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Ladies, what would you want to hear from an intended surrogate mother?

(13 Posts)
cfc Thu 07-Mar-13 09:47:35

I am applying, albeit in the very early stages, to become a potential surrogate mother.

I have to complete lengthy forms and there is a personal statement type section at the end. I am fully comitted to this journey now, as are my family. I feel like this is something I have to do in thanks for the lovely children I've been given.

What do you want to hear from a surrogate in this statement? I cannot, simply cannot imagine how gut wrenching this journey has been for you so far, to bring you to this juncture. I want to put the intended parents' fears at ease - I want them to have faith in me, I want them to trust me and believe that I will deliver them their baby, God willing. I want them to be able to set aside the worries they mush have and be involved in their pregnancy without paying any heed to their worries - as much as they can anyway.

So, what do you need to hear from me to set your mind at ease? I don't want to presume I know and understand your fears and worries and doubts, so I wonder if there are any intended mothers out there who can help me with my form filling!

starfield Sat 30-Mar-13 09:55:17

I am exactly in your shoes from the other side of the fence: DH and I cannot have a second child by ourselves.

What you have written in the second paragraph of your OP is heartrendingly beautiful. That's exactly what we would want to hear. Your kindness is very humbling (in a wonderful way!).

On behalf of IPs everywhere, thank you for sharing smile

extracrunchy Sat 30-Mar-13 10:28:21

OP - nothing useful to say except that I'm humbled by you doing such a beautiful and selfless thing. Bless you!

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 10:49:59

It's not something I have thought about in detail, but I think my biggest fear would be the surrogate keeping my biological child, as the laws in this country would (I believe) permit as things stand. So some reassurance that you recognise that you are carrying THEIR child and look forward to handing the baby to them at the end of the process would probably be welcome.

It's a great thing that you are doing. I admire you for it.

SweetieTime Sat 30-Mar-13 19:43:28

It is really tough to have to put these things into writing. I would makes notes about who you are and why you are doing it. I would try to give the reassurance to the couple in any way you can. Try to take it from there as I am sure it will evolve as you re read and add bits.

I am about to go through IVF using donated eggs. I have been given a personal statement by my donor. I know it is a different situation but I have found it very helpful to know a bit about her.

I am allowed to write our donor a note, it must remain anonymous, but am struggling to put into words the enormity her selflessness means to us. Everything I write doesn't convey how special this is for us, although I am sure she is aware.

Good luck and I really hope you are successful.

CharmingCats Sat 30-Mar-13 21:46:17

In addition to the things already mentioned, i think I'd want to read about the fact that you've had successful pregnancies and that you have the full support of your family for surrogate pregnancies.

hhhhhhh Sun 31-Mar-13 18:57:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cfc Tue 02-Apr-13 12:04:26

Hello ladies and thank you for taking the time to get back to me.

I have written the statement and basically have put a bit about myself and a few pertinent details about my pregnancies (they will read about these in detail - it's in the other part of the form) my reasons for doing this, how I see contact during pregnancy, the birth, contact afterwards.

I figure that is what I would like to know. My greatest fear as an intended mother, I can imagine, is that you can't trust the surrogate. I want her to know that this is, in my eyes, her pregnancy. If she wants me to eat organically, I will. If she wants me to avoid pig and eat Halal meat, I will. I want to carry her baby in the exact same way she would if she could. I am simply baby sitting for 9 months!

As for the contact during pgcy, I want her to know (and him, the father, obviously) that they can come to whatever scan and midwife appt they like. But I do expect some consistant contact. I don't want to have embryo transfer and then they say "see ya!"for 9 months!

As for the birth, ad these are the words I used; I think it's important that a father is also there to see his baby being born. I believe that both parents should be able to watch their baby travel, literally, from the dreams into their lives.

As for after the birth, I see myself as hopefully keeping in touch, as I would with a friend who lives far away - you know, facebook, emails etc. There's no denying that this child would be special to me and I would like to know how they're getting on, al of them, as I daresay going through sometime so massive would make good friends of us after it all's said and done. Anyway, that's how I see things working out.

I know it's my body, but I'd like the mother to know that she has a say, a great say.

All the ina and outs are coveered in an agreement, but I need them to know they can trust me to mind their little one and then step back and take joy from a distance in their sleepless nights, vomit coveredd sheets and poonamis!!

I am actually talking with a set of IPs at the moment. We are getting on well and are going to meet in a few weeks. I'm still breastfeeding my little one so we'll have to wait until all is done there and my cycles return.

Very excited having the chance to do this for someone!

Thank you again.

hhhhhhh Tue 02-Apr-13 19:00:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cfc Tue 02-Apr-13 22:32:16

Hi Beachy, we actually found these IPs via a Facebook page someone invited me onto when I started using But I am joining both COTS and SUK (have my COTS meeting tomorrow actually). I think I prefer the COTS way of doing things, as does my (potential) IM who has said she's still going to join one agency as the support they provide throughout the process is invaluable. She's waiting to hear from me which one I prefer before making her choice, as it's the IPs who pay the fee, IYSWIM?

Anyway, I said "hello" on the FB page, as a potential surro, and she PMd me and now we're emailing most days.

As I said, I think we'll make a match, we seem well suited and expect the same things. I've been totally honest and clear in what I want/expect from them and how I see things working out.

So we'll meet her and her hubby soon and see how we fit and work it from there. She'd already made a date with another surro which she's going to honour, but I think she finds the other surro quite quiet and young (not bad things, obviously, but you HAVE to really gel with the other woman).

Anyway, better fly x

chipmonkey Tue 02-Apr-13 23:38:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey Tue 02-Apr-13 23:40:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodledumdums Wed 03-Apr-13 00:00:17

Can I just say that you absolutely sound like the most selfless, loveliest person i've evercome across. I had my first baby twelve weeks ago, and he means everything to me, and I think it is truly amazing that you are going to enable another family to experience the incredible, wonderful experiences that a baby brings. You are amazing!

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