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Tentatively Trying for Number Two - if you had a tough time in pregnancy/birth/conceiving/carrying your first child....

(102 Posts)
BarbiesBeaver Thu 20-Jun-13 08:56:12

I couldn't find another thread like this so am hoping there are some more people out there who had a bit of a traumatic time TTC number one and are now considering trying to repeat the process again.

Perhaps you had a long time trying or fertility treatment for your first child, or were ill during pregnancy, or suffered a traumatic birth, or had losses or miscarriages along the way.

Perhaps reading the other TTC2 threads brings back those painful memories of month after month with no BFP, or if you aren't sure you even can have another child, or if the faint positive line after pissing on a stick is just the start of the stress (will it stick this time? Can I afford fertility treatment again? Oh no what will work think if I need months off ill again? How on earth will I get through the birth? etc). I thought a dedicated thread for those in this situation might be useful and allow those going through similar experiences a safe place to share their fears and experiences. And drink plenty of virtual gin and eat plenty of hard core cake along the way!

My background - I am a previous BESH (they are a friendly bunch partial to gin) and had fertility treatment for my PFB. I had a couple of miscarriages along the way. The clock is ticking and my eggs are getting more wizened and ancient so am thinking of starting the whole horrid business again. And it's a bit scary.

JethroTull Thu 20-Jun-13 09:59:35

Good luck * Barb* grin

AlexanderinaTheGreater Thu 20-Jun-13 12:40:17

This sounds like a place I might be at home. Although by BESH standards I didn't have a particularly tough time of it the first time round - it took about a year to get diffed which felt like forever but clearly isn't, and I realise just how lucky I am.

So now we're 6 months into ttc again, and any hopes that this time I'd be an instadiffer have faded. Not that I really thought I would, but it seems to be the case for everyone around me IRL whether they had a tough time with number 1 or not.

I'm feeling weirdly ambivalent about the whole thing at times. I mean, I want it to happen, but it doesn't have the same life or death feeling as last time, and I wonder how on earth I'll cope with diffedness + toddler or toddler + newborn, and how much life will change again and whether that will be for the better because things are mostly pretty good now and and and and and....

All of which is irrelevant worry for this month because the droid is about to put in an appearance.

So, gin cocktails anyone?

BarbiesBeaver Thu 20-Jun-13 15:40:04

Cheers Jethro! Phew glad I'm not on my own Alex! to be honest my periods haven't even come back yet and some birth injuries/anxiety on my part have prevented much actual SWI (shagging with intent). Plus, you know, actually having any time to have a shag never mind anything else.

Yes I hear you about toddler plus newborn. Most of my friends who have both seem to find it really hard, but I guess you get used to it and as the toddler gets older they are less reliant and will help more haha. And yes, I know I am bloody lucky having even one after it took to get her, and I would be ok with one, but I do feel immensely broody when seeing newborns.

AlexanderinaTheGreater Thu 20-Jun-13 19:26:00

Yes, finding time/energy for SWI is somewhat of a challenge.... Have the medics given you any help with the birth injuries? - both in terms of the physical and mental/emotional impacts. Or is that too much to hope?

I was chatting to a friend last night who's got what sounds like a lovely system of when she's feeding the baby the three-year old comes for a story. That gave me hope that toddler plus newborn could be OK, at least some of the time.

BarbiesBeaver Thu 20-Jun-13 19:40:07

Haven't been back to medics about it - can't stand the thought of more poking about to be honest. I am hoping lots of lube and taking it slow might do the trick. Seem to have given up the bf'ing now, I have been gradually phasing it out over the past few months and I haven't fed her for the last couple of nights now. Am very sad but I really need my periods back now!

AlexanderinaTheGreater Thu 20-Jun-13 20:07:13

Now that seems very odd, wanting the blasted things back! I'm still doing a bedtime feed, but it feels like I could drop it without her making much fuss if her dad did bedtime for a few nights. But droid's been back for a fair while and is as irregular as ever so I'm not sure bf is a major contributor. I'll be sad when we stop though, whenever that it - it's been lovely (mostly).

Fingers crossed for lube working. Now you need a nice romantic evening with plenty of wine and all the time in the world.... I don't think we ever really had those pre-small person, but we certainly don't now. Worth aiming for though.

BarbiesBeaver Thu 20-Jun-13 20:21:06

yes very weird! I would keep going with it too if my periods came back. Keep going with it as long as you both are enjoying it I say. Although it went a lot better than I thought when dropping the bedtime feed.

HesterShaw Thu 20-Jun-13 23:27:25

Good luck, you two xxx

BarbiesBeaver Fri 21-Jun-13 07:13:05

Thank you hester. Loads of luck for you too, have some gin and fish slaps.

AlexanderinaTheGreater Fri 21-Jun-13 09:05:40

<pours gin for all>
<snogs Hester, just because I can>

Andcake Fri 21-Jun-13 10:20:32

Tentative hello here...not convinced no 2 will happen it took 3 yrs 2 mc and donor egg speeches from everyone we approached about ivf- se we never tried that. I have v low amh, afc and high fsh. But after a lot of pain we got there naturally (supplement and yoga) and now have ds whose nearly a year. Stopped bf a while back had one or two periods then nothing for over 2 months - no bfp just no periods. I had this before just signs of approaching menopause. Oh yes I forgot it took us so long to get there I'm now 40...
DP and I agreed that our plan was not to try not to prevent as we had so much stress before .... And see if we had natural luck!
But I desperately want some natural luck so lurk around these boards.
So hello and good luck this time of day I think I need an espresso ds is still a poor sleeper!

BarbiesBeaver Fri 21-Jun-13 10:48:24

Welcome cake have a large gin. You sound like me - had 2 mc donor egg speech and low AMH. I took a supplement called DHEA to improve egg quality and we got there in the end on IUI third try. Try googling DHEA ,some infertility clinics are doing research into its effects. Oh and well done for taking the plunge again!

Hi all

I'm about to start an IVF cycle in the hopes of conceiving a sibling for my 2 year old DD

It took 7 IVF cycles to get my first BFP and this will be my 3rd cycle since DD was born

We found out I had immune problems and DD was born following my first IVF with added immune treatment but it now looks as though I have egg quality issues too so I suspect this will be my last round of treatment sad

Andcake Fri 21-Jun-13 12:17:45

Hi barbie...a great fan of dhea here- didn't even have a peep at a bfp until I took it...great stuff. I have ordered some more. But it was b6 which was the charm for me and got a bfp to stick around:-) I'm slowly ramping the supplements back up but being a bit sneaky as I'm sure dp will know I'm getting serious about ttc2 and I think he fears re living all the pain (particularly of mc) that we had with no1.

AlexanderinaTheGreater Fri 21-Jun-13 12:57:45

<pours more gin for everyone>

Bloody hell you lot have had a hard time of it. If I organised these things, the people who struggled most to conceive first time would have the easiest pregnancies, births, babies, and next ttc would be a doddle. Well, no if I ruled the world no-one would have to go through such a tough time ttc in the first place. It all seems so random and unfair.

cake I don't know how anyone can just not prevent pregnancy - my head doesn't let me do the just see what happens thing when it comes to ttc, so I reckon I'd be doing exactly the same as you.

OrangeGold (couldn't decide which bit of your name to go for!) when does treatment start?

FinallyMrsFC Fri 21-Jun-13 18:50:46

Umm... <shyly waves at Barbie> Can I come in too? Technically I'm trying for #3, but #2 for DH.

DS1 is 10 and conceived so easily back in my early 30's. DS2 took 18 months and 2 mcs to conceive. We started trying again when he was 6 months old in 2011, conceived pretty much straight away, and then I had another mc. Since then, nothing...

I'll be 43 in November, I think we are going to stop trying if nothing has happened by then. I'm not sure whether it will be sad, or kind of a relief to finally stop.

BrownBearBrownBear Fri 21-Jun-13 19:41:59

Ooh, can I join you?

We took 2 years and 4 months to conceive our DD, on our 8th cycle of clomid. I have PCOS.

DD is 18 months and we've been TTC #2 for the past few months. To be honest, we haven't been shagging enough so we definitely need to work on that! I hopeful I'm actually ovulating as my periods have regulated since stopping breastfeeding. I know I should probably get down the doctors for a day 21 blood test next cycle, but I've been a bit reluctant to get back on the whole medical route again.

BarbiesBeaver Fri 21-Jun-13 20:55:47

<pours enormous cocktails for all> of course got are more than welcome dave and mrsfc!
Blimey what a shite time of it we all have had.

dave have the clinic specifically said there is an egg issue? Are you getting to putting back any embies at all? Am in awe of your strength lady.

Friday night, I am having my first beer. Cheers.

BarbiesBeaver Fri 21-Jun-13 20:58:57

Crossposts bear. Lovely to have you here! Sorry about the struggle first time around. I found Clomid a complete and utter headfuck so admire your 8 cycles of it! I had 6 I think and that was more than enough.

BrownBearBrownBear Fri 21-Jun-13 21:44:58

Thank you for the kind welcome and the enormous cocktail grin

I've actually got 2 leftover cycles of clomid burning a hole in my bedside table. I think of them as a safety net in a way. My emotions were all over the place when I was TTC #1, so it's difficult to know how much of my state of general emotional disintegration was due to the clomid or not! At the moment I'm just pleased my periods seem fairly regular, which they never were before without clomid.

Enjoy your beer Barbies

Alexanderina injections start on Tuesday!

Barbie in the treatments we had before DD was born we always had 5-10 embryos but the last two cycles have been much worse - the first we ended up with 1 good embryo to put back and the second we had 2 poor embryos put back

I've been taking DHEA for a couple of months now in the hope that we will get a better response this time

Andcake Sun 23-Jun-13 09:23:45

We seem to be the dhea ladies smile Started dhea again this morning as period finally returned again quite happy to see it let's hope it goes back to a regular ish cycle)
Totally agree its hard to not hope. But it's hard to find the time to swi as ds often ends up in with us. Although ds weekend naps seem to work v well wink

Hoophopes Sun 23-Jun-13 16:09:10

Hi. May I join? 7 yrs to conceive ds and so far 10mths ttc#2 and one very early miscarriage in jan. do not have 7yrs to ttc number two due to age!

MewlingQuim Sun 23-Jun-13 16:52:22

Think I need to join this thread.

It took 8 years to conceive DD, 5 years ttc naturally then 5 cycles of IUI, 1 mmc and 1 cycle of ICSI.

Now ttc DC2 at 40 years old. Been hoping for a miracle since my periods came back when DD was 5 months old, but no luck. DD is now 16 months. Just had one cycle of ICSI that failed and about to start another, probably our last go.

Like Hoop I am running out of time sad

I am also running out of money hmm

I've not heard about DHEA before, what does it do ,where can I get it? <grasps straws>

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