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Anyone else feeling like the world is against them?

(198 Posts)
spence24 Wed 16-Apr-14 16:56:19

OK, so this may sound like a selfish question and I should be happy for others, but in the last few weeks I've been getting the feeling that the universe just doesn't want me to be pregnant, but everyone else is just fiiiiine...

I found out yesterday that an ex-colleague, who is nearly 40, had never wanted children and was happy being child-free, as well as being told she was infertile, is four months pregnant by accident.

My best friend conceived both her children on her first cycle. My mum had me and my brother by accident. My cousin never wanted children. Her accidental son is nearly ten years old now.

We've been trying for four months now - and I know it is "only" four months, but I'm almost feeling bad for wasting the NHS's money on contraception for the last twelve years as it appears it may not have been needed.

Sorry, I needed to rant as it's bringing me down a bit, and none of my friends know that we're TTC so it's been building up.

Both of my dad's sisters are infertile and I've been told that if we haven't conceived by June I can get some tests done, even though I'm only 28. But they can't do it any sooner as I don't know the reasons behind their infertility as I don't have a relationship with that side of my family.

Is anyone else feeling like this, am I justified in having a "why me?" moment - or am I just overthinking it all?

Lauraqc Sun 20-Apr-14 20:56:34

Solaia - totally respect that but I wish my friends had been a bit more honest with me about their story - it's very alienating to feel you're the only one having trouble (if that's even what it is) and with no-one close to speak to who may understand.

icy121 Sun 20-Apr-14 21:04:30

Lauraqc - I don't find my 2 v close friends at all helpful. None of them have kids and after a couple of "I know someone who came off the pill & got pg straight away" type comments I have given up. "How's the baby plan" I say working on it, but not forthcoming, don't want to talk about it. "Don't stress about it, keep plugging away, sure it will be fine". REALLY?! WHAT ARE YOU BASING THIS ON?!!! They're trying to help and I won't throw it in their faces so I sort of simper and say "mm yeah" and promptly change subject, and have a sip of whatever shit non-wine I'm drinking.

Lauraqc Sun 20-Apr-14 21:10:17

Icy - sorry to hear that - not helpful at all! I'm the last of my friends to have children and some are onto their second and some of them have been really good, helpful advice and then some have just chosen to tell a half truth or not talked about it at all. The not talking about it at all I get - it's their decision and that's fine - it's the half-truth I didn't appreciate. Still, I suppose that's why there are brill places like this to come and chat ;)

dildoos Sun 20-Apr-14 21:50:43

May I join the rant please?

Been trying to concieve for 36 months , in mean time best friend had 3rd child now 2! Sil had dd now 18 months and pregnant for 2nd time (12 weeks) my sister has had my nephew now 14 months and myself and DP still trying! We have had tests I am normal he has low count but they won't treat him as I have now just had my 6th miscarriage in these 3 years! Life is not fair! sad
I am now enjoying a period from hell and sad as yet again not pregnant!

Good luck to you all I really hope none of you are still here 3 years on sad

Lauraqc Sun 20-Apr-14 22:42:57

Blimey dildoos that really is some bad luck sad doesn't help with all that action going on round you either...I think you've come to the right place for a rant though if that's any consolation!

I really do wish you lots of luck, you've definitely earned it..!

dildoos Sun 20-Apr-14 23:02:00

Lauraqc thank you for your welcome. I totally feel miserable today as AF here . Will certainly join you all xx

ToAvoidConversation Mon 21-Apr-14 07:56:01

Four months is really early days to be fair. I think I lost my shit about 9 months but I just ended up accepting that I couldn't keep on like that. Feels strange to have finally started drugs though.

3 years? Have you had any treatment?

Hibou7688 Mon 21-Apr-14 08:31:08

Can relate to some of this, I've been off the pill since Aug/Sept.. Still no baby! It's only the last couple of months that I've managed to pinpoint when I ovulate but OH just doesn't 'get it'. Like today, I had a flashing smiley this morning, but we haven't dtd. We did yesterday though so hopefully be ok, and I'll drop it into conversation so that we hopefully do it again later. Luckily everyone in our circle of friends isn't pregnant so I don't have to look at all their baby stuff!

boumplj Tue 22-Apr-14 08:03:19

Good advice Solaia.

Lauraqc I hope your appointment goes well today.

Victoria - don't you go anywhere, we are all here for you. How about you and hubby have a date night, no baby talk just have some fun and connect?

Lauraqc Tue 22-Apr-14 08:28:54

Thank you! Feeling v stressed today on my way to work and just want to skip to this evening! Have a lovely day ladies!

xBlueberry88x Tue 22-Apr-14 12:52:22

Spence I know how you feel and the best thing you can do at the moment is relax.

4 months is early and starting to feel so bad already could cause problems further down the line.

Im on month 13 and increasingly getting depressed and stressed but I know that can make getting pregnant even harder.

Try and concentrate on something else which is hard I know.

This month im going to concentrate on loosing weight and eating healthy.

icy121 Tue 22-Apr-14 18:30:19

I know the reason I'm stressing is due to my cycle & menses itself - there is barely anything there. One day of af is less than 5ml (moon cup) so it makes me anxious. I agree though, 4 months isn't enough to 'worry' over, and if I had a shorter cycle and normal periods I wouldn't be. Terrified something's the matter with me. Knowing I've got 3 more weeks before fertile window (if there is one) even opens is frustrating. The only positive is if last month had been the month, due date would've been Xmas day.

But I appreciate others have been going through this shit much longer than I have, I don't know how you all manage it and stay positive. It's quite inspiring.

Healthy eats and exercise this month.

ToAvoidConversation Tue 22-Apr-14 19:01:03

Are you doing anything like taking temps, etc?

I read 'Understanding your fertility' and that was good for letting me understand what was going on (or wasn't in my case).

Lauraqc Tue 22-Apr-14 21:17:11

Hey all, been to my GP tonight for my blood test results - everything looks just about normal although my LH levels are a little high but not enough to cause concern...apparently I can still conceive even though my af isn't happening so that's good. He was a real stickler for us trying for a full year before he'll even entertain doing anything else but has said if still no af in 6 weeks i've got to go for more blood tests so we'll see...the good bit is that we've got so much going on over the next couple of months that I'm just going to try that good old 'forget about it and see what happens' tactic! The most frustrating bit is that we can't aim the dtd more around a particular time which means lots of it all the time! Luckily we're on a level with that (after early tensions!) and so will just have to keep it up!

I'm definitely starting a health kick this week - destiny is in my hands about that (having said that I may be eating a chocolate egg as I type - I'm not a robot dammit!!)

Mims786 Wed 23-Apr-14 11:39:31

I've been TTC for about 7 months now aged 34 (35 in June) and feel like the green eyed monster too with everyone getting pregnant but me! Last month I thought I was so close and then AF came. Usually she last about 4/5 days but she was 1 1/2 days which was so random as I had so many positive pre BFP symptoms! She also came on April fools day! Not funny!! I cried so much when it happened!!

I would like to ask how do you keep your mind off TTC when that's all you can think about? How do you stop trying without stopping trying?

My periods are 27 days and regularly as clockwork, fit and healthy, even quit my job too take time out from work as a temporary de-stressing and re-focus on my goals.

On average I ovulate between day 11 - 15 from the ovulation tests and mapping my bbt.

I almost feel like giving up. Any advice out there?

sarattc1 Wed 23-Apr-14 14:25:02

i feel this way too sad its such rubbish that we are stable now for a baby and can't even get pregnant but mums who do not deserve one just have babies left and right.

icy121 Wed 23-Apr-14 18:27:40

mims786 I find the only way to keep mind off it is to keep busy. Unfortunately I've been quiet at work recently! Evening and weekends - I do stuff. Gardening, see friends, cook complicated food, read trashy novels, do housework, clean the oven, do a jigsaw - anything to keep your mind on something else. Maybe try to find a part time job to keep you occupied in the meantime? Staying at home and focusing on it won't help.

I used the clearblue smiley face sticks, feel ovulation pinches and then had af 14 days after solid smiley so think I am ovulating.

Going to the gym this evening to keep mind off it all. Can't really be arsed but hey.

I found a girl on a paleo diet forum who had the hypomenorreah (scanty periods) that I have and she got pregnant (albeit ivf but that was because her husband had a failed reverted vasectomy) which has given me hope & helped me chill a bit. For now... If I don't get the bfp this time, I'm going to trot along to a private clinic for tests - throwing money at it will help me at least think I'm doing something to help myself.

For now sticking to a really healthy diet, lots of fruit veg and whole food. 10 portions a day. Woo-sodding-hoo.

Inshock73 Wed 23-Apr-14 18:42:44

Just been reading this thread with huge interest...

I conceived the 1st month we tried last year, I was 39 and DP 36, you can't imagine how relieved I was as I knew ttc gets harder as you get older, I went on to have a mc at 9 weeks. Since then AF has been like clockwork every 26/27 days, OV at 13-15 days, I've had all the tests, scan etc and I'm now labelled as having unidentified infertility. It's like the mc has flicked a switch. I'm now looking at IVF which tbh I can't afford but we both want a family and neither of us have children from previous relationships. Aside from all the obvious stuff like wishing we'd met earlier and ttc sooner, it's made so much harder by just about everyone I know announcing a pregnancy or having a baby in the last 2 years, even friends who didn't want children have had 'surprise' pregnancies!

sherbertlemon17 Wed 23-Apr-14 19:14:55

Hey ladies, just checking in to see how you are all doing.

Lauraqc- good news about the normal results, not so good news on having to wait a year. hmm It's a weird feeling to want nothing to be wrong but at the same time want something to be wrong that can be fixed if you know what I mean. I'm in this predicament myself atm.

I agree with icy, mims. Massively easier said than done but you need to try and keep busy... With anything! I personally like yoga and keeping busy with work.

Not really much to update with me. Still just waiting for my scan next week to come round although I have been having lots of preggo symptoms since the weekend. Not getting my hopes up though because if I've got PCOS like the doctor thinks, then I doubt I even ovulated. Stupid body playing tricks no doubt! confused

dildoos Wed 23-Apr-14 20:37:34

Evening everyone, I have nothing to update you all with other than AF is half way through, been reading a mc book by Marilyn Glenville and she has suggested along with pregnacare conception and well man conception to take 1000mg a day of vitamin c and 1000mg of linseed oil! So we have both started this, also said natural spring water to drink loads of ( I am terrible for fluid intake mainly 2 glasses of some thing a day blush) so have started upping my intake!
I am having NK cells testing June so we are all out to concieve this month as new vitamins got me some preseed equivalent gel and going to try the SMEP plan! If this fails we cannot try next month as you must not be pregnant at all for NK cells test as it is a uterine scrap!

Inshock- mumsnet is the place for you to chat by far we all know that feeling! I too have unexplained infertility but not resting at that have you read about NK cells? I am going to see a prof Quinby in Coventry at a cost of £360 a one visit test and consultation and answers in 6 weeks and she will put you on drugs to help in mean time.
Would you not get IVF on the NHS if you have no children at all?

I haven't ever been offered any drugs by gp or gynae as they said 6 mc just bad luck as chromosome tests and scans all ok- however DP has low sperm count which they won't treat as we get pregnant we just don't carry it every 6+ months ! grrrrrrrr the NHS!

Anyway sorry for my ranting x

Mims786 Wed 23-Apr-14 21:24:26

Thanks icy121 I have been doing all those things and actually. Not quite ready for part time job just yet as I'm enjoying my "temporary retirement". On the plus side I have been working on a Cook book as I love cooking. Opposite to what you suggested, this will be tasty food on a budget!

Currently I'm in my tww as AF is expected this weekend. I know this month I really haven't tried as much, so I'm not expecting a BFP. But then again, you never know!

Lauraqc Wed 23-Apr-14 22:09:17

Evening all! Loads of good ideas flying around tonight about keeping busy and distracting yourself...I've taken up entering competitions and have won some fab prizes since I started in Jan! It defo takes my mind off everything and I get some good stuff as a bonus....the holiday to Barbados in May couldn't have happened if we had children so maybe we're waiting our time for a reason...

Feeling very fortunate tonight about how we are all in different stages and can get great advice from you all about your experiences!

Buzzwords this week then are healthy eating and taking care of our minds and bodies...!

icy121 Wed 23-Apr-14 23:13:59

You won a holiday, lauraqc?! That's amazing! I need to enter comps!

Made a sprouted lentil curry with whole grain rice. Tasted okay I guess. What can you say about lentil curry... At least because it's low fat/calls, you can eat lots?! Possibly not one for mims's recipe book, can't see it being popular.

Oh well there's another day over. 35 days to go...

Lauraqc Thu 24-Apr-14 08:45:00

Yep it's by far my biggest win smile very happy lady! Great distraction and I thoroughly recommend it! I had a weight watchers meal after getting home from work about 8pm and neither of us could be bothered to dtd so that'll have to wait!!

sherbertlemon17 Thu 24-Apr-14 09:32:50

Lauraqc, that's amazing!! Where do you find all these competitions to enter? I think I need to get in on the action!

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