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Persuasion needed(5 Posts)
I have always made it clear to DH that I want 2 children. We already have DS aged 2. He has always said he wanted 1. DH is an only child (not intentionally) whereas I am the youngest of 2.
In September 2013 after a baby discussion with friends, DH made it clear that it would be the end of us if I 'trapped' him. I was very upset - not at the declaration of the end of our marriage but the very thought he would think I would do this. A bit of frostiness ensued and the following morning DH declared that the answer was 'yes' we would have another but he didn't want to say in front of friends that our DS's birth was traumatic and he didn't want to go through it again (placenta abruption lead to EMCS). He decided that March 2014 would be a good time.
So I came off the pill in October 2013 as I didn't see the need to get more if I was 'due' to come off at Christmas. Turns out, glad I did as it took 8 weeks for my period to arrive!
Since then, the subject of babies hasn't come up often but I did mention about saving some money for the second maternity to which he replied that we'd be fine.
So March 2014 has come and what happens .... DH buys MORE condoms! This threw me considerably especially as he has no knowledge, to my knowledge, that even I have had second thoughts to TTC in March and would ideally leave it until July for personal and work related reasons.
Now I am thinking DH doesn't want to try for a second which makes me think, did he say all that to 'butter me up'???
Not sure if I need persuasion techniques for him, me or both!
I would love a second child and July seems to be the right time to TTC as potentially DS will be 3 1/2 by the time number 2 arrives. But I worry about coping with 2, working full time, affording the things (luxuries) we enjoy. in fact, money is technically no object as we'd (should!) be financially secure still. We're also at a period in our life where we can enjoy family outings, trips, weekends away without having a baby to 'drag' about etc, etc.
Anyone give me PLENTY of advantages to 100% convince me that having a 2nd is the right thing and DEFINITELY need plenty for DH.
I haven't spoken to him about it because I am scared of hearing something I don't want to and also I KNOW we'd never regret having a second child - planned or unplanned!
Just need some help with forming a decision and also how to apporach this with only child DH!
The only thing I can suggest is talk to him and sees what he has to say. Being an only child is pretty lonely and that child when older can not turn to a brother or sister for anything. Pretty lonely I would say. Got two children and they play together and have fun when I only had one child he was happy but could tell at times that he needed someone to play with
If my husband threatened to leave and used it as leverage to control me, as much as I love him, I'd hold the door open for him. It sounds like you're getting no say whatsoever, that he was just trying to appease you, and if he could walk out on you like if you got pregnant, then he obviously doesn't love you as much as you love him. You need to address it directly with him.
It seems there's a lot of him telling you what's going to happen and you just playing along, but not much talking to each other. You need to tell him how unsettled and confused you are & go from there. You need to both be ready. X
We had the chat this morning and my fears, i am glad to say, have been unfounded!
DH is firmly on board and was thinking the same as me - wait until our holidays as I'd find myslef excluded from a lot of activities as we are going with friends as well as DS aged 2!
DH suggested 'okay' eing a month pregnant and suggested starting in June but I said no because if I MC I'd rather it be in the UK and not abroad!
Thanks for the replies ladies!
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