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ttc, fertility worries and friend has just announced shes pregnant

(2 Posts)
impatientlywaiting14 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:56:27

Hi all,

I have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and wanted to start ttc as soon as possible but i was advised to wait until i could have a further procedure to remove a fibroid that was causing me a lot of trouble. It took 9 months till i got my date for the procedure to remove the fibroid. it was a long and frustrating wait, especially as they kept pushing the date back and i was worrying the longer it was put off the more chance the endo would have of coming back. Fast forward to the day after the procedure and my friend phones me in hospital to tell me she is pregnant.

If im really honest I felt my heart sink like a stone. This wasn't planned and she sounded panicked and by the tone of her voice it wasn't what she wanted, i talked her through it and assured her that things would be ok.

I have started my ttc journey and now her and her other half are excited about the baby and I am honestly happy for them and excited but at the same time finding it really hard with the daily calls or texts about sickness, how tired she is, or general baby talk. I am trying very hard not to symptom spot and to give my head a break as its driving me mad, but its within every conversation with my friend, as well as her pregnancy and I cant exactly ask her could she not mention her pregnancy to me can I, how mean would i sound.

I cant talk about how im feeling to others as shes not announced it yet, she will announce it once shes three months and had the scan. Hopefully once it's out in the open she will speak to others about it as well, whereas at the mo its mainly me she talks to, which makes it more difficult to keep it off my mind.

She asked me recently if i was ok when she told me, i said i was. She is very worried about miscarriage at the moment and the last thing i want to do is make her feel guilty about being pregnant or worry about me. I would never want her to feel that way and would not forgive myself if i voiced my thoughts and feelings and then something happened. So i just need to keep shtum for the next 7 or so months .... I feel such a terrible friend sad sad

mumatwork999 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:53:09

is she a close friend? did she know why/that you were in hospital when she rang? If so, it seems a touch insensitive on her part to carry on in this way. Maybe you could chat to her more about how you feel about your situation - I'm sure you are fearful/hopeful/anxious about your own circumstances and if she is a good friend she will want to know. It might make her make space for you in the conversation! A lot of chatter from newly pregnant first time mums-to-be is about trying to get their own head around what the whole 'being pregnant' means - it was for me anyhow! Especially so if not planned. So, still be supportive, tell her she looks great (she'll feel crap), tell her it will all be fine (cos it will) but also tell her some of your own thoughts and feeling on ttc, because you need to hear those positive things from a friend too. Alternatively - keep quiet and find another good friend to confide in, but it could be a long few months if you do smile

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