Infertility, op, stress - what do you tell your employer?

[TigerseyeMum]

Hi

I'm preparing for my lap n dye in 3 weeks' time after a hectic and stressful year of moving house, plus getting promoted and doing a professional course on top of working.

The course has been exceptionally tough and I'm due to complete by the end of September before my op. lots of my colleagues have cracked under the strain!

On top of this I have stage 4 endo which causes back pain and IBS, plus chronic fatigue. I'm beginning to realise that I'm really feeling the pressure and am struggling to be in work all the time - I'm winding my caseload down to prep for my op. I think I just feel exhausted plus the lap and dye is making me think about fertility afterwards - my DH and I have neglected this side of things this year due to the course taking all my time and energy!

Is it stupid to even consider thinking about telling my employer about the fact that the op is not just about my endo and IBS (which it partly is)but also about fertility? I feel like I need shorter hours or something, less stress, not sure what.

I tend to put myself under a lot of pressure and just keep going but beginning to realise that perhaps I can't. I can't take holiday but can I ask to do shorter hours right now?

Wwyd?

[TigerseyeMum]

I'm about to turn 40 by the way. Just adds a bit more pressure I think.

[AmandaCooper]

I wouldn't tell them about fertility issues I don't think but I would think about requesting a temporary adjustment to the normal working hours because of your stage 4 endo, chronic fatigue etc. If it is just a short term adjustment your employer should consider it. You should really have an occupational health workplace assessment to see whether any adjustments can be made in the office, such as special ergonomic furniture.

[TigerseyeMum]

Thanks for replying. I feel a bit better now - I think the next time it is the first day back at school I should stay off Facebook and not talk to pregnant friends!

My employers know the op is gynae and they know about my fatigue etc. I suppose I work in a very demanding area so there's not much slack, but they haven't pushed me on hours or targets yet. Think they are waiting until after my op.

[SarahFx]

I had a lap and dye last month and didn't tell my female boss what it was for (secondary infertility). If she'd been more approachable I might have but she would probably be pissed off that I potentially might have another maternity leave so I didn't.

Give yourself a good couple of weeks off afterwards. You'll need it.

I went down to three days in my stressful job last year and my life is so much better. Still not pregnant but at least I'm not stressed to bits.

Good luck to you.

[FrankelInFoal]

When I had my lap I just told work I needed surgery for a "personal" condition which was non-serious but necessitated a few days off work. They were fine about it.

[crazyhead]

For me it would totally depend on my boss. I'd only tell them about fertility in the case of a warm and trusted relationship. Hope all goes well.