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Trying to time BD to the 'right days' - Are we just repeating the same mistake?

(78 Posts)
GladitsnotJustMe Tue 24-Sep-13 14:47:04

Been TTC for 5 months now, thought I had it all worked out with knowing when I ovulated, AF usually arrives exactly 14 days after I got EWCM. BDed on CD 8, 10, 12, 14 or thereabouts. I haven't tried temping or OPKs yet, as I thought my EWCM was pretty reliable. But it hasn't worked yet. (Might add that DP has potentially low fertility issues anyway, so it could just be that)

Just heard yet another story of a friend of a friend who had problems conceiving, then went on holiday, 'relaxed and forgot about TTC' and hey presto, got pregnant.

I wondered again why 'relaxing' would help you to conceive.. and pondered whether those of us who think they've got it right by timing BD with ovulation may in fact have their timing wrong and so are just repeating the same mistake month after month. Some posters on here are even more rigid than I have been saying "well I'm sure I ovulated on that day, so we did it that night and don't need to do it again...." and I just wonder are they inadvertently cocking things up for themselves (excuse the pun)?

So tell me, is there anyone out there who conceived on an unexpected cycle day, did you think you had it all worked out (like my example above) and find that you were wrong??

FWIW I'm going to give the 'every other day for the whole month' technique a go this month, as soon as AF leaves the building.

Essexgirlupnorth Tue 24-Sep-13 14:55:34

I have irregular cycles so was just trying to do it throughout so got the right time.
The month we conceived I ovulated late but had ovulation pains so jumped hubby to be on the safe side and it worked.
Never did temping or using OV tests as have PCOS so don't always work too well.

GladitsnotJustMe Tue 24-Sep-13 14:59:29

I have very regular cycles but wonder if that has lulled me into a false sense of security thinking that I know when I should be ovulating.

I don't get ov pains at all, but my EWCM is pretty textbook.

Doing it throughout seems like the best option just to be safe methinks

HandragsAndGladbags Tue 24-Sep-13 15:04:22

Do it every 3 days for a couple of months as an experiment, and see.

I did that for dd1 & 2 and conceived straight away, timed it to a couple of days before ov for dc3, nothing for 3 months, went back to random bonking and caught straight away again.

And I have 30 day cycles so god knows what was going on in there grin

nextphase Tue 24-Sep-13 15:07:24

Yep, I'd go for every 2-3 days through the month.

allchatnicknamesgone Tue 24-Sep-13 15:11:43

I"m on cycle 4. Just finishing my period, so contemplating how to do it this month too. Been using opk for the last 2 months and when i got my period last cycle I went a bit mad online and bought the lot! Just starting temping which I hate, but I got worried that maybe opk wasn't enough. Having said that last month dtd was a killer as we did it for 4 days on the trot and it wiped DH out. We haven't dtd since (sorry tmi), so I'm I'm a bit scared how to tackle it this month and it's obvious baby making time coming!
I think we may just try and do it every other day like you suggest and I'll just keep an eye on everything, but don't tell DH. If he knows I got a smiley face, he really feels the pressure.
It's all so hard isn't it?!

GladitsnotJustMe Tue 24-Sep-13 15:25:26

Yeah, it's difficult eh.

I think I'll tell my DP what the plan is this month, so we're both in it together...

allchat your situation is exactly what I'm worried I might be doing.. going for it for a few days, knackering DP out, then having a break.... during which time I could be ovulating without realising it and missing the boat.

Every other day for the next few months, like Handrags said... fingers crossed...

allchatnicknamesgone Tue 24-Sep-13 15:39:57

I don't think I'm missing O time, but maybe the sperm isn't at it healthiest because we don't do it for like 3 weeks then do it 5 nights in a row!

It's our second child and the first time I conceived we did nothing apart from agree it would be nice to have kids and then stopped using contraception. It happened the first month, but I'm sure we used to have regular sex. I don't think what we are doing now is what I'd call regular! Not too sure about how sperm works. I know it needs a day or 2 to replenish stock but I think regular is better than long phases without.


Mutley77 Tue 24-Sep-13 15:46:01

I'm sure we did that with dc2 as we ttc for nearly a year with me being sure when I was ov and "repeating the same mistake month on month" .

However with dc 3 we took a risk which I thought was too early in my cycle to get pg and she was born 9 months later!

allchatnicknamesgone Tue 24-Sep-13 15:49:33

Mutley - were you using opk's and temping when you had dc2, or just guessing when you ovulated? Cheers

GladitsnotJustMe Tue 24-Sep-13 15:54:11

maybe the sperm isn't at it healthiest because we don't do it for like 3 weeks then do it 5 nights in a row I think you might have something there allchat

My DP has potential fertility problems, so leaving it for 2 weeks then expecting super sperm at Ov time is probably wrong....

He's going to love it when I tell him our new strategy grin

Gingerandcocoa Tue 24-Sep-13 18:50:08

I've often wondered about this. This is 4th cycle TTC (though 1st cycle was using KY which I didn't realise kills sperm, and 2nd cycle didn't time DTD right) and I've been using OPKs and temping so I'm pretty sure when I've ovulated (or a could of days when I should have ovulated, anyway).

But I am worried we're then stopping DTD altogether and who knows, maybe I've got extra long tubes and my eggs take a few days longer!? ;) (yes I realise TTC is making me crazy)

Gingerandcocoa Tue 24-Sep-13 18:51:01

Glad, do you mind if I ask how do you know your DP has potential fertility problems? Just wondering if that's also something I should worry about!!!

Foodylicious Tue 24-Sep-13 21:24:38

Hi, we have had a bit of a journey over the last couple of years -after 16 months of dtd on what I thought were the right days (by calendar and EWCM) or every 2-3 days we had had no luck.
Used opks one month and did not ov until about day 19-20, got scared at prospect of short lp so ran out and got b6 as I had read this can lengthen it. Got BFP that cycle! - sadly this ended in MC at 8 weeks, but I am hopeful that this knowledge will help us soon.
I must add that we dtd EVERY DAY that month, was exhausting but might have helped too wink My advice would be to continue for a few days after you think you need to.
After a few months break we are back on ttc this month, so fingers crossed for us all x x

allchatnicknamesgone Tue 24-Sep-13 23:15:32

Really sorry to hear about your loss Foody.
Thanks for your thoughts. I'm not sure either one of us can manage to dtd every day. That is perseverance!

Good luck this time for you.

I literally stop dtd after my 2 peak days. That could be my downfall.

Jakeyblueblue Wed 25-Sep-13 00:12:24

We were trying for ds for some time and I ended up going to fertility nurse. At the time I was just assuming that I was ov'ing around day 14 of a 28 day cycle and like you say, only Dtd around that day. Anyway fertility nurse sent me away and said we weren't trying hard enough. She said to Dtd 3 x weekly every week throughout cycle. Got pregnabt next cycle!
Now we're ttc no 2 and it's not happening again, but this tome round I've been obsessing over opk's etc and Dtd only around the positives. So this month I'm going to go back to the three times weekly thing and see if it works. If it does then our theory will be proven!
Keep you posted and good luck!

FunnyRunner Wed 25-Sep-13 00:22:25

Another one here with v v regular cycle - but thanks to OPK I realised I OV on day 16 which is later than I would have thought. You can get cheapie sticks online which are fine. Good to know these things smile

Gingerandcocoa Wed 25-Sep-13 07:31:49

allchat I'm like you and stop DTD after the two peak days and temp surge - but if I've definitely ov'd then surely it's no use to DTD after that??

If this month doesn't work then next month ill try to DTD every other day throughout the cycle.... I'm tired just thinking about it!

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 10:22:37

AF has just finished and I'm definitely going to to try Jakeyblue advice. Told the DH and he seems happier! I'm not going to tell him about any smiley faces or what my temperature is. Also bought some concieve plus, because for the first 2 cycles we were using KY - doh! I never knew!

I reckon I'll do it like every 3 days for now and then when I 'think' I'm ovulating I'll try and ramp it up - god, it's like a mission. Never thought having babies would need do much organisation!

I know this is a really stupid and somewhat embarrassing question, but does anyone know if the whole thing about lying down afterwards is a myth?

Foodylicious Wed 25-Sep-13 10:47:58

I try to be Lying down afterwards for at least 30 mins -for me I have not looked into it but its simple gravity? surely the more of his ahem 'stuff' that stays in the for longer the better!

In terms of maximising your chances I find not leaving dtd till the end of the day or the bedroom helps.
Before work, after work, after dinner (though not too soon!), be as spontaneous as possible! This definitely helps me keep going, its too easy to get into a boring pattern otherwise.
Also becoming a big fan of wearing 'special' pants every day, and if he happens to see you in them when you getting dressed all the better, gives him something to think about all day!!

Missfrumpsalot Wed 25-Sep-13 10:53:01

We used an free app (period tracker) - which worked out based on averages when the most likely time was. Days were marked with a green dot (fertile) or a pink flower (probable ov) and we'd use these as an indicator. DH used to come home from work and ask if it was a green dot day with a smirk! We'd DTD as often as we wanted but would make sure that around those times we did for certain and well...

I'm due in 2 weeks.

allchatnicknamesgone Wed 25-Sep-13 11:06:24

You are so right Foody! Going to bed and dtd is the biggest passion killer!

Missfrump- I just started using fertility friend app. Tried to plot in last periods over 5 months and realised that I'm actually got an irregular cycle of around 5 days. Can go down to a 26 day cycle or up to 31 day cycle. As long as I have a good LUteul length I should be ok, and I've worked that put to be between 12 and 14 days.

Missfrumpsalot Wed 25-Sep-13 11:15:40

I found the app really useful- before TTC I had no idea of my cycle length and was amazed to discover how long it was (and how irregular it could be) It really helped us, and when I spoke to my GP she felt it was a great idea to use the tracking incase we needed any assistance further down the road. As it happened after 6mths of "trying" and probably only 2 months of really trying we were lucky enough to get that magic line.
It also helped me focus on symptoms without becoming obsessive and driving DH potty.

I agree though- its really important not to become mechanical and regimented whilst trying. We are fortunate in that "oi its a green dot day-get yourself upstairs" seemed romantic sometimes grin

jaykay987 Wed 25-Sep-13 12:13:27

O think this is diffult. I track and my cycles are on the longer side and fluctuate slightly 29 - 34. If I used the FF calendar alone, then sometimes I would have missed ovulation by over a week.

I undrstand all the woo has of opks and temping can be stressful and affect ttc. However dtd EOD just isnt practical for everyone for the whole month or even a two week period!

Whilst I find it interesting and not stressful I am tracking, temping and opking. If this changes I will think about giving it up for awhile.

FX I won't have to wait long enough to have to test that resolve. I think it's easy to get to the point of stress and panic which is not healthy for you. But I definitely have the capability to get stressed so will likely have a tendancy towards it if this process ends up taking over 6months. Who'd have thought it was so complicated to ttc. Sometimes I wishwe had been less diligent about protection in the past! smile

Foodylicious Wed 25-Sep-13 12:27:15

with you there jaykay spent 15 yrs being so bloody careful and paranoid, and for what?!?

Trying to time dtd is a nightmare really though sometimes, we both work shifts and I work nights too!, can go for a few days not even seeing each other! - well not awake anyway!

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