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BFPs will be falling like Autumn Leaves for the Rat Smackers, and we are Brooking No Argument!

(259 Posts)
ControlGeek Mon 02-Sep-13 17:39:44

Last fred:

<Hangs a festive Autumn wreath on the door, starts the wood stack for log fires, and makes sure there is plenty of cocoa and marshmallows in the cupboard>

Making the most of the last days of Summer, but keeping a weather eye out for Autumn, and looking forward to all of those outstanding BFPs!

ControlGeek Thu 26-Sep-13 18:04:14

I wasn't going to post again to this thread, but in light of solar's comments below, and the fact that mine was the first post deleted I feel I have to as otherwise it looks like I started a personal attack on pomme.

To be honest I'm not sure why my post was deleted, it apologised for my previous comment being unduly harsh and said what a lifeline this thread was for me. I believe pomme may have taken a comment about insensitivity to relate to her decision whereas it actually related to bringing the subject onto this thread, but that was cleared up via pm.

Whilst I agree that brookers have always been inclusive, I don't think asking for a particular topic to not be discussed on this thread is unreasonable. What is unreasonable is not letting it die when the majority of people have tried to put it behind them. We have a luffly new thread courtesy of boo and to save her the task of yet another message, I would respectfully ask that this thread be put aside in favour of moving forward in a safe, supportive and brooking-spirited environment.

Please come and join us over here

Solars Thu 26-Sep-13 14:46:11

I didn't have a problem with you Beedle asking for the topic to be moved elsewhere you had every right to and I think it was the right thing to say and I'm pretty sure Pomme also apologised for bringing the topic up at one point. The issue could have been stopped right there.

What I was quite upset to see were some of the other comments, some of which have been deleted and were quite judging and making assertions on Pommes decision.

I agree Scarlet even after you get a BFP the decisions you may still have to face are extremely difficult and not everyone will agree with them.

Sorry I too felt compelled to respond again but I was quite upset and shocked to read the thread yesterday as the brooking threads have been a great place for me for a number of years and I have always thought them inclusive of everyone and as Olives has said I would hate for that to change.

Thanks Scarlett here's a short cut so you don't get lost grin

ScarlettInSpace Thu 26-Sep-13 11:26:04

Wtf? Dear me, I've never seen a deleted comment in a brooking thread, I just read it all with no intention of commenting but I am, so there.

I logged on a couple of days ago to apologise for not turning up on Sunday, as soon as I saw the word abortion in the same sentance as TTC I'm afraid to say I logged off without reading any more, I honestly wasn't sure until ten minutes ago whether or not I would log back on again.

I've just typed out loads of stuff and deleted it, pffffffft.

I'm sorry anyone felt they had to leave but I think beedle was absolutely not being out of order asking, quite politely imo, for that not to be discussed here.

I live in utter fear after all my eggs fertilised with chromosomal abnormalites in the last IVF, that if I ever do get a BFP [which to be honest I'm slowly coming to terms with being less than unlikely] I am expecting to be faced with a really shitty decision when the screening test comes back; just thinking about having to think about it terrifies me [and OH and I are on completely different sides of THAT fence].

No-one questioned anyones right to terminate or asked them to justify their reasons as far as I can see, just asked for a little sensitivity...

Anyway seeing as how boo asked so nicely about ten times & no one was listening, which did make me lol I'll trot off to the new thread and make my apologies for being a pisshead and missing the meet up blush

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 26-Sep-13 10:15:55

God I've been away from the thread for a few days, I unfortunately read it all last night before going to bed. I would really rather not have read it. Because I've read it all I feel compelled to comment.

Beedle I think there was absolutely nothing wrong with that comment you made asking for it not to be discussed. I really don't think this is the right place for it. It's just too sensitive a topic when some posters on this thread are going through assisted conception. As you know I'm still recovering from my miscarriage after my IVF cycle. I would not have felt able to stay on the thread if there was going to be repeated references to abortion. My feelings are too raw about my loss to deal with it.

To be honest one of the comments that upset me most was about how so many of us Brookers have "Ishoos" compared to back then. Well I just want to say I was a Brooker back then too. I was there when so many got their BFPs and where lucky enough to move on. My "ishoos" are unexplained, no one can tell me or my DH why we are still trying for our first baby over 3 years later. Should I stop posting here because I still haven't got lucky? Should we all move to the infertility section and take our over sensitive feelings there?

I wish no one had felt compelled to leave and we all could have agreed to disagree. I haven't condemned Pomme and I wouldn't because I don't know any of the details. I am very pro choice and I am sure it was a decision that was not taken lightly.

Olives I understand what your trying to say that it's not our place to judge but surely in what should be a safe and supportive place we should be able to say we don't feel comfortable about a topic. I know you had a long hard journey but can you honestly tell me you would have felt able to discuss abortion so freely after a much wanted loss? If you could then you are a much better person than me.

GreenOlives Thu 26-Sep-13 09:38:50

Beedle I'm sorry you feel like that but we are entitled to our opinions too. I have suffered 3 years of fertility problems and pregnancy losses so I am acutely aware of the pain involved in that process but I still cannot condemn anyone else for the decisions they make regarding their pregnancy. I would surmise that the fact pomme is ttc again so soon is because she is feeling pain and regret about her decision (as she said it's not uncommon) and I just feel very sad that she has been forced out.

Anyhow, I don't want to get into a fight about it, I just felt compelled to say my bit. I really hope that everyone on the thread gets their much longed for babies very soon.

BeedlesPineNeedles Thu 26-Sep-13 07:19:26

Actually I'm shocked that some people think that we have been unfair. I was perfectly welcoming to pomme the other day before she mentioned the abortion and I realised who she was. And even then I only asked that if she wanted to talk about the abortion please do it somewhere else. And if she had never mentioned it I would have assumed that she had decided against it, unfortunately lost the baby and was now ttc again. I think both myself and geek left the FB group before she had made the final decision as it was too much to deal with, coming at the same time as our first unsuccessfull attempts at IVF. But she chose to mention it even after I had done a round up that showed that most of us (who are not coming back for a 2nd brooking baby) are undergoing fertility treatment.

I have nothing against people that get pregnant accidently or as soon as they start trying, and I would never try to deny someone the option of an abortion.

But really can you not see that its a bit insensitive to expect a bunch of women who are mainly going through fertility treatment to understand why someone would have an abortion and then decide, a matter of weeks later, to ttc. And then expect that we would want to celebrate the inevitable BFP a few weeks later.

And whilst I'm sorry some of you feel that we forced her out, tbh if she hadn't had left the thread then I would have.

GreenOlives Wed 25-Sep-13 21:06:39

I feel really sad reading this and I agree wholeheartedly with hinky and solars. We can never know what exactly is going on in other people's lives and it is not for us to judge. Brookers are usually an inclusive bunch, offering positivity and support to everyone, lets not change that.

New thread anyone??

Solars Wed 25-Sep-13 16:16:11

Wow I never thought I'd come back to the ttc thread and read all this.

I agree wholeheartedly with Hinky. I don't however know what was discussed on the FB group, I missed all of that.

I just feel it's a shame it got to a level where someone felt forced to leave the thread. Mindfulness and giving someone the benefit of doubt especially on an Internet forum can go a long way.

Brooking for you all x

New thread please everyone move over so we can close this one down.

runningtostandstill Wed 25-Sep-13 15:55:06

What do you want? Me to apologize for being fertile fertile? SORRY.

Of course not, but I would have thought apologising for having (inadvertantly) upset a whole bunch of people would be a good start.

But you're all right, enough is enough. So best wishes all round.

pommedechocolat Wed 25-Sep-13 15:17:25

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

blush the link above is to something quite different blush

here is the new thread

Sorry about that!

Brookers new thread because this one has gone a bit awry and way off topic!

hinkyhonk Wed 25-Sep-13 14:41:06

note to self buy a thesaurus - way to many perhaps in there

hinkyhonk Wed 25-Sep-13 14:39:07

could i request a deep breath from all? pretty please?

i'm fairly sure that there are pertinent medical issues which perhaps all are not aware of.

its worth bearing in mind that we can never truly know what is going on for anyone and particularly on an internet forum.

when discussing such emotive and personal issues could we perhaps try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and be as circumspect as possible.

love to all dudes and perhaps not get into a bunfight?

runningtostandstill Wed 25-Sep-13 14:17:50

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

pommedechocolat Wed 25-Sep-13 12:40:19

You have to be able to validate that for my situation to be able to say that to me boo.

You would fight for a bfp no matter what, never even considering a termination, even if you thought that pg in the country you were living in with the health issues you have could result in your TWO other LIVING children being left motherless??

But yeah, whatever, poor you lot and bitchy old heartless me.

Generalise away if it makes you feel better. But know that you are wrong.

Right, this is all getting a bit heated here, I think it is safe to say that given a choice any lady on this thread would give their right arm, leg and anything else to have their BFP, and will fight to the end for it! This being said, let's leave it here now this lovely new thread is the perfect place to put it behind us and get on with what you've all got coming up!

pommedechocolat Wed 25-Sep-13 10:45:56

I think you try to know all before you judge, between my health and living in Italy 6 months to us changes our world completely. But, who cares about details right?

Anyway as I said, ta-rah to brooking on fb and mumsnet. Thanks to all the brookers I have loved 'talking' to over the last 2.5 years.

Thanks geek for the pm, it was appreciated.

I really do hope that you guys get everything you want. I dont agree with transplacing your situations onto mine but I can but imagine the heartache of struggling with fertility. I wish you all the best, stay strong (and know that attacking people like me makes me stronger and you weaker) - dont do it to yourselves. xxxx

BeedlesPineNeedles Wed 25-Sep-13 09:46:05

Oh I know what you mean geek though we are very lucky in that if this doesn't work we still have another free go and we could afford to go private after that, if we thought that it might work. Of course that is entirely irrelevant as the next round is going to work for both of us.
It doesn't help that MrB is very stressed at the moment, its mainly other stuff, but the IVF is adding to it. We actually discussed postponing the cycle but he didn't want to.

NoMaybeAboutIt Wed 25-Sep-13 09:44:40

Oh Geek lovely. You're lost definitely in limbo land aren't you. I really hope they don't postpone your treatment till Feb. you have no idea how tightly crossed I'm keeping everything for you xxx

Pomme, as Keep said, brooking isn't about infertility, but my god, I couldn't have gone through my treatment without these amaing women. Reading your story massively affected a lot of us. I too am incredibly pro choice, but TTC months after a termination is just hard to understand.

<sweeps buffet into large doggy bag for consumption at a later date>

ControlGeek Wed 25-Sep-13 09:18:17

beedle thanks lovely, up and down. I'm caught between wishing my next round could happen tomorrow, and feeling it couldn't be far enough away. While it's still ahead of me, there is still hope iykwim. Once it's been and gone it'll be at least two years before we can afford a private round. Having said that, there were a few tears the other day when the clinic said I might have to postpone stimming until February due to them undergoing a refurb at Christmas confused I will know more in the second week of October. Down regging will start in either November or December (happy crimbo geek have a nice dose of menopause).

pomme I have pm'd you - not for a slanging match, that's the last thing either of us want. Just because I don't think the thread needs this. I hope you will read it, and take it in the spirit it is intended.

pommedechocolat Wed 25-Sep-13 08:43:20

It is still not right to describe someone on a thread in this way after the heartbreak 'they' have this summer. That is not the actions of a nice person.

Thank you for reminding me that I dont have to explain anything to anyone and nor should I look to rely on anyone to understand me.

However - on explaining myself if you would like to understand (or even really give a shit outside of how my experience makes you feel the world is unfair) google atonement baby. I am not uncommon or weird.

I wish you all success with conceiving and having sticky ones as soon as possible.

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