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Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

(1000 Posts)
Little9 Thu 31-Jan-13 20:17:09

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Star0909 Tue 29-Oct-13 09:28:45

New thread-hope the link works

OwlinaTree Mon 28-Oct-13 20:37:52

star can you start a new thread?

OwlinaTree Mon 28-Oct-13 20:33:13

Just saw it was a special day for you today too buggerlugs. Hope you are OK.

OwlinaTree Mon 28-Oct-13 20:06:29

gHi all.

A sad welcome to you rubyshoe. I lost my daughter attthree days old due to complications during the birth. She was 38+2. That was in Sept 12. I'm now 21 weeks pg with my little rainbow. Please tell us more about H if you would like to.

I felt very similar to you worrying about concieving again. It took us 19 months to get pg with our daughter.We had some investigation and clomid treatment but in the end it happened naturally. Like you I worried that she was our lucky baby and it wouldn't happen again. Thankfully, I got pg again in 9 months. I've just turned 36. It sounds like you were able to get pg quite easily the first time, fx that you will be pg again soon. I was so desperate to get pg again after my loss, but actually having some time to heal a little has helpedme cope better with this pg I think.

Please do keep chatting to us if it helps at all. These ladies have helped me start to get through this most difficult time.

buggerlugs love to both you and your friend. I echo what star has said. Hope you are OK, you are being a good friend.

Star0909 Mon 28-Oct-13 17:32:43

Thinking of you today too

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Mon 28-Oct-13 15:40:20

Thanks Star. I'm really sorry for your loss. You're right, you'll never 'get over' it but it will get easier in time. I still have teary moments nearly 2 years later.

Thanks for the really useful information. The baby has died at 14 weeks and she'll deliver it on Wednesday. Re remembering dates, only a few people do that. My first bfp was two years ago today so I'll make sure I remember her special dates.

Star0909 Mon 28-Oct-13 15:30:25

Hi Ruby welcome and I'm so sorry to hear about H, we would love to hear more about her if you feel comfortable sharing. I lost my little boy (first baby) last September at 27+2, like your H, he just stopped wriggling around one day during an otherwise problem free pregnancy. I understand the feeling that your luck will run out, but at the moment you don't know that and you can only focus on one day at a time (easier said than done I know).

Buggerlugs I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages and your ttc struggles, that must be really tough. Also v v sorry to hear about your friend. I was lucky with my little boy and didn't need assistance, so that might add extra complications into how your friend is feeling (sorry to state the obvious). The most important thing for me was to be allowed to cry and talk about him without people feeling uncomfortable or thinking that I should be "over it" by now (I am almost 14mths down the line and still have the odd teary moment, I won't ever be "over it"). It is also nice when people mention his name and remember important dates (Christmas, her due date, her own birthday, Mother's Day etc). I read something on one of the support groups available about how parents want to say to people they know "don't think you have upset me if you mention my baby and I cry, you haven't, I'm upset that my baby isn't here and you haven't reminded me about my baby, I couldn't ever forget, but I am grateful that you remember" or something like that....... One other thing... This is different for everyone, but I found dealing with other people's pregnancies and birth announcements VERY hard and nobody has really "got that", not even my DH. It sounds like you are a wonderful friend and will do all you can to support her. If she hasn't already found the SANDs website then that is useful, and the local groups can be good. Although it says stillbirth and I think "officially" stillbirth is 24 weeks+, Sands support anyone who has lost a baby, so she shouldn't let that put her off if she thinks the support would be useful. Wow, that turned into an essay, sorry (and sorry for typos, on iPad and it has no idea how to spell).

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts Mon 28-Oct-13 12:45:44

Hello ladies. I've been on the conception boards a few years in the quest to become a mother and sadly, I'm still here.

A friend has just discovered that her much loved & wanted ICSI has died at 19 weeks pregnant. I've had 2 miscarriages and a cp but all between 5-10 weeks so can't compare my grief levels to hers. Can you give me any advice about what to say / not to say & do? I've had all thru cliche stuff myself so know to be totally normal.and acknowledge her lo existed but any other tips will be gratefully received.

Many thanks.

p.s I've lurked these boards since my first mc and think you're all such amazing strong women thanks

Rubyshoe Mon 28-Oct-13 12:27:23

Hi all, could I join in?

We lost our first daughter 'H' on the 27th of July, she was 2 days overdue and we had had no warning or problems during the pregnancy. On the evening of the 23rd I noticed she hadn't moved for a few hours and went to hospital to be checked but they weren't able to find a heart beat and she was stillborn 4 days later.

I have been lurking on here since we lost her but feel incredibly alone and hopeless, (Today is not a good day). I am 37 and although we fell pregnant very quickly with 'H' I am panicking that we won't be able to have any more children and that maybe 'H' was our 'luck quota'. None of these thoughts are rational I know but there you go..... Sorry for ranting!

OwlinaTree Mon 28-Oct-13 07:29:04

Hi little, very pleased to hear your scan went well. 14 weeks! Hope the stitch and hormone treatment goes well this week too.

Love to everybody on here.

Little9 Sun 27-Oct-13 09:43:37

Owl- am so glad all was well at scan. I had my dating scan on Friday and all was well. Was a little wriggler too. Took again ages to get nt measurement. Am now 14 weeks. Consultant wasn't in clinic that day but she came to see me anyway. Am having stitch put in next Thursday and am now on progesterone.

missa am so very sorry it has not worked out. Be gentle on yourself and we're here if u need to rant or need a virtual hug or hand to hold.

kinder - welcome and sorry you find yourself here. I lost my two little girls both at 20 weeks with my waters just going last January and in June last year. My consultant was worse than rubbish so am now being well looked after by a lovely consultant in Nottingham. It's ironic (and quite frankly annoying) that there is the maternity suite right at the end of my road and yet I'm having to travel an hour away to ensure I get looked after!!) Anyway, sorry to rant. Everyone is very supportive on here and have lots of good advice. Here's hoping for a little rainbow for you soon.

Hope everyone else is ok. Xxx

missalexandra Wed 23-Oct-13 16:49:22

Misschord its very sweet of you to say that, thankyou. I can totally relate to your stepdaughter problems, I have one too and every time I see her (and see her mistreat her father) I cant help thinking of what her father and I have lost. If she were nicer it would make things easier but she treats her father despicably. He readily admits he made huge mistakes in her upbringing and I know he was sooo looking forard to making a new start with A, bringing her up to be a much better person than his daughter is now. Anyway must not get started on stepdaughter rant...but I feel your pain at the baby announcement and know how hard it will be to be around her

Owl its so lovely to hear you have a wriggly litte Owlet! Try and allow yourself to be excited, even if you only manage it for a short time

Star thanks for your lovely message

Kindereyes thinking of you

Waves to Blue and everyone else xx

OwlinaTree Tue 22-Oct-13 21:34:42

Thanks for your kind message missc. It was great to see the baby yesterday.

I understand what you mean about being more upset about this pregnancy than about others. I have mainly been able to be happy for people as i'm sure you have, but just one or two have upset me. It just seems so easy for some to have a family, and i'm happy for them, but you can't always be the bigger person.

You have been supportive of this stepdaughter (was it her with the poorly child?). I am thinking of you and hoping you get to DTD despite the cough!!

misschord Tue 22-Oct-13 00:06:41

I'm really sorry MissA. I don't think I've ever hoped for anything more for someone I don't I don't even know, but all of you ladies are so amazing and you deserve to have your dreams come true.

Kindereyes welcome. I lost my full term baby girl at 1 day old in June, like Owlina due to oxygen deprivation during delivery. You will find lots of support here.

My stepdaughter (whose every move winds me up really) phoned us up at 11 last night to share with us the news that she is pregnant with her third child. Feels like a knife through the heart. No-one else's pregnancy has bothered me, but hers does, because now my DH has a baby to get excited about, and I haven't been the one to produce this wonderful addition to the family. AND this week is supposed to be DTD week, but I keep coughing every 5 seconds, which is a little off-putting for my DH! Grrr.

So very pleased to hear that you have a lovely wriggly baby Owlina. I know you will already be treasuring every moment with your little one.

OwlinaTree Mon 21-Oct-13 22:40:25

missa I'm so sorry. There is nothing I can say except to echo what star has said. I will be thinking of you.

Please do keep posting if you feel able to.

The scan went well today, everything looked normal thank goodness. The baby was incredibly wriggly. I asked what the cord looked like as that was obviously aproblem last time, but it all looks normal at the moment. I guess that is one of the things they will keep an eye on.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts today, I do wish we could all be having good news to celebrate on here.

Good to hear from you star.

Star0909 Mon 21-Oct-13 16:11:45

Oh MissA I am SO sorry. I know I can't say anything that will make you feel better or take any of your pain away, but take time to grieve, for A and this little one too and the future that won't be how you had hoped. Pease keep talking to us if you feel able to, we all care about you and are here for you whenever you need us. Please look after yourself, and let your DH look after you too, you need it. Lots of love xxxxxxxx

missalexandra Mon 21-Oct-13 11:44:23

Kindereyes I'm so very sorry about your little girl. Here we all know only too well the agony you are going through right now. It's very early days for you, there is no point telling you that the pain goes away, but in time it does gradually get slightly easier to go on with normal life. We lost our precious daughter at 34 weeks on Christmas Eve last year. There was a problem with the placenta but the doctors didnt pick up on it until it was too late.

Blue, Star and Owl thanks for asking and keeping me in your thoughts. It looks like the angel omen was right I'm afraid. The test on Friday showed my Beta levels had gone down slightly, which means I'm miscarrying. Theyve asked me to do another one this morning before suspending all my meds, will get the results later today. Am totally devastated, to have got my hopes up just to be knocked back yet again...there is no way we can afford to have another try, so it looks like its definitely the end of the road for us.

Right now I feel more furious and angry than ever with the nurses and doctors who let A die. Thanks to them I am facing a childless future while they go about their lives happily, probably with all the children they hoped for. Progress with the lawyers is painfully slow, the hospital is hiding reports from us. But we have been told that there is no doubt at all that there was neglicence...also that we have a very slim chance of winning. While there was still even the slimmest chance of a rainbow I felt like I could find the energy to go on, but now I just want to crawl into bed, go to sleep and never wake up again, it would be so much easier than facing another who knows how many years of childless hell sad

Owl thinking of you at your scan today and hoping everything goes well xx

OwlinaTree Sun 20-Oct-13 22:23:23

Welcome to you kindereyes. I'm sorry you find yourself here. I lost my daughter at 3 days old due to complications during the birth. She was starved of oxygen and her brain was too badly damaged to survive. I an now 20 weeks pg with my rainbow.

This thread had helped me so much over the last year. At times it has been so hard to cope, but knowing there are a few people who understand has helped me through some very hard days indeed. Do you have some support in RL?

blue and star thanks for your kind thoughts, ill postat some point tomorrow, hopefully with good news.Hope you are both doing OK. And you missa.

Star0909 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:23:23

Hi Kindereyes I'm really sorry about your little girl, like Blue says we would love to hear about her if you would like to tell us, was she your first baby?

My son and first baby was stillborn at 27weeks in Sept last year, turns out there were some problems with the umbilical cord, but until I stopped feeling him move my pg was seemingly normal and low risk. I miss him so very very much, he was totally perfect and looked just like my DH. You do get used to living with the pain and loss, but I know that in the early days it doesn't feel like you ever will (or want to). Please keep talking to us if it helps, do you have lots of support in RL?

MissA I can only echo what Blue said, you are very much in my thoughts.

Owl how annoying, fingers crossed the cold shifts soon so you can have the jab. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Blue how are you doing?

BlueSkyandRain Sun 20-Oct-13 17:55:07

kindereyes I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but a very warm welcome. Please do tell us more about your daughter if you would like to. My son was born in April at 36 weeks, he had died a few hours earlier because the placenta came away early, I lost a lot of blood and he stopped receiving enough oxygen from me. He was so beautiful and looked just like his older brother.
I have found this thread and the other people on it so helpful, I hope you do too.

owl well I'm glad they're looking after you and being cautious, even if its a bit annoying not getting the injection over with when you were expecting it. Will be thinking of you and the little owl tomorrow smile

missalex I don't like to ask how things are in case it's not good news, but neither do I want to be like the woman who hasn't spoken to me since I told her about my ds and now ignores me, presumably as she 'doesn't know what to say'. Anyway, just to say you've very much been in my thoughts x

Kindereyes Sun 20-Oct-13 17:12:46

Hi all, I lost my baby girl in August this year and am new to mums net. She was full term. Just need some support pls . miss her so much and want another baby so much as well.

OwlinaTree Sat 19-Oct-13 11:29:49

Well no flu jab as I've got a cold. Didn't want to risk me having a temperature.

They've obviously drafted everybody qualified to give injections in as I had a lady who I vaguely recognised but had obviously remembered me, as she said ' oh youmust be so worried about the pregnancy, call me any time'. Quite sweet but I really can't remember who she is, doctor, midwife, nurse...

OwlinaTree Sat 19-Oct-13 10:11:40

Hi guys, thanks for your kind words. I'm feeling a bit better, still a bit coldly but getting there. Have started to feel baby flutters too so that's put my mind at rest a bit.

Scan on Monday. Can't wait, really hoping everything looks normal.

little hope you are OK, I'm thinking of you as I'm 20 weeks tomorrow. I'm so glad you are having 2 weekly scans, they seem to be looking after you well this time.

missa I agree with star regarding the Angel omen. I hope you are trying to rest and keep yourself calm. You may have had your results by now, I hope it's good news. Here for hand holding.

Flu jab in less than an hour. Better get out of bed!

missalexandra Fri 18-Oct-13 17:01:07

Star I had another blood test this morning, they say I might get the results later today or if not tomorrow, the seconds are ticking by so slowly. Re: omens. When we were given our planned c-section date I couldnt believe it - it was the day my mum died, a horrendous memory for me. I immediately thought oh my god its a bad omen, and I went over and over the idea of asking them to change it, just by one day. But in the end I told myself (and was told by others) to stop being so silly, and left that date. I'm not syaing that it had anything to do with A's death, but I still ask myself what would have happened if I had taken notice and started to think that something might go wrong...

Anyway its nice to know I'm not the only one who now sees crazy omens everywhere xx

Star0909 Fri 18-Oct-13 11:44:16

Hi MissA that's not good about the hcg, when will they test you again? I can understand the crazy squashed pigeon/angel omen, that is exactly the sort of thing that would cross my mind too so we can be totally mad together. Having said that, it DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING! Today you are pregnant and hopefully your little bean will stick and start growing big and strong.

I really need to get on and do some baking, I love it but can't seem to find the energy or enthusiasm at the moment.

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