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Is 40 too old

(30 Posts)
janji Thu 27-Dec-12 02:12:53

Turned 40 six months ago and already have ds (9) and dd (6). For the past year have longed for another baby but kept telling myself I was too old. Read in the media all sorts of celebs becoming parents in early 40's but wonder if their success is due to their ability to access better medical guidance/care. Any 40+ mums care to share their thoughts please?

GoodKingWenSOLOslas Thu 27-Dec-12 03:07:18

I was 42 years and 9 months old when I had Dd. She was 6 yesterday. I would have been happy to have had another at 45. It's really how you feel about it and whether your health would stand up to it.
It is hard work now though; being so old!

ItLooksLikeRainDear Thu 27-Dec-12 03:21:02

I hope not. Hoping to attempt DC 3 next year sometime after I turn 40.

RunningOutOfIdeas Thu 27-Dec-12 03:23:38

I am 41 and feeding DD2 who is 12 weeks old.

janji Thu 27-Dec-12 03:26:04

How was the pregnancy/attitude of the medical profession? I feel ready to have dc 3 but am fearful due to the general fears so often reported about having children past the age of 40!

slightlysoupstainedbabygrows Thu 27-Dec-12 03:47:06

I had my first this year. Age + first pregnancy meant I scored higher on initial risk assessments, but as the months passed with each scan/check showing a boringly healthy pregnancy, the doctors/midwives I saw adjusted perspective accordingly. I had no other risk factors - generally healthy, non-smoker & non-drinker (during pregnancy anyway).

(If you're in London I get the impression from threads on here that 40 isn't likely to be the oldest on their books either.)

My worry now is that if I want a younger sibling for my DS, I probably need to get started sooner than I'd like.

Chubfuddler Thu 27-Dec-12 04:33:43

Mners tend to speak very positively about pregnancy in the 40s. It would be too old for me. The risks of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities significantly increase with age, as you ok doubt know. I would find the age gaps with your existing children too great as well.

Are you sure you actually want a baby and aren't just having a wobble about getting older?

GoodKingWenSOLOslas Thu 27-Dec-12 14:46:52

I had no issues re the medical professionals. I had private scans to check to see if anything was untoward (exp was nearing 50, so was more concerned than me!) and had a blood test there too. NHS were fab and fine; no different from when I had Ds at 34.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Thu 27-Dec-12 14:47:55

I hope not too.

I turned 40 in June and had DC3 in October. He's my last and is bloody beautiful grin

ValiumQueen Thu 27-Dec-12 14:58:54

I am 43 and my DCs are 6, 2 and 9 weeks. I am tired, but no more than any mum of 3 would be. Being over 40 they would not want you to go overdue, but otherwise nobody made a fuss at my age. There is a 40 plus conception thread on MN, and also an antenatal and post natal thread. Sorry, unable to link.

wrighty2010 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:59:07

Hi, I had my dd at 40, it was hard as I was very tired and the pregnancy was a lt harder than I had anticpated, whether this was my age or just me I do not know but it was all worth it but you have to take the risks etc into perspective. Everyone is different and I know that doesnt really help but you have to do what is right for you. Good luck xxx

DoctorWhoFan Thu 27-Dec-12 15:02:20

Hope not...cos I'm 45 and trying for my first. Not really through choice (the age), I just didn't meet anyone worth having a child with until a couple of years ago, and obviously it's not something you just rush into. 2.5 years down the line and with a very nice stable relationship thank-you-very-much, we've decided to try and get me up-duffed. I'm probably not the healthiest of souls, but my cycles are regular and uneventful, so I'm cautiously hopeful. Plus my DP is 14 years younger than me, so hoping his little fellas are full of vim and vigour even if my eggs aren't exactly spring chickens anymore. Come and join the over 40s thread...I just did. They're a great bunch smile

Startail Thu 27-Dec-12 15:04:40

DFs gorgeous DS was born a week shy of her 43rd birthday.

DH and DSIL were born either side of DMILs 40th and if there was ever an advert for how fit, active and young having DCs can keep you it was my amazing mad DMIL!

Bodice Thu 27-Dec-12 15:38:24

Perhaps you need to discuss with your partner how important this is to you and how far you both are prepared to go. i.e are you willing to pay for IVF if it doesn't happen naturally? Would you be prepared to go on clomid etc. How would you both feel about chromosome tests if you do get pregnant and the consequences of their results? Are you of the same opinion in that respect. Of course these are questions everyone TTC has to think about I know. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same wavelength.
Maybe you just want to try for a while and see what happens and will be at peace if it doesn't, but if you feel that this is more important to you than anything then I would jump straight to the fertility experts now. Do not delay.
There are always going to be people on here with miracle stories but the reality is the longer you leave it the less chance you have of conceiving a healthy baby. That is the reality but as long as you can accept that from the off then go for it xxxx

MadameJosephine Thu 27-Dec-12 15:38:40

I'm 41 and my DD has just turned the grand old age of 6 weeks. I'm also a midwife sonographer and see lots of women over 40 have successful healthy pregnancies. Yes the risks are higher as you get older and you need to take that into consideration when you make your decision to ttc but the level of risk acceptable to you and your partner is something only you can decide. For example the age related risk of Down's at 40 is 1 in 100 so as far as I was concerned that meant a 99% chance of a baby without Down's and that was a chance I was willing to take.

stickygingerbread Thu 27-Dec-12 15:44:53

No way. I had dc2 at 40 and we are going for dc3 at 42. Wish us luck.

MrsJREwing Thu 27-Dec-12 15:44:59

All this genetic problems talk over 40, well I was 23 and 25 and my kids had imperfect genes. I think there are probably loads of genetic problems not fully understood yet knocking about in lots of us. I think if you are fit and well, your dp is fit and well and you have younger adults in your life, then I can't see the problem.

Graceom Thu 27-Dec-12 15:51:23

I'm 47 and 33 weeks pregnant, have felt great! swimming 3 times a week to conteract veins in legs. Baby number 8 so I'm an old pro, not that we had planned this one! statistics vis a vis abnormalities are skewed since so few women have babies at such an old age! good luck, ytou are only as old as you feel...

Sabriel Fri 28-Dec-12 14:35:00

I was 43 and 10 mo when DD2 was born. I did have 2 mmc in the year before that.

My DC1 was born when I was 21 and I really have noticed the difference being so much older.

hopefulgum Sun 30-Dec-12 09:20:40

Graceom - so happy to hear your story as I am 46 and ttc my last bub.You give me hope.

OP, I had my last baby 3 months before my 42nd birthday. The pregnancy was great. He was a much longed-for baby, my DH had a vasectomy reversal and after 7 months ttc I got my BFP. We did have a poor reading on the blood test+ nuchal scan done at 12 weeks, but found out at 17 weeks that all was fine. He is an absolute joy and his older siblings (closest one is 8 years older) adore him.

Since then I have had three pregnancies but they have all ended in miscarriage. However, I was 44 and 45 at the time.I certainly don't think 40 is too old, but I do think it can be harder to get your take home baby. As long as you are emotionally able to cope, I'd say go for it. To me, you are still youngsmile

greenbananas Sun 30-Dec-12 10:41:58

DS2 was born 2 days before my 40th birthday. He is now 6 weeks old and seems perfectly healthy. Perhaps I was more tired during pregnancy than a younger mum might have been - but complicated pregnancies can happen to anyone of any age, and mine was fairly easy really. The medical profession seemed unfazed by my age, and I would even have been allowed a home birth if it was not for an unlucky infection at the last minute.

I worry that my sons will be looking after ageing parents when they are still in their thirties, and that I will be little help in looking after my grandchildren. But on the plus side, they are likely to inherit while they are still young enough to use the money for their growing families.

I wish in some ways that I had had my children earlier, but there are advantages to being an older mum. I am more settled and wiser than I was when I was young, and what I lack in energy I make up for in experience.

viviennewestwould Sun 30-Dec-12 12:08:35

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DoctorWhoFan Sun 30-Dec-12 12:57:48

And I'm afraid viviennewestwould that I find it rather rude of you to air your opinion of the women on the Fabulous 40+ thread on here whilst being very obvious about which women in particular you are referring to and not on the thread to which you are referring. It rather smacks of bitching about someone behind their back. If you have something to say to those women I think it would be more respectful to say it to them rather than in another thread. Just my humble opinion...

nananaps Sun 30-Dec-12 13:02:30

42 and 35 weeks pregnant with ds 2 as i type this grin

Not going to lie to you, the amnio and waiting for the results was by far the most distressing experience of my entire life. But all is fine.

We had actually stopped trying for a baby but that was only a few months before i actually concieved.

10 years since i had my ds, and i feel over 40 tbh, physically very very stressful on the older body.

Cant wait though, SO excited!!

viviennewestwould Sun 30-Dec-12 13:26:09

Ah, but others have tried, DrWhoFan...

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