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Right, that's it! Fabulous Forty Somethings ttc want our bfp's and we want them now! We have waited long enough!

(975 Posts)
hopefulgum Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:11

Here's our shiney new thread. The one where I finally get upduffed with everyone else! smile

Morien Thu 23-May-13 09:57:33

irish I'm so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you - take care.

littlepinkfizz Thu 23-May-13 11:34:00

A lot of sadness today and yesterday in the thread. Big,big hugs to irish gum and jass .

This ttc lark seems so unfair and just drains us of all life and emotion but we keep going because a newborn baby just does the very opposite.

Lots of handholding and brownies over here brew biscuit

isadorable Thu 23-May-13 12:00:12

Sorry jass - this is hard on you and I can only send you my love and hopes for success in the future.

NotCarrieBradshaw Thu 23-May-13 12:28:11

Sending hugs to Irish & Jass and love to everybody else x

Morien Thu 23-May-13 13:11:44

Sorry jass - we x-posted so your message wasn't there when I posted my message of sympathy for Irish, and I've only just seen it. Sympathy to you too...

notsoold Thu 23-May-13 13:33:28

Jass Hopeful and Irish I am so sorry for you!!!xxxx

Hopeful like you, many things I don't share in RL here was the place where I could pour out my heart....this whole ttc business is beyond stressful and a lot of times heartbreaking.... Xxxx

Irish...oh my dear dear go through a miscarriage on your own ...oh poor you! I just sit here and offer my hand ..xxxx

Jass I am so sorry for you....yes our children needs us in good shape even when we are suffering inside... Take care of yourself my dear...and I offer my other hand to you...xxxx
Love to everyone here xxxx

Irishmammybread Thu 23-May-13 14:03:32

Thank you everyone for the support, it means a lot, especially now.
I feel less alone with your kind words.
I've been holding it together fairly well but your sympathy has reduced me to tears , better to let it out now while I have the house to myself and before the school run.
I just wish it had worked out this time(or any of the last times.)

Jass so sorry to hear your lines are getting fainter, I too was trying to be practical and realistic when I got my bfp in case it didn't progress but couldn't help hoping and thinking, maybe this time.
Hugs to you too.

hopefulgum Thu 23-May-13 14:12:59

((hugs)) Jass, so sorry to hear that this pregnancy isn't progressing. This is such a difficult journey, isn't it?

jass43 Thu 23-May-13 21:09:33

Thanks for all handholding. Got my bike out, did 20km (it's raining and around plus 10 degrees ). Feel actually OK this time. Crying done in the morning, when informed husband. Of pregnancy and its loss, simultaneously. He either cares less or shows less, I never quite get it. Did not have to work from office today, teleworking and some nice freshly made pumpkin risotto got me through the day. And my 4 year old with his funny questions. One for you: can snowmen blow their carrot nose? I guess our weather here is so bad in c.europe that he thinks winter is here any day. I have never seen a year here before where temperatures stay the same from January to May. Been here 10years now.

Irish, good we helped you cry. It is necessary, and we can not move on before it is done And indeed, trying to be rational and telling yourself " I am not preg until heartbeat seen" just does not work. Normal people have 2ww, we have 2ww plus 3-4 waiting more weeks, only to be afterwards thrown into the despair once more.

But let's not scare newcomers on the thread, there are loads of 40 somethings who fall immediately, carry easily and lose all the pregnancy weight within weeks after giving birth. All this while breast feeding and keeping up a busy and successful career!

hopefulgum Thu 23-May-13 22:46:44

That is true, Jass, many women do have easy pregnancies and take home babies.

Wow, cycling 20km in the rain and cold, you must love it? I haven't done very much exercise at all this week, apart from running up and down the stairs cleaning our house. Which I know isn't good enough. My DD wasn't well this week, so I couldn't do my normal swimming (I do it while she is at netball training). Also I am having a crappy time with my goggles. They keep leaking. So I ordered some new ones on ebay, "swedes", which have to be assembled and made to fit me. That in itself feels too hard (God, I am a sad sack at the momentwink). I've never used "swedish goggles" before and they seem to have no suction or rubber, just hard plastic, how on earth does the water stay out??? I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

It is Friday here and I am glad tomorrow is the weekend again. Things are getting busy at work. I've got a tonne of marking coming in from my senior students today (joy confused), and soon I'll have to write reports. Fortunately I won't have exam marking, but DH will and DD is sitting exams next week, so it will be fairly stressful I think. But, time is rolling on fast and our beautiful tropical holiday is coming up in 6 weeks. I now need to find out if having a Hep A vaccination is a worry when ttc. Does anyone know?

Jass, I love the questions four year olds ask. DS is always making us smile. He told us the other day, after drawing a map of the world, and popping an island on it (Tasmania), that it wasn't possible for people to live in Tasmania because if they did, their feet would have to be in the sea, because there wasn't enough room! It tickled my DH as he is a Geographer.

Well, temperature is definitely down today, and I had spotting yesterday. Not bleeding yet, but it is bound to come. Onwards to a the next cycle. Now, if I could just find my libido, all would be well...Where did I put it...hmm

VortexOfDisaster Thu 23-May-13 23:03:35

Read some sad posts here this evening. flowers to those feeling down. You are not alone.

JBrd Fri 24-May-13 00:53:26

Oh ladies, there's south sadness here at the moment hmm Hugs to each an everyone of you.

I wish I had something nice to tell you to cheer you all up, but I'm a bit down as well - it's been a hard week. Lots to do, little time to think, and yet lots to think about... I will try and elaborate the details soon, but it's too late now, I'm so exhausted.

Hope we'll all feel a bit more cheerful soon <<hugs>>

isadorable Fri 24-May-13 15:59:29

Just to send love to all those struggling with tough times. Jbrd - hope you're ok? I'm in bed listening to the rain on the roof having just finished work for the weekend. My dp is off picking up dd from crèche. I am looking forward to lazing around a bit this weekend but where oh where is the sun hiding? It is freezing here, feels like November. We had to cancel a trip to the sea as dd was ill, but we'd have been stuck in the hotel, watching the rain. I am going to have to start saving for some long haul travel to find where the sun has gone into exile!

jass43 Fri 24-May-13 16:24:05

isadorable, I noticed the sun is gone up north- around plus 25 in Helsinki, slightly cooler in Tallinn, even wormer in Riga. Spain is cold like Central Europe at the moment.

hopeful , I graciously informed the other half yesterday that if we were not trying, there would probably be no such thing as sex in our household. He took it bad, but reconsidered later and decided it could be worse. So we will still be trying, as far as he is concerned. Me too. But I get on with the rest of life - long-distance renovation of my house back in my home country, and long-distance running as well. I have put my name down for half marathon, that distance I should be able to do rather soon. Also, I remember conceiving my now 4yo one cycle after having run a full marathon, so it can not be bad for ttc, can it? Anyway, I can not have all on hold anymore. If this babe wants to come, She will have to come just like that, into my life otherwise worth living too. She, cause I was informed that with my history it would be easier to carry a girl to term than another immune attack inducing male. Having three sons and one daughter makes me doubt I will ever get there, cause my girl has different father and my current hubby has 3 sons with me and one from previous relationship.

isadorable Fri 24-May-13 18:07:34

Ok so I'll have to see if we can go north... Take care of yourself. Your plan going forward sounds good. I think for now we'll be doing something similar here too - getting on with life but not not trying if that makes sense? I really want my dd to have a sibling if we can but I am worried about it dominating everything and not being able to enjoy the now. I'll just have to deal with things if and when...

jass43 Fri 24-May-13 18:20:36

You make total sense for me, Isadorable, but of course we are all hear the nutters of the same flavor.i am also not not trying, am not going to miss OV etc., but I do not want the entire childhood of my two smaller kids to be wasted on me wanting one more. No way!
Am eating for England tonight. But I did a long training run, if that is any excuse. I am not sure whether it is ok to eat for England being estonian myself, but our country is so small that eating for it would not describe my binge, supported by red wine. Started spotting, i.e having period after chemical and first af after mc combined. I guess it merits wine and chocolate. At lest mentally not too bad, i have to say

isadorable Fri 24-May-13 18:50:11

Go for it I think you deserve it! Do it for Europe even. wink

mozzarellamummy Fri 24-May-13 21:38:26

Irish, Jass.. sorry for the bad news! Jass as you said I don't want to waste my dd's first years getting mad to have another one, it doesn't make sense but it's so hard to get over my loss.. when I'm with my dd I'm still ok, but as soon as I am on my own I can't control my thoughts..and it's so hard to share my feelings in real life sad, just as you said gum..
I wish your holiday will help you to cheer up a bit..
I'm now a little worried because after a breast ultrasound, dr found a lump and want to check it extracting some cells (no biopsy but sucking them with a needle, I don't know the English term). I had to do this ultrasound in the same place where they first detected my baby girl anomalies and I will have to go there back on Wednesday and I know I will be emotional.. I think about her everyday, it's just as if something was broken inside me and there's no way to fix it sad..
moreover this lump worries me and makes me think it would be better to stop any hormon based treatment, and consequently I see even less chances of getting pregnant ..I'm sorry this has been my turn to ramble..
Big hugs to you all

jass43 Sat 25-May-13 09:40:20

Gosh, mozarellamummy, no end to bad stories...... So sorry you have to go back to the place of terrible news..... It is so understandable you would not want to and at the same time clearly unavoidable.

Am putting off regular Pap smear and mammography for the lack of willpower to enter the premises of my gyne, too. But lumps, fortunately, can be related to your normal tissues getting somewhat crazy by falling pregnant and losing pregnancies, so hopefully that is it. I am even worried they will poke yours with a needle, it can cause infections etc. but modern medicine is more about invasion than wait and see, we can not change it. And sometimes it is necessary, of course.
I have to say if I were daily unhappy I would go and seek help, there must be pregnancy crisis support somewhere close to you, I hope. You need to have it out, and obviously that is not possible within family, where normally everyone else who is aware is geared to getting on and putting what was behind themselves. At least most men tend to be like that, I believe.

greenlizard Sat 25-May-13 11:48:14

I am sorry so many of you are having such a tough time right now sad

I don't know if this will help but today I got an email from a friend of mine who really struggled to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy throughout her late 30's and early forties. She had numerous miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy and 3 failed IVF cycles. At this point her and her DH have up and moved overseas where they promptly conceived and delivered a lovely baby boy when she was 44 (she had just taken on a very high powered job as well!). She has since had two more miscarriages but e-mailed me today to say that at the age of 46 they are expecting their second child. She didn't want to say until she felt a bit more confident but she is now 19 weeks and all is gong well.

Thinking of you all. Xxxx

mumalah Sat 25-May-13 12:08:25

I too am sorry to hear so many of you are having a tough time, thinking of you all. flowers
green What a fantastic story! Thats just what we need to lift everybody's spirits! You have made my day! Thank you !

isadorable Sat 25-May-13 12:19:20

Green, yes it can and does all go fine for lots of people. important to keep the faith. Hope you're feeling well?

Mozza - sorry you're having a tough time too. Hopefully it will be just hormone related as jass says. But I do wonder too if you can't find someone in real life to listen and help you through what sounds like a horribly tough time emotionally. Big squeeze from me!

The oldest first time mum I know had her daughter at 50, all natural. So, you really never know! Happy weekends to you all.

mozzarellamummy Sat 25-May-13 12:43:58

jass you are right.. Impossible to speak about it with the family,sometimes I load off with some friend.. I know professional help would be different but here I should go private and it seems there is no specific counselling for these I would risk to spend a lot of money without getting big help..

mozzarellamummy Sat 25-May-13 12:58:16

I switch to the pc .. because I was getting crazy with my phone..
Isadorable great to hear about a 50 yrs old mum who conceived naturally and about green's friend!
It's definitely a hard time but it's good to have you all around! smile
today I went to the park with my DD and we spent there two hours.. we also met a little boy who is in the same creche with her and it was good to chat with his mum.. My DP will be back from his 3 weeks trip to his homeland on Friday.. I confess I really enjoyed feeling some more freedom in organizing my and DD time grin.. He's the kind of guy who doesn't need any social life.. while I enjoy playdates and having around some other growns-up apart from him.. AIBU?

Isabeller Sat 25-May-13 17:58:00

Hello and hugs to everyone. I've been reading and catching up with everyone's news, sad and optimistic. Our expected 2 hour journey home yesterday turned into an exhausting 9 hour AA relay due to the car breaking down in mid holiday (didn't spoil the holiday at all) and I crashed out as soon as I was home. I've been really tired all week and falling asleep early or dropping off during the day. DP, who had got into symptom spotting, decided this was a good sign.

When I woke up this morning I had an impulse to test 2 days early and the test said '+'.

It took me about an hour to take it in with all sorts of thoughts drifting about in my head. When I took it to show DP he had a very similar reaction and decided he needed to buy several more tests smile and go for a walk by the sea.

I know there are lots more hurdles ahead and reading about 'chemical' pregnancies, early and late mcs and other sadness I know I can't count on anything but, just for today, it was definitely a '+'.

I have another one of those OU assignments that won't write itself but fortunately there is a football match on later so I won't be tempted allowed to witter on at DP all evening grin

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