to do what is important to me. Nothing has given me the joy and satisfaction that mothering has, and some might say I am an addict, but I want to do it all again because I got (am getting) so much out of it.

I too feel that a sixth child will complete my family. And I know there will be grandchildren in the future,but I just don't see it as the same thing.

So, I know how you feel, we can do this together grin thanks

The time between getting pregnant does seem to stretch out as we get older (for some of us). I too fell pregnant easily with my babies before my 40's ( first try every time). Charlie's pregnancy took 7 months of ttc, then after he was born my fertility took ages to return. Once it did, I think it was about 8 months ttc (lost Alfie at 10 weeks), then 6 months (lost Louie at 9 weeks), then not again for about a year (miscarriage at 6 weeks), then two years (chemical, lost at 4 week 3days). So, I guess I could be waiting a very long time now - or it will never happen. But on the other hand, maybe I will pop out a healthy egg any day? It's all such a mystery.

I like the idea that we are producing new stem cells for eggs all the time. How's that book review coming on Chewy? Do you have a comprehensive list of everything I need to do please??? I think I might even download the book today and have a peek myself. wink

Ds and I looked after his cousins yesterday. He had such a wonderful time with his nearest in age cousin, who is about 10 months older than him. I remember well when my sister fell pregnant with him, accidentally, and how upset I was (happy for her of course, but so sad for me as I was desperate to have another). Well, turns out, I did get pregnant when I thought it would never happen, and the boys are great friends. It helps to remember that sometimes things do turn out for us.

And on that note, I'll say, have a lovely day everyone. Day 12 in my cycle, so time to start opks and think about shag-fest...Wish I felt more enthusiasm for it...wink

druscilla Sun 28-Sep-14 16:30:24

Well, as I thought, this wasn't my month sad

Haven't tracked temperature before, so I'll try that this month.

AWombWithoutAFoof Sun 28-Sep-14 17:13:47

Ah, commiserations, druscilla.

I've wondered about temping, but am I right in thinking that you have to take it immediately as you wake, after x number of hours sleeping? Unfortunately an unbroken night's sleep is rare in this house.

jassS Sun 28-Sep-14 18:07:49

FFW, i am behind you in numbers and a bit older, but i am also one of those who still miss that last baby. With my pg this summer I felt some docs who dealt with mc where a bit meh about my age. But i started to try for this last one when I was just 41, year and a half after my last one was born, so it was definitely "legal" back then. It isn ot my fault it is taking me years to get there, and i want to be applauded for perseverance, not to be considered too old to have a healthy baby! But people are as they are and let them be. Each to their own.

AWomb, true, temping is a hassle. Never done it. But if you seek to confirm you actapually ovulate, it is the only option. OV tests can be pos and you may still not get that egg out, but the temp graph would then tell you this.

Allthefours Sun 28-Sep-14 19:04:52

Hello, can I join you all?
I'm 40, and TTC no.4. I have DS19, DS18 and DD14 from my first marriage as well as DSD16. Hopefully DH will get our much wanted baby together.

Came off BC almost 2 years ago. Had MMC in June (at 12 weeks, baby died at 8+3) and a further miscarriage at 5+5 in Aug. Both of which have been heartbreaking.

I have PCOS which doesn't help our chances and really long cycles, minimum of around 40 days. I just wish my body would work properly!

wiltingfast Sun 28-Sep-14 23:27:50

Hi, can I join?

TTC #3 since Christmas, bfp in April but sadly lost it in May. Have 2 beautiful dc, 5 and 3, both conceived wiith an ease I did not appreciate at the time! Have purchased grapefuit juice and epo for this cycle. Am also on folic acid.

So sorry to read of all the losses thanks

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