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TTC 10+ months thread 12

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buzzybee123 Fri 21-Dec-12 13:56:58

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

freedom2011 Sat 26-Jan-13 12:52:09

viv he just said the breathlessness is a symptom for me, along with the other symptoms of being too cold in the lower body where the womb is situated. He's concentrating on me because he said the IUIs will get DH's sperm where it needs to be. He is focused on getting me warm enough to hold onto an embryo if conception occurs - because I lost one before. Well it is very cold in winter where I am - central europe - hence all the hot peppery teas and ginger and soups and herbs. Also if anyone is thinking of dropping a couple of pounds to help with conception - I am doing myfitnesspal, counting calories and I have lost 8 lbs already. But perhaps it is just me who is a bit chubby grin

TeuchterWahine Sun 27-Jan-13 04:25:02

Oh joy I am so sorry. Bloody numbers. Hand squeeze.

EuroShagmore Sun 27-Jan-13 09:29:47

The indometecin is making me feel pukey. Bleugh.

sarlat Sun 27-Jan-13 10:46:53

Free - very interesting. Give it a go, I say.

Euro- sorry for the meds sickyness.

Pout - am rooting for you for your upcoming ivf

Joy - I hope sadness has eased a little. This too will pass. It was your first attempt of ivf, and not the end. Don't forget you also have the ability to concieve naturally. Lots and lots of time and possibilities here. I am sure of it. Stick with it lovely lovely joy, your day will come.

Since the start of 2013, a few small things have gone our way for a change. We have bought new stuff for the house and planning a country hotel break next weekend. But interestingly, after 3 years of ttc and specifically 1 year (2012) that was intense due to painful tests (hsg, I'm looking at you), devestating diagnosis', misdiagnisis', horrid consultants, 2 ivf cycles and 1 complex laparoscopy, dh never home as needing overtime money for future treatment etc, I am finding it hard to enjoy these things properly, in fact I actually feel guilty. I think the last year has conditioned me to feel life is one hard slog physically, emotionally and financially. The thought that we have fun things booked in for a few weeks in a row feels very odd. Just thought I would share that in case anyone else is feeljng the slog. It is imortant to slot in the odd nice thing,

Interestingly, dh is talking like I am already pregnant, he thinks the op has cured me. There is no doubt my chances are better but one tube ( although open ) is stretched and dodgy and I am high risk of eptopic so I am under no illusions here. Weirdly all this talk of natural conception in the sar house is causing a new issue of guilt about having had ivf. We now ask ourselves shouldl we have gone down that route so soon. But the nasty consultant told me both tubes were blocked / damaged. I now know she did not have the evidence to make such a statement. She ushererd us down the ivf route.

Ivf may still be our only chance, which us 100% fine and I wil be delighted if i ever give birth regardless of conception route, but I think we feel that we found out things in the wrong order. I will go back for my embryos no matter what but it all feels so odd considering normal conception is now a small possibility. I feel guilty for making my frozen embryos feel second best. Having said all of that, we are jumping the gun, I am not pregnant and the odds are still stacked heavily against us (especially now we know there was no reason for the 2 embryo transfers not to have worked). Its just all such deep stuff and I don't think people realise the emotional stress we are put under. Dh and I are much happier than we were a few weeks a go. I guess feelings of despair have been replaced by hope mixed in with guilt -odd.

Sorry for waffling on, feel better now. Not looking for replies, just wanted to write it down. I need to believe that things will work themselves out and I'm sure they will. The plan is to mix between natural and fet cycles. Hoping to do next fet in feb or march. We have decided I wont be doing a medicated cycle, even for minimal improved succes rates, in my case with regular ovulation it seems a crazy option.

Hello to all you lovely ladies.

buzzybee123 Sun 27-Jan-13 11:28:41

joy thinking of you, tight hand squeeze

free I think anything is worth a go, my dad does alot of acupuncture and homeopathy back home so I tried acu here, I did it for nearly 6 months until I got to the stage where I couldn't drink the herbs anymore, I think they tell all women that they are 'cold' although at my fertility MOT my blood flow to my lady bits was good and I don't believe being 'cold' is the reason I have miscarried three times, it did help alot with my migraines smile

euro sorry you feel sick but its not long now till mini euro is created and put into his/her new home smile

doll how are you doing??

teu how are you feeling my lovely smile is it still hot hot hot down there

gin has AF shown up yet?? I'm excited about your FET

pout I hope you are ok

sar big hugs there is no point in thinking about should we have done it differently, there is no point in looking at the past, what is done is done and you need to concentrate on what you are doing now, the feeling guilty is normal, I had a terrible time when I was pregnant shortly after my miscarriage as I felt I had not grieved for my loss, all I wanted was to be pregnant again, you have done what you felt was right at the time based on what information you had, that is all you can do. You never know your DH could be right smile

I think you need to have some time for yourself, you need to be kind to yourself and you need to forgive and let go. I know easier said than done but your happiness is very important and I know the thing that will make us happy is to have our babies.

To be honest the biggest help with the whole TTC thing has been life coaching, its not going to help me physically get pregnant but it certainly is helping in every other aspect. I don't feel like TTC is controlling my life, I don't spend much time thinking about it/ worrying about it and the outcome good or bad at this stage doesn't worry me either. Right now a life without a child is not the end of the world to me, I love what I have right now in my life and if that is my lot so be it.
I know I sound a bit 'lala hippy' when I say this but you really do have to like/love yourself and have good self esteem to help you cope with it all.

Yesterday I decided to start my spring cleaning hmm yes I do know we are still in January but a I also believe in 'a tidy house is a tidy mind' in buzzyland this all make sense to me grin, so I have discovered three things
1. I have enough sanitary stuff to last me till menopause in years to come
2. I have a knicker fetish hmm but only one arse
3. I have 4 yes 4 thermometres blush

Well I think my bug was a 24 hour thing as I feel a bit better and have ironing to do hmm oh and AF has arrived on cd25, roll on next cycle grin

waves to everyone else

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 12:16:22

sar there is no such thing as the wrong order <firm> mixing up fet and natural sounds like a great plan. The mess of last year is past and done with, this is now your time.

I'm fine thanks *buzzy EC on Wednesday as I mentioned. I have to stay in town tomorrow which was not my plan because I have some daytime injections this cycle which have to be done at specific times. Tomorrow's plan was to be out but for some of my work, including tomorrow, out means really out, with people all the time, likely no loo. The best scenario is in the back a vehicle with a driver there and even that I can't guarantee. It's not good at all to change plans but luckily I'm enough of my own boss to be able to do it.

euro sorry drugs are making you feel sick. I have been massively lazy this weekend, implying IVF related neediness and general inability to do anything. Weirdly Ken's nightmare back situation is working out well for me in this regard - he is most uncomfortable sitting down grin

gin did the booze work?

Despite it being very obvious that I have spent more than a decade not being pregnant I retain the amazing ability to read pregnancy into many a situation. Those that amuse me most are one's where the time in my cycle dictates that it's impossible(always takes me a couple of seconds to realise). This weekend I welled up a little twice (forgetting that I'm not pregnant and actually doing IVF because being emotional means you are pregnant right?); first over the Paris-Dakar Rally and then over the Battle of Culloden. You couldn't fucking make it up could you? And no neither petrol heads in the Sahara or Jacobite insurgency have anything to do with my life grin

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 12:17:07

oops on the crazy bold

GinSoaked Sun 27-Jan-13 12:20:39

euro sorry about the pukeyness. I've not heard of indometecin - I was on the evil cetrotide. You must only have 1 more lot to take? At create they do EC in the morning and you take the trigger 36 hours before, so it'll be Monday evening. Do you have any more scans or is that it?! Exciting! And as for b*by d*st, wtf is it? Ground up bits of baby? Something magical they fart out? Is it The Other website where they have dancing baby emoticons, farting out the stuff? Now I feel pukey!

A meet up in a few weeks sounds ace. I think buzzy was interested and possibly rabbit if it was le weekend.

Aww sar you mustn't feel guilty. You've had such a hard year, have treats and enjoy em! As for ivf, I think most people in theory have a slim chance of conceiving naturally (even us with dave's 2 sperms), but I think you get to a place when you know you need to try something else, ivf in our case. It may well happen naturally for you but you must not feel guilty about the ivf. You were the poor bugger who had to go through it all!

doll yay for the Beruit 5! Amazing that you have the same results of the SP and lot less drugs. Did they give you the same dose for stims? I have everything crossed for you. I hope EC is a less traumatic experience this time and there's no puking in lifts. grin at blocking out ken's injection with I pad.

Speaking of injections pout I made Dave do them all. I don't think I could do them myself and also it's a good way of involving him in the horrors. We only had to inject in the evening, so did it around 10pm, when we knew we'd both be in. The only thing we had to do 12 hours apart were the fanny candles, or rather arse bullets in my case! You will be able to do it and will find a way that works for you. I hated the injections, esp clexane which you prob won't have to do, but once we'd started, we just had to get on with it.

joy thinking of you and hoping you and Roy are ok.

buzz you are sounding very sorted lady! Do let me know how your chat re adoption goes with your friend. I find having a back up plan helps a lot. I occasionally lurk on adoption Freds...

I'm still chuckling at mrshy calling her I phone a wanker. Siri particularly pisses me off. At one particularly desperate point I asked him when I was going to have a baby and he told me he didn't understand.

freedom Mr Wu sounds interesting. Having to deny myself booze and caffine well, as much as I'd like to drink of it, I wouldn't be able to face pouring Chinese herbs down. Even fruit teas are beginning to annoy me off!

mrsd hope you are feeling more recovered.

Happy Burns Night madness and everyone else! rabbits am looking forward to your countryfile update.

So my Friday night (and Sat lunch time, ooops) gin drinking did bring on the red witch. And my what a period it is. It's like there's been some kinda massacre in my pants. Urgh. My 2 post ivf proper periods have been massively heavy. Anyway it means we're now on the FET cycle. Unfortunately it clashes with lots of lovely social occasions at which I'm not going to be able to drink sad I know it's stupid to be annoyed by something relatively trivial, but it'll seem like such a waste when it doesn't work.

Did anyone see the article about wanting a surrogate for a nethanderal embryo? I saw it and thought hmmm, free baby, and then Dave told me about it when he got home! We must be getting desperate...

GinSoaked Sun 27-Jan-13 12:25:32

X post doll. I'd blame the ivf hormones for making you well up. Battle of culloden though? That is quite special. I find it's Andrew puppy ads and steam trains going through my station that make me well up when I have pmt! Totally menkul I know.

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 12:34:53

oh god gin hilarious re free baby. I didn't see that article as I have been busy with other issues (see post above).

Good work on the horror movie period. I don't think you are being trivial at all regarding booze free social occasions but then I do have particularly strong feelings in this regard. wink

My Dr is not surprised at all regarding same number nor the faster growth, he predicted that I would get the same result in terms of numbers regardless of protocol. Well, suits me aside from the fiddling daytime meds in addition to the pm ones. Yes the stimms is the same amount and type. I get the impression that this is the only script for stimms here! Oh well, it is what it is.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 27-Jan-13 12:36:15

Afternoon all.

Was planning to spend the morning relaxing in front of the tennis but Andy Murray making this all a bit stressful and not helping in the slightest to relax me. Will put me in a foul mood when he loses angry.....

Hope you're okay joy

sar I know what you're saying. MrM has had to have stern words with me about not getting hung up on things that I could have done differently in the past regarding pushing for more investigation when I was 24 and suffering with miserable periods. If I had known about the endo then we would have made such different choices with medical management and timing of TTC. But that is in the past and we made our decisions based on what we knew then. As for now, we have to concentrate on moving forward from where we are. And your two failed attempts at ivf could very well have been partly linked to the endo which has now been removed. There is every reason to look at the future positively grin

Murray has lost sad

Sorry you're feeling sicky euro

doll I was a bit shock at the idea of injecting in the back of a vehicle with a driver present. That's all a bit fraught, isn't it? I suppose needs must!

free I say as long as you aren't spending loads of money giving the alternative stuff a go won't hurt and if you're often cold then it is a nice time of year to be toasty grin

I had a wobble at work on Friday. Stressful work situation that I totally overreacted to. Thankfully only in front of colleagues that I know very well but some tears were shed. Made me feel quite ridiculous blush. I am continuing to blame all of this on the drugs. None of it is my fault........

Waves to all i've missed!

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 12:36:42

x-post gin I know, I know, ridiculous. Yes, could be the drugs. I'm also a total idiot though.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 27-Jan-13 12:42:06

x-post gin and * doll*

grin at caveman babies if I've understood correctly?? Must go and google that one.

I am planning to give up caffeine and booze for the month before ivf and the month of treatment but definitely will be angry if it doesn't work!

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 12:54:53

Sorry about the workplace tears madness. That has happened to me.

I didn't give up booze and caffeine completely last IVF. I had one coffee a day if I felt like it mostly and one or two small glasses of wine a week if I felt like it always with a couple of completely free weeks mixed in, both for the cycle and a couple of months leading up. I know this is a normal amount to drink for alot of people but it was cutting back for me blush This cycle I have not prepared properly at all due to Christmas and just not wanting to go there again so I'm being strict for the cycle itself. I know it's bollocks and I likely won't effect anything right now but it's more to make myself feel better. It's cavalier enough around here as it is.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 27-Jan-13 13:05:06

I have a feeling my attitude may change after the first attempt doll. Certainly I stopped being ridiculously careful about what I ate and drank etc during the whole TTC process after a year with no success. I would be a miserable cow by now if I had given up everything for more than 2.5 years with no hint of a BFP.... If attempt 1 doesn't work I will reassess what I need to do to maintain my sanity for future attempts.....

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 13:11:15

Yes, it really is a balance mad so there really is no one way to do things even for the same individual. Different moments in time call for different measures. We are not robots with TTC let alone AC thrown on top, we have to strike the balance somehow.

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 13:30:04

<thread hog>

*Gin* you have been beaten to it

(See last paragraph)

buzzybee123 Sun 27-Jan-13 13:53:32

madness sorry about the tears at work, I had that a bit in the past, most people knew why. I shall be fore warning my close colleagues next time I am on the drugs grin

gin yay you are on your way to FET, I haven't looked up much on the adoption sites, between this place DE on FF I find time is lacking but will need to start looking soon. I have told Barry he could do some of my injections, mainly because on FF they are injecting depot into their bums hmm so might be easier for him to do it grin I would prefer to do it myself but I'm sure he'll get the hang of it.
My feeling is I've got a long way to go on this journey as I'm giving myself till I'm 43 and adoption can take 2 years or more, I need to hang onto what little sanity I have left wink

GinSoaked Sun 27-Jan-13 15:03:08

grin doll. You've discovered my secret... I reckon the baby would be kinda hairy though.

EuroShagmore Sun 27-Jan-13 15:23:17

I'm feeling better today, thanks ladies. I think my body must be getting used to the drug. It's not a fertility drug as such and I've only ever heard of it at Create. I think Geeta has published on it. It's an anti-inflammatory, and like ibruprofen, it can inhibit ovulation. So they suggest you take it to guard against the egg popping before they are ready to collect it. Now the nausea has passed, it's fine.

Gin I have another scan tomorrow morning to see how things are going, but they were pretty sure I'd be doing EC on Weds. So they are cutting it a bit tight. I normally ov from day 16, occasionally day 15 from that side. Weds is day 15. So I have to hope that the indometecin does what it is supposed to and keeps everything in place until collection.

I keep thinking about adoption too. I'd like to consider it but part of me wonders if I should accept being childfree if it doen't happen for us with medical help and have a wonderful life of travel and a clean home. But more likely I will be miserable and own lots of cats so it wouldn't work out that way.

doll blame the hormones. I reckon injecting like that will be fine. I grew up with a diabetic best friend and she would just do her jabs wherever we were - in the park, in a restaurant, wherever. If he's nosy, tell him you're diabetic!

I haven't stopped drinking for this IVF cycle. I am just trying to keep things as normal as possible. I have cut from normal coffee to decaff though, and am trying to up the levels of protein in my diet as that is supposed to be good for eggs (even though I am only growing the one!).

sar interesting post. I know what you mean about doing things in the wrong order. I am still struggling with having the treatment (IVF) before a diagnosis.

Did someone mention a free baby?

viviennewestwould Sun 27-Jan-13 16:45:22

I am sorry to come here yet again for help when so many of you are having a really tough time but I need help shouting out the demons (actually, not demons - statistics I masochistically devoured last night re ttc over 40) which are telling me I have only eighteen months to conceive. When I reach 43 I have almost zero chance of getting pregnant with my own eggs. We will never be able to afford donor egg IVF. I am feeling really, really miserable about these statistics. Yes, I know there are women who get pregnant at 44, 45 etc but, really...they are very, very few and far between. I read last night that, when we hear about women over 43 having babies they are most definitely not using their own eggs and have had IVF. I am 42 in August sadsadsad

I promise I am reading all your posts and cheering you on, though I feel a bit of an outsider in terms of not being able to have IVF (not your fault, my shit state of mind) and share your journeys in that way.

EuroShagmore Sun 27-Jan-13 17:07:49

viv the feeling of being up against the clock really adds to the ttc misery, doesn't it?

Can I ask why you say you are not able to have IVF - is it financial? (Sorry if that's a very personal question but I think I might remember you mentioning that before).

joycep Sun 27-Jan-13 17:53:43

Ladies, on friday night i read all your messages and was completely overwhelmed by your comments, generosity and kindness. I sobbed more of course. but i am now feeling very embarrassed and guilty by my why me post. I went in for a beta blood test yesterday even though I thought there wasn't much point as i thought my period had started on Thursday. It had dwindled by Friday eve but i assumed it was the drugs playing havoc . Then I was called later yesterday by the clinic to be told that i am in fact pregnant. Shock, dumbfounded, disbelief are some words to describe how I felt. I couldn't stop shaking. It was the shock of my life. I was so confused, we just couldn't believe it, so I went to buy some sticks to really see for myself - but they showed BFN. Then I had all this brown bleeding again yesterday eve and again today and i thought it may be a CP even though this morning there was a very faint second pink line on my stick. I have waited most of the day for my results and my beta has thankfully gone up today, progesterone has dropped off a lot so am upping my dosage to 3 vials of injections and 3 pessaries a day. Everything feels a bit on a knife edge right now and I feel I am going through some schizophrenic episode from many days of darkness, to sudden elation for a few hours before panic and worry again that it will be snatched away at any moment. The bleeding is very unnerving. I am just trying to get a grip now (partly to prevent me having some nervous breakdown) and realise this is a chance , not something i thought i had 24hours ago. I'm terribly lucky i'm with a clinic who keeps a very close eye on things so hopefully anything preventable can be caught in time.
I'm very sorry that i jumped the gun on Friday but I had assumed it was over. The last 3 yrs have reduced me to a ball of negativity and pessimism regarding fertility and i do expect the worse at every turn. I know others have been through so much worse which makes me feel more embarrassed about how I have handled everything.
Again, I am totally overwhelmed by all your supportive messages and I cannot thank you enough. i do feel blush . Anyway we shall see.

Seavie - i didn't realise you were going to acu in the same place. I wonder if we have passed each other.

Mrshy1 - thank you for dropping in. I often think about you and wondering how you get on. I'm so sorry about your last 2 FETs, it is sick making. You had quite a few fro sties didn't you - do you have a plan of when your next one will be? Csn you have 2 put back in?

Freedom - i read with interest what Dr Wu told you. I think a lot of us on here have the cold feet and hands thing. I always start the day with a hot fresh ginger tea to try and warm my body.

Euro - sorry you had a reaction to that drug. Out of interest are you going to take the pred again or is that a complete no no for you now??

Madness - sorry about your tears at work. It will definitely be the drugs and a combination of the stress you have been through.

Doll - yet again you seem to have taken this round in your stride. Very best of luck for EC on Wed.

Sar - the last year for your and MrSar has been exceptionally difficult. As Buzz says you made a decision on your route with the knowledge you had at the time. The nhs should have given you a lap straight away but that can't be changed. ~In fact it's very hard to know what order to do things. There's just a huge checklist of things to get looked at when it comes to fertility. I am glad you are feeling better than you have in a while, and you have a weekend booked away. There is no doubt about it, everything is a huge slog but you now have a good chance of conceiving naturally.

Gin - i am sorry about the nasty AF. But hurrah at the FET cycle being here. It's a fecking annoying how drinking occasions tie up with treatment but I really do hope it will all be worth it. It has to be for you now.
oh euro/doll - i would def still like to meet up if that's ok.

Viv - i'm very sorry about all this. It's completely shit. Stats though can be very deceiving as it may not reflect your situation. They could be meaningless. Out of interest have you had your fsh and amh tested? I can't remember. But also have they looked at your antral follicle count? This will certainly give you a better idea.

Buzz - i have said it before but i love reading how coaching has had such a positive effect on your life. I did laugh at your knicker fetish.

akuabadoll Sun 27-Jan-13 17:59:56

viv age does very clearly add to the misery but we are not just our age, fertility is a complicated thing. I'm a year younger than you but never been pregnant, my 43 year old friend got pregnant naturally very recently, her first born at 41. I know it doesn't help but you have done it once and recently (I know it doesn't feel recent but in fertility-age terms it was) too. Sorry you are feeling shit, it is a bad business all round.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 27-Jan-13 17:59:57

Oh joy I have everything crossed for you now. That is such wonderful news. And don't worry about jumping to conclusions. We are the menkulling queens on here wink I have been quite low this weekend and this has perked me right up. There is hope grin

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