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I get knocked down, but I'll get knocked up again, cos you're never gonna keep me down... The big fat posifrickintivity thread for people TTC after MC.

(995 Posts)
SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 11:25:35

I thought I'd start the new thread and earn some brownie points with the posifrickintivity Gods... grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 05-May-13 20:32:40

Well Sal they do say that million to one chances happen nine times out of ten! grin

fod27 Sun 05-May-13 21:05:51

Sat in my car over looking a lake at sunset......romantic right? Well it would be if DF and I hadn't been arguing for a hour about the loss of our child.... We were doing so well and now I feel so alone, I don't know how much more if this I can take, I've got noone that I can talk to about this I feel trapped in my own personal hell... Everyone thinks I should be over it by now, I haven't even started to grieve

nearlyreadytopop Sun 05-May-13 21:14:34

hi, im going to be brave and ask to join you all.
I had a mc at 6weeks last Aug. Amazingly pregnant again straight away. Another mc, this time at 17 weeks in Jan. Bit of a mess up by Doc and I needed an ERPC at start of March. Now 9 weeks on and still no AF. I did poas and its negative.
Doctor said to wait for one cycle before trying again but I don't have the patience!!
I also have pcos so longer cycles are normal.
Is there anything I can do/take (apart from lose some weight) to bring on a period?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 05-May-13 21:52:04

Fod have a big hug Hun. {{{{}}}} it's so hard being where we all are. I have no advice to offer, just a squeeze and a sympathetic ear. It's why I love this thread. No hiding, no pretending, just say how you feel.
It's so wrong that people don't talk about grief in real life. Especially women. There are SO MANY women out there who go through this, and it is still not spoken of.
You will get through this. X

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 05-May-13 21:56:14

Nearly welcome. sorrythat you find yourself here. there's nothing I've heard of sadly. It's just a case of sit and wait. After 9 weeks AF surely can't be that far off. It is absolutely shite waiting, but there's no reason generally that you can't get started TTC in the meantime.

nearlyreadytopop Sun 05-May-13 22:22:43

thanks Saggy, fingers crossed it comes soon. I bought some ovulation pee sticks but Im not sure when to use them because everythings a bit up the left atm.

Fod im sorry. nothing useful to say really just a hug and some wine

fod27 Sun 05-May-13 22:30:00

Thanks guys, nothing anyone can say I suppose just wish my DF would say something...anything....we can talk for hours about nothing but anything like this and he's dismissive of the whole thing, my friends and family are in the "I'm sick of hearing about it mode" theres only you guys left to talk to.. Not that your the last resort or anything

nearlyreadytopop Sun 05-May-13 22:35:17

I think I read something on the miscarriage association website about how men deal with mc. It might help.
Its very hard to move on when everyone else expects it. Am amazed at how insensitive some people can be. No one know how we feel inside and there are ups and downs. Personally I don't think I will ever 'get over it' but I will learn to live with that gap where my babies should have been.

Topslou Sun 05-May-13 22:45:49

Fod, I know how you are feeling. After feeling really positive for the last few weeks I've hit a really bad patch over the last 24 hours and its taking every ounce of energy I have to smile at DP and not break down in tears. Normally I would but he's working away for a week from tomorrow & I don't want him fretting about me while he's away.

With my last mc every one was so supportive but with this one it's barely been acknowledged and I feel like I have no one to talk to in RL. You ladies are all fab but I just want someone to have a bottle of wine with and talk it all through. My two friends I could normally do that with are both due within days if when I was and although they keep saying that there for me I really don't want to discuss it with them and cause them any more worry about their pregnancies.

Hoping that I will snap out of this phase as quickly as I fell into it, all it took was an innocent photo on Facebook of my friend & her baby. If that's what a photo does hate to think what it's going to be like when all these babies start arriving in September & October if I'm not pregnant again. Y then!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 05-May-13 22:47:55

I get the same from DP. Every time I mention the MC, or TTC, or anything related, I get the hmm... Or the uh huh... Or the nod and state into the distance. I can accept it though, because DP was really supportive, and has once or twice mentioned how hard it is when the young girls at work announce a PG, or talk babies. What really hurt was my Mum. I got the "it was maybe for the best" speech, and as MC was also ectopic, I suppose it's true, but when I told her recently we were trying again, she was really negative. Apparently it was one thing when I was already PG by accident, but totally another to be deliberately planning to get PG and I must be mad and am a slave to my hormones! sad that was really hard to hear. Especially as she went through exactly the same scenario as me.

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 06-May-13 09:35:46

Fod - so sorry you are having a tough time Hun. I think men do deal with this differently - almost sooner than woman deal with it. My DH was sad when it happens but once the bleeding stopped it was like everything went back to normal and he wasn't sad about it anymore I know I have a BFP now but I still think that I would be finding out the gender of the baby I lost about now and things like that - I don't think I will ever not think about the one we lost.

Nearlyready - sorry you fond yourself on this thread - you will find lots of support on here

Saggy - sorry you haven't got much support from your mum - I got the "it was for the best speech" dozens of time and I know people were just trying to help but it really doesn't!!


fod27 Mon 06-May-13 09:45:12

I know exactly what you mean, my mum couldn't seem to care less...I'm sure she does, but she's so dismissive of the whole thing, today is a glorious day and I should be out enjoying it with family but due to rowing for 24 hours my DF messed me about all night and this morning so me and DC have missed the boat on that one, plus they've had to listen to us fighting, I think we've come to the end now tbh, he's been so hurtful its soul destroying, I think my time may have come to leave this thread...I need some real help in RL

Lieslvontrapp Mon 06-May-13 09:50:12

fod sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. I hope you find some help in rl.

Lieslvontrapp Mon 06-May-13 09:54:19

Welcome nearly sorry you find yourself here. After 9 wks I reckon af must be on its way soon. I waited 10 wks and heard a couple of people on here get to around the 10 wk mark too.

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 06-May-13 11:47:32

Oh fod :-( I really hope you find some help in RL - the miscarriage association have some really good links and info on their website. Please don't suffer alone though hun - come on here and talk to us anytime if you want to - we are all here for you xxxxx

Chipschipschips Mon 06-May-13 12:41:56

Don't know about anyone else but I was shocked at how terrible it was for me, it was devestating and I ended up having a full on panic attack a few days after, then I had to have a week off work to recover. The pain was awful too, I was a mess, and I was only 5 weeks so I feel for anyone who was further down the line.

Misspositivity Mon 06-May-13 12:54:11

Hi guys. Can I join

Just had my 2nd consecutive mc
Feb 10 weeks (booking app aagghhh)
April 5 weeks.

I have a dd 20 months :-))

Staying positive dusting myself off and going again

Good luck to everyone xxx

GuffSmuggler Mon 06-May-13 14:20:29

Oh fod I'm so sorry you're having a shit weekend sad Miscarriage takes a massive toll on relationships much as any other life changing event would. You need to keep this in mind, DH and I had a massive fall out some weeks after the miscarriage because of the pressure it caused and if you add the pressure of TTC into the mix it's a pressure cooking waiting to go off!!

Just try and keep calm and talk to each other when you are both calm about how you are both feeling and what you both need from each other.

I hope you're day gets a bit better.

Welcome to the newbies, sorry you find yourselves in this crappy situation but there is good support here.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 06-May-13 14:54:09

Have a huge hug Fod. Wherever happens we are here for you my lovely. You aren't alone. Xxxxxx

Bakingtins Mon 06-May-13 15:08:06

Welcome nearly, MissP you can join, but you may have to rename yourself MissPosi-fricking-tivity. I'm sorry for your losses, I've had 2 MC in a row and 3 altogether and it is shit.

Fod I'm sorry you are not getting RL support. I think blokes handle it v differently and don't have the same sense of losing a baby. They seem to write it off and move on very quickly. Have you thought about getting any counselling? Any chance he would go with you? Sounds like he needs some guidance in supporting you better, even if he doesn't feel the same need to grieve.

Misspositivity Mon 06-May-13 15:28:51

fod totally agree with bakingtins these men are built differently. They generally are very good at putting these things in boxes and not thinking about it again. Even though I think I have a fantastic relationship with my DP I have to be honest the 2 mc's are the most lonely thing I have ever felt, the 2nd more so than the 1st. It's either people think u should be used to it by now or don't know what to say. Hoping the sadness will pass in time. Keep the chin up.

bakingtins your right it is sh*t. But we are going to make it!!!! Sorry for your losses.

CamomileHoneyVanilla Mon 06-May-13 16:28:02

Hey to MissPositivity and Nearly. Sorry for your losses and for the fact you have to be here, but hope you settle into the thread and find it supportive.

Fod, so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it at the moment. On my nhs miscarriage leaflet (that I got about 60 copies of as people kept giving it to me every chance they got!) there was a number of a local counsellor attached to the hospital who I could call if I needed to talk. Any chance there is a similar service near you? Otherwise contacting the miscarriage association (as I think someone's already said) sounds like a good bet.. Getting more RL support sounds a idea, but please stick around here if you can and want to (or maybe you could start another thread and direct us to it if you don't want to post on this thread specifically).

This whole thing is just shit. I do think men find it shit too though, and haven't necessarily gotten over it easily just because some appear to have done so. I think some of them (and some women, not generalising) do put bad feelings/experiences in a little box (as someone said) and try to forget about it, and then feel vulnerable and upset when something happens which reminds them the box is there or even (god forbid) makes them open it (such as partner wanting to talk about it), so resist it/deny feelings; not because they don't care, but because they do. That's how I've understood some of my DHs past idiocy anyway! I hope that makes sense.

Lots of hugs to anyone needing themxx

fod27 Mon 06-May-13 16:42:36

Thanks for your support guys, what hurts the most is the fact that we should be pulling together and even after all was said and done yesterday he'd sooner let us row over anything and let me walk out tham talk to me, it is a very lonely place to be ;,( I may look into counselling as I've had to be so strong and put a face on everything, with my brothers cancer, my tests and loosing the baby

Conina Tue 07-May-13 00:33:34

Fod I'm sorry things are crap right now. I wish I had something more insightful n helpful to say to you x I do know from bitter experience two things. Firstly, many people will say absolutely the wrong thing when talking about mc. If I'm kind, I'll try to believe its simply an inability to empathise. Secondly - for me - my dp, no matter how much I love him and no matter how sweet n kind he is on many things - for me my dp is not the right person for me to talk to about my mc.

I'm new. Can I join? One dc, aged 2.9. Two mc. 1 at 7-8 wks last April, 1 at 11 wks at Christmas, MMC.l

Currently on day 29 / 30 of a 29-30 day cycle. Been feeling a few pg symptoms - nausea, sore chest, heartburn but also had cramping this afternoon. POAS yesterday and it was negative. Just thrown up though? I had HG when I was pg with dc, and thrown up early with all the pg... Actually - it's doing my head in. Properly feeling nauseous, even when I'm hungry, can't stand smells. If we were in an age without pregnancy tests, I would proclaim I'm pg but the test says no... With the 2 mc, it took a while for the second stripe to show and I'm just worried I'm there again. How daft - I can't even prove I'm pg (and with this cramping, I would normally state with the same level of conviction that I'll be entertaining AF tomorrow) and yet I'm worrying I'll mc?

I should just sleep and enjoy my dose of norovirus right grin

fod27 Tue 07-May-13 00:39:07

conina I felt the same last cycle, thought I was pregnant for sure, bought the easy tests and the late tests, but it wasn't to be I could have kicked myself for getting my hopes up as whenAF arrived it totally devastated me ;(

I hope it's not a similar experience tho as I'd love to just lurk here and see lots and lots of BFPs

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