12 year age gap - bad idea?(20 Posts)
I'm soooo broody to TTC#3 and DH is currently weighing it all up so we can come to a decision. Our children would be 12 and 9, am I completely mental to even be contemplating this?!
What is like having a big age gap? Any possible issues?
There is 21 years between me and my brother & we get on great , no jealousy etc & no arguing over toys so its worked
well for us
We are very close & him been born didn't change my relationship with my parents
My boys have a 12 year age gap. They adore each other, no sibling rivalry at all, DS1 (now 15) is at the age where he likes to spend as little time as possible with us (that's me and DH, not his brother) and DS2 enjoys having us all run round after him. 4 of DS1s classmates have siblings of similar ages to DS2 so it's not that unusual now. Best benefit (for me) is having a babysitter on site if I need to get on with something, haven't left them home alone for more than half an hour yet but plan to soon for knock down babysitting rates.
My daughter is 13 my son 10 and our recent addition to the family is 9months, I was also the same as you worried about the age gap and don't get me wrong at times it is difficult being a mummy to a teenager and being on that level and then being all gooing and babyfied with the youngest. My daughter loves having a baby brother and always helps out with him I even get to have baths and go to the toliet in peace. Lol.. And also I think and hope that its made her see motherhood in a different light and not want to rush to become a mummy too young. My 10year old enjoys his baby brother also and they have a really lovely connection even at this young age.
I also wanted to add I am an older sister to 6 brothers and 2 sisters.. My youngest brother is 3 so that's 29years in age gap. My sister is 16 soon that's a 16year age gap and we get on great my other sis is 8years younger and we are the best of friends..
Another with a large age gap. DS1 is about to turn 11, and DS2 is 10 weeks.
It's fab. Truly fabulous. If I had my time again, I'd of had the following age gaps: 3 years between first 2, and then an 8-9 year gap and have another 2 with 3 years between.
I'm going to have a third, with a 3.5 year age gap, all being well.
But there has been no negatives as far as I can see from having a big age gap. I'm still sad I didn't give DS1 a sibling sooner. But no problems with the actual gap.
He's fantastic, despite saying he didn't want to do nappies, he has been pestering to do them! The only thing I don't let him do is feed the baby, as he is a bit windy at times, and can vomit feeds, so don't want DS to have that responsibility. But he's a brilliant helper, dressing his brother, carry and fetching. He had a bath with the baby this weekend! He even warms feeds up for me. I miss him when he's at school.
Sometimes I think he is a better help than DP.
I say go for it! The way I see it is, I'd rather regret something I'd done, than regret not doing it at all.
From my own experience teenage boys are absolutely fabulous with toddlers, if that's any help . They find it very easy to bring themselves down to the level of a 3 yo and will happily play with them!
14 years between my first and second, and they adore each other. The age gaps don't matter, it's about whether you want to do it all again. I'm loving it!
Yes sowornout they are! It's as if they never grew up... oh. Wait... they didn't!!
A friend of mine has a brother ten years younger than him and they are very close. He was a fab big brother too, very hands on with his little brother as I remember. It's different but it works. Definitely no sibling rivalry.
Aww thank you everyone, such lovely positive replies! Makes me feel a whole lot better! Just got to hope DH decides he is keen now! Lol x
Between me and my brother there is a 16 year gap , no issues !
There's 9 years between my dsis and me. I have an ok relationship with her now, though we don't seek each other out, iykwim.
Growing up I pretty much felt like an only child. I don't remember her playing with me or us going on family holidays. By the time I have those memories she was almost an adult. I remember lots of jealousy on her part, though i'm sure I was no angel either.
However, I do think the dynamic would've been different with another sibling.
Sorry. I don't want to rip your knitting but thought you ought to hear a less than positive scenario too.
TTC #2 DS1 is 15 1/2, so it is lovely to hear how good the much larger age gap is for so many people.
Dd1 20 this week, Dd2 just 3, ttc #3 age gap has never been an issue
DS1 was just 13 when DD2 was born, i allowed him to take 2 days off school so that he and my mum could be with me through labour, he stayed the whole time and only left the room when asked to upon midwife suggestion for procedures and when it came time to push, I had a very quiet labour, nothing gory with extreme screaming luckily
He was extremely proud and felt a great bond with his new sis from the word go, he is very patient with her and is a treasure to be around. now she is 3.4 and can clearly speak, he does often say things id rather she not say! not swearing, just teen slang that doesnt sound nice from a 3yo. the thing that seems the funniest is the "hat switching" in the voices between talking to a teen and talking to a toddler otherwise if you get the two mixed up, then they both seem to look at me as if im daft .
id say go for it, without a doubt.
Im not sure if you have got boys or girls or 1 of each, but i know that when i did have DD2
although i cried cos i was told she was a girl not a boy at 20 wk scan i have always been grateful that i had one of each, so that it didnt seem to DS that he was losing my attention to another boy, wanting His things etc,etc. As cos she had pink and him blue, the "competition" didnt seem to be there IYSWIM?
best of luck with your dessision
We're trying for number 3 & have a 12 & 8 year old. I'm nervous about the shift in family dynamics but I think the benefits of having a larger family outweigh any doubts I have. I even have the full support if my mum who I thought would read me the riot act!
Pretty much all positive then, thanks so much everyone.
Just got to wait for DH to decide of he really wants to or not now x
DP and I are trying for our first but he has a DD who is 12.
I'm hoping the age gap will be good for her (all being well).
DSD has an older half sister (her mums daughter) who is 10 years older so she will have a strange dynamic.
Despite having a sister DSD has practically been an only child and if DP and I manage it then DC will practically be an only child as well
(If I don't get my way!)
Hi I have 13 year old dd & 3 year old ds. They get on great. Dd has had my undivided attention most of her life & is well balanced & knows she's completely loved. Ds loves that he has mummy, daddy & big sister all running about after him! They both get on great.
We are going to try for a third
Good luck with what you decide x
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.