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How many wait for those 'perfect' circumstances?

(17 Posts)
OrangeLily Wed 12-Dec-12 08:51:38

DH promised me once we got married.... But then we were mid buying house so we decided to wait until we were in the house.

No savings left but first shag in new house was quite good wink

happygoluckyinOz Tue 11-Dec-12 07:22:45

Thanks for sharing your stories, I really appreciate the insights.

highlove that's what I'm scared of - you never know how long it's going to take. I hope your granted your wish soon enough.

HardlyEverHoovers Tue 11-Dec-12 06:57:53

Hope it happens for you soon highlove

highlove Mon 10-Dec-12 13:40:01

I waited till it was perfect. Two years on, one miscarriage down and I'm no closer to starting a family. With hindsight, I wish I'd started trying a couple of years earlier when I had first wanted (now) DH was keen to wait till we were married, more settled, etc. In some of my darker moments (and believe me, infertility leads to many dark moments) I feel angry with him for making us wait and waste those couple of years.

LondonSuperTrooper Mon 10-Dec-12 12:33:09

I was always waiting for the perfect time to TTC #2. I've since discovered that such time just doesn't exist - well for me anyway. I wasted 4 years waiting for a promotion that never came, for a house that we STILL haven't found and for saving money which we are struggling to do.

If you are in a loving relationship, then in my opinion you should just go for it. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

sundaesundae Mon 10-Dec-12 11:01:31

One of the problems is that you never know how long it might take, I fell the first month we tried, but it could have taken two years or longer or never happened.

Children was a priority for us, we started trying after being married for 10 months, both in stable jobs and we have a nice 4 bed detached house in a good area. However, if we had been in work, had a house and had each other that would have been enough.

We are putting away c£1k a month for the future whilst we can, pregnancy is long and if you are well and working you can save during this period, you won't be buying clothes or booze!

There is no perfect time, I wanted to be 3 stone lighter...

Well yes. I think I need the right man at least grin. We did get our own house in a good primary school catchment and stable careers first too. But we are all different on what we worry about.

For example I want a second, but DH doesn't think we could afford it. His idea of affording though is not being able to go to foreign holidays (Japan no Tunisia) and a bigger house.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Mon 10-Dec-12 09:26:16

Gosh, if we'd waited for the 'perfect' or even 'perfect-ish' circumstances to come along we'd probably still be waiting now instead of the very happy parents of a delightful 7yo and 5yo. We've been financially independent throughout, have moved a couple of times because of work, and continued to build our careers since we had dc1. It has meant that both dh and I have had to make compromises at times and really pull together as a team, but I'm really quite proud of where we are now.

Being young doesn't necessarily mean you have all the time in the world. I have had 4 miscarriages, three of them before the age of 30.

OComeAllYeFaithBaby Mon 10-Dec-12 09:16:00

We waited until we had a house. We lived in a first floor flat that was not tiny but snug with two of us! No lifts and I hated the idea of trying to lug a buggy up and down the stairs there. I also don't know where we'd have put a baby!

When we moved house the only debts we had were student loans and loan for a deposit for the mortgage that my Dad very kindly lent us! we were both in stable jobs.

I think your OH is right about him finding work first. It would make life a lot easier if he also has an income coming in. However there's no 'good' time to TTC. We started saving when we started TTC, given that it took us 2 years 8 months to conceived we've saved a fair bit of cash now to help with buying stuff! But after a certain point, you (or your OH!) have to stop putting it off and just go for it! smile

Quodlibet Mon 10-Dec-12 08:43:40

DP and I are not married (never had the spare cash to throw at a wedding) and don't yet own a house together, though we are trying to buy before the baby is born. Our careers are both inherently unstable so really there was no point us waiting til a better time financially - at 32 and 34 we thought we'd best get cracking. Biology and declining fertility is the only definite in our situation so we worked to that drumbeat.

HardlyEverHoovers Mon 10-Dec-12 08:26:19

Conceived DS when DH had stable job which came with a nice house, we were financially stable etc etc. By the time DS appeared we had moved countries, DH was just starting a business, and I was studying, we had a ridiculously small amount of money, and were living in a half renovated house owned by a friend.
It was all absolutely fine and would not bother me to have a child in that situation again.

happygoluckyinOz Mon 10-Dec-12 08:19:00

I so want it to be the right time grin but I can see Dh's point about waiting a bit longer, but then it always seems to be 'a bit longer'!

I'm 29 (big 3-0 in 6 months time) DH is 28, we've been together 10 years and married 2 years. We haven't bought a place, we rent a 2 bed apartment. We don't have savings and DH has been out of work for 4 months.

DH said once he gets a job and we've had a few months of his salary coming in (and managed to save some of it) then we can start ttc.

So just wish this new job would come up!!

CheerfulYank Mon 10-Dec-12 08:18:02

I have a friend who is waiting for everything to be perfect and honestly I'm a bit worried for her!

We're in our early 30's now but I can see her taking years yet. I think if she struggles it will be very hard for her.

poppy283 Mon 10-Dec-12 08:13:57

Nah! It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be the right time.

Griffomais Mon 10-Dec-12 08:12:06

Hi [Happy] if you've met the one and you both feel the time is right then go for it. I waited for absolutely everything to be perfect and I'm now struggling TTC have been trying for over 2 years. Although I can't be sure waiting has had an impact for me I'm starting to suspect it has. I wish you lots of luck and happiness with whatever you choose.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 10-Dec-12 07:38:24

I think it depends partly on age . If you marry young and buy a house together there's plenty of time to get thing in order first. If you meet later on in life timings more important.

I waited until married with a house but not the savings. House prices have soared though I think if we met now we'd have had children if renting.

I'd definitely get married though personally. If I wasn't sure about marrying them I wouldn't want kids with them!

happygoluckyinOz Mon 10-Dec-12 07:34:40

Just out of interest, for those that have made the decision to ttc - did you wait until everything was 'perfect'? By this I mean bought a house, both in stable jobs, substantial savings in the bank...or whatever perfect means to you.

Or do you just reach that point where you both want the same thing and go for it?

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