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I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

(387 Posts)
internationallove985 Thu 18-Jul-13 00:10:33

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 18-Jul-13 00:13:11

You feel used?

What about your sperm donor?

Sounds an awful set up, just stop seeing him.

Secretswitch Thu 18-Jul-13 00:18:02

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope other poster's will be compassionate. Having a man thrust himself into when you are not ready/willing feels like an assault to me. If your bleeding continues please see your gynae. Love and hugs..

internationallove985 Thu 18-Jul-13 00:20:01

Thank you for your kind words. xx

Secretswitch Thu 18-Jul-13 00:25:44

Ohhh..International. You have been very upfront about your situation. I have not commented as I don't have anything valuable to add. I would hopefully never judge another woman for the decisions she makes regarding her body. I do feel terrible that you have been hurt. No woman in the world deserves to have sex forced upon her. Please take care of yourself. Crying is often the first step in healing..

BettyCrockerLover Thu 18-Jul-13 00:29:22

You bled? I'm sorry about that, no-one deserves to be treated like that.

But, you seem to be just a receptacle for him and he seems to be just a sperm donor for you, this 'relationship' sounds highly dysfunctional. If all you want is a baby then there are plenty of places to get artificially inseminated.

I'm just finding it a bit hard to empathize with you.

Skygirls Thu 18-Jul-13 00:31:42

Has he ever behaved this way with you before or was this the first time?

Anyway, how do you feel about him?
If this was me, I wouldn't be seeing him again, as I'd take this as a sign that he didn't respect me. Not a good way to go forward in a relationship.

Hope you feel better. There are plenty more worthwhile, respectful guys out there. You don't have to stay with this selfish one.

Have a wine and try to get some sleep.
Un-mumsnetty {{hug}} for you.

justhayley Thu 18-Jul-13 00:53:46

hmm sorry you feel crap. Are you more emotional because he left or didn't consider you during the sex? Does he usually stay with you afterwards?
It's a hard situation because you said in your other post it's just sex, if that's the case and you really don't have feelings involved why did it bother you that he left quickly? Do you think if your really honest you like this guy more than your letting on? Iv been there, kidded myself I was just having fun and wasn't falling for the guy but really I was and ended up heartbroken hmm
I think you need to stop sleeping with him. I'm not judging you for the way you want to get pregnant, I'm sure there are loads of women in real relationships & marriages doing exactly the same thing just not admitting it! However how would you feel if tonight you conceived? Yes it would make the horrible sex worth it but it's not really how you want your baby coming into the world. Also while your messing around with thus guy your missing opportunities to meet Mr right.
Can I ask how old are you (roughly)? Is there a rush due to age?
What you need is a gay best friend who wants to be a daddy grin forget this guy on Friday night, get some lippy on to your closest gay bar and find a friend grin

Roshbegosh Thu 18-Jul-13 00:58:09

Why don't you go for artificial insemination instead of a shag from someone who treats you like a free hooker and who doesn't want a baby? Or does he? You are clearly nothing to him, what are you doing? You don't sound responsible enough to be a parent.

KeepTheFaithBaby Thu 18-Jul-13 08:28:16

Please, please don't make a baby with this man. I know you prefer the term 'making love' but what he did to you is quite the opposite, isn't it? Putting the TTC aside, this isn't a healthy relationship. I think you should walk away so he doesn't have the opportunity to hurt you again.

FourLittleDudes Thu 18-Jul-13 08:46:31

Whatever the reasons are behind you having sex with this man (and for the record, I support your decision - I don't know if you ever came back to the 'legs in air' thread but I'm not the only one - however that's not what this thread is about) no one has the right to hurt you in any way.

People have sex for lots of reasons, just because some people don't agree with your reasons doesnt give them the right to hint that you were 'asking for it' or somehow more deserving of being treated like shit. Sex should be mutually enjoyable and to have someone suddenly be so rough and uncaring that they make you bleed - well that's disgusting and there is no justification for it.

You must feel quite shaken and shocked. I'm not very good at giving advice but maybe talking it through with someone professional night help, even though you say it was consentional, you have still been left feeling vunerable and used and disrespected.

WannaBeAMommy Thu 18-Jul-13 09:26:55

Hey Internstionallove. I'm shocked at this post!!

There is absolutelly nothing wrong with having fun and sex. How many people go out on the pull at the weekends no strings attached.... Its not my style but its alot of my mates.

What both of you are doing kinda throws me though.

He NEVER should make you feel that way. You bled for heavens sake thats not good enough. But im sorry hun but him leaving isn't that big a deal. Its just sex to you both. Your both getting something out of it....

Does he know hes been a baby donor? What happens when you do get pregnant and he either rejects your baby or wants access. Is that somthing you can take on. If he rejects it, says you trapped him can you afford to bring a baby up alone... If he wants access can he have it? Can his new girlfriend have your kid call it mommy? When Mr Right comes along will he be able to taje the baby on as his. Will you tell him the story of how you made him.... I hope you have thought about all this hunny and are mature enough to deal with it x

ThoraNomiki Thu 18-Jul-13 16:37:46

oh Interational that is awful. I'm sorry you've been treated like that sad it sounds like he thinks of you as little more than his play thing, a human blow-up doll. You do not need to be treated that way! Please consider finding another way to conceive a child. Imagine being tied to him for the remainder of your life (not necessarily in a relationship with each other but as joint parents). Is it worth taking the risk?

Strokethefurrywall Thu 18-Jul-13 16:43:54

The irony of this post doesn't escape me. You're using him for his sperm through deceit which you've admitted in your other posts, and you expect him to have respect for you?

He's using you. You're using him. I struggle to have an ounce of sympathy for you. Just go to a sperm bank and get some dignity.

ThoraNomiki Thu 18-Jul-13 17:11:37

I don't see the irony. Having sex without contraception is not a crime and if it were they would both be guilty. He forced himself upon her so roughly she bled..
I doubt he would have treated her any better if she'd been on the pill. As far as I can tell he doesn't know either way so it wouldn't have featured as part of his reasoning..

KeepTheFaithBaby Thu 18-Jul-13 17:19:41

If he treats you like this though, how might he be if he finds out you've got pregnant? confused

JuicyFatSteak Thu 18-Jul-13 21:43:49

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OhBuggerMe Thu 18-Jul-13 21:45:44

Oh International despite not liking youth situation, I do feel for you.

This man has zero respect for you. This is no longer sex for fun, not pleasuring you at all then fulfilling himself and then beggering off is not fun.

Have a hot bath, delete his number and tomorrow start a fresh. Look for a man who Will look after you and treat you properly that you can have a proper relationship with.

I'm not here to flame but offer some support. thanks

JuicyFatSteak Thu 18-Jul-13 21:54:52

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DfanjoUnchained Thu 18-Jul-13 22:04:47

Well, you got what you wanted and so did he. Win-win I'd say.

valiumredhead Thu 18-Jul-13 22:08:25

Oh nosad

Have a bath, early night and don't see him again. If you are seeing some one for sex the very least you want is for it to be good!

Chalk it up to a bad experience that won't be repeatedwine thanks

LittleBearPad Thu 18-Jul-13 22:10:04

Get the morning after pill and move on from him. This is not the bloke you want fathering your child.

OhBuggerMe Thu 18-Jul-13 22:12:11

<falls slightly with sausagesteak>

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Thu 18-Jul-13 22:15:49

Couldn't agree more little bear

valiumredhead Thu 18-Jul-13 22:16:57

Oh gosh yes MAP asap.

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