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Anyone else feeling like the world is against them?

(198 Posts)
spence24 Wed 16-Apr-14 16:56:19

OK, so this may sound like a selfish question and I should be happy for others, but in the last few weeks I've been getting the feeling that the universe just doesn't want me to be pregnant, but everyone else is just fiiiiine...

I found out yesterday that an ex-colleague, who is nearly 40, had never wanted children and was happy being child-free, as well as being told she was infertile, is four months pregnant by accident.

My best friend conceived both her children on her first cycle. My mum had me and my brother by accident. My cousin never wanted children. Her accidental son is nearly ten years old now.

We've been trying for four months now - and I know it is "only" four months, but I'm almost feeling bad for wasting the NHS's money on contraception for the last twelve years as it appears it may not have been needed.

Sorry, I needed to rant as it's bringing me down a bit, and none of my friends know that we're TTC so it's been building up.

Both of my dad's sisters are infertile and I've been told that if we haven't conceived by June I can get some tests done, even though I'm only 28. But they can't do it any sooner as I don't know the reasons behind their infertility as I don't have a relationship with that side of my family.

Is anyone else feeling like this, am I justified in having a "why me?" moment - or am I just overthinking it all?

bessie84 Wed 16-Apr-14 17:19:19

ya not alone, ive been like this recently too. been a state lately, thinking well, why can they do it, but not me? or what am i doing wrong?

keep going, you'll get there, you just have to, it is hard how everyone has babies round you, sometimes 2 or more whilst your still chasing number 1 - but all that heartache and love you have pent inside, will be for a small person - you will get.

i love seeing bfp's from others that have had fertility issues, just hard when it doesnt happen for you. 4 months is no time (2 years and 1 month for us) it'll be your turn soonies.

keep plodding along, doing your best x

Aquarius1 Wed 16-Apr-14 17:33:23

Definitely not alone - I feel the same but after 2 years 1 mth (snap Bessie) and a load of hospital tests I'm starting to feel more philosophical about it and less like it's a personal affront from the powers that be. Tis hard but helps to talk to others about it I find.

bellaboo88 Wed 16-Apr-14 18:17:11

I've only had a few months at it & thought I'd catch first time due to my age...everyone around me is having plenty of accidents.

I know what you mean about contraception lol!! Come & join the may bus, hand holdings free xx

wonkylegs Wed 16-Apr-14 18:23:22

I swear since starting to TTC everyone around me has been having 'accidents' too (my SIL, my DB's partner, friends) On days it does make me a bit depressed. I also feel lousy as I have to be off my normal meds to TTC so for the last 18mths I've felt like crap, can't tell anyone why I've reverted to my decrepit state & have nothing to show for it. When my last period showed up I burst into tears.

Beansprout30 Thu 17-Apr-14 22:47:54

We are only on 2nd cycle ttc and I sometimes have the same thoughts! Dh made a good point though when I told him my friend conceived first time, he said for all we know they could have been trying for longer than my friend let on, same as your colleague, perhaps she was trying for ages and these surprise pregnancies are actually planned!

icy121 Fri 18-Apr-14 11:17:54

Just had a mini-meltdown in the shower due to the same thing! This is 3rd month trying, my cycle is so long (nearly 49 days) and af so light I went to doc who just said "lucky you" and told me to crack on. Just went to a body pump class this morning to take mind off it and there was a pregnant girl in the class which really helped.

I personally feel my body is letting me down and I hate it, which is so unhealthy. When I was younger I suffered with various Non specific eating disorders/depression/self harm and I'm worried more of this failing to conceive will fast track me back to unwell.

Need to focus on the positives, eat well, take care of body and exercise. Rationally I know that, irrationally I want to claw my skin off. Constant battle!!

icy121 Fri 18-Apr-14 11:19:14

*40 days not 49! See it could always be worse!!

Lauraqc Fri 18-Apr-14 17:50:20

Totally get you, spence24! Have been TTC since August and...nothing. Now I've had no period since Jan (that one lasted a whole month from Dec) and all I notice now is other pregnant women and 'luck' stories. I can't be that fabulous to live with and even I feel the need to lighten up! So I have been to Dr and get results from my blood test on Tuesday (now that's all I can think about!) and can't even trough on chocolate all weekend as I'm convinced I'm going to be told to lose weight, probably quite rightly! So, this weekend I intend on grappling DH upstairs and having some fun - someone's got to have some, surely?! Good luck, keep us posted!

sherbertlemon17 Fri 18-Apr-14 22:39:02

Ladies... Please let me join the ranting!! I hate to say it but this is exactly how I feel hmm

I work closely with 6 other women... 4 already have little ones & 3 are pregnant. As I'm sure you can imagine, babies are constantly the topic of conversation. They even have baby dates and I'm the odd one out. I love working with them all but can't help feeling sad that it has happened for us yet.

To make the situation worse, I told one of the ladies we had started ttc and 2 months later she told me she was 4 weeks pregnant and started ttc after us! I'm happy for her, but it's sooooo unfairsad

Lauraqc Fri 18-Apr-14 23:38:36

Argh Sherbet that's so hard sad most of my workmates have children and that's quite a struggle but it's the fact that I'm just about the last one of my group of friends to have children...and some of them are on their second! Just feels very unfair. I'm an eternal optimist so the only thing I know I can do is try and laugh and smile and wait...

boumplj Sat 19-Apr-14 09:02:20

I can relate also. I've been married to my husband for over 10 years and due to his Bipolar Disorder have delayed having children, which has been very difficult at times. I'm the only one out of my friends/family who doesn't have children and had to face the 'so when are you going to have children?' question numerous times over the years, which can be so upsetting to the point where I use to dread going to Weddings/Christenings.

I'm now 34 and realised that I can't/don't want to delay having kids any longer and have accepted that there never will be the perfect time. I'm now on cycle 4 and my heart is saying maybe I've left things too late, although the head is saying its still early days. It comforting to hear everyone's stories so I know I'm not alone.

I like your advice Lauraqc, try, laugh and smile!

Lauraqc Sat 19-Apr-14 10:27:04

Boumplj - yes! Exactly how I feel - rationally it takes a bit of time...secretly I'm annoyed we didn't start trying earlier (I'm almost 33) and that I was taught all those years ago that merely brushing up against a boy in a corridor would be enough!!

I've also been daft enough to be open with my friends/colleagues and said we're trying...I know, I know...I do sometimes feel the unsaid within a conversation. Their problem, not mine. I know they're rooting for me privately!

sherbertlemon17 Sat 19-Apr-14 10:29:26

Boumplj- it's not too late lovely! I think you're right though, there is never a right time so crack on! Hehe! wink

Snap Lauraqc! That's exactly how I feel. I love the optimism though... I'll have to recite it to myself the next time I find myself in a conversation about "little Johnny's sleeping routine"! Haha!

victoria401 Sat 19-Apr-14 11:44:15

Hi lovely ladies! Unless proven otherwise we still have a chance yes? :-)

I'm 34, started ttc when I was 32. Tests galore and should only be a few more weeks til we know the whole picture.

So many people have got preg and had babies since we've been ttc. Some I'm green eyed monster about some I'm so happy for them. One of my colleagues had been trying for 10yrs with failed ivf but randomly fell naturally :-) 5th work mate in less than 2 years announced preg last week. Ha! Feel sorry for the boss having so many ladies out at once! Have 3 off on maternity!

Most of my friends and my sister were within a few months or accidents! None were this long. We are becoming more reclusive and avoiding family do's and the questions! Me and DH both have massive families, loads of uncles/aunts, cousins and all their babies. I think quite often "why us"?!

boumplj Sat 19-Apr-14 12:55:57

Lauraqc - I've also told close friends and family that we are trying. As well as being in shock, everyone has been really supportive. My mum and sister-in-law have been amazing and voices of common sense when I most need them. I also can't believe how easy you think it is to get pregnant until the time you actually start trying, soooooo annoying!!

Sherbertlemon17 - Thank you for the lovely message, on-wards and upwards and all that! ;0)

Victoria401 - I hope you receive some good within the next few weeks. Lovely news about your work colleague who became pregnant after 10 years of trying, there is definetely a chance for all of us x

Lauraqc Sat 19-Apr-14 17:12:15

Right ladies - I'm sensing an overwhelming amount of positiveness here today - let's keep it up! I'm enjoying going out whenever we can and being spontaneous in the meantime...!

boumplj Sat 19-Apr-14 20:22:11

Hear, hear! :0)

victoria401 Sun 20-Apr-14 09:33:19

Boot me out of here I'm having negative thoughts!

sherbertlemon17 Sun 20-Apr-14 09:58:54

Noooo Victoria! Sending positive vibes and hugs your way Hun.

When should you be getting your test results back? I've got an ultra sound in 2 weeks time so know how you feel confused

victoria401 Sun 20-Apr-14 10:08:31

Its hubbys tests I'm worried about! He's got his SA on the 28th and then prob a few weeks until we get results.II've had all my bloods and the ultrasound and have been pronounced "normal". So it is likely to be him. He's worried I will hate him forever more if he can't make babies. Causing a lot of tension between us.

ToAvoidConversation Sun 20-Apr-14 10:25:02

icy is 40 days regular? If it varies go back and see another GP!

We've been TTC for 1 year 5 months and nothing. I start Clomid today for the first time. Trying not to get my hopes up but it basically feels like the whole world is up the duff!!

Lauraqc Sun 20-Apr-14 19:51:49

Victoria - positive please! You must be so nervous coming close to finding any answer...but please stay strong! Like you said - it's not over yet! I keep veering between hoping there's no logical medical answer to any problem (in which case what do I do then) and hoping there's something medically wrong (because who'd wish that on themselves.?!) because then there'd be an answer and hopefully 'fixable'...argh. But, have had a lovely day where neither family have mentioned baby-making and I've eaten chocolate. Now petrified that when I go to the Dr on Tues I'll get told I've got to lose weight before they'll prescribe me Clomid. Knew I should've started dieting last year!!

ToAvoidConversation - everything crossed for you - how exciting to be on that part of the journey!!

icy121 Sun 20-Apr-14 20:11:34

toavoidconversation yeah it seems to be... 38-39 since first true bleed. Rubbish. I don't like the GP much, when I went ages ago with my IBS she just said "lots of people have that". Then first comment with long cycles/pcos was "lots of people have polycystic ovaries" - give a fuck about lots of people, that isn't helping me!! The comments on the nhs page for my GPs are rubbish, so might need a new surgery!

Best of luck with the Clomid, hope it works out for you. Don't know how you're keeping it together after so long trying; I'm a wreck already! X

Solaia Sun 20-Apr-14 20:44:35

Four months really is early days but fingers crossed it happens soon for you.

To keep (sort of) sane I just remind myself that actually, you never know someone else's full story. I play the 'we're not ready for kids, I'm not sure if I even want them' card every time I'm asked because it's nobody's bloody business! Except our fertility consultant, that is. So if I ever get pregnant, no one will realise the struggle we have had and might easily assume we fell pregnant quickly.

So the point is, you have your own path ahead of you - don't focus on the journey of others. thanks

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