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Is 45 too old to start a family

(30 Posts)
BigAlfie1 Fri 14-Feb-14 12:52:03

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet & also to the decision of wanting to start a family. I am 45 & my husband is 55. My husband already has 3 children (24, 22 & 5!) & I don't have any. This is both our second marriage & In my first marriage I basically put having children completely out of my head as my ex-husband wanted to start a business which I supported him with. Anyway we split (phew!) & I met my gorgeous husband who I married in December. Over the last 12 months I have been constantly thinking about starting a family & agonised over the fact that we're both 'too' old & had I basically 'missed the boat'. Having my step-son staying with us has made me realise that I do want to be a mum, bring a little person into the world to love, chersih & develop. My husband is overjoyed that I want us to, hopefully, start a family & constantly tells me to not worry about our ages, we're fit & healthy & god willing there is no reason why we couldn't & most importatnly shouldn't have our own baby. Any feed back, positive or negative, would be greatly appreciated. ;)

shallweshop Fri 14-Feb-14 12:59:34

I think you should go for it. I am an older mum at nearly 50 with DC's aged 9 and 7. DH is 4 years older than me. I love being a mum, I think my children keep me younger and I don't think my younger friends find it any less tiring than I do.

I am sure some people will argue about how old you will be by the time your DC reaches teenage etc but none of us know how long we will live and age has a lot more to do with attitude than numbers!

perplexedpirate Fri 14-Feb-14 13:02:14

Do it! Numbers mean nothing if you have a loving, stable environment in which to bring up your child.
Just be be prepared for a bunch of ignoramuses to piss on your chips.
Fuck 'em, say I, and the absolute best of luck to you. thanks

BigAlfie1 Fri 14-Feb-14 13:03:56

Thank you for the reply, you're right with what you say & nobody can predict the future & what is going to happen. I don't ever want to be in the position in a few years time thinking 'why didn't we try'. Life is too short for regretting things you've NOT done.

moralimbecile Fri 14-Feb-14 13:08:49

I was 44 with dc3. Good luck ♡

DorothyGherkins Fri 14-Feb-14 13:13:01

You won't regret what you do. You can regret what you dont do! Words of wisdom passed on to me from an elderly relative - go for it!

Inshock73 Fri 14-Feb-14 14:52:42

Hi BigAlfie1, Come and join the Fab Forty Plus thread for some encouragement!

AngelaDaviesHair Fri 14-Feb-14 15:01:02

I was 43 when I had my last pregnancy. Do it, I say.

Lukat Fri 14-Feb-14 17:10:45

I SAY GO FOR IT, ...... wink

MabelMay Fri 14-Feb-14 18:51:46

Yes, if you both want one, then absolutely you should go for it! Given how long we're all living these days, you have decades ahead of you to be a great mum. Good luck! x

Mouldypineapple Fri 14-Feb-14 19:00:29

I think it would be great if you can!
I'm 41, DD is 4 and conceived very easily. However we have been trying for another for 3 years with no luck. Wouldn't have predicted that but here we are with not much chance of having another. We've had loads of investigations and there are some issues on both sides but more my husband, who incidentally is quite a bit older than yours!
Loads of my friends with small children are a similar age to me, go for it!

PinkHat1 Sat 15-Feb-14 08:49:12

Go for it! My mum had me at 41 and my younger brother at 43.

ValiumQueen Sat 15-Feb-14 08:55:57

I am 44, with three DCs ages 7, 3 and 1. It is very hard work, but wonderful too. I work full time and my youngest does not sleep, which is possibly clouding my judgement.

I think you need to be prepared for the likelihood that you may not get pregnant, and a first pregnancy at 45/46 would be challenging and risky. I also think if you don't try now, you will always regret it.

Tranquilitybaby Sat 15-Feb-14 08:57:25

Absolutely go for it! Start taking some supplements and hopefully you'll have some wonderful news soon xxx

soaccidentprone Sat 15-Feb-14 09:02:39

I suggest you get a move in then!

I'm 47 and haven't had a period for 6 months. You wouldn't want to 'miss the boat', so get taking your folic acid and pre conception vitamins, look after your health, and best of luck grin

Willemdefoeismine Sat 15-Feb-14 09:03:21

Go for it....had DC2 at 42 (youngest).... However it did take me five years to successfully conceive (and not miscarr) after DC1

Sure Gwen Stefani is circa 45 expecting number three....

I would strongly suggest a gynae review though...

Good luck!

soaccidentprone Sat 15-Feb-14 09:04:04

Move on!

Weliveinabeautifulworld Sat 15-Feb-14 09:11:08

100% go for it! If it is meant to be, it will be!

bakingaddict Sat 15-Feb-14 09:18:51

You should at least try but prepare yourself for the likelihood of needing some sort of fertility intervention. Have you discussed what you are prepared to do if getting pregnant naturally fails, do you have the emotional and financial reserves to go down the IVF route. What is ultimately your back-up plan if getting pregnant fails.

Sorry if I've approached it in a cold, matter of fact way

MorrisZapp Sat 15-Feb-14 09:23:54

Of course it's not too old, but there are much greater challenges to overcome re conception etc. The risk of miscarriage rises quite steeply in your forties I think, my dear friend is struggling with this.

If you're going to do it, do it now. Like, log off and start shagging.

MorrisZapp Sat 15-Feb-14 09:25:17

Or stay logged on, I'm sure it's normal these days smile

Kundry Sat 15-Feb-14 09:36:37

It's not to old to try but you are on the edge of running out of time. The oldest natural pregnancy in the UK was in a 59 year old - but obviously that's really exceptional.

You are more likely to have problems conceiving and the success of IVF at 45 is only 1.9%
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24652639

But I'm sure MN will be packed full of success stories - why not cross your fingers and go for it!

colafrosties Sat 15-Feb-14 10:37:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sizethree Sat 15-Feb-14 15:58:57

Do it. Don't let age hold you back. Although it does get tricker in your 40s, the most important thing is that a child is brought into this world with love and family. I wish you all the luck in the world. x

funkypigeon Mon 17-Feb-14 08:13:07

My grandmother was 56 when she had her 13th child!

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