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Please indulge me with a 2 minute rant and mope

(22 Posts)
SweepTheHalls Tue 04-Feb-14 14:38:51

When you do all fall pregnant ( and I hope you all do) please don't tell your SIL, that you know has been trying for another DC for 14 months, in the middle of soft play, so she has to hold it together in front of your other friend until lunch is done, and she can run away and cry at home about how bloody unfair it is.
Yes I am pleased for you, so glad it only took a month, but it is still tough, and lunch at soft play wasn't the most thoughtful time or place to tell me.

Luckystar1 Tue 04-Feb-14 14:42:05

O sweep. That's so upsetting, people just don't think!!

Too wrapped up in their own world. The stuff people have said to me, both after my mc and while ttc in general is just unbelievable.

I hope you're ok. I've cried at least 3 times in work recently when colleagues have told their news.

CosyTeaBags Tue 04-Feb-14 14:43:58

Here's a hand to hold Sweep I'm sorry you've had a rough day.

I've been TTC#1 for about 9 months now, it's not easy. It's not fair, and you're not wrong for having a cry and a mope about it.

I hope you can brush yourself down and be happy for SIL now. Hope it works out for you

akachan Tue 04-Feb-14 14:45:24

Rant and mope away!

I found out yesterday that my SIL is pregnant. Oh and she's giving up work at 20 weeks because my brother earns loads and her job stresses her out.

I love her to bits and I am happy for them but I'm so jealous. It's horrible but I am. My mum helped by saying pointedly that it was nice they'd done it while they're still young - I am 6 years older.

SweepTheHalls Tue 04-Feb-14 14:46:34

I know I am being unreasonable hence no posting there - but no joy again this month, and my cycles are getting shorter and shorter so now I'm worrying that it is early menopause or something like that. I'm down to a 22 day cycle now which is just crap.

CosyTeaBags Tue 04-Feb-14 14:54:56

You're not unreasonable for feeling pissed off and upset. Not at all.

Have you had any investigations?

And come over to the conception board, where there are loads of people going through the same thing as you and ready to give support. There's even a thread for people TTC#2 I think, you'll find lots of like minded people there to rant with!

Luckystar1 Tue 04-Feb-14 14:58:05

I've been ttc#1 for 10 months, had a mmc in Sept, nada since. Af due tomorrow and I can feel her brewing. I am 27, age, it seems makes no difference (to me anyway!). I'm so, so sorry she was so insensitive. I've become the epitome of bitter and twisted with jealousy that I barely even recognise myself anymore!

DoctorDonnaNoble Tue 04-Feb-14 14:59:30

People can be so bloody unsensitive. I have burst into tears on several occasions at work/on the way to work and all that.
That's why I'm glad this message board exists - can rant away smile

Elderberri Tue 04-Feb-14 15:02:37

When you are ttc for number two for 7 years, you hear it all.

One cow lady said to me 'only one, that's a bit selfish'. Now I don't usually dish it out, but dishing was required.

DoctorDonnaNoble Tue 04-Feb-14 15:08:13

Elderberri - I bloody hope you did dish it out. There's a woman at my gym who's been commenting on my weight and lack of attendance over December - if she does it once more I may yell the truth in her face!

CosyTeaBags Tue 04-Feb-14 15:16:05

I was sitting with a group of friends, all of whom had children apart from myself and another friend who is currently going through the process to adopt after 10 years ttc.

One friend (totally innocently I must add) who has FOUR children, was gushing about how lovely it was to have babies and said "Oh you all know what it's like, I just love holding a new baby in my arms"..

Cue fixed grin face from me, nodding along with everyone going "yeah, babies, great" while I didn't dare look at my childless friend... she later said that it felt like someone twisting a knife in her.

Some people will never know the pain of trying to conceive for months or years on end. And you know who those people are - the ones who tell you "On just relax and it will happen. I know someone who tried for a year and went on holiday and it just happened".....angry

Elderberri Tue 04-Feb-14 15:33:56

We gave up.....resigned myself to the benefits of one child......it just happened.

Grizzer Tue 04-Feb-14 18:15:44

Hi Sweep, just wondering if you've tried acupuncture to regulate your cycles? I had a few months of 1 or 2 day periods & was worried about early menopause, which my mum, aunt & grandmother had! I've had 4 or 5 acupuncture sessions over 3 months & now seem to be on a regular 31 day cycle. It's not cheap at £40 a time but I think it's worth it. I've heard quite a few people who say they got pregnant after trying acupuncture or reflexology. Hope you get bfp soon x

SnowBells Tue 04-Feb-14 18:28:16

Oh Sweep…

In my case, we missed our visit with the SiL when the whole family was told. I think we were feeling too tired that weekend or something. We got a text message instead.

That was MUCH more bearable. I still think it was lucky we couldn't make it because it was a whole family day thing, i.e. NO ESCAPE. Is that mean of me???

SweepTheHalls Tue 04-Feb-14 19:14:25

I know there was no hurtful intent, but it still manages to hurt. Rather compounded by DH who genuinely thinks I'm mad for being upset at all

bluehearted Tue 04-Feb-14 19:57:23

I've been on both sides of this. So difficult. When ttc a good friend got pregnant and rang me to tell me and I was heartbroken. And then when I fell pregnant my sil wasn't struggling to conceive and we told her over the phone and it was rough (we had no choice to tell her over the phone because we live hundreds of miles apart).

I don't think there's a good way to tell someone. Perhaps she thought a public place would be best for some reason?!

Hope you're ok though and your dh is wrong for thinking you're mad! You're definitely not thanks

naty1 Tue 04-Feb-14 21:37:09

Can you get investigations into the short cycle. When are you ovulating, it would have to be really early to have a good lp.
Have you had your thyroid checked, it can go funny after a baby.

SweepTheHalls Wed 05-Feb-14 07:17:00

I've bought one if the clear blue digital things now, which indicated ovulation at day 9 last month. I am hoping to be able to get a doctors appointment this week, but they are not easy to come by! I kind of thought that they would just tell me to be grateful for the 2 children I have, which I am, I know how lucky I am to have them, but 14months and no joy, there is still a gap in my life that I have no explanation for. My other boys took 9and 6months respectively tod concieve- so I just don't understand.

Missteacake Wed 05-Feb-14 13:25:40

The next time someone says it's about time you have the second one isn't it to me again I'm literally going to smack them in the face! Ok maybe I won't literally do it but I will be imagining it in my head! It's not people's fault if they don't know but there are some people who are aware of other people fertility issues who are completely insensitive and cruel! Ok maybe if your the pregnant one it is easier to "come clean" in public but it's certainly not easier for the person who is struggling. I prefer to think about other peoples feelings instead of my own. My FRIEND got pregnant first try and told me on our own with compassion and understanding even though she was obviously thrilled and wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I can honestly say I felt completely happy for her and realised what a wonderful friend she was to consider my feelings when it was her day that's what people who really care about you do.

SweepTheHalls Sun 09-Feb-14 20:56:25

Been to see the GP and he didn't dismiss me at all which was great. Lots and lots of blood tests booked. I feel better for having done something constructive. Thanks for letting me rant x

basia2 Sun 09-Feb-14 21:07:59

I'm sorry. Life is hard sometimes.
There's little else to say; it's just so hard.
Hugs and cuddles.

basia2 Sun 09-Feb-14 21:15:59

When I was TTC #3 (my other two are more than 20 years older, so they were already grown and gone at the time, and I basically felt childless again), my younger sister, who already had three children under five years old, announced her fourth pregnancy at a family gathering.
When my dad said, "Is this really the right time to have another?" (she and her husband were both unemployed at the time), she replied very smugly, "I don't decide these things. God decides."
For some reason, this felt like a slap in the face to me. Did "God" decide she should have child after child, while my two were gone from me (and in trouble; one was in jail at the time, and the other in the military) and I was probably too old to have another?
Fortunately, I did get pregnant the very next month and so I did not have to feel jealous for long. But I still think it's silly to say that God alone decides, when obviously we have the power to prevent pregnancy if we choose to. And I do not think a loving God would give children to abusive parents, while withholding them from loving infertile couples who want them desperately. There is no rhyme or reason to that.

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