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I get knocked down, but I'll get knocked up again, cos you're never gonna keep me down... The big fat posifrickintivity thread for people TTC after MC.

(995 Posts)
SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 11:25:35

I thought I'd start the new thread and earn some brownie points with the posifrickintivity Gods... grin

Thundercatsarego Mon 13-May-13 17:23:20

Hi all <waves at newbies and offers soft cheese

Thundercatsarego Mon 13-May-13 17:28:19

Hi all <waves at newbies and offers soft cheese platter>

Thought I'd just bob in and say hi, send my condolences for those who are having a tough time and reassure you that I'm still here.

Also sending a big heap of congrats to you littlemiss

How are you all doing my friends? I'm ok over here. Been avoiding MN over the past few weeks and have been able to successfully distract myself a bit from all the woes so that feels good. Af due next weekend/mon and then hoping to be back in the game for bfp tastic June or July. refusing to acknowledge my EDD in a couple of weeks

Thundercatsarego Mon 13-May-13 17:29:15

Ps oops about first acci-post. Thats what comes from typing whilst on wobbly train!

alyant79 Mon 13-May-13 18:48:09

Hello all. Welcome newbies I'm so sorry you find yourselves here. But here is a safe home to go through this crazy time.
Just checking in from my hols. It's 2ww time for me now. Should poas fri next week but won't - either af will come on my last couple of days of hol or she won't. I refuse to think about it. Didn't bring stick with me.
Sorry to here about all the non-supportive DHs. I hope they come around

DearlyDepartedMrsFinch Mon 13-May-13 19:18:32

Hi everyone <waves>

I've been up and down over the last few days. DH and I had another chat which was okay. Things are very stressful at home at the moment as we have the builders in and have temporarily moved out while we have no bathroom (only a few days though) so I can understand that DH needs things to settle down before I put the pressure on. It has only been just over 2 weeks since the miscarriage after all.

However, guff and Sal I am mightily impressed by and jealous of your bedroom antics.

overanxious I recognise that conviction that something is wrong. When we conceived DC2 my cycle was all over the place (ranging from 24 to 45 days shock). But what you need to remember is that at the end of the day, the chances of getting pregnant even with optimal conditions are quite small. Someone said up thread that it's a wonder anyone is born! But thankfully your tests have been clear, so that must be some comfort? There is no reason why you won't get your BFP next month. Fingers crossed.

And, I'm probably preaching to the converted, buuuut, although stress can affect your cycle (it certainly does mine) it can only delay ovulation. So generally your luteal phase (time from ovulation to period) is fixed at around 12-16 days and doesn't change from cycle to cycle. So for example, on my 24 day cycle I ovulated on CD10, during my more usual 34 day cycles I ovulate on CD20 and during my 45 day cycle I ovulated on day 30, or not at all (anovulatory cycle). Waffling here grin but I would definitely recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It is easier to read than the title suggests grin and certainly made me feel more in control when my cycle was going mad!

One of the school run Mums announced her pregnancy today so I came home and wailed and wailed. DH was lovely though, so it was almost worth it to feel closer to him. Perhaps my reaction will make him relent on the TTC ban. Ho hum.

Topslou Mon 13-May-13 19:40:29

Evening ladies. I need some decision making help. It will involve me breaking the rules so fully prepared for my fish slap if I do. AF is due Thursday so as long as the wicked witch doesn't arrive I will be poas on Friday. I have a couple of things which may suggest it will be good news. My dilemma is that I am going to a big industry event on Wednesday where I will be offered champagne and cocktails in the day and then attending a notoriously boozy dinner in the evening. I don't want to drink if there is a chance I am pregnant but if I'm not I shall partake happily in the free alcohol. So should I poas tomorrow to know one way or the other?

OveranxiousUnderated Mon 13-May-13 20:03:41

It is really nice to talk to people going through the same thing (unfortunately it's not a nice thing) but it really helps to speak to people who 'get it'. Thank you for all of your replies and warm welcome smile

I know I need to stay positive, and that it can take up to a year etc's just so hard to maintain that positive attitude sometimes!

I have been temping this month, and according to my chart I OV'd on day 14...but I am not convinced, I had a 37 day cycle last month so wasn't expecting it so early but also I didn't get a positive OPK and peak reading untill day 15 hmm so temping has thrown me even more.

I am also terrible for early POAS'ing sad I cannot resist, I was going to ask DH to hide my stash but I knew I would hate not having control. But obviously one line is even more depressing than no line. No willpower. Arghh.

Might take some of your advice though and look into some sort of relaxation/therapy/massage etc. I am willing to try anything!


OveranxiousUnderated Mon 13-May-13 20:05:58

Topslou - Personally, I would definitely POAS but I am a bit of a POAS-aholic. You have nothing to lose, especially only 1 day before AF. It might reassure you, if it's a BFN then at least you can enjoy yourself one way or another. smile


LinaJ Mon 13-May-13 20:46:06

Hi - do you mind if I join you all?

I have been 'stalking' this thread a while and feel for everyone stuck in limbo between TTC, MC and DC. Your chat has kept me sane while trying to be postive about things over the last couple of weeks.

I just want to mark my place right now - I found out at lunchtime what I thought would be a reassuring 9wk scan showed a 7w MMC sad - so it's still a bit raw (also I have drunk 2 bottles of Bud and probably can't type that well!). ERPC is booked for Thurs - unless mother nature kicks in first and then I can think about the next month(s).

Having already had 2 MCs this year (1 Jan and 11 Mar this year) I am hoping you'll help keep me positive?


Lieslvontrapp Mon 13-May-13 21:04:15

Welcome lina so sorry about the mmcs. I've been through one so I really feel for you and anyone else on here that has been through multiple. Unfortunately it happens. Just be kind to yourself especially during these early days.

Also welcome to other newbies. Sorry you're here and hopefully you'll have a short stay.

Congrats to littlemiss hopefully that's the start of our flurry of bfps! And topslou sounds like you might be the next! I would poas before the event if I were you.

Thunder nice to hear from you and see youre still lurking!

Lieslvontrapp Mon 13-May-13 21:08:48

Overanxious I also get the something wrong feeling. I've only had 2 AFs since erpc end December so not sure I'm ovulating. Started using a cbfm this cycle to see if I get a high and hopefully peak by cd26. I'm on cd11 and still low but it's still early days yet. Let's see!

Misspositivity Mon 13-May-13 21:21:25

Hi lina. Sorry you find yourself here. Your post brought me back to my first mc. I went straight to a wine bar after and drank 2 large glasses of wine. It's truly horrible and I am so sorry you find yourself there again.

You will find some lovely ladies on here who really understand how we are all feeling.

tops def poas in the morning If nneg don't forget could be poss by Friday. Loads of medical research to say the first 4 weeks r ok as nothing will pass over so you should be ok if late positive. Have fun.

alicebear Mon 13-May-13 22:19:24

Another newbie here can I join? I had a MMC in April & erpc. AF arrived yesterday so feel like we can get cracking again with ttc.
Sorry to see so many people here but you all seem lovely & really supportive to each other.
I have 1DD who is nearly 2.
Lina very very sorry to hear about your news today. What a year for you. Hope your op goes well on Thurs. Quite right to turn to a much needed drink at a time like this.
Hope to see some BFPs on Fri or maybe even sooner.

DearlyDepartedMrsFinch Mon 13-May-13 22:31:31

Gosh, lina, you've been through the wringer this year. So sorry. And hi to Alice too. Hopefully none of us will be here too long.

xkatxdollx Mon 13-May-13 23:21:50

Hey ladies I had a miscarriage 2 months ago baby was supposed to be 11 weeks but only measured 5 and now today I found out in having a chemical pregnancy and should start bleeding soon have any of you had the same problem I do have a 19 month old that's perfect and healthy have any of you had the same problem with multiple mc and is it like a disorder or something that I can look into to shed some light on it?

OneLittleToddleTerror Tue 14-May-13 08:57:22

I can't believe I woke up to so many bad news here sad.

I complained too soon yesterday about fertility friend not detecting my ovulation. It took 3 high temp days to finally think my big O day was saturday. We dtd on friday and sunday, so it seems I'm in for a chance this month. Off to the 2ww for me now.

Topslou I'll definitely POAS and drink. Actually I'll just drink and might not POAS. Doesn't implantation starts around when AF is due? Because that's when implantation bleeding can be seen. The placenta won't be there before implantation, and surely will take a bit to develop? That means at this early stage, the egg couldn't be getting its blood supply from your blood stream anyway, isn't it?

lina so sorry to hear you have a third consecutive miscarrage. When I had my second, DH's boss told him that his wife had 3 consecutive MCs (I think it's either 3 or 4) after they had their first baby. The doctors did some tests and find there's nothing wrong with them. They told them the best thing to help concieve is just to stay healthy. They went on to have another 3 children. But I know it's so hard to stay positive in these circumstances. I'm still feeling fairly down after 2 consecutives. I can imagine how bad a third could be.

Welcome alice and katxdoll. katdoll there's nothing wrong with you most likely. I think most NHS trusts don't investigate until after 3 MCs. And I think most came back saying it's unexplained. (Just like fertility tests). Fact is, one in five pregnancies (some stats says 1/4) ends in a MC, and most in the first trimester. There is a fairly high chance to have two in a row, 1/5 * 1/5 = one in ten. If you already have a little one, chances are you are normal. Also most MCs are because of chromosonal disorder in the embryo. It implies there's a higher chance of it if either the mum or the dad is older. (I don't know what your age is).

Thundercatsarego Tue 14-May-13 09:00:09

Hi lina, you poor thing you have had a rough time of it. Will you look into it further now you've had 3 mc? My clinic said they wouldn't go near an investigation until that point.

Hey liesl!

xkat sorry you're having a rubbish time too. Can I ask though- how do you know about the chemical pregnancy if you haven't started bleeding?

There are tests that can be done into whether sonething is triggering mcs but a lot of the time I think it's just horrible rotten luck. As above, my doc said they will only start to investigate any causes once you've had 3 with the same partner.

Chipschipschips Tue 14-May-13 09:01:54

Convinced myself to POAS this morning following a day of heartburn yesterday and it's another BFN. That's 3 tests in 7 days. I've got to stop now sad

OneLittleToddleTerror Tue 14-May-13 09:04:15

thunder is your clinic private or the NHS? I'm wondering what my trust's policy is. (I'm fully expecting a third mc). I'm going to ask for tests after my 3rd too as I've heard that's the norm and that before that point, you aren't even classed as having multiple miscarriages. If I have no luck with the NHS, I might have to find out if there are local clinics doing this sort of work. I only know of a fertility clinic locally, are these the sort of places to go to?

katatonic Tue 14-May-13 09:53:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneLittleToddleTerror Tue 14-May-13 10:24:55

katatonic so sorry to hear you are here with us. I had my second MC about the same point in pregnancy as you. I found out at my 12 week scan, scheduled for a rescan the next week, but had a very traumatic MC before I get to the rescan.

Have you checked your hcg levels are back to normal before you use the OPKs? I didn't check first as I will start using my CBFM after my first AF. (Only using ewcm and bbt for this cycle 0). Anyway, as long as your hcg levels are back to normal, then the OPK would be accurate.

Am I right in thinking that you ovulated about 2 weeks after the MC. I guess that could be right if you bounce back straight to a normal cycle? My fertility friend said I ovulated on day 23, so I think my hcg was probably high for quite while after the ERPC.

GuffSmuggler Tue 14-May-13 10:45:28

Hi all,

Welcome to the new people, so sorry you find yourself here, it's just so sad how many people have to go through this sad

MrsF sorry things are still stressful for you, I guess if you are having building work done that is a massive stress so perhaps DH will be more receptive once it's finished?

I'm already feeling anxious about the 2ww and I'm not even sure if I've passed ovulation yet. If I don't get a BFP this cycle I'm definitely going to use sticks and temp next month as this TTC business is exhausting!!

katatonic Tue 14-May-13 10:47:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneLittleToddleTerror Tue 14-May-13 11:19:25

katatonic I mean just POAS with a home pregnancy kit. There's no reason to stress about it now. But if you do have some internet cheapies around, you can test if it's still detectable. Otherwise, just keep dtd three times a week if you can!

OneLittleToddleTerror Tue 14-May-13 11:20:39

The ovulation kits like CBFM suggests you start tracking after you get your first AF after a MC. Just don't worry so much for this WTF cycle.

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