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I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

(387 Posts)
internationallove985 Thu 18-Jul-13 00:10:33

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

emmelinelucas Fri 02-Aug-13 19:24:16

International has been very busy..leave him alone.

valiumredhead Sun 28-Jul-13 22:36:45

So shoot mewink

valiumredhead Sun 28-Jul-13 22:35:40

The reason I asked is because what you asked has been discussed at length.

littlemisssarcastic Sun 28-Jul-13 22:28:38

Thank you fifi.

I wasn't sure whether it was a case of a conversation that hadn't taken place, or whether OP had misled her FWB into believing she was using contraception when she clearly isn't.

In that case, I stand by my original post.

valium Have you read the thread properly? I posted earlier, but wanted to check on one shoot me. hmm

ThoraNomiki Sun 28-Jul-13 20:28:29

Haha I hoped this thread was making it's way towards oblivion... I think everything that can be said on the matter has been covered several times over

fifi669 Sun 28-Jul-13 20:11:26

little her FWB doesn't know she is TTC or that she isn't using contraception. They haven't had any discussion about whether or not she is on the pill etc.

valiumredhead Sun 28-Jul-13 20:11:20

Have you read the thread?

littlemisssarcastic Sun 28-Jul-13 20:07:36

OP, Does this man believe you are using contraception? Have you told him you are not using any contraception?

fifi669 Fri 26-Jul-13 22:45:15

Regardless of any of the other issues....

Thankyou international for clearing this up..... again.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 26-Jul-13 19:57:02

To quote your own words international - "I'm not rising to it" grin

internationallove985 Fri 26-Jul-13 19:50:17

Sorry I've not thread for a few days, I've been very busy that's the only down side and also rewarding side of being an hard working independent single mum.

I would like to that those that have given me support although I am in no way comparing my situation to a women who has been raped. Of course I wanted the sex. I am ttc but I also wanted some consideration which isn't much to ask. x

All of you who mock my choices and my situation and you know who you are. I'm not rising to it. x

Also writerwannabe83 Yes I will be delighted if I get my B.F.P weren't you delighted when yopu got your B.F.P x

Writerwannabe83 Fri 26-Jul-13 18:47:44

I wonder if she will still be bothered about feeling so 'used' if she gets her BFP? I bet her tears will soon dry up then...

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 26-Jul-13 17:39:04

As in, she is hoping she got pregnant from the sex she is complaining about?

Fucked up.

fifi669 Fri 26-Jul-13 17:33:48

OP is on July bus waiting for BFP grin

Writerwannabe83 Fri 26-Jul-13 16:27:42

I can't wait to see what her next one is grin

OhBuggerMe Fri 26-Jul-13 10:21:25

Is this yet another thread where the op has dropped a bomb then left mners to pick up the pieces?? Yup thought so.

fifi669 Fri 26-Jul-13 08:59:51

writer you're bang on.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 26-Jul-13 08:02:09

Of course she wanted sex with him!!!!!

Where on earth has she said she didn't want it??

The ONLY reason she sees him is to have sex with him!
She is trying to conceive his baby behind his back and so of course she wanted sex with him - I'm sure she knows there is only one way to make a baby!!

Nothing she has said indicates she didn't want to have sex - all she has said is that he didn't give her oral sex like she had wanted in return for what she did to him and that the DTD action was quicker/sooner than what she expected..

SHE was the person there running and she says it was NOT rape or assault and has said in many different ways on various posts of hers so why is everyone telling her she was raped????

He pushed her back on the bed and entered her.... - I can quite confidently say that my Hubby has done that to me as have other partners, that does not mean I was raped. I have also pushed my husband back on the bed and mounted him - does this mean I'm a rapist too because I didn't ask his permission to do it first???


I have also bled after rough sex too - again, that doesn't mean I was raped.

I'm very concerned about the people on here who seem to enjoy labelling this man as a rapist and are trying to convince the OP that she was raped, when even she knows she wasn't. I don't understand?

RaRaZ Fri 26-Jul-13 07:38:20

How do you know that the OP didn't appear to be consenting? You have no idea what she was doing with her face at the time or whether she was panting or anything else that various people have suggested, but she's said herself that she didn't suggest in any way that he should stop.

Plenty of people bleed during sex. It doesn't mean he did anything wrong. She might have cervical erosion or be on a period or about to start one, for a start. Also, from what the OP said, she bled after - so he probably didn't know anything about it.

runningforthebusinheels Thu 25-Jul-13 22:46:05

Well, it is the law, tabycat. People aren't allowed to push you down and perform a sex act on you that you aren't ready for.

Maybe check out the rape crisis link that JuliaScurr linked to earlier?

That should explain it for you.

tabycat Thu 25-Jul-13 22:42:25

Ffs running I want to go to bed! You are talking rubbish. Are you a lawyer? wink

Thanks for the link fifi. Will look it up when I'm next on. Good luck with the implantation!

fifi669 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:28:26

taby come join us on this thread JSing you sound normal grin

runningforthebusinheels Thu 25-Jul-13 22:25:43

And sorry to disagree, taby, but it was sexual assault because the op didn't want it to happen. She may not want to name it, but then nor do a number of women.

Consent for one sexual act (blow job) absolutely does not mean consent for any sex act (being shoved down on the bed and fucked).

runningforthebusinheels Thu 25-Jul-13 22:21:17

Do you think he should have asked her if they could start having sex?

Yes I do. He doesn't have to get a consent form signed in triplicate <sigh> hmm but the onus is on him to ensure she's up for it. If her body language is indicating that she's enthusiastic about it, then that can be taken as consent (as a pp has already said).

But, from what op has written, she quite clearly was not up for it at the point that he entered her. This resulted in her being hurt and bleeding, feeling used and sobbing.

I would guess that her body language indicated that what he was doing was uncomfortable too unless she's an experienced porn actress which should be a decent man's clue to maybe check with a simple "are you ok with this?"

Valium, I agree with your dh. My dh would say the same.

tabycat Thu 25-Jul-13 22:17:05

yes writer after she willingly sucked him off he was them supposed to ask, just in case he wasn't sure she was up for it, "can we have sex now"? hmm. I will eat my tabbycat if anyone actually has sex like that.

Right now I'm really going.

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