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(205 Posts)
Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:08:28

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. I'm trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

ManchesterAunt Thu 12-Jun-14 18:30:12

Google pre pregnancy advice.

You need to be taking vitamins, especially Folic Acid.

Some people get pregnant 1 month after trying, others can never get pregnant.

It is such a massive life changing experience. I can recommend going on the Money Advice Service to check out the cost.

I waited till I was 27 to try for a baby, they are expensive and a strain on your relationship.

There is no hurry to start trying so soon and lots of sensible reasons to wait.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 12-Jun-14 18:34:15

Please don't have a baby at 18. I was only 19 when I had DS and although I love him to bits, I really wish I had waited 10 years. Enjoy your carefree 20s, travel, have fun, enjoy being able to go out at the drop of a hat without having to find childcare. That's my best advice.

skippingthroughthefarm Thu 12-Jun-14 18:54:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ihavemyownname Thu 12-Jun-14 18:57:15

I second what pp said I was 18 when I fell pregnant with ds and 19 when he was born as much as I love him I didn't properly think about the whole picture I certainly didn't expect to find myself as a single parent and It never crossed my mind that I could have a child with SN. Oh and most of my friends disappeared once ds was born because my life was different and I couldn't go out at a drop of a hat.

Maybe hold on for a few more months you might change your mind and want to hold off having children for a while

MrsGranny Thu 12-Jun-14 19:20:02

I'm sorry skipping, but your post is a bit harsh. I'm 26 and have been trying to conceive for about 3 years. At 18 I knew all I wanted to be was a mum. If she's on a good income, in a stable relationship and will love that baby and give them everything they need, why not? I've seen plenty of older parents who get it completely wrong! I've been with my husband since I was 16. Lots of people told me I was too young to get married/try for a baby but if that's what's right for you then why not

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 12-Jun-14 19:25:18

You might catch very soon, it may take longer than you think. Just 18, what's the hurry?

A rock solid relationship is the best foundation. You might think it will just be you three but have as much family/friend support you can get. Some friends will drift away before you reach nine months. If you want to prove how adult you are, please don't rush into parenthood. Escaping a poor upbringing, edgy family background? travel instead.

Sex during later stages of pregnancy and for up to months after the birth might not appeal. How does your boyfriend feel about celibacy?

Remember when you tell everyone, some will be thrilled. But some will tell you you're crazy and random strangers will inform you that you are eating and drinking wrong, or you are so young it is immoral, or worse ask leeringly were you careless or drunk? Later they'll push past, grab the last seat on public transport, let heavy doors shut in your face and pat your bump without asking. And at least four will make you cry with horror stories about labour and birth.

That newborn requires 24 hour a day care. Set your alarm for 3 am one night this week. See how awake you feel. Get up and walk around for ten minutes. Go back to bed but set your alarm for 4:45 am. Do something intricate with only a low wattage light on. Then set your alarm for 6 am. Does your partner even wake up?

Eat well, sleep well, look after yourself. Are you employed? Save as much money as you can. Babies cost. That said, they don't need brand new everything. If you know someone with a baby ask if you can practise holding, picking up, soothing.

When you get a positive result, don't think your new life starts when s/he arrives. That begins from that moment you find out.

skippingthroughthefarm Thu 12-Jun-14 19:38:57

i've know i wanted a baby since i was 15 their is a thing called common sense that stopped me from trying until i turned 20 and was in a very stable relationship teen pregnancies are so wrong and so avoidable. there's a difference between knowing/planning and trying for a baby.

Singsongmama Thu 12-Jun-14 20:07:23

I agree with donkeys....set your alarm for 11pm, 2am, 4.30am and get up for the day at 6am. Each time stay up for at least 30 minutes carrying a massive bag of potatoes around and around your house - mentally imagine crying/grunting/inconsolable unexplained screaming and accidental head butting/hair pulling/kicking. Now do it for a month then decide. Start now and decide at the start of July if you want to go ahead and TTC.

Once you've done the above and if you've made up your minds then the very best of luck...a baby is such a miracle and blessing but it is also terrifying and exhausting in a way that can't be described. My advice is live a little, go wild and enjoy being carefree then settle down because there is no going back once you have a baby.

I love my DS so very much but I used to work a miminum 50 hour week in a very stressful and demanding job and it was so so much easier than caring for him!!

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 21:32:02

I want a baby, my boyfriend does. We've talked about moving into a flat together (which we can afford) we've talked about finances, we've started our savings account ready for when I do fall pregnant. We've talked about marriage. We have stable support from families, good jobs, qualifications. we have everything sorted out all I was asking was for some advice from parents on going through pregnancy. I didn't ask to be judged and mocked. I'm in a serious relationship and I wouldn't go ahead if I had a single doubt about my relationship lasted. I plan to love my baby forever and I'm sure that matters more than my age. I know plenty of older parents who get it all wrong, drinking, drugs, smoking- that's something I would never do. I will give my baby everything I can and so will my partner. So please, just because you're older doesn't mean that you will be a better parent than someone in their teens when I have everything going for me right now.

skippingthroughthefarm Thu 12-Jun-14 21:58:10

Aww didums your going to move in together in a little tiny flat how grown up of you hmm seriously get a career buy a house and a car have adventures and holidays together and then have a kid. seriously your child will thank you fyi most people live together before having a baby

deepbluetr Thu 12-Jun-14 22:10:57

Don't do it- at 18 you have barely lived any adult life. get out see the world, buy a house, climb the career ladder, get a degree.
Enjoy some carefree adult life and gain some experience before you have a baby.
I would be sad if my 18 year old DD had a baby.

Blueuggboots Thu 12-Jun-14 22:17:16

Oh look, another thread and people are saying the same thing as on your other thread!!
We're not judging you, we are giving you the knowledge that our experiences have brought us!!

angelicjen Thu 12-Jun-14 22:20:33

I think some people on here have been unnecessarily rude, but I do also have to say don't rush this. You have so much time on your hands. Travel, experience life, and become the well rounded mum your kids need.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 22:22:57

I have a career, I can very easily move into a flat, I have the savings. I have a car and good qualifications. I have 2 jobs. I'm not sure where the problem is, I don't want to go out travelling I want to be a parent and to love and care for my child as does my boyfriend. So please, don't tell me to get thing I have and to do things I don't want to do.

deepbluetr Thu 12-Jun-14 22:27:57

Jael- I'm sorry but at 18 you don't have good qualifications.
A degree is a good qualification.
Your "career"- and I hesitate to call it that as you are so young will take a battering from maternity leave and the pressures of motherhood.
Having good qualifications or experience- and by that I mean longer than a year or two will stand you in good stead when you return to work.

deepbluetr Thu 12-Jun-14 22:35:20

You have started the same thread 3 times- I'm not sure what you are looking for here.

As I understand you and your boyfriend are still living with respective parents. You are both living in protected environments,

Setting up home together, entering into the adult world and setting up home together alone can be a big strain on many relationships, never mind bringing in a baby into the mix.

You need to know that your relationship is stable enough before you think of a baby.
If a baby is worth having then she deserves a stable home, not just two teenagers who are playing house for the first time.

skippingthroughthefarm Thu 12-Jun-14 22:37:02

do tell us how you plan on working 2 job while taking care of a newborn you have had too early in life will be struggling to provide for on your boyfriends wages alone and run a car with insurance petrol etc .. you are being really selfish and really unrealistic wanting a baby is not the same as having a baby.

Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 22:38:00

I do have good qualifications from college, I was accepted to 4 uni's across the uk and one In Paris. , which I might take the offer In a few years, my boss is a good family friend we have spoken about maternity leave and she said that it's all ok, there's some paperwork that she needs to sort out and check over but when I fall pregnant we will have another talk about it all.

skippingthroughthefarm Thu 12-Jun-14 22:38:23

well said deepbluetr it is hard not to laugh at situations like this..

deepbluetr Thu 12-Jun-14 22:42:48

skipping- yes. jael is in for a few shocks, and being selfish. She is too immature to undertand what everyone is trying to tell her unfortunately.

ExBrightonBell Thu 12-Jun-14 22:44:36

Irrespective of your age, I would strongly recommend living together with your boyfriend for 6 months before you start TTC. I would say that to anyone planing to get pregnant of any age.

Running your own household is completely different to living with your parents. It is sensible for you and your boyfriend to be 100% responsible for yourselves before you bring a new baby into the mix.

Sallyingforth Thu 12-Jun-14 22:45:23

We've talked about moving into a flat together

So you're not even living together yet. You intend to have all the stress of setting up a home together, sorting out rent, utilities etc, at the same time as having the baby.

You are still in the honeymoon period, and it's wonderful smile But you really do need to settle into a life together, just the two of you, before having that baby.

You have two jobs. Do you intend to keep them up when you have the baby, and pay for childcare? Or are you going to be a stay-at-home mum without the income to pay for rent, car etc?

I am not patronising you Jael, but please think again. Settle down first, then think about getting pregnant.

HappierThanEverBefore Thu 12-Jun-14 22:45:51

Jeez some people Need to read the thread title and actually look at what the OP is asking?

18 may seem young to some of you to have a baby but if the OP is set on it & thinks that her situation is suitable then why not?
You could have a 30year old in the same situation - would you think they were stupid?

Viviennemary Thu 12-Jun-14 22:52:23

I think you are far far too young to be thinking about having a baby. Please reconsinder. However, you will think you know best. I thought the same at your age.

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