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40+ and TTC? Join the club...

(997 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

cloudjumper Wed 24-Sep-14 13:32:15

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

cloudjumper Wed 24-Sep-14 13:36:17

Shall we start with some introductions, as a recap for the regulars and the newcomers?

cloudjumper 42, 1 DS (3.5), ttc no.2 for 2 years, 4 miscarriages... Still hopeful it might happen!

CurlyJay19 Wed 24-Sep-14 13:42:59

hi cloud smile

I'm CurlyJay 44, TTC #1 for over 1.5 years, 3 miscarriages (3 IVF cycles; 2 BFP & 1 BFN and 1 natural chemical pregnancy)

On lots of supplements since April '14 but taking a break right now.

Eventually we will get there, I'm sure about it! smile

Pessimoptimistic Wed 24-Sep-14 14:04:00

Hi can I join. I'm almost 41. One dd aged 3. have been trying for another since she was born. Miscarriages in oct 2012 (8 weeks) and may 2013 ( 6 weeks), iui in 2013 pregnant but miscarried in sept 2013. (12 weeks), failed iui dec 2013, ivf April 2014 pregnant but miscarried in May ( 7 weeks).
Really don't think it is going to happen now.

CurlyJay19 Wed 24-Sep-14 14:15:07

Hi Pessie and welcome smile

Sorry to know about your hardship, seems you've also been through the mill and back.

DH had his vasectomy reversed May '14 (IVF was with his biopsy) and only yesterday we sent his surgeon his sperm results after 3 months. The results seem to be really good considering although 80% are abnormal. We are waiting for the surgeon's feedback so that we can move forward in carrying on TTC naturally or go straight to IVF again.

AWombWithoutAFoof Wed 24-Sep-14 15:00:33

Hello all.

I'm 43, TTC #2, DD is 4.
Haven't used contraception since she was born but haven't been full out trying for all that time. Had one MMC before DD but not a snifter of a positive POAS test since she's been on the scene.

Feel like time is running out but I'm throwing everything at it.

AWombWithoutAFoof Wed 24-Sep-14 15:02:26

Curly, can I ask what supplements you're taking?

I'm doing acupuncture and two types of Chinese herbs. Much more of this caper and I wouldn't be surprised if I actually become Chinese.

CurlyJay19 Wed 24-Sep-14 15:19:21

Hi womb, I take a heap load of supplements. Although I am taking a break this month as I believe one of the supplements which I upped the dose to was making me have lots of pregnancy symptoms. I don't have the dosages with me as I am at work but I'll let you know tonight.

royal jelly
b complex
b6
DHEA
pregnacare
extra folic acid
aspirin
fish oil
co-enzyme q10
iron
zinc
selenium

the extra folic and aspirin I take because I have a blood clotting issue.

Gumblossom Wed 24-Sep-14 15:59:14

Hello and thanks for the shiny new thread cloud.

I am 47 (gasp!), have been ttc number 6 for five years now. I had my last DS at age 41 and 9 months. He is my little miracle after a vasectomy reversal. I really wanted to give him a sibling close in age as his nearest sibling is 8 years older. I am getting very close to packing it in, I have run out of energy for all things ttc.

Since I started ttc I have had four miscarriages. I know my first was due to trisomy 13 but I don't know about the others. I am pretty sure it is age related.

Hello to all the new faces. I have been on this thread for five years now! I have seen many successes in that time.

Pessimoptimistic Wed 24-Sep-14 16:12:06

Curlyj I have been on practically everything you have been on at some stage ! I reintroduced b6 this month again and I have been having pregnancy symptoms although I am pretty sure the 20 or so pregnancy tests I have taken assure me I am not ! I wonder was it the b6 or a combination of all. This month I am going to cut it all out except for folic acid only

I went to see a well regarded specialist in July and am due back next week having ruled out scarring from my d and cs. I have to say the one thing I took out of our meeting with him is that I kept thinking that there is something wrong, deficient, heard and read all about natural killer and immune issues and I was convinced that I could cure it but the bottom line is I am old and my eggs are old it is only down to pure luck if a pregnancy sticks. So let's hope the statistics turn in our favour

cloudjumper Wed 24-Sep-14 16:16:33

Hello newbies (and oldies), welcome to the thread.

I know that 2 of my 4 miscarriages were due to chromosomal abnormalities, so age is definitely a factor here. Sadly, nothing can be done about that, but like curly, both DH and I are taking supplements that are meant to improve egg and semen quality (omega oils, royal jelly, coQ10 and double dose of the folic acid/conception vitamins - I figured it won't hurt). I need to take aspirin and heparin when I am pg, due to having had a DVT a few years ago, but currently not taking aspirin while ttc (have done in the past).
I'm also watching my cycles like a hawk, using almost every possible method and device to make sure I don't miss ovulation. At the same time, I am really struggling with keeping going, as it is now such an anxious and stressful chore...

But I am still hopeful that it could work, so for now, I'm sticking with it (more or less enthusiastically). Like gum has said, plenty of graduates from this thread, and I also know a lot of people IRL that have had children in their forties.

ICallHimGerald Wed 24-Sep-14 18:08:58

Yay, a lovely new thread. I am 42 and have a 6 year old son. It took 3 years of trying to get him so now with the extra years on the click and irregular periods I am not really expecting too much. It would be amazing to do it all again though.

God knows where I am on this cycle. I am going to see the GP tomorrow to ask whether they can do any tests to give me more of an idea whether I am perimenopausal.

Best wishes to everyone.

Grizzer Wed 24-Sep-14 18:17:03

Hi everyone, I'm 41 (almost 42 but I'm sticking with 41 for now). Have 1 dd aged 4. Mc in oct 12 & April 13 but no pregnancy since then. Haven't poas or dtd enough this month but next month is definitely my month. Def.in.itely. wink

druscilla Wed 24-Sep-14 19:13:34

Hi everyone, I'm also 41, nearly 42. Ttc properly for just six months now. Have racked up one early miscarriage already but still optimistic. No children yet.

This is my first mumsnet post - I'm sure I'll start writing proper sentences once I've settled in :-)

Cobbler1 Wed 24-Sep-14 20:13:39

Long term stalker here first post, must be the new thread for oldies that made me cross over (wink)
Hello everyone would like to say just being able to read all your stories has really helped me through a blighted ovum in June, first pregnancy which was a huge surprise to us, sadly not to be but we would love to conceive again although unfortunately my eggs are 43 yrs old so we will wait and see fingers crossed.

CurlyJay19 Thu 25-Sep-14 04:11:32

Hiya ladies, been up since 3am as I can't sleep sad.

age is just a number, and like I say, we will all eventually get there. Perseverance is a must and whoever says we are too old to have babies can have their brains checked out as they are the old ones for thinking that way.

pessi like you I upped my b6 dosage in August from 15mg to 50mg and I had lots of pregnancy symptoms so this month I have not taken it.

I've also had a anovolutary cycle this month making me have estrogen bleeding breakthrough and have 2 cysts in my right ovary. It never ends...

ChewyGiraffe Thu 25-Sep-14 09:07:17

CurlyJay your post reminded me of something I read by Claudia Spahr (author of 'Right Time Baby') "... you need to stay positive and really believe that you WILL get pregnant, rather than 'wanting' to get pregnant. This is a very subtle shift but it can make all the difference." So yes, I need more of your attitude please!

Hi ladies - may I join your lovely new thread?

I'm (whispers quietly, don't tell my ovaries) 45 (yikes!) with one DD and would love a sibling for her. I conceived naturally aged 43 and was due on my 44th birthday, although she turned up 2 weeks early. She's now 14 months and the light of my life - daft user name is after that ubiquitous rubber teether all the kids have and stubbornly still a favourite.

I celebrated my 45th birthday with a surprise BFP on our 3rd cycle of 'properly' TTC. I had a private scan at 6 weeks, saw a heartbeat and grew cautiously optimistic. But at an 8 week scan at our local EPU sadly there was no heartbeat any more. Just that feeling of despair ... sad

So now 4 weeks after medical management, I'm still waiting for AF, plus the results of some credit card melting miscarriage testing, before we start again with the unadulterated joy of timed sex. Oh how DP loves my spreadsheet. And texted photos of smiley face OPKs - 'be home from work early'. Yeah right.

Meanwhile it's time to step away from the comfort food and start on some supplements. I've been looking for inspiration in the book 'It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF' by Rebecca Fett. So far, seems like a good read.

(Did I write an essay? blush Soz, you can all wake up now.)

NewEraNewMindset Thu 25-Sep-14 09:32:54

Gosh these stats are heart breaking, I'm so sorry for all of your losses sad. Today would have been my due date for mc 1. Funnily enough I ovulated today - as told to me by my new fancy device lol, so the timing is fitting!

NewEra - 39 and three quarters. TTC#2. Have a beautiful 22 month old son, started trying when he was 6 months, two miscarriages this year.

Have ditched the clearblue monitor and bought an Ovusense as I was sick of not actually being sure if I ovulated or not. Now I know I ovulate on day 12 with a 13 day LP typically. Not bad but no BFP since April. I am starting acupuncture soon. My doctor is doing a day 3/18 test to check Progesterone levels and then if that's ok will check partners sperm.

I take pre natal vits and a few others, any advice on vitamins for my partner?

CurlyJay19 Thu 25-Sep-14 10:04:53

Hiya chewy, love how you've come about your nickname, so sweet smile. One day I will have one of them chewy giraffes at home I am so certain about it! PMA!! So, so sorry about your baby falling asleep too soon. My second miscarriage was the same, baby fell asleep at 9 weeks out of the blue. I totally feel for you and understand your despair. A year on and I am still hurting sad. I got tested after DH challenged our fertility doctor and turns out I am heterozygous MTHFR and from now on I need to have Clexane for every pregnancy.

Your post has made me chirp up a bit. Feeling really ill at the moment. I having a WTF cycle after having a anovolutary cyle which has made me bleed heavily after the estrogen levels fell and my progesterone went AWOL. I ended up in hospital on Monday as I thought I was miscarrying or had something serious. I've never had one of these crazy cycles in my 30 years of af. My gynae told me yesterday that I have 2 cysts in my right ovary and they are giving me grief today; nausea, dizziness, and a dull pain on my side sad. I love the fact that you conceived at 45, hats off to you my lovely smile Let us prove every sceptic wrong! I'll be 45 in December and feel extremely confident that I will make it to my goal, yes sir! And a birthday BFP would be the best present ever! DH and I have given ourselves a few months off from IVF as he had a vasectomy which he reversed in May '14. At the moment everything is 'au naturelle' and like you very timed and meditated DTD lol. Every 'high' and 'peak' makes him go weak at the knees. Performance is paramount, lol. Are the books you are reading good?

Apologies too for my essay, ladies smile

Gumblossom Thu 25-Sep-14 10:06:12

Chewy, I hope you are going to write an extensive review of the book, complete with a summary of what I need to take to give my eggs the best possible chance. I'd read it myself, but I have read so many of those books and I'm trying not to be too obsessive grin

I have heard that outcomes in ivf are better when women eat a low carb, high protein diet, so I've been trying to do that. I think, for the most part my diet is lowish carb. I am on day 6 of quitting sugar, and today is the first day I've been prowling around looking for chocolate - it's mainly because I am tired. I didn't succumb, instead I just kept at my list of housework jobs to keep distracted.

I have been experiencing some weird "symptoms" for want of a better word, which have been playing mind games with me, and I even resorted to taking a HPT. It was bfn, which is unsurprising, given I've just had AF, temperatures are low etc. HOwever, I keep having a weird "twinge" in my breasts which feels a bit like the "let down" when you are breastfeeding. I am also having some nausea here and there, and sinus headaches (I always seem to get them when pregnant, but seem to at other times too.. so not a definite symptom). My skin has been awful - breaking out, which is very unusual for me.

I think it must be part of aging and getting close to menopause. It's a miracle I am still ovulating and having regular periods I suppose. I had my AMH tested after my first miscarriage and was told that it was almost undetectable and it was unlikely I'd ever get pregnant again. Since then I've had three pregnancies, maybe even 4. So I don't let the test results bother me.

I always thought remaining positive was important, and have been pretty bloody positive along the way, considering, but, sadly, it's not brought me my baby.

Newera, my DH took selenium, vit C,D, E and fish oil after his vasectomy reversal. I don't know if it helped, but he had a normal count three months after the reversal, and we got pregnant 7 months after the reversal (with my DS who is now 6). I have also heard that caffeine, just before ejaculation helps build up numbers. I've not suggested it to DH, because his coffee consumption is typically as he's walking out the door to work and it is unlikely he'll turn around for a quick shag while our teenage daughters wait in the car for a lift to school! shock

Well, I am supposed to go to a concert tonight, a band called Boy and Bear (popular in Oz), but I just don't feel up to going out, so shall give my ticket to DD2, who will be very pleased. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch Silks on telly.

OMG, I am old!

Gumblossom Thu 25-Sep-14 10:08:14

X posted 8Curly* - what will happen about the cysts? Will they resolve themselves, or will they have to be removed? Poor you, feeling so awful.

CurlyJay19 Thu 25-Sep-14 10:16:15

Gum, the word menopause will be a forbidden swear word in this thread! We are not 'peri' nor 'post' nor any adjective any sceptic or doctor wants to classify us with. I hate it when these people tell us we are 'old' angry. Oh, and you are certainly not old, I very much love my couch too. Him and I have a very special relationship, lol smile

CurlyJay19 Thu 25-Sep-14 10:20:11

gum, the gynae has said that they will hopefully dissolve on their own but if they would unfortunately rupture to monitor them and take ibuprofen, and to go to hospital if I bleed severely.

Pessimoptimistic Thu 25-Sep-14 11:49:18

My specialist disregards amh and said that fsh is a better indicator. I had mine tested in 2013 . It was 3 and dr was all doom and gloom. I subsequently got pregnant on iui and got 12 eggs on ivf... Although both miscarriages. He didn't even include amh in blood protocol. I think it frightens people so much when they here it.

Not sure whether to do one last round of ivf or continue natural. It's a dilemma. We might or might not get pregnant and it in effect wipes out 3 months of natural trying.

cloudjumper Thu 25-Sep-14 13:35:01

I had my AMH tested last year, and it also came out as being very low - much lower even than to be expected at my age.
However, I have regular cycles, ovulate every month and still manage to fall pg very quickly. I reckon it's more about quality than quantity...

I completely agree with curly - we are not old, pre/peri/whatever etc. I am more active that a lot of 20- and 30-year-olds I know, ffs!
My mother is 70 today - now that is old grin

chewy Welcome, and thanks for the tip for the book about egg quality! This might be a more uplifting read than 'What every woman needs to know about miscarriage' wink

curly Ouch, that sounds very unpleasant! Hope it'll resolve itself quickly and without the need for any intervention.

Talk about curve balls - my Cbfm monitor, after consistently saying 'low' all throughout my expected ov days (with sort of +ve OPKs and a temp jump) suddenly tells me 'high' this morning, argh! What's that supposed to mean? And I've only got one more stick left, going away for the weekend tomorrow with no chance of getting more in time. I'll take OPKs, but the one last night was as blank as can be.
Sigh.

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