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40+ and TTC? Join the club...(997 Posts)
MNHQ have commented on this thread.
To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.
Shall we start with some introductions, as a recap for the regulars and the newcomers?
cloudjumper 42, 1 DS (3.5), ttc no.2 for 2 years, 4 miscarriages... Still hopeful it might happen!
I'm CurlyJay 44, TTC #1 for over 1.5 years, 3 miscarriages (3 IVF cycles; 2 BFP & 1 BFN and 1 natural chemical pregnancy)
On lots of supplements since April '14 but taking a break right now.
Eventually we will get there, I'm sure about it!
Hi can I join. I'm almost 41. One dd aged 3. have been trying for another since she was born. Miscarriages in oct 2012 (8 weeks) and may 2013 ( 6 weeks), iui in 2013 pregnant but miscarried in sept 2013. (12 weeks), failed iui dec 2013, ivf April 2014 pregnant but miscarried in May ( 7 weeks).
Really don't think it is going to happen now.
Hi Pessie and welcome
Sorry to know about your hardship, seems you've also been through the mill and back.
DH had his vasectomy reversed May '14 (IVF was with his biopsy) and only yesterday we sent his surgeon his sperm results after 3 months. The results seem to be really good considering although 80% are abnormal. We are waiting for the surgeon's feedback so that we can move forward in carrying on TTC naturally or go straight to IVF again.
I'm 43, TTC #2, DD is 4.
Haven't used contraception since she was born but haven't been full out trying for all that time. Had one MMC before DD but not a snifter of a positive POAS test since she's been on the scene.
Feel like time is running out but I'm throwing everything at it.
Curly, can I ask what supplements you're taking?
I'm doing acupuncture and two types of Chinese herbs. Much more of this caper and I wouldn't be surprised if I actually become Chinese.
Hi womb, I take a heap load of supplements. Although I am taking a break this month as I believe one of the supplements which I upped the dose to was making me have lots of pregnancy symptoms. I don't have the dosages with me as I am at work but I'll let you know tonight.
extra folic acid
the extra folic and aspirin I take because I have a blood clotting issue.
Hello and thanks for the shiny new thread cloud.
I am 47 (gasp!), have been ttc number 6 for five years now. I had my last DS at age 41 and 9 months. He is my little miracle after a vasectomy reversal. I really wanted to give him a sibling close in age as his nearest sibling is 8 years older. I am getting very close to packing it in, I have run out of energy for all things ttc.
Since I started ttc I have had four miscarriages. I know my first was due to trisomy 13 but I don't know about the others. I am pretty sure it is age related.
Hello to all the new faces. I have been on this thread for five years now! I have seen many successes in that time.
Curlyj I have been on practically everything you have been on at some stage ! I reintroduced b6 this month again and I have been having pregnancy symptoms although I am pretty sure the 20 or so pregnancy tests I have taken assure me I am not ! I wonder was it the b6 or a combination of all. This month I am going to cut it all out except for folic acid only
I went to see a well regarded specialist in July and am due back next week having ruled out scarring from my d and cs. I have to say the one thing I took out of our meeting with him is that I kept thinking that there is something wrong, deficient, heard and read all about natural killer and immune issues and I was convinced that I could cure it but the bottom line is I am old and my eggs are old it is only down to pure luck if a pregnancy sticks. So let's hope the statistics turn in our favour
Hello newbies (and oldies), welcome to the thread.
I know that 2 of my 4 miscarriages were due to chromosomal abnormalities, so age is definitely a factor here. Sadly, nothing can be done about that, but like curly, both DH and I are taking supplements that are meant to improve egg and semen quality (omega oils, royal jelly, coQ10 and double dose of the folic acid/conception vitamins - I figured it won't hurt). I need to take aspirin and heparin when I am pg, due to having had a DVT a few years ago, but currently not taking aspirin while ttc (have done in the past).
I'm also watching my cycles like a hawk, using almost every possible method and device to make sure I don't miss ovulation. At the same time, I am really struggling with keeping going, as it is now such an anxious and stressful chore...
But I am still hopeful that it could work, so for now, I'm sticking with it (more or less enthusiastically). Like gum has said, plenty of graduates from this thread, and I also know a lot of people IRL that have had children in their forties.
Yay, a lovely new thread. I am 42 and have a 6 year old son. It took 3 years of trying to get him so now with the extra years on the click and irregular periods I am not really expecting too much. It would be amazing to do it all again though.
God knows where I am on this cycle. I am going to see the GP tomorrow to ask whether they can do any tests to give me more of an idea whether I am perimenopausal.
Best wishes to everyone.
Hi everyone, I'm 41 (almost 42 but I'm sticking with 41 for now). Have 1 dd aged 4. Mc in oct 12 & April 13 but no pregnancy since then. Haven't poas or dtd enough this month but next month is definitely my month. Def.in.itely.
Hi everyone, I'm also 41, nearly 42. Ttc properly for just six months now. Have racked up one early miscarriage already but still optimistic. No children yet.
This is my first mumsnet post - I'm sure I'll start writing proper sentences once I've settled in :-)
Long term stalker here first post, must be the new thread for oldies that made me cross over (wink)
Hello everyone would like to say just being able to read all your stories has really helped me through a blighted ovum in June, first pregnancy which was a huge surprise to us, sadly not to be but we would love to conceive again although unfortunately my eggs are 43 yrs old so we will wait and see fingers crossed.
Hiya ladies, been up since 3am as I can't sleep .
age is just a number, and like I say, we will all eventually get there. Perseverance is a must and whoever says we are too old to have babies can have their brains checked out as they are the old ones for thinking that way.
pessi like you I upped my b6 dosage in August from 15mg to 50mg and I had lots of pregnancy symptoms so this month I have not taken it.
I've also had a anovolutary cycle this month making me have estrogen bleeding breakthrough and have 2 cysts in my right ovary. It never ends...
CurlyJay your post reminded me of something I read by Claudia Spahr (author of 'Right Time Baby') "... you need to stay positive and really believe that you WILL get pregnant, rather than 'wanting' to get pregnant. This is a very subtle shift but it can make all the difference." So yes, I need more of your attitude please!
Hi ladies - may I join your lovely new thread?
I'm (whispers quietly, don't tell my ovaries) 45 (yikes!) with one DD and would love a sibling for her. I conceived naturally aged 43 and was due on my 44th birthday, although she turned up 2 weeks early. She's now 14 months and the light of my life - daft user name is after that ubiquitous rubber teether all the kids have and stubbornly still a favourite.
I celebrated my 45th birthday with a surprise BFP on our 3rd cycle of 'properly' TTC. I had a private scan at 6 weeks, saw a heartbeat and grew cautiously optimistic. But at an 8 week scan at our local EPU sadly there was no heartbeat any more. Just that feeling of despair ...
So now 4 weeks after medical management, I'm still waiting for AF, plus the results of some credit card melting miscarriage testing, before we start again with the unadulterated joy of timed sex. Oh how DP loves my spreadsheet. And texted photos of smiley face OPKs - 'be home from work early'. Yeah right.
Meanwhile it's time to step away from the comfort food and start on some supplements. I've been looking for inspiration in the book 'It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF' by Rebecca Fett. So far, seems like a good read.
(Did I write an essay? Soz, you can all wake up now.)
Gosh these stats are heart breaking, I'm so sorry for all of your losses . Today would have been my due date for mc 1. Funnily enough I ovulated today - as told to me by my new fancy device lol, so the timing is fitting!
NewEra - 39 and three quarters. TTC#2. Have a beautiful 22 month old son, started trying when he was 6 months, two miscarriages this year.
Have ditched the clearblue monitor and bought an Ovusense as I was sick of not actually being sure if I ovulated or not. Now I know I ovulate on day 12 with a 13 day LP typically. Not bad but no BFP since April. I am starting acupuncture soon. My doctor is doing a day 3/18 test to check Progesterone levels and then if that's ok will check partners sperm.
I take pre natal vits and a few others, any advice on vitamins for my partner?
Hiya chewy, love how you've come about your nickname, so sweet . One day I will have one of them chewy giraffes at home I am so certain about it! PMA!! So, so sorry about your baby falling asleep too soon. My second miscarriage was the same, baby fell asleep at 9 weeks out of the blue. I totally feel for you and understand your despair. A year on and I am still hurting . I got tested after DH challenged our fertility doctor and turns out I am heterozygous MTHFR and from now on I need to have Clexane for every pregnancy.
Your post has made me chirp up a bit. Feeling really ill at the moment. I having a WTF cycle after having a anovolutary cyle which has made me bleed heavily after the estrogen levels fell and my progesterone went AWOL. I ended up in hospital on Monday as I thought I was miscarrying or had something serious. I've never had one of these crazy cycles in my 30 years of af. My gynae told me yesterday that I have 2 cysts in my right ovary and they are giving me grief today; nausea, dizziness, and a dull pain on my side . I love the fact that you conceived at 45, hats off to you my lovely Let us prove every sceptic wrong! I'll be 45 in December and feel extremely confident that I will make it to my goal, yes sir! And a birthday BFP would be the best present ever! DH and I have given ourselves a few months off from IVF as he had a vasectomy which he reversed in May '14. At the moment everything is 'au naturelle' and like you very timed and meditated DTD lol. Every 'high' and 'peak' makes him go weak at the knees. Performance is paramount, lol. Are the books you are reading good?
Apologies too for my essay, ladies
Chewy, I hope you are going to write an extensive review of the book, complete with a summary of what I need to take to give my eggs the best possible chance. I'd read it myself, but I have read so many of those books and I'm trying not to be too obsessive
I have heard that outcomes in ivf are better when women eat a low carb, high protein diet, so I've been trying to do that. I think, for the most part my diet is lowish carb. I am on day 6 of quitting sugar, and today is the first day I've been prowling around looking for chocolate - it's mainly because I am tired. I didn't succumb, instead I just kept at my list of housework jobs to keep distracted.
I have been experiencing some weird "symptoms" for want of a better word, which have been playing mind games with me, and I even resorted to taking a HPT. It was bfn, which is unsurprising, given I've just had AF, temperatures are low etc. HOwever, I keep having a weird "twinge" in my breasts which feels a bit like the "let down" when you are breastfeeding. I am also having some nausea here and there, and sinus headaches (I always seem to get them when pregnant, but seem to at other times too.. so not a definite symptom). My skin has been awful - breaking out, which is very unusual for me.
I think it must be part of aging and getting close to menopause. It's a miracle I am still ovulating and having regular periods I suppose. I had my AMH tested after my first miscarriage and was told that it was almost undetectable and it was unlikely I'd ever get pregnant again. Since then I've had three pregnancies, maybe even 4. So I don't let the test results bother me.
I always thought remaining positive was important, and have been pretty bloody positive along the way, considering, but, sadly, it's not brought me my baby.
Newera, my DH took selenium, vit C,D, E and fish oil after his vasectomy reversal. I don't know if it helped, but he had a normal count three months after the reversal, and we got pregnant 7 months after the reversal (with my DS who is now 6). I have also heard that caffeine, just before ejaculation helps build up numbers. I've not suggested it to DH, because his coffee consumption is typically as he's walking out the door to work and it is unlikely he'll turn around for a quick shag while our teenage daughters wait in the car for a lift to school!
Well, I am supposed to go to a concert tonight, a band called Boy and Bear (popular in Oz), but I just don't feel up to going out, so shall give my ticket to DD2, who will be very pleased. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch Silks on telly.
OMG, I am old!
X posted 8Curly* - what will happen about the cysts? Will they resolve themselves, or will they have to be removed? Poor you, feeling so awful.
Gum, the word menopause will be a forbidden swear word in this thread! We are not 'peri' nor 'post' nor any adjective any sceptic or doctor wants to classify us with. I hate it when these people tell us we are 'old' . Oh, and you are certainly not old, I very much love my couch too. Him and I have a very special relationship, lol
gum, the gynae has said that they will hopefully dissolve on their own but if they would unfortunately rupture to monitor them and take ibuprofen, and to go to hospital if I bleed severely.
My specialist disregards amh and said that fsh is a better indicator. I had mine tested in 2013 . It was 3 and dr was all doom and gloom. I subsequently got pregnant on iui and got 12 eggs on ivf... Although both miscarriages. He didn't even include amh in blood protocol. I think it frightens people so much when they here it.
Not sure whether to do one last round of ivf or continue natural. It's a dilemma. We might or might not get pregnant and it in effect wipes out 3 months of natural trying.
I had my AMH tested last year, and it also came out as being very low - much lower even than to be expected at my age.
However, I have regular cycles, ovulate every month and still manage to fall pg very quickly. I reckon it's more about quality than quantity...
I completely agree with curly - we are not old, pre/peri/whatever etc. I am more active that a lot of 20- and 30-year-olds I know, ffs!
My mother is 70 today - now that is old
chewy Welcome, and thanks for the tip for the book about egg quality! This might be a more uplifting read than 'What every woman needs to know about miscarriage'
curly Ouch, that sounds very unpleasant! Hope it'll resolve itself quickly and without the need for any intervention.
Talk about curve balls - my Cbfm monitor, after consistently saying 'low' all throughout my expected ov days (with sort of +ve OPKs and a temp jump) suddenly tells me 'high' this morning, argh! What's that supposed to mean? And I've only got one more stick left, going away for the weekend tomorrow with no chance of getting more in time. I'll take OPKs, but the one last night was as blank as can be.
Hello, might as well throw my hat in the ring!
44, TTC #3!
Have said we will give it until Christmas and if it's not happened by then give up!
Not doing anything to assist the chances just the usual way!!
Found you again!
Am 44, 45 in december, ttc for that last baby now for almost 4 years. have 4DC, all conceived either first cycle trying or even on birth control, but looks like as soon as i turned 40 somw tap got turned off and I now mc all my pregnancies - i still get bfps several times a year, but have only once made it to the stage that digi test showed 3+. It was this summer, and we even got a tiny 3mm fetus in there, sadly without heartbeat. miscarried finally around week 11 and needed some cleaning up after bleeding for a week. It is 4 weeks and some from my treatment, 5 weeks from mc and passing most tissue, but only 10 days i think from testing neg finally. So, no ttc until period shows up and i feel I will not obsess about it anymore. I have turned into real sex-hater from all the ttc, but we will see what life holds in store when my cycle comes back.
good luck to all!
DD conceived accidentally when I was 41, born at 42.5, thanks, I believe, to acupuncture treatment that I was having for something completely different...could be worth a try? Good luck!
Hi - am 41 and just decided to go for no.4 - my youngest is 6 on Sunday...feel more ready to have a baby than I ever did before and therefore more nervous than ever about the potential issues that could arise. Good luck everyone x
am actually 40 but would be 41 if and when I would have baby...hopefully x
Well, AF has properly arrived. Pah. Was actually starting to wonder about implantation bleeding.
How do you find the balance of remaining positive whilst not becoming so invested that every month is a crushing blow?
I got my af today also. My positive is that it is the first time since I started following my cycles that I ovulated on day 14 of a 28 day cycle. It's alias 18 or 19 or 20. So after having periods since I was 11 I now have a normal cycle.
Hugely stressed with work though and that is not helping. So wish I could just step away for 6 months and concentrate on having a baby
Sorry for AF girls
I ordered a supplement called FertilAid yesterday for OH. Has amazing reviews all over the interest but takes four months to actually kick in.
My Num told me yesterday that her 'psychic' friend told her I would be pregnant by Christmas. I don't believe a word of it but I'm still glad she said it, makes me feel there is a tiny bit of hope out there.
My monitor has put me in the fertile window for another two days. We generally don't have sex after OV as I know it's pointless but I'm starting to think maybe it isn't pointless and maybe my egg dawdles along the Fallopian tube and sex later would get me upduffed. So the plan is sex today and tomorrow
if DP isn't totally knackered and comatose
Pessimop, sympathies to you. Glad you hear your cycle is straightening out.
DP has 12% sperm antibodies, I wonder whether that FertilAid would help? The gynaecologist didn't think it was that serious an issue but we're trying all avenues. I'm off to a kinesiologist next week, having previously thought it was all bollocks. I'll add the new bottle of snake oil to my tins of striped paint and my display of sky hooks.
NewEra, would you ask your mum to ask her friend whether I'll be pregnant by Christmas?
PMSL AWomb, I just asked her and she said yes! . You too shall be pregnant by Christmas, by the powers of Greyskull and Treefoo Tom using 'real world magic' it is so and so it shall be.
I have no idea about my OHs sperm count or morphology etc. He has Relapsing Remitting MS which has been under control for years due to Avonex which supposedly has no impact on fertility but you just never know. It can't help in my mind!!
I have just shouted like a banshee at my son who just snapped my last nerve. He is now in his bedroom for his nap as he has driven me beyond mental this morning. It's times like this when I think one child is absolutely fine and I can totally live with secondary infertility.
Marvellous! I shall get knitting immediately!
Nearing the end of the TWW. I've been looking up lists of symptoms and imagining each one into existence as I read it, eg cramps [starts cramping], metallic taste in mouth [tastes metal] etc. etc. A bit like the pilot coming down with food poisoning in Airplane.
That said, I have a feeling this isn't my month. So, sorry for AF pessimop and awombwithout - think I'll be joining you soon.
Fingers crossed for you druscilla
For those of you who take supplements, how did you decide which ones?
I'm doing Chinese herbs, have just upgraded from big standard antenatal vits to pregnacare conceive and I've randomly bought a high dose vitamin E today. Wary of consuming a long list of things in case they counteract each other.
Last month I upgraded from Boots folic acid + vitamin D to Boots 'conception support'. I was thinking of upgrading to pregnacare conceive next time, though each upgrade seems to cost twice as much as the last :-)
Thanks for your supplement lists. Did a HCP suggest them, or are they from your own research? I used B6 for a couple of weeks when ADs had skewed my cycle, but I'm not sure about taking them now my cycle is back to normal. (Ignoring my weird CD25 bleeding this month!)
Is each supplement supposed to do something specific? The lady in Holland and Barrett yesterday was suggesting Agnus Castus but she's run out.
Thought I'd introduce myself...
I'm 42 (43 in a couple of months) TTC #1. Have conceived x2 in the past (in my 20's and 30's) so know everything works - or al least did once upon a time
Was due to have next Depo last week but obviously not gone for it.
I had weight loss surgery almost 3 years ago so have spoken to my specialist nurse about what vitamins I should take and their advice is to switch from standard multivitamins to Pregnacare now and they will refer me to the obstetrician who deals with high risk pregnancies as and when I conceive and I will have regular hospital follow up.
FFW here - 43, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4 (plus 2 angel babies who would have been 25 and 18 this year)
TTC for almost a year now but it just aint happening longest it took me before now is 4 months.
Have been on the supplements, but grew despondent after AF paid yet another unwelcome visit, so have stopped taking them for the last few weeks.
Think I had a chem back in April, at a stressy time with my mum being admitted to hospital as an emergency.
Really really want just one more, then I will know and more importantly FEEL that my family is complete. I have put it off and put it off, frightened of what other people would say
'bloody hell, was the telly broke again',
'oops, bad luck at your accident, bet you thought you were all done with nappies and sleepless nights',
'SURELY you don't want another one at YOUR age',
'dont be so GREEDY, you have 5 already'
'you should be looking forward to being a nan like every other woman your age'
then when i finally grow a pair of balls (metaphorically speaking) and decide...feck everyone else.......mother nature decides to stick 2 fingers up to me and make it VERY difficult/impossible for me to realise my dream
sometimes i wonder am I being greedy/foolish and should just step away from the TTC forums/internetz/supplements, and stop hoping?
FFW, you are in a very similar situation to me, though I am ahead of you by three years. My eldest DS is 23,then I have DS 21, DD 17, DD14 and DS 6.
I do understand how you feel as I've felt very much the same, expecting those kinds of comments, wondering if I was being too selfish, but in the end, I realised that having that last baby, for me, was about being authentic and living with integrity. We are only once on this earth (that I know of, perhaps we do come back, but we're not conscious of it) so I have to do what is important to me. Nothing has given me the joy and satisfaction that mothering has, and some might say I am an addict, but I want to do it all again because I got (am getting) so much out of it.
I too feel that a sixth child will complete my family. And I know there will be grandchildren in the future,but I just don't see it as the same thing.
So, I know how you feel, we can do this together
The time between getting pregnant does seem to stretch out as we get older (for some of us). I too fell pregnant easily with my babies before my 40's ( first try every time). Charlie's pregnancy took 7 months of ttc, then after he was born my fertility took ages to return. Once it did, I think it was about 8 months ttc (lost Alfie at 10 weeks), then 6 months (lost Louie at 9 weeks), then not again for about a year (miscarriage at 6 weeks), then two years (chemical, lost at 4 week 3days). So, I guess I could be waiting a very long time now - or it will never happen. But on the other hand, maybe I will pop out a healthy egg any day? It's all such a mystery.
I like the idea that we are producing new stem cells for eggs all the time. How's that book review coming on Chewy? Do you have a comprehensive list of everything I need to do please??? I think I might even download the book today and have a peek myself.
Ds and I looked after his cousins yesterday. He had such a wonderful time with his nearest in age cousin, who is about 10 months older than him. I remember well when my sister fell pregnant with him, accidentally, and how upset I was (happy for her of course, but so sad for me as I was desperate to have another). Well, turns out, I did get pregnant when I thought it would never happen, and the boys are great friends. It helps to remember that sometimes things do turn out for us.
And on that note, I'll say, have a lovely day everyone. Day 12 in my cycle, so time to start opks and think about shag-fest...Wish I felt more enthusiasm for it...
Well, as I thought, this wasn't my month
Haven't tracked temperature before, so I'll try that this month.
Ah, commiserations, druscilla.
I've wondered about temping, but am I right in thinking that you have to take it immediately as you wake, after x number of hours sleeping? Unfortunately an unbroken night's sleep is rare in this house.
FFW, i am behind you in numbers and a bit older, but i am also one of those who still miss that last baby. With my pg this summer I felt some docs who dealt with mc where a bit meh about my age. But i started to try for this last one when I was just 41, year and a half after my last one was born, so it was definitely "legal" back then. It isn ot my fault it is taking me years to get there, and i want to be applauded for perseverance, not to be considered too old to have a healthy baby! But people are as they are and let them be. Each to their own.
AWomb, true, temping is a hassle. Never done it. But if you seek to confirm you actapually ovulate, it is the only option. OV tests can be pos and you may still not get that egg out, but the temp graph would then tell you this.
Hello, can I join you all?
I'm 40, and TTC no.4. I have DS19, DS18 and DD14 from my first marriage as well as DSD16. Hopefully DH will get our much wanted baby together.
Came off BC almost 2 years ago. Had MMC in June (at 12 weeks, baby died at 8+3) and a further miscarriage at 5+5 in Aug. Both of which have been heartbreaking.
I have PCOS which doesn't help our chances and really long cycles, minimum of around 40 days. I just wish my body would work properly!
Hi, can I join?
TTC #3 since Christmas, bfp in April but sadly lost it in May. Have 2 beautiful dc, 5 and 3, both conceived wiith an ease I did not appreciate at the time! Have purchased grapefuit juice and epo for this cycle. Am also on folic acid.
So sorry to read of all the losses
Hello to the newbies. Wow, Cloudjumper this new thread has attracted a huge number of new members! Yay for us"oldies" ttc.
Chewy, thanks for that book recommendation. I downloaded it last night and I'm rushing through it. So far I have learnt this:
-stay away from BPA plastic
-stay away from Phthatates (spelling?): today I will check ingredients on all my toiletries
-get thyroid, vit d level checked, make sure you don't have celiac disease (have done all that: vit d a bit low, so I take a sup, and I am gluten intolerant, so a yes to avoiding all gluten)
I am now up to the bit about what to take in supplements: so far its folic acid (which I am taking), Co q 10 (also taking that), but that's as far as I have got.
I am looking forward to reading some more today.
What I really love is that scientifically speaking, if we look after our eggs in the 3-4 months run up to ovulation we have a much better chance of producing a healthy egg. It's not the commonly held idea that our eggs are old and therefore crap, we can actually nurture the environment they are in and give the right nutrition to support the production of a healthy egg. It's worth a try isn't it?
Sometimes it feels like a lot of expense and mucking /around for little reward, but in the long run, I think there are rewards beyond getting pregnant (though that, to me, is the lottery win); surely all the good things we do to make a healthy baby contribute to our own health and longevity? I keep telling myself that it might help me look younger for a while. I am getting close to 50, so this is something that plagues me a bit
Diege, my lovely cheerleader, have you found us? I still need to see you waving your pom-poms and doing those classy moves It keeps me going.
Calibee, did you find us? I want to hear all about the IUI.
It's a long weekend here (do you call them "bank holidays"?). So an easy going day for us I think. I am hoping to get out into the vegie patch to plant summer vege, but I am unable to do much weeding and digging due to a shoulder bursitis, will have to get DH to volunteer...
Have a lovely day all you gorgeous 40 somethings...
Girls need a hand hold today. Does anyone else get raging anxiety at 4.30am in the 2ww? I woke up having a panic attack last night re. never being able to have another child and having to try and accept it. Made the mistake of playing with my phone, checked Facebook and got baby bombed with a newborn photo from an ex colleague who was due two days after my due date (I miscarried, she didn't).
She is a beautiful person and I'm not jealous of her new family. Just feel totally desolate, have had only a few hours sleep and just know I'm not pregnant this cycle.
Hiya Ladies, I hope you've all had a lovely weekend.
Nothing to report down my side. I've been a moody cow all weekend with bouts of uncontrolable crying all Saturday. Kept telling DH that I didn't like him. When he sees me having moody moments he just ignores my comments, thankfully!
Oh NewEra, that's awful. I've had that lots of times, but for me it's always due to depression/anxiety rather than the 2ww. Awful, isn't it?
My technique for dealing with it is to remind myself that that time is the very worst for feeling alone and worried, and to try very hard to distract myself into going back to sleep, a drink of milk and then reciting lists in my head helps (it used to be names beginning A, B, C etc until I was TTC, now if I need to do it I do animals instead!). If you keep the list going fast enough the other thoughts don't intrude.
Thanks Awomb. It's such a terrible time to let intrusive thoughts win. Too early to get up and risk waking the house, too late to be tired enough to fall back to sleep. I think it's an evil time
NewEra I know how you feel. I have been so anxious that I wake up constantly with my heart pounding with anxiety. The irony is that the more I stress about it the worse that is for ttc. How can I relax when the ttc monthly merry go round is never ending. No sooner have you got over the disappointment of af's arrival than you are planning a week of peeing on sticks to organise your schedule around ovulation followed by two weeks of what if, please god, maybe this month and then....I'm out and it starts all over again...
That's exactly what was happening, thumping chest and terrible thoughts that I couldn't clear. I also thought I'm around the time the egg could be implanting and my body is so stressed I'm not surprised it's not happening!! It's a self fulfilling prophecy!!
Marking my place on our new thread – welcome to all our new joiners – may your stay be short for all the right reasons.
My stats both DP and I 45, TTC #1 since September 2012 (have 2 DSC 14 and 12) MMC at 12 Weeks June 13, Blighted Ovum at 8 Weeks November 2013, then my cycles went haywire. Private investigations at St Marys’ recurrent miscarriage clinic concluded my egg age was most likely contributing factor for miscarriages. IVF with donor egg in June 13 BFP with twins – lost one of them at 9 weeks. Currently 15 + 3 and I am a bit of an anxious wreck Next foetal well-being scan on Friday at 16 weeks.
Just dropping in for a quick hi. Thanks for setting up the new thread Cloud. Super-crap day here. Will come back soon with stats/bio and read and update properly. FF xx
Hi, I have been lurking but decided I would join in as you have quite a few newbies on this thread.
I already have 3 DC, dd 8, ds1 5, and ds2 2 and I had said ds2 finished me off and I was done as he was a very difficult baby. But fast forward 2 years and he is a delightful 2 year old who chatters away to me every day and tells me he loves his mummy!
So this has made me think I would like another but I'm now 41 would be at least 42 when a 4th DC was born (if it happens) and although I have only gone through it all 2 years ago I do feel I'm too old now I have turned the big 40!!
You lovely ladies have made me realise I'm not, although I don't think that's the response I will get in RL as most thought I was mad to want a 3rd DC as majority of friends have 2.
I also think a 4th would make our family dynamic work better too as dd and ds1 are very close so I do feel ds2 will be left out a bit and would be nice for him to have another sibling.
Anyway enough about me, I'm now awaiting my appt to have my implant taken out of my arm before we can start TTC.
Good morning all. thanks for the new thread Cloud and welcome to all the newbies.
I'm 44 and have been ttc about 2.5 years now. I Have 3 dc's ...24, 20 and 17 from my first marriage and 2 beautiful grandchildren age 4 and 10months.. but meeting and marrying my (much younger no dc's) man has disturbed a maternal side I thought was truly buried with the trials and tribulatians of single parenthood. We were able to conceive first try on Clomid but sadly lost pregnancy at 10 weeks in January 2013. I carried on taking Clomid without a sniff of a BFP before DH was posted to Northern Ireland (he's a soldier) last year. I have found the fertility services over here to be a breath of fresh air and very supportive of my husbands work. We have been lucky that they have arranged to have DH's swimmers frozen and for me to receive IUI whilst he is deployed in Afghanistan (he is currently 2 months into a 7 month tour). I am currently on my 3rd day of gonal-f injections and due my 1st scan and bloods on Thursday. I sooooo hope this works. love and luck to all.
Hello new and old, I am still here and lurking furiously. Life has been grim, not just because of the mc, but we are struggling out of it. If only DS would let us sleep now! Will update properly later and respond to the enormous swathes of news since I last ventured on here!. for all.
Hi haven't been on for a while, I am now 12 weeks still vomiting and just wondered I am definitely going to have amino if all continues to go well so midwife said it is not worth doing nuchal, what do you think? Obviously needs to be done soon if I do it, thanks in advance.
Hello! Just checking in as one of the resident graduates/cheerleaders!
I had dc 6 at 43 (last year), very unexpectedly, though I was still taking agnus castus to regulate my cycles which won't have done my ttc chances any harm .
Good to see everyone, old and new!
Hi everyone, just reading about the stress of TTC that some of you/us are suffering. For me, a hectic full time job & a 4 yr old dd who has just started school & has been thrown in to breakfast club & after school club all add to the stress of life which, of course doesn't help TTC. I have started a Mindfulness course (through work so I don't have to pay!) I'm only one week in & am not totally convinced it's for me but the basic is idea is relaxation & meditation which, in theory sounds great. Finding the time to actually sit down & do it is another matter but there are plenty of books/CDs/downloads that can help. I tried 'Headspace' for a while which is just 10 minutes a day so a bit more manageable. Might be worth a try?
I'm a week away from AF & have felt so stressed in the last couple of weeks there is no way I've managed to fertilise!! I'm already on to next month in my head! And so to the deep breathing.....
Grinch, so sorry to hear things are difficult right now. Come on here and vent as much as you like. That's what we are here for.
Hello, Diege, it is good to hear from you. My cycles are very regular, but I wonder if agnus castus might be good for making my hormones better? I dunno, I am scared it might screw things up? What do you think?
Kiwi, I can't believe you are already 12 weeks. How amazing and wonderful! You inspire me. Were you doing anything to enhance your fertility?If you are doing the amnio, there's no point in the nuchal. The nuchal is really a screen to help you decide whether to have the amnio, so I don't see the point in both. However, in your shoes I'd be looking at the harmony test first, though I know it is expensive. Is it too late at 12 weeks? I think it is routinely done at 10 weeks. Diege will know.
Grizzer, The stress management strategies sound really good in theory, but like you, I would struggle to find the time. I find that exercise is good for me in terms of stress, and at least getting some exercise. If I didn't exercise I would worry about not doing it, which gives me more stress...So, getting outside and walking is really good for clearing my head, or swimming laps. Sadly I have a shoulder bursitis so no swimming right now, but I've been doing an hour walk most days, with the dog (who gets so excited when I start to put on my walking shoes, it's very funny). Unfortunately I now have a sore knee!
Getting old is a bastard in so many ways. Obviously it sucks to have declining fertility, but I also hate that it is much harder to lose weight. I have been the epitome of good: I haven't eaten any sugar for 10 days now, have had a low carb diet, and yet the scales have not budged - along with the extra exercise. Bah! And then there's the sore bits that stop me from doing more exercise, and the lack of libido...
It's O time for me, so I have been trying my darndest to be amorous but DH is being pretty unreceptive in that department. I think I may have ovulated yesterday, I have a positive opk the day before, but we DTD the day before that, and tried again yesterday morning (day after the + opk) and my DH failed to ejaculate So, now we have those issues to contend with. I then tried to seduce him last night, in a last ditch attempt to catch the egg, but he was tired and said, "maybe tomorrow"...Grr. Now my cervix is shut tight.There's no point (in terms of TTC).
In the past, I would have been devastated by this turn of events, but I am not, I just think, Oh well, I can try again next month, or maybe it isn't meant to be, or, when the time is right, it will happen. I guess I am also getting used to the idea of it not happening.
We are going on holiday on Saturday - our annual trip to the island, and we go with our very good friends, so there's always lots of wine, gin and fun, so in a way I can relax knowing there's little to no chance that I conceived this time. I won't overdo it, but I won't abstain either.
Hi - need to read up properly and post again soon - its getting lovely and busy on here! - but for now, a msg re scans for kiwi
I'd started to dip into the last thread now and again - kiwi, is it right you're 45? Me too, so I'm extra excited your pregnancy is going well, with reassuring sickness too! Congratulations!
Yes nuchal scan would need doing soon; I thought the upper limit was 13 + 6, but just checked NHS website and it says up to 14 weeks + 1 day.
Aren't you having an NHS dating scan? If so, they do the nuchal measurement in the same scan. So can't understand why your midwife is saying don't bother - it seems like doing you out of an opportunity for a check up on baby (growth etc) that you're perfectly entitled to.
But also, I thought NHS wouldn't even offer a diagnostic test (amnio or CVS) unless your risk from the nuchal scan is 'worse' than 1:150. And of course you can't have an amnio until 15+ weeks.
But maybe you were thinking about paying for a private amnio? If so, had you considered a Harmony blood test first? With my DD, I wanted to avoid an amnio if poss, so when I found the NHS risk concerning (1:50), I had a nuchal scan at the Fetal Medicine Centre. It came out better (1:625), because the FMC put more soft markers into their calculations than the NHS do. Then the Harmony test came back at 1:10,000, so we left it there.
A few places do Harmony but personally I rate the FMC:
www.fetalmedicine.com/harmony-test - they say:
"- If your pregnancy is 11 weeks or more you can have a package which includes (a) nuchal scan (11-13 weeks) or mini-anomaly scan (14-17 weeks) or anomaly scan (18-32 weeks) and (b) HarmonyTM test ... for 500.
- If the Harmony test suggests that the fetus has trisomy 21, 18 or 13 we will carry out CVS or amniocentesis at no extra cost."
So would be interesting to see what others think about this, but FWIW, think midwife is being a bit bizarre and you should start by having your NHS nuchal scan, defo.
Hope to catch up later. Insomniac signing off.
Sorry, Xpost with Gum. Kiwi - seems like Gum has similar ideas. Laters.
Hey girls, so pleased this thread is busy . Great to hear that your pregnancy is progressing beautifully Kiwi xx
I am 7dpo and just feel like this cycle is a dud even though I know I ovulated and we had well timed sex. I just have no real belief anymore that it's even possible to get pregnant. It's ridiculous.
Hello again! Good to see it so busy on here. Am just flying in and out again as I have a meeting to prepare for this avo. Noticed some refs to Agnus Castus on here. I was going to get it from H&B but couldn't bear to fork out £9 for a months supply, on top of everything else. Found Neals Yard do it in tincture formula and it's only £3 a month! Result!! I've only just started taking it again, so can't report on the effects yet. I did ovulate a day later than normal, don't know if that's good or bad. I thought maybe it would just help generally.
NY do another herb with is supposed to help with fertility generally for women. I will check the details and post soon, along with my mini bio.
Blimey, I have ITV+1 on as a rare treat while DS naps. Amanda Holden really has overdone the botox this time! Is letting us fabulous forties down with it.
Hi there!!!! Been lurking for a while but back to ttc so hoping to get good vibes from you gals...
My stats ...
notsoold,44, DD20 , DS1 15, DS2 11months my first seriously month of ttc.
DH thought that DS2 would be enough but came to my line of thinking!!!
He is now 11months and I feel that being 44 I need to rush for hopefully another DC. Hope I am not too late.
We dtd through a bout of D&V in our household (I told you I was serious about it).
The two months I took Agnus c I got pg so I will be buying some more for next month (unless I am really really preggers and in that case I won't
On the most dread tww not (actually longer since my period is every 35 days!!!(gulp)
Lovely to see you all xxxx
Does anyone on here have short periods? I feel like a total freak but it also makes me feel I don't have long left as my OV is getting so early. I OV on day 11 with a 12 day LP. It used to be day 12 but after mc2 it changed and got shorter again.
I've read about Vitex but people tend to talk about it bringing ovulation forward and I font think I can cope with it being any earlier!!!!
Short cycles that should have read, my period is about 2-5 days.
Fucking hell I think my finger is drunk!!! 3-5 days even!!
Hi ladies! 46 with dc 16, 14 and 13. Met a guy and fell in love and we're on our 6th month ttc. He's 41. I'm not taking any supplements or anything and in my heart of hearts I kind of think my eggs are well past their sell by date but there's a tiny bit of hope.
Currently 5dpo (I think), aches and pains and twinges but I think they're in my head rather than anything happening!
Lots of lovely chat on here! I'll have to resurrect the Friday night bistro at this rate and get an extra waiter in
Kiwi yes the harmony may indeed be an option for you if you want to avoid the risks associated with an invasive test like the amnio. As you may know I had the harmony test done at the FMC and can't rate the place highly enough. You can have it done from 10 weeks, but up to the day you give birth, so no upper limit. The sting is that the free trial I had (ok, not free, but just the cost of the nuchal to pay) has now finished so I think you're looking at about £400 including scans. The FMC website would have details.
On the agnus castus front, it really helped increase my luteal phase from 9 days to 13 (at best). Effects notable after 2 mths of trying. I also added vit B6 into the mix, in addition to other B vits but had only taken the Bs for a month and then got pregnant (so unlikely to have had an effect so quickly).
I think it would be worth a try if LP is on the short side?
Gum have a wonderful holiday - relax, get tipsy, and get your sugar fix .
Love to all xxx
Thanks Deige, I plan to have a lovely holiday,but I am staying away from the dreaded sugar. Honestly, I think I may be an addict so I can't just have a little bit - I will end up eating everything in sight!
I feel much better off sugar: calmer, generally healthier. I am hoping it will help with other issues like my skin: I have a lot of redness on my cheeks, and I really don't like it, I believe sugar makes it worse. We shall see. But I think I can do a holiday well without it: there will be lovely cheeses, pate, dips, crisps etc to keep me happy!
Welcome Stupidhead, I don't think 46 is too old (I am 47, almost 48), and as long as you have regular periods, you are still ovulating and there's a chance.
...meant to say, I am now going to take my sups: the latest list:
*Blackmores Conceive well Gold
*Fermented Fish oil
The book I just read suggested Melatonin as an anti-oxidant, but only if you are having ivf because it can stop ovulation. So I might start an anti-oxidant with Vit A,C,E, although I think they are in the Conceive Well.
THe book also suggests abstinence from wine (gasp!) and limiting caffeine. Caffeine is the one I have most trouble with. I love my tea, and I really don't like decaf. I will have to find an alternative because I do drink about 6-8 cups a day
gum Have you tried Roibosh/Redbush tea? Caffeine-free, and it tastes really nice... Just a thought! I drink buckets, as I only allow myself 2 cups of coffee a day.
Have a great holiday, it sounds lovely! I admire your sugar abstinence, I really struggle with cutting back on it. Not easy when you love baking!
Welcome to all the newbies, may your stay here be short and sweet.
Re vitamins/supplements - I'm focusing on those who are meant to improve egg quality, as this seems to be the issue with me. Royal Jelly, coQ10, Omega oils and the usual folic acid/conception vitamins - all in double dose (yes, I'm desperate). They are certainly not cheap! DH is also taking the omega oils and the coQ10, plus some man-specific vitamins (he refuses the Royal Jelly, don't ask).
I'm staying away from agnus castus, as well as the extra Vit B6, after having a bad reaction to it. My cycles are fine, so not really necessary anyway - I did at one point panic that they were getting shorter, but this does not seem to cause any problems. I can fall pg, but struggle to stay pg.
10DPO, and I think I'm out - my temps are all over the place, my FF chart looks like the skyline of the Himalayas . Plus, we only dtd once during my fertile window (which was very difficult to detect this time, Cbfm failed, and I had only a couple of very weak OPKs). Sigh.
gum giving up caffeine was hard for me as well and I am back drinking gallons of it!!!
Hi, I'm 40+ and still breast feeding but what does TTC stand for??
Hi, newbie here (to both mumsnet and TTC!). Not quite forty but close enough. Had coil removed a few months back and bought the royal jelly and folic acid supps. Not been taking them regularly though as with one thing and another we decided to hold our horses for a while. Now I'm worried I didn't do enough pre natal stuff. That said I'm massively worried I will get pregnant and massively worried I won't get pregnant. Just a worrier I guess (and maybe a touch indecisive!) No temping/charting/ovulation kit testing at all. Is it recommended or shall I just calm the cluck down?!
Hi Rhoo, I always start off by saying I will not get obsessed with the whole thing but a few weeks later my resolve goes and a huge bundle of ovulation sticks are in the post! Interestingly out of the approx 50 cycles I have spent in total trying to catch the egg, I actually conceived ds when I was on holiday and there were no ovulation sticks anywhere to be seen.
Good luck with it all
I had a lovely evap this morning . I can normally rely on internet strips to give me the odd evap but the last batch I bought were disappointingly sensible. This one however gave me a shadow *oooooooooh. So that was my morning sorted, lots of standing on chairs and trying to see a line in a thousand different lights. Sadly I'm looking at it now and I see nothing. Was fun while it lasted though.
New era I am sorry about that. I know how you feel.sometimes I stare for so long that the control line just magically morphs into a line.. I try natural light, fluorescent light, flashlight, candlelight... Have done it all ! Thankfully I have started using ICs as otherwise I would have been declared bankrupt buying FRERs.
I am off to see miscarriage specialist on weds. My husband and I have started to joke that he will say that he and his expert team reviewed my notes and the result of my £800 blood tests and after many hours one of them had diagnosed our problem by something spotted on our notes....my age...!
NewEra - how many dpo are you? Those evap lines can be very deceptive. I had one when I was pregnant with DS, the next day I had a proper bfp. However, I've had many more evaps that didn't result in a bfp sadly. I hope yours does!
Pessi, I too have looked at epts in every type of light available.I have probably spent so much on epts, it might have paid for donor egg ivf! These days I buy one box of FRER each month that has three tests and try to wait til at least 12 dpo before the obsessing begins. But I have had years of testing starting at 8 dpo (this way madness lies), but after 5 years of ttc, I've stopped all that.
I hope the miscarraige specialist can shed some light on your situation, Pessi.
I am off on my holiday today. Yippee, sun, sand, hours wasted reading...can't wait. I will probably still keep in touch, and see how the thread is going.
Have a lovely holiday Gum. Waves to everyone else.
Feeling shattered today which obviously means I must be pregnant rather than just having had a crazy week at work. AF due in 4 days but I can already feel the onset of cramps & twinges. Oh well, I have convinced myself that next month I will be totally chilled as I have 2 weeks off work with dh. For one of those weeks dd will be at school so we can dtd morning, noon & night. It's got success story written all over it!
Enjoy yourself Gum!
On the note of evap lines, I've only ever had them when I have actually been pregnant. Usually a case of evap line around 10 days post-ov and then faint 'proper' bfp a few days later. Fingers crossed!
Aaah thank you, sadly nope, this was a dodgy test. I think it had a slight dent in the test area and was giving me lovely shadows in some lights. Two tests later stark white BFNs.
What has been slightly weird is AF cramps all day at 10dpo. Of course my wildly optimistic self wants to believe it's implantation cramps. My realistic self thinks it's just my stomach being odd today, god knows why, it does happen sometimes.
So due my period somewhere between 12 and 14 dpo. I think my body might have settled into a 23 day cycle as I have ovulated cd11 and I know LP tends to stay the same. I can't be bothered to get depressed about it do instead once AF comes I will make an appointment with an acupuncturist locally who is Zita West accredited and hope she can do something miraculous
wind back five years perhaps
I tested Friday night and got a pale bfp!!!
As you older ladies remember I had a chemical pregnancy before as well as a mmc to tested every day since.
Darker ( but no way as dark as I would have liked).
Haven't told anybody in RL and sitting on a corner with fx. Please send good vibes???
OOH! Sending cosmic goodies from here too!
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