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Not sure when or if to try again

(3 Posts)
kitkat321 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:12:17

I had a mc at 5+5 last year. Fell pregnant again during my next cycle and same happened again - 5+5 and another mc.

Had bloods taken and all came back clear as expected.

We are going to be moving home in the next 3 to 15 months (depending when our house sells! Despite the excitement first and second time round, I started to become relieved that perhaps I'd "dodged a bullet" and this wasn't meant to be for us but I'm starting to think about it again and whether or not we should consider trying again.

There are a few things putting me off - the house move is one, it's a big upheaval, I'm moving 25 miles away from my parents who currently live 3 miles from me (although my partners parents and sister will be nearby our new home and his parents are retired/semi retired), we are taking on a much bigger mortgage - which we can well afford but what about childcare on top of that? And finally, I've had 3 abnormal smear tests this year - first 2 were borderline but the 3rd showed some minor abnormalities - the doctor was very keen to stress it is minor and nothing to worry myself with but if feels like this is another reason to consider whether or not ttc is the right thing to do.

That said, many people I know who have children didn't plan for it and say there is never a perfect time and you will always adapt. I'm also 32 now and I know that I've not got a lot of time to dwell over the decision - I don't want to procrastinate and end up regretting it.

I absolutely know that we'd be fab parents and I do want a child but maybe not now? Or maybe not a biological child? Or maybe I'm just putting it off as I don't want to go through another mc?

I think the fact that I'm surrounded by pregnant ladies in work makes it worse - I find myself glaring at them and thinking jealous thought - why do they just get to fall pregnant with no issues while I failed!

FeatherFeather11 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:31:10

Hi KitKat,

Sounds like you are being hard on yourself. You've had two devastations in a row and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Maybe take some time out for a while to get back on your feet emotionally, and then consider testing (privately, if you can afford to) at a miscarriage clinic?

Also, there's a group/thread on here you might fancy joining if you want to talk to women going through a similar thing - all over 30, trying for their first for over a year with no joy. Look out for the Berries. They're a supportive bunch and have really helped me through the ups and downs of the ttc trip.


kitkat321 Tue 18-Mar-14 21:25:23

Thank you - we've decided just to start trying again and see what happens.

It could be over a year before we move home and I don't want to put our lives on hold.

Also, if I'm going to have another MC and fertility problems then better to know sooner rather later so we can do something about it rather than waiting another year only to have more problems.

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