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A year of trying

(35 Posts)
xBlueberry88x Tue 04-Mar-14 14:43:55

So ive only just joined on here, but I was in need of conversation with people in the same situation.
We've been trying to conceive for a year now, it is literally all ive ever wanted with my life and now this.
Ive been trying my hardest not to get depressed and my other half has been brilliant but every month of it not happening im getting worse and worse.
I was on the depo injection for 10 years and im so worried it has caused damage sad

GingerbreadBabyPlease Tue 04-Mar-14 15:59:35

Hello Blueberry, welcome to Mumsnet, and I'm sorry you're feeling sad.
Have you been to see the Doctor about your worries?

I can't imagine the depo injection will have harmed your fertility in any way, so try not to start blaming yourself for anything you may or may not have done.

I can sympathise with you getting depressed when you find it hasn't worked month after month. I have been trying to conceive another baby for 9 months now, and I am starting to think there is something wrong and it might never happen, my daughter was conceived in the second month of trying so it is even more perplexing for me why it is taking so long.

I could spout all the usual, 'it can take up to two years, try not to worry about it too much or try too hard', but I know it doesn't help, and it is hard to concentrate on anything else in life when all you want is a baby so badly. All I can say really is that you are not alone, and there are people on here who will share in the highs and lows and frustrations of it all with you. Great to hear that you have got a supportive other half, men seem to be able to remain annoyingly optimistic about it all!

Martie1 Tue 04-Mar-14 16:52:14

Hi blueberry, im in the same situation. I came off the pill at the start of feb 2013 and we've been ttc ever since. I was in a terrible state last week, very upset, and quite distressed. A very long conversation with DH helped sort it out. Plus AF was on her way and my hormones were everywhere.

Im going to go see my GP and try to take control of the situation as it seems completely out of control atm and I think that's what I am finding hardest to deal with.

gingerbread is right that men have this weird ability to remain ridiculously upbeat about it. Maybe its because they don't torture themselves with scouring every book/website/forum for answers. My dh did confess to me on Sunday night that he is also querying whether twinges he has mean his men are not doing the job, he wonders whether his years of football and accidental knocks to his manly parts have caused a problem. So maybe its not just us ladies who drive ourselves crazy!

your in the right place for support though, some of the threads on here will give you a good laugh too and remind you, you are not crazy. Lots of baby dust to you smile

xBlueberry88x Wed 05-Mar-14 13:16:54

Thank you both for commenting...
I came off the depo injection 18 months ago and we started trying 6months later...

Were currently going through the doctors to see whats wrong ive got to have 2 more blood tests on the 21st day of my cycle to find out if im ovulating (the first one came up with nothing).

My other half is going on Thursday to start his side of things.

Im a worrier and always have been but im trying to exercise more and eat healthy, ive cut down on caffeine and taking vitamins.

Im cealiac and have various problems with back and joints etc im just hoping its nothing to do with any of that.

Im glad in a way im not the only one, i havent really got anyone to talk with because i feel like a failure. Both of our families keep going on about when we are going to have kids and i cant bring myself to tell them.

Shelly555 Wed 05-Mar-14 21:13:52

Hi ladies I've just joined here too am so glad there really are others out there who understand what we are going through. 15months passed and all I see and hear are friends, family and others getting pregnant as soon as they start TTC! It's quite heartbreaking at times. Hubbies checks all good, I've been to gp and hospital doing blood tests & the scan etc go back in June but they say so far all ok just wish I knew what else I can do help conceive! Constantly scouring internet for tips and signs and so on even in middle of the night I feel like I'm a bit crazy at times! If it does ever happen I will never underestimate the miracle it really is that some people take for granted . I hope u all get lucky soon too , let us know!

nancy1984 Wed 05-Mar-14 21:52:03

Hi it's so good to hear people are going through the same thing. I literally cry all the time!
We've just started the tests and my hub has come back with really low sperm count!!! I can't believe it!!!! They've said ivf but I've also got pcos so don't even know if I ovulate as I don't have many periods. Helppppp. Going insane

nancy1984 Wed 05-Mar-14 21:53:23

Ps: my gp is so useless he clearly doesn't care at all. My appointments are all of 3 minutes long.

maybug3 Wed 05-Mar-14 22:01:10

New to mumsnet tonight after another month of no success (month 20) and feeling awful.
No gp visits yet as nurse told me 5 months ago not to worry but getting difficult not to!
Problem is with hubby with away most weeks we are not consistent with dtd...medical professionals don't seem to want to know!

nancy1984 Thu 06-Mar-14 06:30:08

Aww sorry to hear that. It annoys me the gps don't care at all do they? Do you track your ovulation?
We lied to the doc when we went which is so bad but now we've found out that hubby has such low sperm count and couldn't get pregnant naturally. They still don't care tho.

xBlueberry88x Thu 06-Mar-14 11:31:03

Morning ladies,

Doctors dont seem ever to really care to much, my doctor seems okay but shes very stuck up and formal but at least shes starting me with the tests. Just annoying having to wait for two months to have the two 21 day tests.

Other half is going today to start his side of things off fingers crossed hes okay but he has the worst diet and i hope that hasnt made his swimmers bad.

Ive got a tracker on my phone called ovia which you can input everything into and its tells you when you should be ovulating etc.

Im the same shelly555 constantly online searching and searching.

All my friends are having babies left right and centre and nothing still for me.

nancy1984 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:38:13

Hi blueberry. I've had such irregular periods and they've been fobbing me off with the 21 day cycle tests. I'm going in tomorrow to say it's impossible. Those dates are based on people that have regular cycles and I don't! Why didn't they say that in the first place.
I was so upset that hubby had rubbish sperm. I didn't think it would ever be him! But now I look at his diet and lack of exercise and understand!

Owlysims Thu 06-Mar-14 17:41:17

Hi op, we feel pregnant very quickly with dd and expected the second to happen as quickly...unfortunately not!! Anyway, I was on the depo after having my dd, only had two shots as it didn't seem to agree with me! After a year of trying I went to the doc and he ran the tests you are talking about and he did say that infortunatly he sees ALOT of women who's periods/ovulation are affected by the depo for 2+ years after taking it confused

Luckily my tests came back positive and not sure if it was the not thinking about it that month as was concentrating on the tests but got our bfp that month after 13 months of trying, (currently 17 weeks pg) so please don't give up!! I know it's so hard and I completely get that! But just because you've been trying for over a year it doesn't mean you won't just randomly conceive. Also you're in the system for if problems are found so you're covered there to! Fingers tightly crossed for your luck to change soon!!

Owlysims Thu 06-Mar-14 17:46:03

Fell not feel!

maybug3 Thu 06-Mar-14 19:07:56

Nancy and blueberry - I'm gald its not just my GP. With hubby registered with a different doctor (he works away) we've found it difficult to lie so far and because we cannot be consistent with dtd, they have treated us so far like we aren't trying hard enough!
Have decided tonight to get hubby to register with my gp so the lies can commence!!
Have been tracking ovulation with temp and opk, and all seems to be ok and as expected (another reason the nurse just wasn't interested in helping!)
Owly - like the idea of distraction so maybe forcing the doc to put me through tests will also be the lucky charm for us.

sandyballs Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:00

Please don't get too down about this, a year isn't that long.although I agree it feels like it. We tried for four years without success, was about to look into treatment etc and fell pregnant naturally with twins.

Hope that gives you some hope.

sandyballs Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:51

Please don't get too down about this, a year isn't that long.although I agree it feels like it. We tried for four years without success, was about to look into treatment etc and fell pregnant naturally with twins.

Hope that gives you some hope.

maybug3 Thu 06-Mar-14 19:22:52

Thanks Sandy - stories like that do help. Fingers crossed we will all have you success although nearly two years has been awful - can't imagine how you must have been feeling after 4!

Butler4 Thu 06-Mar-14 20:51:11

Hi I'm very much the same been trying now for 14 months plus and my husband works offshore so we are currently going through a 2 month period where he is away each time I ovulate. I have spent many a month worrying about if it will ever happen and I am quite relaxed just now cos I know it won't happen for a while now so can't do anything about it.

We have had tests, sperm and 21 day tests normal and waiting for referral to gynae clinic at hospital. However my cycle is regular I do get a funny brown discharge from 7/8dpo and sometimes pink spotting from 10 dpo so something's not right. Just need to wait it out.

This has certainly taught me how to be patient! Well I like to pretend it has really it's made me a raving lunatic! smile

GingerbreadBabyPlease Thu 06-Mar-14 20:56:31

Drs do like to fob us off with the day21 tests too don't they, I booked mine in for day21 like the Dr said, then after reading on here they are meant to be done 7 days post ovulation, which for me would be day23, but now it's too late to change my appointment! If nothing else I hope it will show that I am ovulating and my thyroid is ok. Although sometimes I think it would be nicer if there was an obvious problem they could discover from the tests and go 'ohh that's what's wrong', give us some drugs or a mini op and hey presto we'd all be pregnant the next month! In a way I suppose their lack of interest in us suggests that they do actually think we will fall pregnant eventually, it's just a matter of patience, which doesn't help us in the slightest I know confused

I have heard/read a few happy ending stories, I took 8 years to arrive after my siblings! Can you imagine 8 years? My mum said she cried every month....sorry, that was meant to be a positive story!

owl congratulations, I too fell pg quickly with dc and expected the same again...congratulations to you with number two!

GingerbreadBabyPlease Thu 06-Mar-14 20:59:44

Butler you sound quite positive about the whole thing, I admire your attitude, I hope being relaxed will help you get your BFP!
Have you ever looked into using vit b6 or other supplements to extend your LP? My Dr completely waved away my concerns over having a short LP, but I am thinking of starting on b6 next cycle if it hasn't improved this month.

Butler4 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:11:35

Hi gingerbread yeah funnily enough I starred taking them about 2 weeks ago after I found a big topic on another forum about how they help. Hasn't made much difference this cycle but going to keep trying with it as it's early days and see how I get on. I bought vitamin b50 complex which is meant to help.

I am positive the now but believe me I have had some horrible lows and that helped me realise that no amount of feeling bad will change this. My husband is amazing at helping me relax and realise it will happen in time! God knows how he puts up with my moods sometimes though. Poor man!

xBlueberry88x Thu 06-Mar-14 21:23:24

Im so glad I joined this site its nice to be able to talk to somebody about all this I dont really have anyone but my other half but hes not easy to talk to lol

I wish I could be positive but I worry about everything.

Docs told other half to give a sample so fingers crossed hes 21 for me is next thursday so still have another month before I find out anything.

It makes it harder that last month I was so sure I was pregnant. ...3 days late and nausea tiredness etc bought a test ready and then the day I was going to test period came I was devastated.

Cried for ages in my other halfs arms.

Butler4 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:31:24

Sorry to hear that blueberry, it's really not easy to deal with it and I think we all go through a range of emotions every cycle and some days I feel better than others. The best thing to do is share your feelings if you can and talk to people who you feel comfortable talking too.
My dh is just so good and listens or reminds me that I need to be positive and relax.

I am telling myself that things happen for a reason and hoping that it will all work out in time. That's not to say I'm positive all the time cos I do still worry it will never happen. I try distract myself with other things which isn't easy when you start getting a weird discharge at 8dpo and convince yourself your pregnant but now I just keep telling myself not to get worked up about it and I don't test unless my af is late.

Hope you feel like you can come on here when you need it.

GingerbreadBabyPlease Thu 06-Mar-14 21:35:24

Oh Blueberry you poor thing. Why do our bodies play tricks on us when we most need them to just be normal! Late cycles and symptom spotting is just horrible. I know it's impossible and utter rubbish but you do have to try and relax about it, that was the one thing my Dr really tried to drum into me. Someone on another thread suggested mini projects to help take your mind off of things, try out a new recipe or take up swimming. Have you considered yoga or anything to try and help you relax? I know it is so hard to not think about it though.
I have had to really stop myself from going on about it to DH all the time, it is constantly on my mind and hard to think about anything else, but he was on the verge of giving up on the whole thing as he was so sick of me being miserable all the time. They are incredible to stick by us but I do think they handle it all differently and much less neurotically!
Butler that does sound interesting, let me know how you get on with them, did you get the b50 complex from holland and barrett? I can't seem to find one anywhere with enough, but not too much, b6 in it!!

maybug3 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:41:09

It really helps to know there are others going through the same emotions. My hubby would be great I'm sure but I find it so difficult to explain just how much it hurts every month, so I avoid discussing it.

Did tell him just now that its time to start pushing the doc into tests and he agreed, and sounded about as anxious as me about it.

It's important to stay as positive as possible, but you just can't stop those doubts and fears creeping in...

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