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Right, that's it! Fabulous Forty Somethings ttc want our bfp's and we want them now! We have waited long enough!

(975 Posts)
hopefulgum Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:11

Here's our shiney new thread. The one where I finally get upduffed with everyone else! smile

Morien Fri 19-Apr-13 08:39:23

drwho I'm sorry you haven't been well. It sounds like things are so hard for you at the moment - I wish you all the very best, with whatever you decide. We'll miss you, though.

hopefulgum Fri 19-Apr-13 10:49:03

Oh, Drwhofan, I will miss you. I am so sorry to hear that things have been tough, and you must do whatever you need to to feel well. If you ever feel like dropping in to say hello, we'd love to hear from you ((hugs))

hopefulgum Fri 19-Apr-13 10:55:49

Hi everyone.

How is everyone going?

Isabella, what's happening with you? When will you do the frozen transfer?

I have my usual basket full of symptoms now. Trying very,very hard to ignore them.

I was going to wait til AF was/is late to test, but we are going to stay with friends on Tuesday for a couple of days (12dpo) and I want to know if I can have a drink or not, so will probably test either Sunday or Monday morning. I will also know whether to expect AF's arrival while we are there.

It would be nice if the symptoms meant something this time, but who knows? I no longer thing they are promising.

I'd better go and put the kid's dinner on: nachos (feeling lazy on a Friday night). I am so glad we now have term break for two weeks. I need it...grin

sparklysapphire Fri 19-Apr-13 13:19:55

Drwho, I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time. I wish you all the very best, and hope you feel better soon. Do drop in and say hello if you ever feel like it. We will miss you.

Diege, great news from the clinic, I hope you can relax a bit now. Although despite having had my 20 week scan I still feel a bit twitchy, and that's got nothing to do with DH and his continued lack of support/coming to terms with the pregnancy. But nothing I can do, apart from look after myself I suppose.

Morien, your clinic appointment sounds like it went well, here's hoping the drugs do the trick and you'll be announcing your BFP very soon.

Calibee, of course you must get married in a dress you feel happy in - never mind the budget!

Hopeful, have a lovely 2 week break, and hopefully your shagathon will have done the trick this month!

Isabeller how are you?

Hi to everyone - I'm hoping I might have a bit more opportunity to post more often, but I am keeping up - thank goodness for my smart phone!

isadorable Fri 19-Apr-13 14:12:14

Will miss you drwho take care of yourself and of your lovely dp too. I have been lurking as tbh as soon as I started writing about wanting another baby and came off contraception everything went wrong. I skipped a period through our stressful move now I should ovulate this weekend. But my parents are here and we've argued and they're threatening to leave. God it is hard work! I can't think straight any more. Love and luck to all x

JBrd Fri 19-Apr-13 14:55:55

DrWho All the best to you for your journey, wherever it may take you! You sound as if you are at peace with your decision, which is great.

Well, there seems to be some sort of balance - one is leaving, and one is coming back...

<<<quietly walks in and settles down in a corner>>>

Although in a way, I never really left, it's too nice here!

Sad news from my end - it wasn't meant to be, again. A scan on Thursday confirmed my worst news, there was no heartbeat, and the sac looked very irregular and too small (measuring only 6 weeks, when it should have been 8.5).
I feel incredibly sad, and also angry, that this is happening again. I really want to stomp my feet and wail 'Why me?!?' in an undignified manner, very immature, I know. I cannot believe that this is happening, second time within 4 months sad
Not sure where I go from here, but I do know that I still want another baby, and I also feel that I really somehow should be able to do this!
Unfortunately, even in spite of my 'advanced' age, they will not do any investigations, you have to have 3 consecutive mcs, before they instigate anything.
I will have another scan next Friday, to check the progress. But other than that, they are not going to do anything. The ERPC is not an option, as the sac is too small, so for now, all I can do is wait sad

Morien Fri 19-Apr-13 15:31:59

Oh jbrd, I'm so sorry. Twice in four months - that's so unfair, and such a lot for you to deal with. Hope you're getting lots of love and support.

greenlizard Fri 19-Apr-13 18:57:39

Jbrd You stomp your feet away, I'll join you, because it isn't bloody fair that you have had to go through this twice at all but in such quick succession is a doubly hard blow. I am so so sorry. Please stay with us and we will take care of you <hugs & hand holding> sadsadsad

greenlizard Fri 19-Apr-13 18:58:44

Drwhofan you have really been through the mill haven't you? The decision you have made must have been a really tough one but you getting well must be your priority and then you can re-evaluate. Sorry its been so tough for you, I wish you all the very best and a speedy recovery to stability. We would love to hear how you are getting on if you can. Take care and bon chance.

greenlizard Fri 19-Apr-13 19:21:47

diege what fabulous results! gringrin you must be very pleased and so very relieved. Hope you can enjoy your pregnancy a bit more but like sparkly says difficult not to feel a little bit cautious. Such great news.

Morien also good news on your appointment. All sounds very positive especially as you got pregnant last year, shows you can conceive so I hope that IUI and clomid do the trick. Your consultant sounds very confident and reassuring too - which is great. I have to say that when you read MN, I get quite cross on peoples behalf because of how badly they seem to get treated by the medical profession but I have to say my limited experience on matters fertility the dr's have been great (admittedly that is one GP and a private consultation - so hardly a statistically robust sample but long may it continue! grin). When will you take the medication to bring on your AF?

Calibee I can't believe your wedding dress shrank in the wash shock....I think it was serendipty! It means your perfect dress is still waiting for you to find it (and means you can get one you don't have to diet to get into - much better smile) How are you feeling about getting married - nervous, excited? And you too Morien? I will have to investigate these hormone sticks - I can't believe there is a new stick I could try peeing on and an extra line to add into my FF chart. It takes up so much of time it could almost be classed as a hobby!

Hopeful Basket of hope (i love the idea of this but I wouldn't trust myself not to go nuts so I just buy things for other peoples babies! My nephew is the best dressed baby going!) and basket of symptoms - c'mon spill - what are they? Similar to ones you have had before or different?

I am on DP05 (I think as FF moved my O date from CD11 to DP14 so I could be DP08 confused). I woke up with a massive head cold this morning with a thumping head and blocked nose (would love to think this could be a symptom but sadly think it is just a headcold!) Other than that I have some uterine twinging going on (normal post o) and the erect nipples are staging a comeback (think this might be linked to progesterone rise - honestly they are ridiculous - you could hang coats on them grin)

Isadora poor you - you sound like you have been having a stressful time of it - hope things calm down and you get back on an even keel soon. x

Hope you all have lovely weekends lined up? DP is away for the weekend on a sports tour, the SCs are with their mum - I am home alone - fist things first - bubble bath with music on. YIPPEEEE! x

CaliBee Fri 19-Apr-13 20:28:53

So much going on today.

First of all jbrd this is such sad,sad news. I really am sorry. Its a sad fact that to get a baby in our forties goes hand in hand with the heartache that comes with the greater chance of miscarriage. Just remember that,yes,you have been unlucky twice recently but there is every chance that next time (and there will be a next time) things will work out better for you. In the mean time we are here to hold your hand x
drwho I'm really sad you are leaving us...I wish it were for better reasons., but you have taken a big step in accepting your illness and that (for now) you need to leave ttc on the backburner.

gum...come on spill the beans with the symptoms wink

green How do I feel about getting married? Excitedly nervous. I cant wait to be Mrs R lol. After my divorce I changed my name back to my maiden name and I remember insisting at the time that I wouldn't change it again. Amazing how now I have finally met my perfect man I cant wait to share his thats a little twee b8**cks for me...but its absolutely true.
Right ..I am off to catch up with this weeks Game of Thrones. Dp called just as it started on Monday so I was only half paying attention and those of you who watch it know that it needs complete and full attention.

remnant Fri 19-Apr-13 23:31:44

Just popped in to check what developments there might be here and I'm so sorry to see your latest Jbrd. Can't believe it. Wish you lots of strength and hope things move on quickly. I'll be thinking of you x

Since I had the ERPC done privately they offered to send a sample to a lab. The results came back this week and I learnt that it would have been a boy, but there were too many Trisomy 15 chromosomes. To be honest I feel so bad about the whole thing I barely believe they were the results from my tissue hmm, but if it's true I guess at least I don't have to blame all that coffee I drank.

I don't think I'll get lucky enough to even be ttc'ing again at this rate sad but not sure what use it would be anyway. In theory I'm on day 29, CBFM showed a peak on day 15/16, but I have absolutely no symptoms. No sore boobs, nothing. Temping next month I think. I can't let go when there's a faint faint hope DH will see the light.

Anyway, I'm going to be sitting it out on the cheerleader's bench for a while. Hoping to see bfp's for all.

Diege, Sparkly I'm excited for you both and glad to see that it can be done.
Calibee, it's all so romantic! grin
DrWhoFan, thanks x

hopefulgum Sat 20-Apr-13 00:02:28

Jbrd, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so unfair. Hang in there lovely. I know it feels devastating, give yourself time to grieve and heal. ((hugs))xxx

Remnant, it is so nice to hear from you. I know the whole experience of miscarrying is so horrible, it is easy to think of many things we may have done to cause the loss, but of course it is something we have no control over. How many women drink gallons of coffee, wine,do drugs etc and still go on to have a full term baby? Having the trisomy 15 results shows that it was nothing you did that caused the loss. My first miscarriage was due to trisomy 13. Unfortunately the trisomies most often mean our babies just can't live. ((hugs))

So, did you DTD during fertile time this month? I am guessing that your DH hasn't given the green light on ttc? I know how hard that is too. My DH still hasn't seen the light, and probably never will. The only way that I continue to ttc is because DH really believes there's no chance I will conceive.

Isadorable, sorry things are pear-shaped at your end. I hope everything calms down so you can get into ttc asap.

This ttc lark is difficult at the best of times, but in our forties it becomes even harder,doesn't it? But we musn't give up, there's still hope. Just look at Deige and Sparkly. Who knows who will be next, but I am sure one of us will be.

However, I'd be extremely surprised if it were me. I have had some symptoms, but they aren't very different to every other symptom filled month. My temperatures are good, but not "great", I have very tender boobs, but not any different that the week leading to AF. I also keep having some mild heartburn, which is a symptom I have with pregnancy, and a funny taste in my mouth, and some of the kids at work smelt so bad (worse than usual) I felt sick. But these symptoms could be due to progesterone (like you coat rack nipples green grin). My nipples always go quite dark and veins are more prominant in the week before AF. Another hopeful sign, but really just a pre menstrual thing I guess. Everything seems so much more pronounced when you are ttc and hopeful...sad

Irishmammybread Sun 21-Apr-13 00:01:12

So very sorry JBrd to hear your sad news,I know how you feel,it's just devastating. The waiting is difficult too, you feel like you're in limbo. I hope you're getting lots of support in rl, have a virtual hug from me. xxx

notsoold Sun 21-Apr-13 00:26:44

Jbrd ...I am so sorry you have to go through this agsin and so soon after last time....take care xxxxx

Irishmammybread Sun 21-Apr-13 00:30:30

DrWho I've been wondering how you're doing, I hope you find some peace of mind and please come back to visit the thread and let us know how you are.

Diege glad your scan went well and you survived the trip to London!

Morien sounds like your appointment went well, it's good to have a plan of action.

Isadora hope things have settled down with your parents. We're going to live with my MIL,she's not coping very well on her own since my FIL died and DH is an only child.We're planning to sell our house and build a self contained annexe/granny flat at her house(which has a much bigger garden than ours so there's more room). She's lovely but I don't think it's going to be easy living in such close proximity,hopefully we'll all manage to get along!

Green hope you're enjoying a relaxing peaceful weekend and your cold is settling down!

Gum ,what a sweet idea to have a little hope basket ready for your baby. I came across my bag of maternity clothes when sorting out the loft last week. I'm trying to be ruthless,deciding what to give away and what we actually want to move house with, but I'll keep my maternity clothes, just in case!
Your kids must be just starting school hols as ours go back, it was first week back for the girls last week.DS goes back to Uni tomorrow, he's been off for ages! He was 20 yesterday,not even a teenager anymore.
DD2 asked me if it made me feel really old! I suppose having a baby now would make for a very big age gap between oldest and youngest, but I think it would work! How old is your oldest?

CaliBee I think "Beneath you're Beautiful* would be lovely played at your wedding. I'm sure you'll feel so proud going up the aisle on the arm of your DS. Any progress with buying the other dress?

Remnant good to see you back,whether on the cheerleader's bench or getting involved in the action!

Hi to everyone else

hopefulgum Sun 21-Apr-13 00:52:30

Hello Irish. It is funny you mentioned your DS going back to Uni. Just yesterday my DS and I were organising his course selections as he'll be starting Uni in Semester two.He's had a couple of Gap years to earn some money to help him pay for all the expenses. He'll have to live away from home, which makes it very expensive. He also wasn't ready for it til now. I am really pleased he feels ready to go.

My eldest is turning 22 on Thursday! So if I were to have a baby, there'd be a huge gap between them. My mum is one of 13 kids and I think the eldest and youngest had about 30 years between themshock My mother's youngest sister is two weeks older than me. My granny was 42 when she had my aunt.

More and more I am coming to terms with my aging body. I know that having a baby at 41 is doable, and I did it, but I think the difference between 41 and 46 are actually huge in terms of conceiving. It doesn't stop me hoping for a miracle, but I am realistic about it being a miracle. I guess you "gotta be in it to win it", so I shall just keep plugging away. I really don't think I'm pregnant now. I am 10 DPO and I just don't feel it.

After a sluggish first term at work, with practically no exercise, I have decided it is time to step it up and make it a regular thing (there seems to be a recurring theme in my life hmm). So yesterday evening DH and I went for a good brisk walk up and down the hills around our place. It felt good, and I know we must make a habit of it.

A friend is popping over today with her DC's so I am going to make a cake. I have a passionfruit vine just dripping with fruit, so it will be something passionfruity. Yummy! grin I think I will make it with regular flour (I am gluten intolerant) so I probably won't eat it, but I will definitely lick the spoon when I make the passionfruit icing!


greenlizard Sun 21-Apr-13 08:02:55

Hopeful Ooh yum passion fruit cake..that sounds amazing!! Can I lick the bowl? Good for you on the exercise front - it will make you feel much better generally and is good for your health (which couldn't hurt any other goals you might have wink).

I had a lovely day yesterday - it was actually sunny all day in London shock so I did a 13 mile walk down the Thames with a friend I haven't seen for a while, we had a lovely lunch and a good old natter. She was telling me about a friend who had 3 unsuccessful rounds of IVF at 45 which she was told would almost certainly fail (due to her egg quality) but she was really pleased she had done it. I guess that is where I am - I desperately want a child with DP and will try all avenues to make it happen but deep down inside I think I know that it might not sad. I am hoping that knowing that we gave it our all will help me accept this if it doesn't work out. I don't want to find myself in a "if only we had....." situation.

I don't think I want to tell anyone in RL about IVF apart from my BF and sister (who obviously know everything about me!) but will share all the details with my lovely online friends instead when we get there smile

Clearly I am not letting these future contingency plans stand in the way of a good old fashioned symptom spot today.....

7DPO and nipples are still on red alert grin Still got a blocked nose but don't feel unwell really (had a glass of red wine yesterday for medicinal purposes obviously....was lovely!) but my head is a bit befuddled this morning. I have got strong pelvic twinging going on (especially on the right side) and TMI alert - I had quite a lot of CM yesterday but I couldn't tell whether this was because I was wearing dark coloured knickers so it showed up more or actually was more confused. My temperature has been up in the 36.90's the last two days (but I have had a cold.....mmmm).....

I am languishing in bed with a cup of tea and my iPad but will leap into action now....going swimming this morning then to cut the lawn. Do I know how to live or what?

hopefulgum Sun 21-Apr-13 09:16:20

Greenlizard, that sounds like a nice way to spend the day. I am so pleased you can try IVF. I hope your promosing symptoms mean you won't have to, but as you said, if you have to, you will know that you tried everything.

My friend visited this morning,and was here til 2pm!! It wasn't without drama, as her DC's and my DS decided to walk back to her house without telling us. They live about 500m up the road, and thankfully it is a quiet street, but it was very worrying. Her DS is only 2! Her dd is 5, and my DS is 4, so a bit young to be walking anywhere without an adult! Eventually after searching everywhere we found them at her house, where her DH was sitting eating his lunch, without even the slightest concern! Why he would think we'd send kids that age for a walk on their own, I'll never know? hmm I was a bit cross he hadn't bothered to phone me or my friend.angry I think she might have given him a piece of her mind when she got home!

My Dh had gone to play golf with a friend. I am a bit cranky with him as he said he'd be home by 1, then 3 and it's after 4 and no sign of him. I actually don't care, but am feeling irrationally shitty at him, which I am sure is due to PMS. Which in turn makes me feel sad. I am hoping that by going for a brisk walk, I will feel less sad and irritable.

It's silly to be disappointed,yet again, that I am probably not pregnant, but I think it is a reality I have to face. It sucks! sad

hopefulgum Sun 21-Apr-13 09:17:14

P.S. according to reports from all, the passionfruit cake was superb (the icing certainly was).

CaliBee Sun 21-Apr-13 09:29:29

Happy Sunday all.

I seem to have had a week of discussing education with my two youngest too. DD2 has also had a gap year and has become a little "too" comfortable with earning money and like your DS gum I'm not sure she was really ready before now. But, just this week she has started applications to do her nursing degree...I'm so happy. I think a little kick up the bum has been had with the news that I am going away. She is not particularly happy about going to her Dads, so its actually done her good.
DS has had his maths gcse result back after a resit and managed to up it from a C to a B and got an A in hos chemistry mock, I am pleased all round. grin.
I spent a couple of lovely hours in town with DS yesterday choosing his suit for both the wedding and his prom. What a proud mummy I was. Brought a little tear to my eye it did. My lovely boy is 6ft 1 at 15 and looked every inch a man all togged up.
green my day will be similar to yours...I must must must tackle the lawn later. Its tiny to be fair and I tackled half of it in the week but gave up. Today I must finish it. Its got very long and clumpy over the winter and the mower just wouldn't cut I will dig out the strimmer later. I hope the rain stays away.
My second dress really is beautiful, however my sister still seems to think the original monsoon dress looks best. I had a total "fat" day yesterday (caught sight of myself in a shop window whilst out with my son and didnt actually recognise myself) ....hence I am just off out for a good walk with the dog and ma take a turn on the old treadmill laters.
Fertility friend cannot decide which day to set for ovulation, as I had a couple of disregarded temps due to awful waking patterns, on the two previous days to what I think was ov day. Suffice to say that 3 days of +opk and ewcm makes me think that I ovd on weds/thurs...far too late after my last bd last it looks like I am out for this month sad

CaliBee Sun 21-Apr-13 09:31:36

....oh gum sad

Have to say though that I would have felt irrationally shitty with him too.

hopefulgum Sun 21-Apr-13 23:40:10

Forgot to say, as well as the drama of the kids disappearing, I had to call the snake catcher and pay her $50 to take away the resident python, "Petunia". Turns out Petunia was a boy. I had to be very brave and put a bin over the curled up snake so it wouldn't hide before the snake lady arrived. The snake was discovered by the kids just before DH was going off to golf. He just left me to sort it out.hmm I have to say, I am not feeling particularly warm towards DH at the moment, and it doesn't help one bit that I got a bfn this morning at 11 DPO.

I am not surprised, but I am fed up with it all. I know it's a temporary feeling, by next week I will be positive about trying again.

Right now I just feel resentment for my DH as I can't even talk to him about this. He would not understand, he never has understood why I would want a sixth child, he never understood why I wanted a forth or fifth one either. I guess I don't particularly understand the desire. It isn't logical, it is a matter of the heart,and we all know that matters of the heart are not sensible confused

The thing is, and I was thinking about this whilst taking a very long walk yesterday, how will I reconcile this feeling of loss and desire? I suppose it will fade? I just don't like the idea of always feeling like someone is missing from my life.sad But I suppose people have to deal with this feeling all the time,and it is so much worse losing a loved one who has been alive and in their life. I should stop complaining, as it seems so trivial in comparison.

Calibee, pleasing news that your DD wants to start nursing. I have a SIL and two nieces who are nurses. It is hard work, but I think it is very rewarding. And great news about you DS's results. I'll bet you were fit to burst with pride seeing your son all dressed up. I felt exactly the same way when my boys were all dressed up for the school ball ( prom/formal).

As for your being out this month : your young man's sperm may well be still alive and waiting for 4,5 or 6 days. So don't rule it our completely. smile

At least I have a busy day to keep me going. I have to pack for our little trip,and go into town to pick up a few things. We are stopping for morning tea with my parents on the way tomorrow, God I hope by then this dreadful irritability is gone, because they are the most irritating people on the planet!

hopefulgum Sun 21-Apr-13 23:47:56

Calibee, forgot to say, I want to see these wedding dresses so we can give you advice hmmgrin No,I just want to see, cos I am a real girlie girl when it comes to this sort of stuff.

Also meant to say, I have decided to not buy more clearblue sticks. I am pretty regular with ovulating, so it doesn't really serve much purpose and I think I need to stop trying to control things - let it go, and also I want to stop throwing money at ttc. I reckon I have wasted a small fortune over the years with supplements,acupuncture,blood tests, fertility books, fertility psychic readings (all wrong BTW), fertility spells (three of those, and still no THB),opk's, fertility monitors (bought and sold three times),fertility monitor sticks, and probably hundreds if not thousands of pregnancy tests.

I probably could have paid cash for IVF with the amount of money I have spent.angry sad

Bloody hell. I feel like such a loser...

greenlizard Mon 22-Apr-13 07:31:11

Ah now hopeful! You are in no way a loser and you have not "wasted" money all these years. You have simply engaged in things that made you feel good, feel hope and feel like you are doing something! That isn't wasted at all, its tenacity and optimism - and they are lovely qualities to have grin. I know you struggle every month and go through a real emotional roller coaster (I think we all do to a greater or lesser extent) and maybe this is your way of processing things? You have't given up hope, you keep going but you ask yourself the questions about what if it doesn't happen you are finding your way through. It doesn't have to be boom or bust, you do things in your own time. Hope you feel more chipper soon and have a great trip. Chin up.

ps. Glad your the visiting boy Python (eek) has been re-located (I have images of a trans-gender python called Petunia grin it's a diverse world we live in)

pps. Hope your parental tea stop is irritant free!

pps. Today 8DPO - temp still up - twinging still going strong - new "symptom" of the day was a I was really windy yesterday (just as well I was in the garden cutting the grass and my lawn mower is very loud blush!) I seem to recall a cycle just like this one that didn't end in me being pregnant. Humph!

How is everyone else doing? Good weekends? Calibee I think hopeful and I might start a petition to see a picture (or even artists impression would do) of what your dress might look like. I am not ashamed of living vicariously through you - I do it with pride! grin

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