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Trying to time BD to the 'right days' - Are we just repeating the same mistake?

(78 Posts)
GladitsnotJustMe Tue 24-Sep-13 14:47:04

Been TTC for 5 months now, thought I had it all worked out with knowing when I ovulated, AF usually arrives exactly 14 days after I got EWCM. BDed on CD 8, 10, 12, 14 or thereabouts. I haven't tried temping or OPKs yet, as I thought my EWCM was pretty reliable. But it hasn't worked yet. (Might add that DP has potentially low fertility issues anyway, so it could just be that)

Just heard yet another story of a friend of a friend who had problems conceiving, then went on holiday, 'relaxed and forgot about TTC' and hey presto, got pregnant.

I wondered again why 'relaxing' would help you to conceive.. and pondered whether those of us who think they've got it right by timing BD with ovulation may in fact have their timing wrong and so are just repeating the same mistake month after month. Some posters on here are even more rigid than I have been saying "well I'm sure I ovulated on that day, so we did it that night and don't need to do it again...." and I just wonder are they inadvertently cocking things up for themselves (excuse the pun)?

So tell me, is there anyone out there who conceived on an unexpected cycle day, did you think you had it all worked out (like my example above) and find that you were wrong??

FWIW I'm going to give the 'every other day for the whole month' technique a go this month, as soon as AF leaves the building.

Every other day all the time (ok you can have a wee rest during AF) - worked for me after 6 months of not having so much sex away from what I thought was ovulation time.

I've recently conceived DC2 from one half hour night of passion on CD20, think it was the only shag that month thanks to DC1!

Mutley77 Wed 25-Sep-13 12:58:43

allchatnicknamesgone - yes for DC2 I was using OPKs and charting with EWCM and ov pain (not temps though). I think all the signs of ov I was going with were indicative of it having finished and I was timing BDing around those symptoms IYSWIM - v bizarre but definitely something in it.. And actually thinking about it, the month DC2 was conceived DH and I were getting on reallly well and BDing more in general than for the sake of it sorry if TMI.

mamaslatts Wed 25-Sep-13 13:02:09

i used expensive digital OPK which told me I hadn't ovulated that month - except i had as was pg with dc2.

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 14:45:33

Mutley - what does BDing and IYSWIM mean? Sorry not up to date with all abbreviations!

nextphase Wed 25-Sep-13 15:38:02

IYSWIM - if you see what I mean

BD - baby dance, or bedding - sex!

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 16:04:21

Ha - cheers

lucyjojo Wed 25-Sep-13 16:23:36

Hello Just wanted to pipe up and say oh my god! I did not know that about KY! I have just started cycle 4 ttc number 2 and we have been using KY literally all the time, and not just a dime sized amount! So thank you to those of you who pointed this out, I had no idea it has an effect on the little guys!!
I don't use OPKs or temping; I have very regular cycles, but I am starting to wonder if I'm too reliant on my regular cycles and 'knowing' when I ovulate. My plan this month is DTD every day I think I'm most fertile, and then maybe 2 - 3 times a week after that. I think I will stop using KY immediately though! With my DD I didn't really do any ovulation planning, and don't think we used any lubricant and she was conceived the first month of actually trying, I was expecting it to take months, so wasn't too stressed about it. I think it is pretty true that when you try so hard and think it about it all the time it will take longer, but when you decide you want a baby it's kind of hard to NOT think about it!!

babyrose Wed 25-Sep-13 16:33:16

Been TTC for 10cycles now and wondered the same thing. I think this month we will just dtd every 2/3 days.

armsandtheman Wed 25-Sep-13 16:42:41

I had an ectopic pregnancy and so only 1 tube so found it v hard to get pregnant. Ideally you need to know when you ovulate so you can dtd every day around that time so good quality sperm is waiting for the egg. Also good if you orgasm too as it helps the sperm get to the egg. Lying down helps minimise drop outs! I used the clear blue monitor in the end and turned out while my cycle was regular I was ovulating on day 16, so later than the online predictors said.

Good luck! smile

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 17:14:27

You need to orgasm too?!!!! Christ - defo won't tell DH that. He won't be able to get it up at all with all the pressure! LOL.

Lucyjojo - I only found out last month about the KY thing, so we've got conceive plus this month to help instead. There's another lubricant on the market too, but the name escapes me. Someone else remember? You can buy it online and get next day delivery from one of those pharmacy websites....

babyrose Wed 25-Sep-13 17:52:17

Pre seed is the one I recently got, is this the one you were Thinking of all chat?

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 18:21:15

yep, thats the one. I think the both have the same benefits though....and both bloody expensive! Thanks babyrose.

babyrose Wed 25-Sep-13 18:58:24

I got it 14 including delivery really quick delivery just what you need in this TTC business!

Gingerandcocoa Thu 26-Sep-13 08:37:39

I've been using conceive plus but will try pre seed next (hopefully wont have to!)

SoMuchFruit Thu 26-Sep-13 10:35:09

Like JayKay I have cycles that vary from 27-34 days. Frustrating as it doesn't help with pinpointing ov. Frankly, I have no idea how I managed to NOT get pregnant prior to this (after DS we were just not DTD 'that' week. We did not plan to actively ttc but no plan to definitely not either) because now I am not sure when 'that' week is!

I'm going with DTD eod this cycle and seeing what happens. Didn't want to start with OPK/Temp etc just yet as I am only on cycle #3.

angryangryyoungwoman Thu 26-Sep-13 10:47:04

I had very regular periods, so I thought therefore cycles, however we must have conceived on a day that was right after my period or just before, as we only did it twice that month! Every other month we had tried to 'time it right' so this is another vote for just going with the flow rather than trying to time it!

KedenTTC1Cycle3 Thu 26-Sep-13 12:31:47

Hello Everyone!

Glad, I am in the same boat as you. Regular 26 day cycle for 6mnths, know when I'm ovulation according to OPKs and EWCM, DTD at the right time + 1/2 extra days just in case.

And here I am on my 3rd 2WW. It's a bit frustrating...but then I remember that even with all the right conditions there is only a 1-in-4 or 25% chance of conceiving.

Fingers crossed for a BFP around October 8/9, but if it doesn't happen I will not be as upset as I was the first 2 cycles. It'll happen soon enough smile

FunnyRunner Thu 26-Sep-13 12:36:15

Pre-seed is the business but don't use too much. It's a wonder we ever managed to DtD at all first time we used it, between DH slithering out and us both pissing ourselves laughing grin

babyrose Thu 26-Sep-13 16:43:21

Funnyrunner that made me laugh! I remember reading before I bought it that people used too much so knew just to use a little.

after reading this thread it's got me thinking that we seem to concentrate to much on just after af, we need to keep on going until later or start later.

SoMuchFruit Fri 27-Sep-13 03:37:34

Funnyrunner that really made me laugh!

I think that was possibly where I was going a bit off track babyrose trying to concentrate on the specific days as deigned by calendar etc.

I am using my EWCM atm and late this afternoon there was a definite increase compared to the last 4/5 days. I was actually worrying that I didn't have enough to notice it but (sorry, tmi) definite, very noticeable EWCM this afternoon. DTD earlier but now I can't sleep .. too much going on in my head.

goodasitgets Fri 27-Sep-13 04:30:58

I seem to ovulate early which I would had had no idea if I wasn't using a fertility tracker (as contraception)
Mine seems to be day 8-10

jaykay987 Fri 27-Sep-13 06:10:22

Angry - how long are your cycles?

angryangryyoungwoman Fri 27-Sep-13 10:20:13

Hi jay, they were 28 days, regular, every month, I am currently 7 months pregnant

babyrose Fri 27-Sep-13 10:27:38

I've stopped temping and b6 this month I'm not wanting to put more pressure on myself. The way I'm going is regular sex and I'm going to use opk's from cd11 til cd 20 from the pound shop and use clear blue on certain days so if there any missed surges in there.

allchatnicknamesgone Fri 27-Sep-13 13:30:43

Wow angryangrywoman, I can't get my head around how you managed to conceive the month you fell pregnant. It's weird but congrats obviously!!!

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