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TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)(1000 Posts)
A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies
hi gin :-) I have been to give blood again to see if the HCG is up, but told that they expect it not to be and they'd call later to confirm.
I'm here! Thanks for the new thread.
Sar hold on in there. We are here for you. Hand holds x
Lemon. Ooh. That's interesting...
Free, how are you today?
Don't think MrN and I will ever have children. Mainly because he is refusing to come near me until I apologise for questioning his DIY ability. Bloody men.
You know, I've never been superstitious but thread 13 sucked for a number of us. I will also remark that our OTD was 13 Feb and my mc properly kicked off on 13 March. On future 13s I will be hiding indoors wearing a tinfoil helmet! So I'm happy that we are on to #14.
joy I have really mixed feeling about things like hidden c and immunes. The infection stuff was completely dismissed by my clinic, so I never had the antibiotic treatment. Nor did I do any immune treatment for this cycle. So maybe one of those was the problem. But I've seen so many people who have had the treatments end up with the same outcome I did, so I just don't know. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.
I hope the tests today are ok.
I can't believe you went into a shop full of cute baby things! Crazy lady. I have been avoiding those for some time (even when diffed, because I was afraid of tempting fate by getting too carried away).
doll good to see you. I hope little doll has recovered fully now and that you are doing alright.
madness I don't envy you the hot flushes. I had them a few times when I was on Letrozole and they were blooming awful!
sar I got my TFP at 12 dpEC. Just saying. <whistles> I was also certain that the cycle had failed. The night before I got my positive test, I walked past a mirror on the way to bed and looked at myself and thought "you are never going to be a mummy" and had a little cry. I really, really hope this is your time.
Nelly for me, so far at least, this mc has been like a mega period - just with more pain and gore than usual (and the trauma of using towels for the first time since my early teens - yuk). I think although I was 8 weeks when it happened, everything had stopped developing so early that there wasn't much of substance to pass. I haven't had to face the trauma of the expelling cramps that people talk about. I am a bit scared that they are still to come, but everything does seem to be easing off. I am completely exhausted though. My ferratin stores are usually low due to years to heavy periods and I think the last few days must have completely obliterated them.
free I hope you are doing ok. When is the HCG retest?
Oh free Im really sorry that they dont think the hcg is going to be up. Is this the furthest you have got so far? An almost success must be very frustrating. Lets put it down to unlucky fred 13.
Lovely sar so sorry you are feeling so sad. As others have said, its not over yet, but I do know that terrible it hasnt worked feeling all too well. Be kind to yourself, dont go out to the family do unless you feel up to it and eats lots of chocolate. Big big hugs. TTC it totally not over for you.
Talking of being kind to yourself, joy stay away from the baby shops! I struggle in them at the best of times and worry about being one of those women who buy things for a child they will never have. The stuff is almost too cute to resist. You are bound to be feeling very up and down and understanding the feeling of wanting a break from AC but also wanting to get on with it. Will you get a follow up at the clinic? Presumably after your test results?
euro pleased to hear you arent feeling too poorly any more. Sounds like you need to eat some steak, with a side order of spinach (and red wine). Do you have to go back to the clinic or drs at all? It really has been a shitty few months for so many of us.
Lemons hmmm interesting keeping my fingers crossed for you. I had no spotting in my mental flu cycle, but had sore boobs for ages. It was really odd after my period had buggered off not to be able to feel them anymore!
nelly at offending Mr Ns man skills. Ive been a cow bag to Dave so sechs is looking pretty unlikely for me too. I had a its sooo unfair I have to have a camera shoved up my bits tomorrow tantrum last night.
buzzy exciting that your AC cycle is getting nearer. Hope you arent feeling too poorly and snotty at the mo. So many people are sick at my work. Thats great that your clinic freeze any spare embies for free. Mine
money grabbing bastards charged for it and also an annual storage fee. It does sound likely that this will be an option and will give you lots of opportunities <thinks of mini Buzzy sibling>
Speaking of freezing stuff, wohoo pout on so many good embies! Sounds like you will def have frozen ones. How exciting. I might see if I can find some cheapo fleurs somewhere and recreate your funeral parlour look.
madness I am v. envious of your freebie NHS ivfs. We get nada here, but may move next year and be entitled to some. I wonder if I was in an area that wouldnt let me have any cos weve privately funded some that havent worked, whether they would give me one if using donor sperm, rather than DHs sperm. Doubt theyd be that flexible though. Exciting that you are getting so near to your cycle.
Hello doll! Please dont stay away. I miss you.
So sorry your iui didnt work Sea. I know nothing about immunes, as I dont think its an issue for me. I seem to constantly have a cold or something, which is probably not good for fertility either!
Waves to everyone else.
Just been to the clinic for the day 8 scan for the FET and things arent looking great. I have no dominant follicle, but two of 8 and 10 mm on the right and an 8 on the left and then the small uns. He started muttering things about meds next cycle I do normally have a long cycle, not getting a LH surge until day 16, so Im hoping its just too early. Can I have developed PCOS in a few months?! Do bigger follicles shrink after one becomes dominant? Ive only ever had non-ivf scans post-ovulation and theres only ever been 1 large follicle. This cycle feels normal to me I normally get some ovary pangs and a bit of mucous on day 8, before proper ovulation takes off about a week later. But who knows. Maybe its to do with the long flu cycle. Or maybe my bits are fucked. If Im broken as well as Dave, Im throwing in the towel. But on the other hand I dont want to do a medicated cycle, if this is a one off freak cycle. Anyway, Im going to try not to obsess about it until the next scan on Tuesday <hollow laugh> and hope all is normal.
Gin that scan sounds completely normal to me. I've had 6 monitored cycles now I think (3 for Letrozole, 2 for natural IUI and 1 for natural IVF) and that sounds fine for that stage. The sonographer is a twonk. I remember on my day 6 scan for my IVF cycle, it wasn't possible to tell which ovary would dominate as there were follies around 7-8mm on both. We both thought perhaps the right, but it ended up being the left. I would have oved on day 16 on my usual cycle (but had EC on day 15), so a bit earlier than you if you don't get your LH surge until then. I'd put money on it that everything will be fine by Tuesday and there will be a dominant follie on one side.
Oh crikey, this thread is 2 years old. As much as i feel very settled with you wonderful ladies I do wonder when i will have to say enough is enough. I cant still be posting until im menopausal. And lucky thread 13 was a pile of crap. My clinics door number is 13 and in 2013 and on thread 13 , I thought the numbers were all lined up. But clearly they were lined up in a bad way.
Oh lovely lovely Sar. What you are feeling is totally normal and I know you have been here before but its not over. As you know I couldnt have felt less pregnant so its impossible to tell. I also think its impossible to be possible. I know all we want to do is plan for the what ifs but just see what happens over the next few days. Even if the worst is confirmed, this is most certainly not it for you. Massive hug.
Free oh goodness poor you. I hope the docs are proved wrong today.
Gin i also think the doc is twonk. What exactly was he expecting to see? I have had about 12 monitoring cycles in the last few years and it takes a while for a dominant follicle to emerge and then the others shrink. What does he want or am I missing something? If you ovulate late then dominant follicles are likely to take over later....surely? Anyway, even if this was an anovulatory cycle then you could put it down to post illness and you should see what happens next month.
Euro glad youre ok today.
Thanks euro that's massively helpful and made me menkul less. Wish it'd been the nice nurse doing the scan - I never come out of appointments with her feeling worried!
Thanks too joy. Good to know that the big uns do shrink when the dominant one appears. They same to base it all on a text book day 14 ovulation/28 day cycle. Hope you are feeling ok today.
Thread 13 was shit, I agree. My mc was on the 13th as well, euro and I had a bit of a it's been six months wobble on Thursday. Btw will they scan you to show it has all gone? They did with me, and as the embryo had left by then but left some of the special diffed wall-paper behind, another time at the beginning of the next cycle. So onwards to a better thread 14!
Not getting excited, especially as you had painful boobs for a long time in the flu cycle, gin. I think SB will want to do some hobnob consumption if nothing has happened by Sunday, also because we're off to FarAway on Thursday and he'd want clinic confirmation and advice before.
Btw the doctor is an idiot gin. Why, I wonder, do people who work in fertility clinic not learn that not everyone has a 28 day cycle with ovulation at day 14. I am the opposite with ovulation often happening 12-13, with drucks from cd10, which inevitably means I have to request an earlier scan appointment than they automatically suggest.
Any news yet free? It is a good sign if something tried to nestle, as it means egg and sperm definitely met. But it a complete head fuck all the same.
Oh joy I feel so sorry for the tears. Although how you thought going into one of Those Shops was a good idea right now, I do not know. I've said it on here before: BABY BOOKS. They are fun to get and easy to send. And if you can't cope with shopping for them, just order online. Really impressed with both you and euro. But remember coping is not obligatory. So feel free to wail when necessary.
Thinking of you sar. And rooting for the pouty embryos.
Crikey at thread 14. Tatty bye 13, you were pretty cruel to so many of you lovely ladies
sar I can totally understand the emotions running through your head right now. I was having the same kind of mental dialogue in the car yesterday thinking that I had rubbish eggs and it was all over. It is a horrible, horrible feeling & I hate knowing that you are so sad. I think lemons had it bang on with her advice. We will all get a resolution at some point that we can live with, no matter what that turns out to be. Remember you are slap bang in the middle of the worst bit with emotions running so high. Don't do anything you don't want to do right now like family parties. I totally believe that there are times we have to be kind to ourselves first and foremost. I know that you are such a lovely, lovely lady and put people ahead of yourself a lot but this time your feelings are the priority I will also try and resist the urge to say that you don't yet know emphatically what the outcome of this cycle is. Sending hugely positive vibes your way and lots of love.
freedom Oh goodness. Hugs. When will you get the results back for your blood test?
gin I'm glad that you feel happier about your scan results. I'm loving your dildo cam tantrum. I regularly pull one of those on MrP & reel off my list of indignities & point out that his net contribution has been spaffing in a pot twice and one blood test whereby afterwards he had to pull over in a Sainsbury's carpark because "it felt like it was dripping in blood". It wasn't Don't even get me started on him making out that taking my eggs across London was the equivalent of Scott's trek of the Antartic (the incubator was just so heavy??!!!)!
NHS funding is just so random. We found out that the hospital where we were first referred when we lived in West Sussex who didn't fund anything at all while we were there now offer 4 goes. You couldn't make it up!
joy how are you today?
euro here's hoping that your theory is right and it really is almost over for you.
nelly at questioning MrN's DIY ability. That is like mocking his manhood.
lemons I hope this isn't post flu fuckwittery.
Get well hugs to buzzy
Shit it. Working from home today. Had a lunch time nap as I am exhausted. Missed call from clinic. Their phones are now off for the weekend. You couldn't make it up. Nevermind. DH and I are going to visit another town tomorrow and as it's in the direction of the woo doctor who we have an appointment with tonight, DH booked a hotel so we'll have a night away and someone else will serve breakfast tomorrow. So that will be nice.
free Gah - how annoying! Have you tried weeing on sticks? I did it every other day from my TFP and it was encouraging to see the line getting a teensy bit darker each time.
hi Euro I have literally pee-ed away 24 Euro on four sticks in the last 3 days the line isn't getting darker though. just a barely there smudge. ok must stop thinking about it. and get through the weekend.
Oh zut alors! (I used internet cheapies, so it was only about 50p a wee for me). I kept them all so i have a little stripey gallery at home in a box.
Did the clinic not think of leaving a message? They can be such morons, and must know you're desperate to know what is going on... Enjoy the night away free the breakfast and the woo. Hopefully it will be Monday soon.
Good luck for ET tomorrow pout. It is all looking good!
Popping in to say hi on thread 14. Hope this one brings some much deserved better luck to everyone.
Sar lovely Sar, do hang in there. The end of the 2ww is the worst. You know the symptoms or not are just there to mess with your head. I doubt there's a woman in the country going through IVF who hasn't had those feelings of despair. Joy is right, it's so hard to be positive as you would have so far to crash if you were wrong. I was convinced mine hadn't worked - with my successful IVF cycle I had virtually no symptoms apart from chronic period pain , whereas the cycle I miscarried I had textbook symptoms from the start. It's just crap. But it's not over yet, as other folks have said - and if this cycle doesn't pan out there will be a future plan for you. Time is on your side. Hugs and .
Euro my mc was just as you described - one really bad day then like a particularly gory period - so i am hopeful you're over the worst. A lovely holiday sounds just the thing. I'm loving all the talk of Italy. I've only been briefly for work trips but it was a revelation, definitely on the list for the future.
Joy oh my god step away from the baby shops. Books bought online are a good idea, or how about some good quality body moisturiser or body oil? You're being so brave but you don't need to torture yourself! The holiday sounds a brilliant idea, some time away with Roy to relax and be together will do you lots of good.
Gin I don't understand the thing about the dr expecting a dominant follie so soon. I never had that until later in my cycle either and without intervention I would normally ov around CD17/18. Another vote for the doc's twonk status. And at the dildo cam tantrum. I've had a few of those. "I'll just pop a condom on my probe" is a phrase no woman should ever have to hear.
Pout what a brilliant result with the embies. Excellent news! Will be thinking of you tomorrow for ET. I've had similar rants at MrA when he's moaned at the indignity of spaffing on demand. I told him Doll's tale about Ken having to produce the goods in a toilet next to the nurse's station in the hope he would appreciate his good fortune, but no. It's a good job men don't have to do IVF, he would have spent 6 weeks lying on the couch expecting to be waited on like a consumptive Victorian maiden with sideburns .
Buzz I've got the cold and chest thing too. Woke up on Tuesday sounding like the secret love child of Mariella Frostrup and Barry White. I should stop telling people it's the Capstans, I'm getting some funny looks . Exciting that you are getting close to your DE cycle.
Critter well done on the panda ovulation. Sounds like you got the timing right so everything crossed... two weeks is long enough that you will be able to test before starting the IVF cycle. Am hopeful for you. Such long cycles sound like a nightmare but if all else is OK there's no reason why you shouldn't get pg when you do ov.
Sea the unexplainedness is rubbish. It still bugs me even though IVF worked that I don't know what was wrong. And I put off IVF for ages because I wanted to find a reason why it wasn't working naturally. Perhaps one of the problems with outcome focused medicine is i didn't feel the doctor was remotely interested in finding the cause, he just pushed us towards IVF, but it did feel like we might be using a
very expensive sledgehammer to crack a nut. It is rubbish that you lose your NHS round by going private. The inconsistency between PCTs makes no sense. We paid because at age 38 the 12-month waiting list was too long but we would still have been entitled to one NHS round if it hadn't worked.
Rabbit the FSH numbers fluctuate so please don't see your result as a bad thing. You qualify for NHS IVF which is the main thing - they wouldn't let you cycle if they didn't think your chances were good as they wouldn't want you dragging down their stats [cynic emoticon]. Paw holds for you.
Free it's utter bollocks about the clinic phones being off. This thing about fertility clinics only working office hours (or not even that) does my head in. Fingers crossed this is your time.
Madness hurrah for the final downregging injection, hopefully the hot flushes etc will start to subside. Onward and upward for stimming.
Nelly at mocking MrN's DIY skills. Mr A doesn't have any but even so doesn't like it when I question his helicopter-like approach to a paintbrush.
All OK here. Joy something you said the other day really resonated, I think it was about not being able to get excited about pregnancy when you've gone through so much to get there. That's definitely how I feel. I'm 19 weeks today, which feels like an impossible miracle, but only just beginning to tell people other than parents and very close friends and only then because I don't have a choice - I've managed to hide it pretty well, until the last few days I just looked like I've porked up a bit, but clients are starting to talk about work beyond July and I need to be honest. I still can't actually use the P word. My mum has been hassling me to tell people and can't understand why I'm not all excited but then she had 2 kids within 3 years of getting married and just doesn't get it. Anomaly scan next week and of course all I can think about is what might be wrong at this stage. It's stupid I know, and maybe when I start feeling kicks and looking a bit more obvious it will start to feel real, but for now, caution rules. I still skirt round the baby aisle and I've refused to let my poor overexcited mum buy anything. The whole long haul TTC/MC/endless prodding and poking/AC scenario has felt so personal and private and if I'm honest a little bit shameful that it's hard to shake those feelings now.
I'm sorry if it seems insensitive to air those feelings on here but I think only another 10plusser will really understand and it might also strike a chord with some of you when you get your long awaited BFPs on the spectacularly lucky thread 14
Friday afternoon waves and love to all, hope everyone has lovely weekends
Free - quite shocked they didn't leave a message but is Friday half day or something? Closing for weekend at 1pm. [I need a job like that]
Art - a girl at my clinic who was nearly 12 wks pregnant after about 12 rounds of ivf said that people will just look at you and speak to you like any other pregnant woman but in your head you're not like other pregnant people. You can't get excited, you expect every scan will bring bad news and you can't even say the P word. You just take it day by day always with some trepidation. I can imagine that I will never relate to 'normal' pregnant people even if I did get pregnant again and it progressed. I wouldn't be doing some big email or ring round like all my friends do. I wouldn't join an ante natal forum on here and there is just no way I could get excited which I am sure many wouldn't understand.
And Art certainly not insensitive but actually fascinating to hear what it's like even this far along.
Hello again. I'm sorry I've not been very present - I actually have work to do, which is a shock to the system, and I can very easily get lost reading the internet, so it is banned until I finish... but the To Do list is never quite finished somehow.
I don't think I can name check everyone - I'm really far behind on the terminology and have nothing more helpful to offer than good wishes (which I do send! all over!) and tips about campsites in Italy (there's a lovely one 10 min walk from the center of Florence if you want a really cheap hols) or knitting (although I can probably be replaced with a Ravelry search much of the time).
Today is my first day using OPKs which seem like a bloody nuisance, honestly. I assumed they'd use FMU like PG sticks but noooo -- and then all the advice is contradictory about when to use them, even within the packaging for the ones I bought (cheapie ones, which may explain that).
Anyway, hello to the new thread, may it be luckier than the last!
art I completely understand that. I did join an AN thread on here - I made myself, to try to make it seem more real, but was very, very nervous about it. It actually was a good thing I think. I saw a number of "normals" drop off the list, which made me feel less despairing. MC is awful and it can happen to anybody. (BTW, I hope that doesn't read that I was in any way happy to see them drop off, that isn't what I mean at all - it just made me realise sadly how common mc is, however your pregnancy occurred.) I couldn't say the P word out loud though and when someone started talking to me about names at about 5 weeks, I looked like a rabbit in headlights and had to ask him to stop.
Midnight I was told 2pm with the OPKs. I did that, and got a +ve every month. When I was using them to time IUI was told to do 2 a day - one in the morning and one then, just to make sure I caught the surge.
art I think that is how most women who go through an ordeal to get pregnant feel like you so its not insensitive to us
gin if you don't ovulate till later then there wouldn't be much to see at this stage
free how on earth do they expect someone to wait until Monday for this kind of news is this the hospital or a clinic???
pout only one more sleep until poulet day
sar super big hugs, don't give up just yet
lemon I' would have cracked and scoffed some hobnob by now
rabbit hope you are ok
bloody glad this week is over ,have just organised my drugs for delivery which is good as i'm spotting even more now, just need to hang on till Tuesday
art Thanks for sharing how you feel. It really is interesting that even when whispers pregnant you never really shake the whole infertile/abnormal mindset. It is sad that yonks of TTC isn't punishment enough and that you still can't just have the carefree enjoyment that God knows you earned! I always imagined that I would feel just phew and hadn't really thought too deeply about what came next but everything you say makes total sense.
at MrP as a Victorian consumptive maiden! He pretty much has the sideboards already!
midnight I found the OPKs stressful too but if it's any consolation you generally can't mistake a surge on the stick. Slightly differently to Euro (not helpful sorry!) I used to test twice a day (bought a load of cheapies off Amazon) and would test around 2pm and then again just before my evening wallow in the bath at around 6.30pm. If I got a promisingly darkish/on the cusp to being positive line at bathtime I would also do it again at 8pm just in case because obviously I am neurotic!
free I can't believe that nobody was there after lunch & of course it would have to be a Friday!
buzzy Whoop at things getting close for you now. But what I want to know is, will you get the uber stylish/barren about town bag for your drugs?
Free - gah how bloody annoying. I am glad you have a distracting weekend.
Lemon - awwww my lovely I hope this is your turn.
Pout - keep those positive vibes, not long now.
Gin - your follies are perfect and have plenty of time to keep growing. Grr to the moron scanner.
Art - thank you for sharing that story. You are one of us and I love to hear how things are going. I have everything crossed for your upcoming scan. I can understand the anxiety.
Euro - sounds like things are resolving - onwards and upwards. I am very impressed with your approach to all this.
Joy - are you less sad today? The baby book idea someone mentioned is genius.
Sea - sorry that this is a frustrating path - Art story is very inspiring and one day this will be you too.
Buzz - thank you for being super super lovely to me, as always. How is this cycle going now?
Rabitt - are you ok honey?
Thank you for being kind to me ladies. Thank goodness bastard thread 13 is over with.
Today was easily one of the top 5 worst days of my life. Nothing happened as such. I just developed a cloud of doom from 11 pm last night alongside AF 'on her way' body signs. I think 3 years of ttc and 3 failed ivf cycles and multiple mis diagnosis and awful Drs is catching up with me. I dare say I have post traumatic stress syndrome.
Today I literally cried all day and then stopped the minute I had a face to face work thing to do. So I sobbed down corridors then walked on to the wards and put on my smiley face. Then walked away again and sobbed and so it went on like that all day. I am scared of my future, I have to admit it. I am sad that my first and only pregnancy has practically taken away my chances of having a baby. I am sad that my consultant literally promised me a baby out of this IVF cycle.
I know AF isn't here but for the first time in my life I am too scared to POAS. I know AF will show up Sunday or earlier. Sorry ladies, I know everyone here is traumatised, I am not special, just having a bad day. I will be having rioja tonight. I will raise a toast to all the brave ladies on this thread.
sar just wanted to offer you a massive, massive hug. I still believe that you're going to get your baby. It's not over yet. If not this cycle, then very soon. I can't believe that you aren't going to be a mum. I know you are desperately, desperately sad and the moment, and that you're exhausted. I wish more than anything that this time works for you. Hang in there, please. I am going to light a candle for you this weekend.
joy oh poor you. You are very brave indeed to venture into a baby shop during a horrible mc, especially following such a rollercoaster ride. This is all so bloody unfair. I hope you can go for your lovely hol with Roy soon.
pout good luck my lovely for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you and hoping it all goes perfectly smoothly.
art lovely to see you and yay for being 19 weeks. I am sorry that the long term ttc has soured the pregnancy a little. It's traumatic. My mum still wells up when she talks about her mcs.
midnight I can relate to getting 'lost in the internet'. It is a rabbit hole.
buzz sorry it's been a tough week. TGIF.
euro hope you're ok and not in too much pain still today. Looking forward to hopefully seeing you next week. I hope you can curl up with a hot water bottle and some crap telly and wine tonight.
gin sorry about annoying doctor. Grrr. Anyway there is nothing wrong with being a slower grower! How unhelpful of him to make you stressed.
lemon I hope your AF stays away permanently. Fingers crossed for you.
nelly are you gearing up for another IVF cycle soon? I can def relate to needing to find distractions to try not to focus on it all the time.
Waves to all - mrsd, doll, rabbit, sea, sweet and anyone else my addled brain is forgetting. Let's hope this thread brings us better luck than the last.
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