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37 and TTC. Is it a bit too late?

(29 Posts)
toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 15:00:26

We haven't started TTC yet but I haven't stopped thinking about it since DC2 started school. Then we knocked it on the head because we couldn't afford it.
Now we can afford it but my youngest will be 6 in March and I will be 37 next week.
DH is very keen and so am I but I can't help telling myself that maybe things should be left alone, and that I have left it a bit too late.
Any advice or views please?

Heavywheezing Tue 22-Jan-13 15:04:16

No 37 is no too late. I had ds2 at 37.
A new baby is quite an upheaval. Would you be prepared for the constant getting up in the night, nappy changes and teething?

But if you want another one why not?

YDdraigGoch Tue 22-Jan-13 15:05:08

I would say it's late, but not too late. Go for it!

Brugmansia Tue 22-Jan-13 15:05:37

In what way do you feel that it's maybe too late? Are you concerned about being able to conceive at your age, or being older while looking after a baby or the gap between dc1 and dc2 will be bigger than you'd have liked?

Brugmansia Tue 22-Jan-13 15:07:03

Incidentally I'm 36 and expecting dc1 next week and don't feel I'm too old at all.

toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 15:07:03

Yes all of that Brugmansia.

Bajas Tue 22-Jan-13 15:11:21

I hope not as me and dh are ttc number 1 and I'm 38!

Didn't meet him until I was 35 so had no choice

Whiteshoes Tue 22-Jan-13 15:16:19

Hallo. Fertility does tend to fall off a cliff around 35, so you're right to worry about conceiving, but would that stop you, if you didn't haven't other concerns?

I am 37 and pregnant with dc2, after quite a few m/c and three rounds of ivf to conceive dd1. We fell pregnant sort of naturally this time, despite being two years older. I feel like death and I haven't even had baby yet! But it'll be lovely to have two. I'm very lucky.

So I certainly wouldn't let the conception thing put you off, if you can manage your expectations about the likelihood of it working.

EuroShagmore Tue 22-Jan-13 15:22:55

I've just turned 37 and am still trying for #1 (started at 34....). I would have hoped to be on #2 by now, but that's life.

carameldecaflatte Tue 22-Jan-13 15:25:47

Goodness, I wish I'd been that young when I started ttc! Met dh at 40, ds stillborn a year latersad (nothing to do with age) ds2 7 months currently sleeping in my arms. I'm 45 now and sort of toying with the idea of trying again, but not seriously. Obviously fertility is reduced and risks go up but it's not too late.

I hope not. I'm 38 now and ttc number 2. Hopefully it will be born when I'm 39! I have two aunts who are new mums at 39 though.

Ragwort Tue 22-Jan-13 16:11:25

I conceived at 42 so it certainly isn't too late, but just be sure you don't have any other concerns and are using your age as a reason not to have another baby? There is no Law that says you have to have more than one child smile.

MurderOfProse Tue 22-Jan-13 16:38:49

My mother had my little brother (her DC3) unexpectedly at 37 - he was 8 years younger than me. He was an immaculate conception apparently as the only time they DTD they used a condom and mum was on her period. So.. it can happen!

reminds self this as 37 in May and not having much luck at all finishing our family after no issues conceiving pre-35

But no, it's definitely not too late.

MurderOfProse Tue 22-Jan-13 16:39:22

Ignore the bold, that was meant to be stars..

toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 17:06:14

Thanks all of you, Ragwort yes I do have other concerns like I said above, the age gap between my kids and possible new baby, my age increasing risks during pregnancy, MCs etc etc...
Other than that, I would love to have a baby, in fact I don't think I have wanted a baby this much before sad.
I love watching any birth programs as my DS' birth was fantastic and quick, and I have always wanted a big family.
The conception side of things doesn't worry me too much because if we do try, if it doesn't happen then so be it, it wasn't meant to be.
But I want to make sure that I'm not making a mistake before we do try IYSWIM.

toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 17:10:02

Sorry Ragwort I forgot to say, if we do try this would be number 3. I have an 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. One of each, so it's not as if I am trying to get a particular sex or anything.
It's just a desire of another child, which is shadowed by 1 my age, 2 the age gap between siblings. Would number 3 feel left out all the time, and not as close as the others?
I'm wondering if it's a bit selfish of me that's all.

Kilkers Tue 22-Jan-13 17:53:32

Hi toffee01, if it helps you at all my MIL had a 'surprise' daughter when she was 42. The gap between her and DP is 6 years and they've always been the closest of the siblings. DP adored his little sister from the start (and they're still very close), also meant he got to help by doing nappy changes and feeds etc which he enjoyed. I love her to bits and consider her very much my little sis too (he's 31 now, she's 25).

Frosticle Tue 22-Jan-13 18:18:14

If it were just conceiving and pregnancy you were worried about, I would say "go ahead"! I conceived my DD at 39, one month after stopping contraception, and despite being the oldest member of my NCT group, I had the smoothest pregnancy and birth and I have a very healthy child (now 7). I appreciate I was extremely lucky and such easy conception is probably not typical at 39 but you won't know unless you try.

I don't think there's an easy answer to the age gap issue nor is there a perfect age gap as so much depends on the personalities of the children themselves. One of my friends has a 2 older sisters who are close to her in age and a brother who is 11 years younger. Growing-up she was closer to her sisters but now, age 35, she says she's closest to her little brother. Your children will have an adult relationship for much longer than their childhood relationship and, as an adult, 5 or even 8 years won't make a huge difference.

Arisbottle Tue 22-Jan-13 18:20:24

I am 40 and about to TTC number 5. I would like to make it an even number but suspect nature may beat me.

apperleydapperley Tue 22-Jan-13 18:38:46

Ask yourself whether you will forever be thinking 'what if?' if you don't give it a try. If so, then go for it - you're unlikely to regret a child but might regret not trying in the future.

I'm also 37 and ttc dc3. Have to say its not happening as easily as I would have liked (or was the first 2 times), guess there's truth in the stats when you're over 35. But you may be lucky smile

toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 19:15:01

Apperley yes, I know I will always think "what if".
Yes I see your points, and as an adult, 6 years difference is nothing.
I have loads of different age friends, 60 year olds, 25 year olds etc...
Arisbottle number 5? Amazing!
We've just bought a 7 seater car too... blush (that is NOT the reason why we want a third wink)

rosiesmartypants Tue 22-Jan-13 19:19:01

I have just turned 37, and am 30 weeks pregnant with dc1.

I came off the pill last April, and had the 'this might not happen quickly if at all' conversation with my DH, as I really felt like I had left it too late, but hey presto, it was most definitely wasn't!

Good luck & keep trying!

toffee01 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:06:49

Brilliant thanks Rosie that gives me hope!

JBrd Tue 22-Jan-13 21:10:07

I had DS at 39, it took 8 months ttc him - wasn't very clued up at the time, didn't pay a lot of attention to my cycle etc.
We started ttc for no. 2 last August, I was 40 - this time, I paid a lot more attention to my cycles, temping and using OKPs, fell pg within 3 months (sadly, it ended in mc). About to start ttc again, am now 41.

I know lots of people over 35 who have had/are having healthy pregnancies and babies, so I wouldn't say it's too late at all.

toffee01 Wed 23-Jan-13 10:29:40

I'm sorry for you JBrd, and good luck! Funnily enough it took me ages to conceive DD 8 years ago, 9 months in fact and I was 27/28 but fell pregnant within 3 months with DS when I was 31 because I was very tuned in to my body/ cycles.
Now I'm even more tuned it so it should happen even quicker right? wink

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