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Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

(1000 Posts)
Little9 Thu 31-Jan-13 20:17:09

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

poglol Fri 22-Feb-13 11:55:45

poppet yes it is hard, if I knew it would be nearly 3 years later after starting to try and still no baby might have started earlier! But made right decision at the time.

My little one was perfect too, the cord was 3 times round her neck, and she was starved of oxygen. There is no reason why we shouldn't have another child, must be glad of that.

Will keep on ttc and stay positive. Good luck for your ivf

fanjodisfunction Fri 22-Feb-13 12:04:19

poglol our stories sound so similar, I've been trying for four years now, it sucks but its what we have to do to get what we want. I'm hoping that this year is our year!

KleinePoppet Fri 22-Feb-13 12:10:23

fan lovie we're ALL hoping that.... xx

And v much hope the same for you too, poglol x

Ellypoo Fri 22-Feb-13 12:19:06

Hi all

so much stress and shitness around for you all at the moment, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you all, and having to deal with so much crap (particularly from people who, quite frankly, should know much better) just makes it all so much harder.

Poglol, a very sad welcome to you. Our DD1 died aged 2 days due to severe brain damage caused by oxygen starvation, she was born by EMCS after I went in to hospital with reduced movements on 29 Dec 2011. I am now 29+3 with DC2, who will hopefully be delivered in about 7 weeks, and it is such an anxious journey. Please tell us more about your daughter, if you feel like you want to.

As for me, I'm just a big ball of anxiety and stress at the moment - next scan & consultant appointment next Friday, and hopefully they will book the c-section date then, which I think will be really helpful for me to be able to work towards. It seems to be getting harder the closer to the end I get - guess it's closer to when we lost Nancy, and it's just so hard to believe & hope that I will actually be able to take this baby home with me.

Sending huge hugs and best wishes to you all, particularly kleine, fan, angel, green, little and blizy.

KleinePoppet Fri 22-Feb-13 12:40:29

elly, my dear, I just wanted to say I'm basically permanently holding your hand... Wish I could do more, but I really do think of you and the little one so often. Will be hoping with you that the CS date is booked next Fri. Loads of love xx

Insurance man had been (payment authorised, phew!) so I'm off out now, love to everyone......

KleinePoppet Fri 22-Feb-13 12:41:41

(don't want you all to think that my grammar has deserted me)

AngelGeorgie Fri 22-Feb-13 15:04:05

Kleine people are stupid.xxxx just stupid xxxx sorry xx
Elly wow .. How exciting? A date??? Xxx hope you re ok?
Green , yes I m off work . Got a sick note for the next 2 weeks. Hope you re ok? Xxx
Fan xxxx
Blitzy xxx
Pogol welcome & sorry xxxx
My first dd was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10. ;Georgie from E. coli. I ve since had my 2 nd daughter , my saviour: Phoebe 1 year &8 days after loosing Georgie.,I m currently going through my 3 rd mc. ( 2 pre Georgie) . We re a very supportive bunch who unfornately understand where re you re coming from. My need to be pg after Georgie was so strong. I only waited to 6 weeks after , just after I'd stopped bleeding. However, we didn t/ don t have time on our side as at the time I was 40. We were very lucky & concieved 4 months after Georgie. You will know when the times right for u . Take care xxxx
Hi all. Scan confirmed no heartbeat . Foetus measuring the same as last week. I m ok had figured this outcome as had 3 scans with this pg & never felt quite right , as did with Phebs . Booked in for EPRC on we'd pm. I couldn t do Monday as got Phebs so we'd not bad. Spent all morning at EPU, pre-screening. Got a sick note for 2 weeks then we ll see.
As for ttc we ll see in the future might give it 1 more crack but don t want all this physical, mental, emotional disruption to my life anymore. I never wanted Phebs to be an only ( living) child. Ant is happy either way. He doesn t mind calling it a day or as he says its me that has to go through it all.
Love to all xxxx

greengoose Fri 22-Feb-13 15:37:09

ANGEL.. I'm sorry the scan was sad news, but glad it is done. If you do consider trying again, I managed to get BFP twice (Merryn and this one) on the back of a MC, and doc said this is v common, as body is prepped for it. Remember either way to keep taking your vits, as your body will need them for a while. (not like you don't know all this, right)? I'm glad you have some time off, and that Ant sounds like he has stepped up.

POGLOG, I'm sorry you find yourself here, that your little girl isn't with you. The early months are hellish, but it does ease slightly, and like all of us here, the thought of a Rainbow baby keeps us going. I was lucky enough to have two boys, 10 and 5 already, before I had my little girl in April last year. Merryn stayed for six days before she died due to a tumour that was too difficult to remove. I miss her terribly. Between my boys and Merryn I had two MCs and another one last Sept, but I was lucky enough to get preg again quickly, and am now 13 weeks.
After Merryn died all I wanted was to be pregnant again. We tried as soon as we could, about eight weeks after. Although I'm sure I'd have got through it, I'm glad it has taken a wee while, as it's given me time to work through what having another baby means, and understand how it will never take away the ache for my girl. Being pregnant again is more terrifying than I expected, but it's not forever, and we have already been through far more. I think anyone who has been through what we have and is willing to try again is strong enough for most things... I wish you strength and luck for this journey, the women here will support you ever step of it. X

ELLY, I hope you get your section date sorted, I completely agree a date to aim at helps.

KLEINE... I like when you get fierce! angry grin
I have got to the stage where I usually find it funny (my defence of choice) if people are v v stupid about all this, but my DP doesn't have to go through it so often, so it still hits him hard. He would just never be ignorant in this way, and will not excuse it in others, whereas I'm not strong enough to challenge it anymore and i let it wash over me a bit. I am lucky enough to have seen more love and care and empathy after Merryn than anything else, and I am determined that this is what I will remember and take to heart, not the occasional idiot.

snowdrop2012 Fri 22-Feb-13 19:15:36

Thanks all for reading Isla's story and for sharing your own. It is nice to tell people that truly understand. I have been very lucky so far that my family and friends have been sensitive and kind but still, it is comforting to know that you all actually know how it feels (although I also wish that you didn't, if that makes sense).

Angel, I'm sorry that you had to go through that again today. It must be so physically and emotionally exhausting to keep going through it. I hope that the next few days pass as gently as they can for you.

amyboo I can't imagine how difficult it is to get through another pregnancy after what we have been through, and I so hope that the next few weeks pass quickly for you.

greengoose I am so pleased to hear that the scan went well yesterday despite the stupidity and insensitivity of the 'professionals' involved. Sometimes I can almost excuse normal people saying or doing the wrong thing but I think it is totally inexcusable for doctors/MWs. They really should know better. Still, as you say, none of that really matters after seeing Merryn's little brother or sister on the screen smile

bilzy I am sorry that you had a bad day yesterday, I hope that today has been better. I love the name Zoe - such a pretty name, for a pretty girl. It was on our shortlist for Isla.

Fan I hope that AF has arrived today (or that if she hasn't it is for the right reasons) so unfair that your body is messing about. I think we all just need a good break for a change.

Kleine I'm glad the insurance man paid out, one less thing to worry about. I am keeping everything crossed for the IVF journey. Did you have IVF with your darling E? Sorry to pry - no need to answer if you don't want to.

babyh Thank you for telling me about Adam. I am so sorry. I do hope that you get your bfp soon.

Little I'm sorry to hear about your DH's van. So completely unfair when you've been through so much already. I hope that you enjoyed dog agility - just thinking about all the exercise you've been doing makes me feel exhausted!

Moomins Lovely to read about your delightful little J. It must be quite tricky those first couple of weeks, with everyone getting used to the new arrival. I'm sure he is bringing you all lots of joy (and hopefully not too many sleepless hours!)

Ellypoo I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious but it is completely understandable. I hope that booking a c-section date will help a little but I know that it will be difficult to relax until the little one is in your arms. Sending lots of good vibes and wishes to you.

poglol I'm sorry to hear about your little one. I hope that you get a bfp very soon.

I have had an ok day today. Did some baking this morning and then saw one of my best friends this afternoon. I didn't feel quite ready to see her daughter (who is nearly 6 months) and she kindly got her MIL to look after her. I am lucky that my friends are so understanding and don't put me under any pressure.

I was thinking that we would wait until the summertime to ttc again, but this last couple of days I've wondered if I can wait that long and am toying with the idea of suggesting to my DH to start sooner, perhaps once we have got Isla's PM results next Thursday...however, I am worried about how I would feel if a new baby was due around Isla's first birthday (not that things would necessarily happen that quickly). I know that some of your rainbows were due/born around your Angels' birthdays and I just wondered how you coped with that? Do you think it was more difficult? I guess it will always be tough whenever a rainbow is due...

Sorry if I missed anyone. Sending you all lots of hugs and wishes, and thinking about all our much missed angels. Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

blizy Fri 22-Feb-13 19:41:29

Snowdrop, thank you. Isla was also on our short list, but a friend had a baby a few months before us and used it.
You are so lucky to have such understanding friends.

I hope you get the answers you need during the pm. I had something called defective placental maturation and we also found out Zoe had Down's syndrome.

Ttc again is such a personal thing, you have to do what is best for you and dh. We started ttc 3 months after I gave birth.

Babyh200 Fri 22-Feb-13 23:08:55

Evening everyone

Everyone seems to be having such tough times at the moment, I am thinking of you all.

ANGEL: I'm so sorry your MC was confirmed today....I really wish things were different. Please take it easy I hope Ant is taking good care of you.......and don't even give work a second thought you need to recover first. Sending big hugs (()) xxxxxxxx

Blizy: How are you? Sorry you're feeling anxious......I hope you managed ok with the
mindees. Thinking of you with Zoes 2nd birthday approaching xxxx

Snowdrop: We all do understand and I know exactly what you mean (that you wish we didnt!). Thinking of you with the PM approaching. We didnt have a PM but while we waited to see the consultant I imagined every type of scenario, I analysed everything I did in those last couple of days from hoovering the stairs to everything I ate. I even blamed a bag of crisps at one point which of course it wasn't. From a TTC point of view,
Its surprising how quickly your feelings change from that 'never again' feeling to needing to try again. Theres no right or wrong. Hopefully one of the ladies will be along who conceived again quickly can give their opinion on having a rainbow around the anniversary of their angel xxx

More to follow.....

Babyh200 Fri 22-Feb-13 23:46:24

Fan: Hope your ok. I'm sorry your body is playing tricks, when your AF doesn't come you can't help but hope can you. I openly admit that I really struggled with being 3 days late last month, BLIZY described it perfectly when she said its soul destroying because it truly is. Hope AF turns up if its not that secret hope love xxxxxx

Green: You have so much on your plate with the appointments and scans it must be so difficult. That stupid midwife made me so mad (Steam blowing from
my ears) dare she grrrrrrr Carry on being brave chick. 13 weeks already wow smile xxxxx

Moomins: Can't believe J is 3 weeks already he is gorgeous xx

Little:Thinking of you and the girls. I hope your DH got his Van sorted, sorry he got his
tools stolen xxxx

Kliene: Sorry about that insensitive man in your DHs work sad Also glad you have made a decision on the IVF but I will be praying you don't need it my lovely friend xxxxxxx Ps agree with Green maybe you should try and have a cheap little break somewhere xxxxx

Elly and Amy: Thinking of you both. Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by and you will be holding your rainbows before you know it xxxxxx

Babyh200 Sat 23-Feb-13 00:10:54

Poglol: So sorry to meet you here. Our baby boy Adam was stillborn last July 5 days before my planned csection. I attended hospital after reduced movement but he was already gone when we got there. I am lucky enough to have 2 older children who keep me going they are 7 and 9 but I would dearly love a rainbow baby. We have been trying since last September with no luck yet.
It does seem like there are babies everywhere when you have lost yours.......everything just seems more magnified.
There are some lovely ladies on here who have pulled me through the dark days.......I am so grateful for their support.
I hope you are blessed with a rainbow baby soon xxxxxxx

amyboo Sat 23-Feb-13 05:37:24

Well, so much for weekly mobitoring. It seems DS3 had other ideas... I came into hospital at 2am on Thursday morning with what I thought were painful braxton hicks. Turns out I was in labour. They tried to stop it but the drugs didn't work. So DS3 was born by emcs at 4.15am. DH luckily managed to dash to hospital just in time after some very kind friends came and picked up sleepy DS1.

DS3 has been named Henry Joseph and despite being born at 31+3 he is a good weight (2.020kg) and size (44cm). He's on a little breathing machine in the neonatal unit but doesn't need extra oxygen and is managing to digest expressed milk welk.

DH and I are a bit shellshocked but enormously relieved to be able to hold a healthy happy baby at last. Fingers crossed he makes good progress - the docs here are all really pleased with him but I think he'll be here for at least 4-5 weeks

fanjodisfunction Sat 23-Feb-13 06:15:15

amy congratulations! Welcome to the world Henry Joseph! Even if you are a little early. Wonderful news, I have a big grin now!

greengoose Sat 23-Feb-13 08:04:42

AMY.. Congratulations! Henry Joseph is a great name! It's really good that he's taking some milk already, he sounds like a strong little chap! It must have been quite a full on couple of days for you and dH... Are you managing to get to where Henry is? Do you get to cuddle him yet? Sorry, I'm just very excited for you all, and so glad you are all doing well! Well done, brave lady! Xxx

Bluetinkerbell Sat 23-Feb-13 08:34:08

Yay for another safe but slightly early rainbow arrival! Enjoy Amy I was that weight at 40 weeks born, so little Henry has a good weight indeed !

KleinePoppet Sat 23-Feb-13 12:15:03

Welcome to the world Henry Joseph!! Congratulations amy and your DH! So pleased that he is doing so well, he really does sound like a very strong little boy and truly a GREAT weight for 31 weeks.
You must be exhausted - I hope that you manage to get the odd bit of sleep here and there. Lots of love xxx

blizy Sat 23-Feb-13 15:09:28

Amy, huge congratulations on the early arrival of little Henry Joseph! I hope he continues to get stronger each day and will be home soon. Hope you are well too. X

RainboxFX Sat 23-Feb-13 18:48:29

Wow, I have missed so much! Welcome to the world baby Henry Joseph! Congratulations Amy!

A sad hello to those I haven't "met" yet as well. Our first son Dexter was born at 24 weeks last year, with no warning at all. He did his best, and stayed with us for two weeks, but his lungs were just too premature to cope. We had taken two years ttc before he came along, so we made to decision to try again fairly quickly as we didn't think we would 'catch' for ages. I was lucky enough to get pregnant our second month of trying (so 6 months after Dex was born) and am now 16 weeks along with this rainbow. Have had a cervical stitch in just in case.

I am sorry there are so many bad times going on. I am sorry I have been too self absorbed to be here to offer support sad I am sorry people say and do such insensitive things. I am thinking about all of us, and our angels and rainbows. Have calmed down after the stitch now. It took me a very long time to get my head around it and I am still embarassed about it, but you are all right. IT is done, it is over, I did it for this baby and it is something I won't have to do again this pregnancy.

We went for a private scan today, so have a bit of news. We know which flavour of baby I am carrying! Don't intend to tell people in RL what we are having, but I would love to share it here if it would be appropriate?

Sending out love and strength in all directions, as much as is needed.

blizy Sat 23-Feb-13 18:52:40

Fab news rainbox! Go on, what's the flavour? I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. X

poglol Sat 23-Feb-13 19:11:48

Congratulations Amy. You must feel so emotional at the moment.

Enjoy your beautiful baby!

greengoose Sat 23-Feb-13 19:26:03

RAINBOX....TELL US!!!! I peek under the bed for Christmas presents, I am not able to cope with suspense.....pleeeeeease tell us?!?

AMY... I've been grinning at odd moments all day thinking about your news! Hope all is going well, and you are remembering to eat and rest?

I had my first proper episode of projectile vomit today, and was quite chuffed actually. (not so much when I had to mop it up). Good to know hormones are still raging away! It also got me out of helping to lay a hedge, which is the devils work. Earlier on i went to shops and bought some wool to crochet this little one a blanket, which ive not been brave enough to consider until now. Its always nice to have a blanket anyway, right?

Hope everyone else had a decent Saturday!

Whatevertheweather Sat 23-Feb-13 20:07:13

Haven't managed to get on for a few days with half term so have just come and caught up - I've missed so much!!

Amy HUGE congratulations on the birth of Henry Joseph. What an eventful arrival. So pleased he is here. Hope you are home really soon. Sounds like he is doing fab smile Take care of yourself post c-sec xx

Fan hope AF arrives so you can carry on (or not smile but ill say that quietly to myself as I know you technically missed this month)

Green yay for vomiting! I also remember being hugely relieved when symptoms properly kicked in. Sorry you've encountered some idiots xx

Blizy sorry you are struggling my lovely. Ditto Kleine definitely book yourselves a holiday xxx

Angel I just read about your mc hmm I'm so sorry honey - you've had such a tough time of it recently. I hope you can get a break away soon. God knows you could do with it.

Rainbox tell tell TELL!!! grin Only if you want to of course smile

Sorry to see new faces here - I'm sorry you lost your babies and I wish they were still with you. This is a wonderful thread with the most inspirational women. I lost by darling daughter Erin in August 2011 she had fetal cancer and died at one hour old after being born at 36 weeks. I am lucky enough to have a 5yr old dd and I had my rainbow baby Holly in August 2012. It's definitely a rollercoaster.

Waves to babyh mias blue spilt and anyone else I've missed xx

Nothing much to report here. Hectic half term but now my lovely K is a bit under the weather. Most unusual for her. She'll be 6 next Sunday shock How did that happen?! Erin would have been 18 months old on Monday, a proper toddler girl. Feels like a big milestone without her.

Lots of love to all - especially Amy enjoy those newborn snuggles when you can xxx

fanjodisfunction Sun 24-Feb-13 04:01:10

I can't sleep! Keep thinking what if I am pregnant! Trying to meditate to try and calm myself down but can't, trying to tell myself that I'm not but its not working. My boobs hurt, I'm boiling but I just can't bring myself to test. Its like I don't want to tempt fate or something. I think I will have to get through sunday and then see if I can test monday if AF doesn't appear. It will be better for my sanity to test I think.

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