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Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

(993 Posts)
hopefulgum Tue 01-Jan-13 23:20:41

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

notsoold Thu 07-Feb-13 20:25:11

Remnant... (Hugs) from me xxxx

homebertha Thu 07-Feb-13 21:49:57

Hello there, I m 40 in April. We re ttc for the last 3 months. We have ds who is 19..5 months. Am still breastfeeding and only got my cycle back 4 months ago and it s still a little unpredictable but we d really like to be having baby soon as you likey. Hello to everyone x

homebertha Thu 07-Feb-13 21:54:25

Hello there, I m 40 in April. We re ttc for the last 3 months. We have ds who is 19..5 months. Am still breastfeeding and only got my cycle back 4 months ago and it s still a little unpredictable but we d really like to be having baby soon as you likey. Hello to everyone x

calendargal Thu 07-Feb-13 22:26:43

sparkly - wonderful news. How far along are you?

remnant, that's a hideous dilemma. I really do feel for you. I imagine that you don't want to talk about it, but if you do, we're here.

Well, I did ov on the 1st, just as I knew I had - got lovely solid crosshairs on Fertility Friend, which I've only got once before (usually get the dotted lines). I'm so relieved that I'm ovulating again. FF reckons a 'good' chance of conception this cycle - but of course it doesn't know my age grin

I'm actually hoping not to have conceived this time - realized that there are a few things we really need to sort out before ttc, and my dd is going to need me a lot over the coming months, so at the moment I'm in the waiting to ttc camp. I know I can't leave it long but need our circumstances to be a bit more stable.

It still feels good to see a very definite ov pattern.

hopefulgum Thu 07-Feb-13 22:46:42

Good morning everyone.

Sparkly, I am so pleased to hear your news.Very exciting. thankscongratulationsthanks

Remnant, I am so sorry to hear that your DH hasn't come round. What a ghastly situation to find yourself in. Surely his love for you is enough to stay in your partnership and be there for you and DS? DO you have some support in RL? It's just so tough to have to be going through this during early pregnancy. How many weeks are you? Would it help to get some counseling together? I know my DH wouldn't do it, but maybe yours would?

Isabeller, I can link the Whole 30 website, but for me it all made sense when I bought the book on my kindle and read it through before starting. It really is just a very clean way of eating - based on the "paleo" diet, and it is designed to help eliminate any health issues you might have. I have found it very useful for a few issues I had.

Welcome homebertha, this is a great place to hang out whilst waiting for your BFP.

Calibee, I am going to get my breakfast, then sit down and read that article. Thanks!

Irishmammybread Thu 07-Feb-13 23:13:00

Good morning Gum !

It is reassuring for you to know that you're ovulating normally Calendar ,what do you bet the one month you hope you haven't conceived you actually will !!

Welcome bertha hope your stay on the thread is short and you graduate with a sticky BFP soon!

sparklysapphire Thu 07-Feb-13 23:34:21

Remnant, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time, and are facing such an awful dilemma. I completely sympathise, as now that DH knows that the baby appears to be developing as it should he has completely withdrawn. I hope what gum says will work for you and me. We have spent the last hour and half sitting in silence, with intermittent tears from me, then he announced he was going to bed. He just wants it to go away. I know this is childish of me, but I figured that as he has the problem, I didn't see why I should initiate a conversation. I'm terrified he'll leave us, if he lets me down I'll learn to live with it, but I don't think I could forgive him if he lets DD down, she adores him. And also we should be thrilled that we've been so lucky so far, and there's just hurt and anger.

As I've said before, he's a good bloke (I spent far too long with someone who was definitely not, emotionally abusive, and probably one of those social psychpaths with hindsight) and we're usually so good together. I wish I could make it better for both of us. I'm sorry I didn't mean to rant, I know I probably shouldn't post when I'm this upset.

Thanks for the link calibee, it was interesting reading, even if I did squint at it on my phone.

Hang in there isabeller, I hope that you're feeling rough for the right reason!

BTW, I'm 11+2, the scan measured at 11+5. Do all foetuses really measure exactly the same at this early stage?

Welcome homebertha and good luck.

I hope you lovely ladies don't mind if I continue to hang out here. I still have the screening to get through, so I'm still regarding the baby as a possibility, rather than a definite - although I know it's never definite until you're safely delivered.

love to everyone xxx

JBrd Thu 07-Feb-13 23:34:42

sparkly That is so wonderful, I'm so happy for you! Really hope that it will be onwards and upwards for you from now on, together with your DH.

remnant You are truly between a rock and a hard place, what a heartbreaking conflict. Agree with gum's suggestion to maybe try counselling together? And please don't feel awkward, we're here for support no matter what!

isabeller keeping everything crossed for you! Oh, and the goats made me laugh out loud (I know I'm immature, but I love little querky funny things like that grin)

Welcome homeberta join the club!

NewPatches Congrats on the decision to move in together! A true sign of old age being a grown-up grin. But it should make the whole ttc/dtd a bit easier from the logistic point of view - no more 'my place or yours?'!

CaliBee I'm with you and the emotional reaction to songs on the radio! Although I'm much more of a lightweight, I have to admit - I see your Ed Sheeran song and raise you (I kid not) 'Rule the World' by Take That <<embarrassed>>

DH is back tomorrow, thankfully! I take my hat off to all single parents, they are troopers! I am exhausted having to do everything by myself, really makes me realise what a good team me and DH are. Well, and I miss him, too, of course wink.
I've decided that I really need to start exercising again - I think it's one of the reasons I always feel so tired and drained. Exercise usually does wonders for my energy levels. I'm thinking of trying the C25K running programme on the days that I don't go to the gym... Now that the evenings are getting longer again. However, if I then also continue with the job search, I will have very little time in the evenings and weekends for anything else. But something needs to happen, I have to stop being such a couch potato! I'm fine once I get going, but motivating myself to go out is the hardest part.

CaliBee Fri 08-Feb-13 08:05:23

Morning to all you lovely ladies.
sparkly and remnant I'm so sorry you are both going through such hard times especially when you should be excited and hopeful. I hope you can both find some sort of medium ground with dh's very soon to at least be able to discuss the situation and come to compromises and solutions.

irish I'm sure your gp would run the FSH for you...I'm sure its a pretty standard test and one of the most common benchmarkers for fertility assays.
Thanks for asking about work....all I can say is, TFIFriday!!!!

isabeller you must be so fed up of feeling like this....lets hope next week it will all be worth it eh?

Welcome to homebertha...its lovely here. I consider these lovely ladies my friends.

Waves to calendergal....NOT, whats that. Very sensible though. I'm not sure I couldnt not do it anymore.

gum how is your LO getting on at kindergarten? My nephew is teaching at a school in Perth for his gap year. I keep seeing his photos on FB on the beach and in the sunshine ...very envy of your warm weather just now. We have more snow forecast for the weekend and my ice scraper for my car has literally worn out!!!

jbrd it sounds like you and DH make a fantastic team. I know what you mean about trying to find the energy to do energy is depleted just thinking about leaving the house after work just now. Have you managed to work out your cycle atall??

I hope I've not missed anybody out.

DP is hopefully home late tonight (if he gets through this mornings bedroom inspection) so tomorrow will be a day with him.
I'm over two weeks post mc now and no signs of ovulation. I will give it a week or so and if still no signs I will induce af with the Provera and get going with the clomid. If I was 10 years younger I would probably have given myself a couple of months to recover.....alas, I may not have a couple of months to spare.

calendargal Fri 08-Feb-13 09:01:22

Morning all.

Ha, Irish - that is exactly what I've been thinking myself! I have convinced myself that I have conceived (although last month I managed to symptom spot despite not dtd so who knows?!). I think it might be a kind of reverse psychology though - some complicated way of setting up adverse outcomes as good ones...? It would genuinely be very problematic if I did get pg at this point though. Breasts feeling very full last night and today, although as I am bf that is not unheard of anyway...

sparkly, how wonderful that you're so far along. I do hope that your DH comes round - I agree that you should be having a wonderful time enjoying what is probably your last pregnancy and it is selfish of him to take that away from you. Men don't get it though, do they? I know exactly what you mean about a possibility not a definite - we're never truly out of the woods, especially at our age. Good luck for the screening tests - have you had them already or are they still to come?

NewPatchesForOld Fri 08-Feb-13 09:55:33

Morning ladies

Calibee I'm with you on the envious front regarding Gum's warm weather - I am usually a winter person but I have to admit that as the years have gone on I am becoming more and more averse to the cold and am now pining for the warm sun, I can't wait for the spring to arrive!

JBrd lol at the 'my place or yours'! To be honest he was here virtually every night anyway, and stayed over about 5 nights out of 7 so he'd practically moved in anyway, we just decided to make it official.

Remnant I am so sorry, I have no words to say to make you feel any better about this, but we are all here for you to come and talk to/cry with.

Sparkly same goes to you. How hard to have the wonderful news about the baby mixed with the negative reactions of DP. I don't know how I would deal with that situation at all. My heart goes out to you.

Isabeller No, he is moving in with me and DC. We live in a big 4 bed thatched cottage, and the rent is relatively cheap for such a big house. We did consider finding a place together but decided against it for several reasons...any place available for the same rent would be much smaller, We have a dog and lots of rented properties don't allow dogs, but most importantly I want the situation to be the least disruptive to the DC as we can make it. They all like DP, and have no problems with him moving him in but I think having to find another place would have been a lot for them to deal with. DS is in the middle of his GCSEs, DD1 is taking A just made more sense to stay here. Plus it is almost a blank canvas as I haven't really done anything to the house or put my personality on we can make it a home together.

HomeBertha welcome...this is truly a lovely thread to belong to, the ladies are all wonderful and warm and always there with words of wisdom, comfort or just a good old giggle.

Hi to everyone else and sorry if I've missed anyone out.

AFM I poas this morning with an internet cheapie and got a BFN again...AF is due on Sunday so I'm kind of assuming I may be out again this month - the test strip is an ultra sensitive one. I really am starting to believe that this is it for me, that DD2 really will be my last. I fell so easily every time before. But what can you do?

Wrap up warm everyone, it's frrrrreeezing out today.


TinaO99 Fri 08-Feb-13 11:12:35

morning all

hope everyone is well? remnant and sparkly really sorry about your respective dh's, I can't begin to get to grips with how it must feel for you both, especially when I have an ultra excited husband, sparkly glad all is well with your pregnancy so far, and I hope both your other halves come to terms with it and start to support you

Isabellar I know exactly what you're going through the 2ww is hell on earth, I was a nightmare going through mine, I was convinced nothing had happened as I had absolutely no symptoms, when are you due to test? Or do you think you'll cave in and do an earlier one, I used a couple of cheapie OPK's I had a few days before which were positive, it sort of felt like not cheating as they weren't proper pregnancy tests!

I have just started to feel the babies move now, and I have a proper bump coming! I absolutely love it! Not so enamoured about the huge varicose vein on one of my legs though confused and I've now bought two car seats and bases. Nursery is coming on well too, just got to get the carper fitted

am getting very excited now I'm just past the halfway point, especially as I've booked a 4d scan in a couple of weeks time, it'll be so lovely to see the babies' faces in such detail (as long as they aren't shy on the day!)

have a great weekend everyoone - oh and hi to homebertha grin

Morien Fri 08-Feb-13 11:41:12

remnant, sparkly I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Please come and talk here if it helps - we'll support you.

Welcome homebertha!

My 'symptoms' have all disappeared...I suspect AF is on the way.

sparklysapphire Fri 08-Feb-13 15:36:13

Morien sorry that you think AF is due, I hope you're wrong. And about your BFN newpatches, I hope next month is successful.

Tina, thanks for your update, it's all sounding very exciting, and you sound like you're able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy at last.

Cailbee have a lovely birthday weekend with your DP, I hope he spoils you. How are you coping at the moment?

JBrd, I think you're entitled to have been a couch potato, given the tough time you've had with the m/c. I do understand you feel the need to get moving though. I tend to exercise in fits and starts, I'll do it for a few weeks, then other things take over. Good luck with the job hunting too.

BTW Isabeller, can you not send your OU assignments electronically? They are the bane of my life, but not having to post allows me to cut it really fine makes it easier.

Thanks for the support ladies, I had a long chat with my friend at lunchtime, she's very pleased for me about the baby, but disappointed for me about DH, especially as she well remembers that he was exactly the same last time round. It was a relief to talk to a RL friend though. I don't know how I would have got through the last few weeks without being able rant on here.
I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I get to do night shifts.


oo00PIXIE00oo Fri 08-Feb-13 20:27:18

Evening ladies ..... Can join please? Stats -

oo00PIXIE00oo DD aged 10, MC 4/12 at 6 wks, MMC 7/12 at 10 wks - BFP 2nd Feb currently 5+4 and crapping myself smile aged 43 in August

Isabeller Fri 08-Feb-13 21:04:08

Hi pixie and congratulations thanks

You are right sparkly I should get the hang of electronic submission. Before this course most of what I was doing was handwritten.

Interesting testing question Tina I don't know if an early over the counter test would give a valid result? Would the medication interfere with it since I didn't have egg collection?

I did wonder about trying to get a blood test (clinic just gave us a clearblue one) but not sure how to go about that as I'll be far from home and very far from the clinic on the day. People seem to have quite different testing dates which is slightly confusing.

hopefulgum Fri 08-Feb-13 23:52:24

Hi oo00PIXIE00oo and congratulations. I hope this is a sticky one for you.

Sparkly I am glad you were able to talk to someone in RL. I am sure it helps to have some support.

Newpatches, lovely news about your DP moving in. Your house sounds lovely. Sorry about the BFN. It sucks!

Jbrd, I know what you mean about exercise. I am feeling very disappointed in myself, as I was doing yoga three times a week and walking most days,and swimming. Since starting work this week I have done nothing. I come home so exhausted after all the juggling that I can't drag my sorry arse off the couch. I know I have to find time for exercise or I will go mad. No wonder I feel so tired - I haven't been's a vicious cycle. I think I might have to stop using the excuse of feeling tired and just do something. I plan to take a long walk today. But I have to work out something for everyday.Let me know what you come up with.I had to give up the C25K because it hurt my knees so much. But simply having the ap on my phone motivated me to just do it. However, I was on holidays and had loads of free time and babysitters for DS.

Tina, it is lovely to hear from you,and glad you have got a cute bump. I love having a baby bump when I am pregnant,and I love wearing fitted clothing to show it off. A 4D ultrasound will be such a treat!

Calibee, my LO is coping much better now with Kindy, thanks for asking. Like me, he has found this week very tiring and fell asleep before dinner last night. He was most upset that he wasn't awake for DD1's birthday cake. We'll light the candles again tonight. She turned 16 yesterday! It is a big year for her, and for us I suppose. I have DD1 starting her Uni entrance course (2 years here), so lots of work for her, DD2 has started year 8, which is the start of high school here, so this has been a week of HUGE changes for her, and DS has started kindergarden.

Phew! No wonder we are tired!

Isabeller, what day is the clinic telling you to test? Have you been given HCG injections as part of the treatment? I know someone who would test very early to see that the hcg was out of her system before testing to see if she was pregnant. I think if you tested at 12 or 13 DPO you would probably get a reliable result?

Morien, sorry to hear all your symptoms have disappearedsad

Hello Irishmammy, where are you at in your cycle?

I hope everyone else is okay. I was watching the world news yesterday and saw that London's forecast was 5 degrees (celcius). Blimey, that's really cold. The coldest it ever gets here during the day (and do we ever complain!hmm)is about 14 degrees. Today's forecast is quite coll at 23 degrees. It looks like we've got a couple of hot ones coming up.

Thinking of you Remnant. We are here to support you.bear

I must go. I need to get to the farmer's market before it gets much later.thanks

Isabeller Sat 09-Feb-13 08:00:59

Thank you hopeful I didn't appreciated that the 2ww isn't necessarily exactly 2 weeks from embryo transfer so I never thought to discuss this at the clinic. They just gave us a test date and I accepted it. I assume if it is a day or two later than necessary that will mean it is more likely to be accurate and more time for AF to arrive, if that's the path we're on.

I had a 3 day transfer on the 1st and was given a clearblue test to use on the 15th. I had one gonanpeptyl injection, no HcG so I don't think anything which interferes with the test.

I'm not sure what 13 DPO would be counted as, my donor's egg collection was on 29th Jan.

DP is finding this 2ww a strain so it might make sense to have an earlier blood test if that was likely to be accurate. Adding stress is definitely not a good idea. He got quite upset over his Mum last night, very understandable. She had a lovely day, we took her to visit her brother and lots of other family were there too but it was tiring and she was a bit grumpy at bedtime poor soul. Sometimes it cuts DP to the quick.

Good luck bertha morien and it's lovely to hear all the positive news sparkly calendergal Calibee Newpatches pixie and my heart goes out to everyone having an uncertain time greenlizard, Remnant, DrWho.

Oops, got to go, excuse half finished message, love to everyone on the thread lurkers too smile xx Is

Netguru Sat 09-Feb-13 09:00:25

I'm a bit baffled.

My first 3 dc I conceived first month each time but, like most here, I was a lot younger. I took tests when I felt sick so probably didn't test on day 1. I've therefore never done the memorising dates and cycle info and all the time I have spent with the coil means I never really knew when Af was due.

We started trying in march last year by having coil out. By June periods we're reasonably reliably 28 days apart although I had two short cycles when my thyroid levels were too low. That's now under control.

So no cycle longer than 28 days in total.

I'm now 6 days late but BFN every day for 6 days.

Am I heading for menopause perhaps?

hopefulgum Sat 09-Feb-13 10:53:29

Hi Netguru, it is hard to know what is going on. Can you be sure of when You ovulated? It may be,for some reason, ovulation has been delayed, but it doesn't mean you are heading for menopause. How old are you?

I have also heard of wayward BFP's - some people not testing positive til 5 or 6 weeks, but it is unusual. I hope you have some answers soon.

NewPatchesForOld Sat 09-Feb-13 14:23:05

Afternoon everyone

Netguru I was the same, fell pg almost by just thinking about it with my first 3, but this time it's just not happening. I do wonder if the menopause is coming my way too - my sister is 51 and is post menopausal but has no idea when she went through it as she has continued to have erratic bleeding which is now being investigated, she thought it was periods, but after tests they have told her she has already gone through the menopause and the bleeding is abnormal. So it could be that early menopause runs in the family (I am 44). My cycles have gradually got shorter and shorter, and are now down to 24 days so who knows what the heck my body is up to?

Well, very strangely AF is due tomorrow but I have NO premenstrual symptoms, or any others for that matter which is freaking me out a bit tbh as I do suffer quite badly with cramps and painful boobs (and stuffing my face with crap!) for a week before. I will poas tomorrow if AF is a no show but I certainly don't feel pg at all, I just feel normal. Which is odd.

Irishmammybread Sat 09-Feb-13 20:39:40

Congrats pixie !

Good that you've got a rl friend to talk to about your pregnancy and to support you sparkly. When do you have your next scan?

Isabeller I can imagine it must be stressful for both you and DH waiting to test! I'm glad you're testing on the 15th, we're going away on the 16th for a short break and I wont have internet access, I'd love to hear some good news from you before we go!

Tina you must be getting excited now, lovely to have a bump and start buying baby things!

Patches hope your lack of AF symptoms is a good sign.

Netguru as gum said ,do you know when you ovulated?
Like you we never actively ttc until relatively recently, I've charted 7 cycles since last May(though two of those were pregnancy ones. Because my cycle was usually about 28 days I assumed I was ovulating on d14 with a 14d luteal phase but I've had a couple where I ovulated on d15/16 with a luteal phase of 13/12 days ,still 28 days but if I wasn't charting I wouldn't have known. I thought the luteal phase was normally consistently the same length, mine seems to vary from 12 to 15 days. Whether it's still affected by miscarrying/I'm becoming perimenopausal/ it's just one of those things , I don't know!
If you ovulated later than you thought there could still be a chance of a BFP?

gum (source of all knowledge!) do you know if having a reasonable AMH and progesterone levels indicating ovulation and good corpus luteum function would make it likely menopause is still a while off? I think FSH testing is definitely something I'll pursue though we'll be away when AF starts so I'll have to do it the cycle after (assuming I'm not pregnant by then of course!!!!)
It sounds like your family is going through a lot of change at the moment. Does your dd1 know what she wants to do at college? Is your dd2 going to the same high school where you teach ?
I'm 5dpo at the moment,thank you for asking!

CaliBee hope you're having a lovely weekend being looked after by your OH

hello to everyone else x

hopefulgum Sun 10-Feb-13 00:24:27

Good morning girls!

Irish, if you have reasonable levels of AMH and progesterone levels, then yes, I think menopause is a ways off for you. I don't have much faith in the FSH levels as an indicator. Mainly because I know that it can fluctuate greatly from month to month and many women have been devastated by news of high FSH. However women can, and do, get pregnant with high levels of FSH. And it can be lowered with a good diet and supplements.

I had mine tested when I was 44 and it was 11 then a year later it was 12. Since that reading of 12 (I think anything above 11 is considered high) I have fallen pregnant once,though it wasn't a sticky.

I think numbers can educate us, but sometimes it might give us bad news which I just find depressing. Perhaps that is a state of denial, but I prefer itgrin

My DD1 has decided she'd like to be a teacher. My Dh and I find this funny, because we are both teachers and we are surprised she'd want to do it as we moan about it all the time! BOth my DD's are at the school where both DH and I teach.

It's your birthday here Calibee. thankswinewinethanks biscuithappy birthdaybiscuit thankswinewinethanks

Netguru Sun 10-Feb-13 07:56:43

I don't know when/whether I ovulated this month but the months I tested it was day 12. I'm 43

My breasts are swollen like cannonballs which is a normal premenstrual symptom for me but they have been for 10 days now. Took an expensive first respond test yesterday invade Internet cherries were wrong but still BFN and still no AF.


JBrd Sun 10-Feb-13 14:36:06

Happy birthday, CaliBee thanks Hope you're having a lovely day with your DP. How are you feeling?

Netguru Sorry, I don't think I can shed any wisdom on your question, other than also maybe you ovulated later than you thought... I've also heard that some women produce very low levels of the Hcg hormone, meaning that they struggle to see BFPs, even thought they are pregnant. Sorry to not be more helpful, but there are much wiser ladies here that have already started giving advice! Hope you'll get some clarity soon!

gum I have decided that I have to clench my teeth and start going to the gym again as of tomorrow. I have booked into a couple of classes, I find it so much easier if someone shouts instructions at me than having to design my own fitness programme. I used to spend all my time in the gym on the machines, but now I need someone else to do the thinking about what's next/for how much longer/how many reps for me. I do Bodypump, a weights class, which I actually quite enjoy (once I'm there and doing it).
My aim is to do that class 2-3 times/week, and then attempt the C25K on the days off... Still not sure if I'll manage this, but I'll be pleased if I can start (and stick) with the gym to begin with. Would love to do yoga or Pilates again, but there isn't enough time for it all!

Starting to get impatient about where I am in my cycle now... The ERPC was 4 weeks ago (seems a lot longer), and no sign of af whatsoever. I'm doing daily OPKs and have now also started temping again, to get an idea if and what is going on. Currently nothing!

Oh, and I want to ask you all what you know about baby aspirin in connection with being recommended for pregnant post-mc women, and also for older women, does anyone know more about this? I'm curious to find out more, and if this is something that I should consider, when (please not the optimistic avoidance of 'if' here smile) I get pregnant next time. Is this something to ask the midwife? Or GP? Or consultant?

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