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Looking for reassurance- ttc

(6 Posts)
SomeDizzyWhore1804 Wed 08-May-13 18:20:15

Hi all

Am new here- been lurking for a while but worried about ttc.

I am 28 and was never interested in kids- until I was if you see what I mean! Since about this time last year I have been desperate to get pregnant but it wasn't the right time with work etc. However after getting a permanent contract in January DH and I discussed it and decided to go for it and try. He is 25.

I had my mirena coil out in early February and have been lucky that my periods have returned more or less to normal. Regular 31 day cycles from the get-go. But for some reason I can't get it out of my head that I am infertile and I have now just got AF for the third time since ttc.

Despite having regular cycles though I am very worried about the "second phase" of my cycle as my period seems to begin on dpo 10 0r 11 with brown spotting which goes on until around dpo 15 or 16 and then becomes a proper period. I worry that this is an indication of something bad.

I can't shake this nagging feeling that I'm not ovulating. I have had ovarian scans in the past which indicated some polycysticness but never confirmed with blood tests etc. The most recent scan in early April this year showed totally normal ovaries with no polycysticness at all and a normal uterus. However I don't seem to be able to get a positive on an ovulation test. I haven't been doing it religiously (am going to start this month) but I do seem to have signs of ovulation (such as EWCM and increased sex drive at around the right time).I think my major worries about this stem from a doctor I saw when I was 20/21 who said that with the look of my ovaries I would never have a baby naturally. This has since seemed not to be the case but his words are constantly ringing in my ears.

On top of this worry my DH is finding it hard to "perform" as much as is needed so we have been alternating sex with him depositing (ahem) his goods and me using a medicine syringe to get it up there but I am concerned that's a waste of time. That said he has been getting so upset about his performance anxiety that I don't want to stress him out. We are using Concieve+ lube too and I am mixing that with his semen when I inject.

I am also taking supplements like Smarties at the moment and am starting to worry I can't see the wood for the trees. I am taking:

-Agnus Castus
-Black Kosch
-Evening Primrose Oil
-Raspberry Leaf
-Green Tea Extract
-Vitamin B/B12
- Vitamin E
-Vitamin D
-Pregnacare Prenatal

But I am largely taking them because at various times I have read these things might help without knowing really if they are or if they are doing more harm than good.

To cap it all off everyone around me seems to be falling pregnant and I am feeling increasingly fed up.

I know it's a bad idea to stress about pregnancy and I know it's early doors but I wish there was a way of controlling this. I am a career-driven, controlly kind of a girl and I have always had a plan in life.

Any kind words, advice or just words of wisdom would be so welcome. I feel really lonely as DH just tells me to be patient and none of my friends get this as they're either sprogged up or still not interested in babies.

I have made an appointment with my GP to discuss this next Tuesday but I feel embarrassed even starting with all of my anxieties.

Thanks if you have got this far.

Isean Wed 08-May-13 19:07:03

Hi Dizzy,

I didn't want to read & run!

I got quite emotional reading your post & it struck a chord with me.
I too have these fears of being infertile (due to endometriosis) & the lack of control I have over it all.

I'm only on my second cycle so I understand people might think i am nuts! I am glued to this forum & I'm reading everything I can about TTC, but at the same time trying to relax as getting stressy will do me no favours.

I have no experience with regards to your particular obstacles, but I have been told in the past by doctors that I will struggle to conceive. I just wanted to say that from what I have read from others on here, there is always hope & miracles can happen. It's still early days!

Keep your chin up & try to get back to just enjoying DTD when you can!
xx

Tigglettchic Wed 08-May-13 19:19:55

Doesn't it seem that everyone around you is pregnant? that when people don't want to have babie's they fall pregnant accidently but when you actually want to have a baby and have been told throughout life that you need to use contraception as you will get pregnant without you don't!!

I can feel your pain, we are in the same situation, I am so paranoid about getting my AF and it is not even due yet!!

We have been ttc for 2 months, we made the decision carefully as it sounds you did but the magic, 'contraceptionless dtd' did nothing!!!

I would say that you sound like you need to control all and that this is bugging you. I would be careful with AI as you can cause a great deal of damage to the vital parts that are needed to accept the sperm naturally.

Perhaps talk to DH about why he is struggling? perhaps get drunk and dtd without thinking and enjoy?

I know it is easier said than done but from what I read on here, you will be stressed enough when you are pg so the trying part that should be fun needs to be as stressfree as possible.

I know it is easy to tell others to relax and enjoy dtd as I am just as panicky but from what I had read, the stress hormones could prevent ovulation.

Good luck and stick here with us MN'ers and enjoy the process, when you have a little one sneaking around you will have wished you enjoyed dtd a lot more!!!

SomeDizzyWhore1804 Wed 08-May-13 20:48:56

Thanks guys. I know stressing is futile I just can't help it. Getting all emotional at you both being so nice to me even though I'm clearly a bit bonkers grin

Poor old DH- he's a pretty stressy person by nature as am I so I think we are running off on each other!

It just seems so unfair that everyone I know just gets pregnant like that and i feel like I've waited till the right time and been sensible to no avail. I've got a friend with three kids and neither her or her boyfriend have ever worked, live off benefits etc and she fell with all of them in the first month of trying. Just seems cruel.

I know I should relax. It's just hard

Isean Wed 08-May-13 21:43:21

Please don't feel guilty for stressing or feeling envious or that things are unfair, we've all been there!
This forum is a great place to go when you need a rant, a little pick me up or to feel that you're not the only mental one out there!

SomeDizzyWhore1804 Thu 09-May-13 09:57:39

Thanks Isean I do feel like this might all be sending me a bit bonkers. I don't know if it's a hormone inbalance or just barminess.

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