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Elderberry Pavlovas And The Eternal Sausage of Wang (Part 4): a frightfully good thread for the over-30s TTC their first baby.

(996 Posts)
viviennewestwould Fri 25-Jan-13 18:58:59

Over here, sausage-wangers!

2cats222 Tue 05-Feb-13 22:40:52

ha ha ha my recent google search history would certainly make people go hmm if they saw it aquarius

Bunnygirlie Wed 06-Feb-13 08:29:32

Complete meltdown here in the bunny household this morning, so much for morning glory, hubby still suffering from performance anxiety so didn't DTD.
I don't want him to see me upset so I go get showered and have a little cry, I came out and had a lie down on the bed, he hugs me and I can't help but sob hystericly which makes him feel bad and then he gets in a huff!
WTF is wrong with us?!? I think I'm beginning to lose it

MotherOfCleo Wed 06-Feb-13 09:30:49

bunny I pounced on the OH last night and he certainly wasn't as, errm how to put this, 'happy' to see me as usual. I think he is feeling the strain too, I'm hoping that we can do something nice over valentines day so it is more special than the usual 'wham bam thank you mam' which sometimes just feels like a transfer of sperm tbh. hmm

Thundercatsarego Wed 06-Feb-13 10:11:20

It's not good at all is it girls. So much pressure and too much thinking. If only there was another way to do the conception and then dtd could just be for fun like the old days.

SidneyBristow Wed 06-Feb-13 11:44:34

Aww hugs bunny. It's gutting when so much pressure is put on "getting things right" for 4 days a month, when the rest of the month it seems so simple and gasp is actually fun. didn't someone on here say they were keeping their actual ovulation time secret from their DH, so that he didn't necessarily realize they were DTD for fun vs for TTC? Maybe an option for the future?

I'm very blue here today, have been struggling not to cry the last 3 days or so, which isn't like me. Last night we went to a kids' clothing warehouse sale, and got a few things for my SKs, but DH said it was 'bad luck' to buy anything to keep on hand for a baby. I accept that it wouldn't have been the most rational thing to do, but it felt awful putting things back that would've been for someone of ours. Made it to the parking lot before I started to cry, at least, so that was a positive.

GP appt is this afternoon & if I start crying during it, I'll be so mortified blush

Bunnygirlie Wed 06-Feb-13 13:02:14

Thanks ladies, sorry to hear you are blue too Sidney

This month we were just going to try and DTD lots throughout the month so it wasn't so obvious for OH when ov time was but this isn't happening either! We managed CD8 but then nothing till today disastrous CD12!
I just don't know what to do, I know deep down that there is probably nothing wrong with either of us and the problem is we aren't having enough sex, and if you aren't having sex you aren't going to make a baby! But how can I help hubby get through his performance issues sad

navis176 Wed 06-Feb-13 15:22:59

Bunny and Sidney - sorry you're both having a rough day...this ttc lark sure isn't easy, it puts so much pressure on relationships...

Aquarius1 Wed 06-Feb-13 19:17:58

bunny i keep saying that to myself too re: not having enough sex equals not making babies - we haven't been able to manage it as regularly as we should and we had a good pep talk about it recently. my DH confessed to me that he wasn't finding dtd'ing particularly inspiring of late...which slightly upset me but i understand why, so hoping to give it more of a go this month.

my af arrived just now as I got home from work. total opposite to last time - well timed, very mild cramps (touch wood), and not ruining my weekend. a small mercy at least... ho hum... hmm feeling philosophical and a bit relieved about it (after my imagination ran away with itself for a brief moment on cd31 and told me I was barren and never going to have a period again blush)

Bunnygirlie Wed 06-Feb-13 20:39:01

Nope it's not easy at all! aquarius my hubby isn't finding it easy either, there is just so much pressure on them to perform, it's so difficult! Sorry to hear AF arrived, but at least it isn't as hideous as usual!

Went to work today in an awful mood, so blue but pretended I just felt ill, somebody up there obviously wanted to take the piss as both my friends who I work with who are on maternity leave popped into the office, so today I had cuddles with a 6week old and a 6 month old, woah that was tough!

Thundercatsarego Wed 06-Feb-13 20:50:21

Don't panic bunny, you are not out of the running at all. I think when I did get pg it was just from dtd a few times at the right-ish time.

Tough indeed with the baby cuddles though. Ouch.

So- has anyone got the magic formula with the OHs? How do we do it?

2cats222 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:05:32

Night ladies. Just tortured myself by watching one born every minute (for the first time ever).
Bunny & mother sorry to hear of your troubles. Sidney stay strong. How was the GP? Positive I hope
Anyone tried secret pre-seedinging? Makes my OH wake up fast (TMI ALERT!) when i'm so "wet". I don't want to tell him in case it adds to the pressure so despite feeling guilty and awful about it I also feel like maybe it's best to keep it to myself. Otherwise I can;t think of anything useful to re-light his fire so to speak...

2cats222 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:07:03

preseedinging?? Thanks vino for crap typos again

2cats222 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:16:49

Oh and can someone nip round and sort gails tinternet in her crazy valley of non communication?! Missing her!

Boodle9 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:23:23

2cats, I couldn't bear to watch OBEM! Saw it was on and turned the telly off, just in case I succumbed to temptation!

I've secretly pre-seeded a couple of times! Usually when I'm tired and can't be bothered with foreplay! I use about 1/10 of what they recommend though. (Refer back to thread 3 paddling pool analogy...) I'm tending to just tell him at the moment though - I think I'm quite lucky that DH has taken it on the chin and accepts that it will be like that around ov time! We do try to keep things going throughout the month though so it's not always so, urrrrm, scientific!

2cats222 Wed 06-Feb-13 22:31:01

boodle I learnt the preseed amount the hard way!!! I'm just trying to avoid more of the 'do you only want sex for a baby' comments so keeping it quiet. Don't think he realises the torture when he then (regularly) rubs my belly and asks if I'm growing a baby. Grrr <nips out to read paddling pool posts>

happylass Thu 07-Feb-13 07:35:14

So positive OPK followed by some serious OV pains on cd11. Temperature rise of 0.21 on cd12 and lots of DTD in the days leading up to this. Same as every other month. Brilliant, job done thinks I. Cd13 today and my temperature has just dropped by 0.32 confused. Is there any hope? Know it's normal to have an anovulatory cycle occasionally but this would be nothing short of inconvenient as having blood tested for progesterone levels next week. Humph! angry

Bunnygirlie Thu 07-Feb-13 07:44:49

Right that's me out this month, his mojo has left the building, perhaps for good!

Trying not to cry as it makes it worse for him but the crazy lady inside me is sobbing coz she won't have her November baby and she doesn't want a December or January baby as they are such shitty months to have a birthday, but she also wants one before end of jan before she enters her mid 30s.

I just want to give up now!

MotherOfCleo Thu 07-Feb-13 08:23:56

bunny im glad its not just me who doesnt really want a december or jan birth....dont get me wrong Id happily have a baby at any time of year but those 2 months are rubbish times for birthdays......but I dont want to wait to get pregnant, catch 22 isnt it!
Glad I dont temp as I would obsess big time.

Bunnygirlie Thu 07-Feb-13 08:42:11

Exactly mother in truth I'd be happy to have a baby in any month of either sex at any age but there is still part of me that has its preferences like most people I guess.

We held off starting TTC last year as I thought having a spring baby would be nice, look how that turned out! Epic fail!

SidneyBristow Thu 07-Feb-13 09:18:58

2cats your DH is much braver than mine; if I got asked if I were growing a baby, I'd tear out his tongue and wrap it around his neck. end of!

happy sorry to hear about your temp, but could it be due to something else, maybe a virus of some sort? this is exactly why I'm torn about temping. like mother I'd obsess.

bunny is your DH stressed about something other than TTC? Try not to get discouraged. His mojo will come back, full force, probably when you're least in the mood!

You're all way ahead of me; I've never thought specifically about what month my baby would be born in, more in terms of how old (elderly) I'd be when it arrived. My DH, SKs and my own bdays are all in winter and I think a spring baby would be ideal, but at this point I'll take what I can get.

GP appt went well yesterday; GP said "I wouldn't panic if I were you; it's only been six months" which I suppose was helpful. Am to set up another appt for an 'infertility screening' (lovely) but overall it went alright.

captainmoll Thu 07-Feb-13 09:41:37

2cats I would be so livid if DH did that! I would probably end up screaming something at him along the lines of No I'm fecking not thanks to your stupid performance anxiety ego bullshit!!
My DH is generally just too exhausted to DTD, so I feel guilty when I lose my rag, but still, they all say they want babies as much as us but then they get all precious about the effort required. I've made it v clear to DH that since I'm the one getting endless equipment shoved up my fanny, the least he can do is get his bloods and SA sorted, and have some orgasms!
Talking of which, 3 weeks since MRI scan and 2.5 since DH had SA and not a peep from the NHS. I called on Monday to chase my results but still nothing. They've just left us both hanging hmm

happylass Thu 07-Feb-13 11:03:42

3 months of temping have all been very straight forward for me. Until now it just confirmed what I already knew - OV on cd12. Today's drop has kind of thrown a spanner in the works but there's still time. The drop was quite drastic and matches what I usually get the day before OV. Or could just be a blip. Will have to see what the next few days bring. Would definitely advise it. For me I'd rather know if OV has happened or not rather than trying to second guess!

navis176 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:36:22

Fortunately(?) I have always wanted to dtd as much as possible so OH has always been knackered and unable to keep up - so I'm not sure he notices much difference between ttc and not grin Seriously, though, it is tough when he's just not in the mood and it's an important time of the month - I tend to be up front about it though so he understands why I'm upset and can then (hopefully) do something about it....

GailPlattsChin Thu 07-Feb-13 18:09:49

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GailPlattsChin Thu 07-Feb-13 18:13:31

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