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Thinking of TTC for no.3 and Feeling Anxious

(4 Posts)
NKffffffffe749edcfX11d6d7397af Wed 08-May-13 09:51:18

I am one of three and always imagined having more than two children, if I was lucky enough.

I now have two gorgeous children, DS (4.5yrs) and DD (2.5yrs). I have been in a new job nearly a year working part-time and I love it. Everything is ticking along nicely at the moment.

But I still have a niggle to go for no.3....

DH is happy to go along with it, but not desperate. He says he feels our family is complete, though he is sure he'd love another child etc. But if I wasn't pushing for it, I don't think he would be. Although he did say he'd feel disappointed if we didn't go for it. Still, when we talk about it we tend to get drawn towards the negative elements rather than the exciting parts.

I am just so worried about the unknowns: firstly, what if there are problems with my pregnancy, with the health of the baby etc. Also the financial implications long-term of having another child, and the hassle factor and being outnumbered etc. Also I am really worried about having twins as my mum is a twin as is DH - I think that would be such a difficult situation and I worry that I would be drawn away from giving DS and DD the attention that I love to give them.

Then there is the negativity around me. I get a lot of childcare help from my mum and MIL, both of whom have made it clear they don't think we should have any more children! I'm sure they would be supportive, but I feel like I'm asking for more work and trouble and I feel a bit greedy as I already have two amazing and healthy kids.

I do worry about my career and how I will manage to keep it afloat with more than two kids. I have taken on responsibilities at work, and it would be stressful to let those go and inconvenience my colleagues.

But still....I do long for one more pregnancy, just to savour it. I loved being on maternity leave and being around for my kids and those special nurturing experiences like breastfeeding etc. My two kids now are such a duo and I think they'd love another baby to join their club...

I feel so confused. I'm very broody but so worried about all these things and I feel isolated in wanting this. I know it will be the harder option, but I loved being part of a larger family and I want my kids to have that as they grow older too.

Ahhh, any reassurances or advice?? I've just come off the pill, with the plan to start ttc next month...ahhhhhhh

Mythreeknights Wed 08-May-13 12:46:21

NK first of all, how do you remember your username?? It is so long!

I know exactly what you mean - mine are 4 and 2.75 yrs old and are a real team, love each other to bits and get on well. But I have been niggling for a third since Aug last year and in Jan managed to persuade DH to go for it. Not having much success yet!! At the moment I'm less up for it as I'm so depressed with this shitty weather that I long for an overseas holiday and the reality is with 3 kids, once the little one is paying full fares, it might be tricky to maintain that lifestyle. BUT, I am one of 3 and I long for a new baby to pour more love into and more importantly for DS1 and 2 to have a third point of view, someone else to share their lives with and to love.I also really want to be pregnant which is ridiculous since everyone knows it's an uncomfortable hormonal tiring 9 months ending with serious pain! But, I just want to go one more time - exactly as you say, to savour it.

So, my advice would be if you are niggling for it, have a go. It might not happen instantly which gives you plenty of time to think about it properly. (That said I think coming off the pill makes you instantly super-fertile)

I'm also finding it a 'bit too easy' (iykwim) with two and want to factor some more chaos into our lives.

Who knows - it's a v tough call but if you decide to go for it you will find you are in good company!

thecakeisalie Wed 08-May-13 13:03:48

Were just about to start ttc our 3rd after much thought not helped by a family members wedding this time next.

I've considered so many times if I really want another child or is it just the the thought of being pregnant again. But I realised we have so much love to give, plenty of room for a third. I think what was really putting me off was the 'newborn' sleep deprived stage, upsetting the balance of our life and the idea of becoming a big family. All I know is in 20-30yrs time if we don't try for a 3rd I would always look back and wonder. I don't want the small things to put me off an idea that if I didn't try to fulfil I would always regret!

My husband has asked me several time how many kids it would actually take for me to stop feeling broody and I said I couldn't tell him. For all I know we could have a 3rd and I'd be consider having a 4th.

I can totally relate feeling broody is just such hard work - seeing pregnant women and babies just sets me off again!

NKffffffffe749edcfX11d6d7397af Wed 08-May-13 13:57:41

Thanks for your responses. I totally agree with that view that in 20/30years' time I am convinced I'd be sorry not to have gone for it. I read somewhere that you only regret the kids you didn't have...

I am also a bit delusional and rose-tinted about being pregnant again. I had severe SPD during both my pregnancies and just about managed to cope without crutches. But that feeling of your baby kicking in you...just priceless.

It's nice to hear other people going through the same thing. Who knows maybe this time it'll take longer to conceive, but both times last time I fell pregnant in the first month of trying...

Good luck to you both

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