struggling to cope 4 months after mc, is this normal l?

[42andcounting]

I don't normally post, only lurk, but I think i really need a reality check. I miscarried at 6 weeks in September, and the more time goes by the worse I seem to feel. I am struggling to cope at work, and unfortunately work away a lot so am feeling increasingly isolated. is this normal? all I want to do is cry or sleep :(

[resipsa]

Hi. Sorry. From my experience, the answer is yes, sorry (again)! I'm nearly a year on from mine and still feel pretty down about it. Can you talk to others or GP? Stupid advice, really, if you are like me: I'm one of life's "internalisers" so tend to keep it all in anyway. Hope you feel better soon.

[NathanDetroit]

I think it's pretty normal, tbh. take care of yourself, talk to whoever you can about it all. It's one of those you have to go through, you can't ignore it. x

[Pentagon]

42 I'm sorry you're feeling so low! I think it's normal - most people take it really badly, only a lucky few manage to shrug it off! Are you TTC for #1? I have had 2 MMCs (and 1 DD in between) and have to admit that the first time was definitely worse. I was in mourning (it sounds silly but it is true) for 3 months or so. I cried several times a day, at home, on the train in front of strangers, in the toilets at work - I was a total mess. I didn't socialise, didn't feel like doing anything at all - I just watched films, read books (anything to escape reality) and slept (and cried of course!) Strangely enough I was quite focused at work, I guess because it was the only part of the day that I managed to forget about what had happened. The fact that no one at work knew helped. Luckily, my DH was very understanding and patient and just let me well, mourn.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, what helped me the most was going away for a weekend with 3 good old friends. We had some girly fun and I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Even I was fed up with myself by then! I calmed down a lot. Decided that if I couldn't conceive or conceive successfully, I would try IVF - and if everything failed I would adopt. That life is too short and precious to be spent in the state that I was in. A month later, and on a mini holiday with DH (which also helped) I got pregnant again and thank goodness everything went well. This latest MMC wasn't as devastating but has affected my work more, I guess because I don't have time to dwell on it while at home since I have to look after DD. Therefore it's taking me a bit longer to get over.
What I would say is try to do things that you enjoy and would help you take your mind off it. Talk to friends/family who are supportive. Go away with friends and/or your DH/DP. Don't keep it all inside - post more on MN! (this is helping me loads at the moment ;)) Sorry for the very long post!

[SilverClementine]

Hi 42, I am so sorry for your loss, I really am. I haven't had direct experience of miscarriage myself, however I do know what it feels like to feel isolated when times are hard and wanting to cry and sleep all the time (or stare into the distance!). From what little I know of miscarriage, it strikes me as being an extremely difficult experience and one which requires support. My advice would be to go and have a chat with your GP and see if they can refer you to someone for support. The fact that you have come out from the shadows on here (as I have done recently) indicates that you may be ready to seek support from elsewhere, which is a really positive step. As others have said, take care of yourself and don't ignore it. xx

[Sonics]

42 you could try contacting the miscarriage association. Have a look on their website. I know they do local support groups (depending on where you live) and also have a helpline I think. They might be able to offer you some support. Hope your start to feel better soon.

I mc'd in August and it did take me a while to get over it, but it helps to have someone who understands what it feels like to talk to

[42andcounting]

Hello everyone, I just wanted to say thank you all so much for talking the time to reply. Your responses really rang true, I'm also very much someone who bottles up or tries to ignore things with 'distraction activity'. We didn't tell family or friends when it happened, as we both felt that the sympathy might be a bit overwhelming but I think I'm starting to regret that decision now. Maybe its time to think about telling my sisters. Thank you all for making me feel less alone, I really appreciate your support xx

[42andcounting]

Forgot to say, Pentagon, yes we're trying for #1, which is difficult as I am away from home for long stretches of time so miss the vital time window to DTD more often than not, and don't even have my lovely OH around to cheer me up when I'm down and far from home. Apologies if that sounded really self pitying, I knowledge that a lot of people are far worse off than I am.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Just wanted to let you know 42 that I'm still struggling quite with my mc at 7.4 weeks in September. I did tell half the world and had counselling as I was going to pieces quite spectacularly at the time. It all helped a lot, but still the hurt comes back and rears its ugly head at times. Mine was an IUI pregnancy, and both Christmas and my two failed cycles since the mc have been devastating. Talk to us, talk to you DH, write a diary, look at the MC association, read about coping techniques, try them out (even if they sound stupid or cheesy). It is horrible, but eventually the pain will ease.