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dear pregnant work mate spare thought before...

(63 Posts)
bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 17:30:07

whining about how worried you were that your second child took so long to conceive you were getting worried....when you only had your implant taken out four months ago.
And not only showing your scan pix once but actually leaving them lying out on the table all through dinner even though we have all seen them...
And then moan about how far you're getting and how awful it all is. ..
When the green eyed monster has me and I'd quite happily chew your arm off to be in your shoes...

SinkyGoodenplenty Thu 22-Nov-12 18:34:28

How much do you like her/need to have a functional working relationship with her?

Either spill water/red wine/flaming sambucca over the photos (passive aggressive shizzle) or just say it, plain as day, "you're being a self-centred, spoilt madam and I'd kill to be in your position" (aggressive aggressive shizzle).

Or smile sweetly and remark on the easy, gilded life us barrens lead...

Crap, isn't it?

LilllyLovesLife Thu 22-Nov-12 18:37:22

I am sure she doesn't mean to offend you. Sounds like normal pregnancy excitement to me. I feel a bit sorry that you are both so bitter against people who can conceive quicker than you. It's not their fault.

FabulousFreaks Thu 22-Nov-12 18:42:03

I don't think the op is bitter, it is a long depressing and traumatic road trying to conceive sometimes and better to vent here than to her colleague. That is what this type of board should be for. Sending op hugs

RightUpMyRue Thu 22-Nov-12 18:45:50

I know how hard it can be to watch everyone else in the world get PG when you're just not getting PG no matter how many times you try (and try and try and try) but she's pleased and excited and if she doesn't know you're TTC she's not being insensitive because she doesn't know.

It's hard to be rational when everything feels so bloody unfair but you will get your baby sooner or later and then it will be you with your scan photos and complaints of an aching back and without knowing it, or meaning it you could be upsetting another TTCer in your office.

Keep on trying, fingers crossed and legs open. Stay positive smile

Ahhhtetley Thu 22-Nov-12 18:46:07

It doesn't sound like she's bitter.. Having been in that position but it was a close friend who was pregnant with her second, I can fully appreciate why she's feeling like she is...

I wanted to stop all contact with my friend until I felt I could cope with it, it did hurt our friendship, but to me, it was a case of life!! And utterly shit when people mins about their pregnancy when you'd, give an organ to be in their position. It's excruciating!

charitygirl Thu 22-Nov-12 18:48:13

Ah Lilly - I feel sorry you're so lacking in imagination and empathy. That must be hard for you.

MrsHY1 Thu 22-Nov-12 19:03:31

I hear you Bluer! envy

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 19:13:59

I would suggest my post was slightly more tongue in cheek than entirely bitter! I am not unreasonable and I am in no easy wishing my colleague any unhappiness...I know that if I ever her there I will try to be 'aware'of my audience and sensitive...
Actually who am I kidding , the day I finally get a bfp I'll probably be so excited I'll run out to tell the postie and the rest of the street only wearing my knickers! No offence meant but I appreciate the support..x

RightUpMyRue Thu 22-Nov-12 19:50:05

Grapefruit juice is supposed to help you conceive. That's really bitter. wink

PoppadomPreach Thu 22-Nov-12 19:53:34

Bluer I can totally empathise and you do not sound bitter.

There are always some idiots out there who completely lack any social skills or empathy!

Good luck!

FrankelDeBeauvoir Thu 22-Nov-12 20:27:25

With you all the way OP! Some people have a significant lack of tact these days.

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 21:01:44

I just need to let it all out sometimes but maybe I'll try grapefruit....or sook a lemon...anytime I get jealous ;)

Purplemonster Thu 22-Nov-12 21:12:25

I really can see both sides on this, my boss has been through failed IVF fairly recently and is now looking into adopting in the future. Telling her I'm pregnant was one of the hardest things I've had to do as I knew how hard she would find it. There are other women in our office who are pregnant and their constant insensitive wittering about it upsets me on her behalf but on the other hand I now feel like I daren't mention it at all or say anythig which might be construed as alluding to my pregnancy which is difficult as I feel like I'm treading on eggshells, not at her request, I'm just trying to be sensitive about it but it does suck some of the joy out of what should be a really exciting time for me. I think most people just don't stop to consider other people's feelings and I think even if I get it wrong, at least I'm trying confused

MaryQueenOfSpots Thu 22-Nov-12 21:18:35

OP - does your work colleague also talk about her "baby holiday" like my tactless colleague who KNOWS I've been TTC for nearly 2 years.
Oooh, I feel better for venting that!! Thanks OP for saying the unsayable in RL

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 21:26:34

Oh I'd never want to ruin someone special time and I try not to show the pain honestly! I've ahed and ohed over photos etc with the best of them! I am genuinely happy for all the seemingly thousands of pregnants and parents out there...just oh so desperately wish to join their club!

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 21:30:47

Better to let it all out here where it harms no one eh? And I am a very cheery person so I don't want my rl people to know what's going on...I don't want people feeling sorry for me I couldn't take the pity honestly I'd cry!

MysteriousNameChange Thu 22-Nov-12 21:34:37

Oh Lilly, what a horrible way to respond to someone who sounds as if they're being tongue in cheek but also a little bit upset. A bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss. You can be nice and point out the woman was probably just a bit excited.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit sad for yourself either, without it making someone bitter as if that's a terrible thing.

Newforestpony Thu 22-Nov-12 21:40:54

I empathise entirely with both sides of this terrible dilemma.
It took us over 6 years to conceive, finally first IVF was successful. But found it so hard in an office of around 900 people all with photos of their families - at least it seemed that every desk was loaded down with piccies!!!
The most difficult bit though was telling my colleagues that I was pregnant but the baby was ill. People are so pleased that you've managed to get pregnant, but what do they say when you don't know if the baby will make it?
Anyway, we were truely blessed. Our wonderful son was born, had a major op the day after and came home 2 weeks later. We now have a 4 year old who is the light of our lives . . . . . And I now quietly support other friends and colleagues who are going through infertility.

FrankelDeBeauvoir Thu 22-Nov-12 21:45:48

I think part of the problem is that people don't talk about infertility. It's treated like some sort of dirty secret when the fact is a large percentage of us will experience it.

The pain and heartbreak you experience month in month out when failing to conceive is utterly unbearable at times, and can only be understood by those who have been through the same. People who complain about taking 6 months to conceive make me (2.5 years I to my TTC #1 journey from hell) want to scream/cry/commit ABH!

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 21:54:51

Oh new pony that's such an uplifting story....I'm glad it all turned out ok!
Frankel we're just at a year but various issues make natural conception look unlikely. I know its not as long as you but I know some of what you're feeling.
One of my more recent worries is that dh was never the slightest bit interested in trying for a baby and we started ttc with him being quite reluctant, or scared, but now he's totally coming around (he made a comment the other night about how cute a baby on TV was! ) and he's actually requesting to know when I might ov etc so we can do extra bd! Now I worry that I may have got him wanting something I may never be able to give.

SinkyGoodenplenty Thu 22-Nov-12 22:00:43

Yowch. Just so we're totally clear, I would not really advise spilling a flaming sambucca over someone.

That would be crazy. As would the inability to recognise Internet ranting vs real life actions.

As you were ladies

<slinks back to my cave>

bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 22:04:19

I appreciated the humour sinky! I'm not a psycho...I think its what us Scots call gallows humour!

mirry2 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:07:10

think most people just don't stop to consider other people's feelings and I think even if I get it wrong, at least I'm trying

Bless you purplemonster thanks

mirry2 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:11

Sorry purplemonster -the above should have been put in bold script - my mistake!

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