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Another friend pregnant...

(5 Posts)
whiterose2011 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:33:05

How do you keep yourself on an even keel when everyone around you is announcing they are pregnant? I feel sick to my stomach and so deflated.

I came off the pill in May and we started ttc in June once I'd had my first period. I fell quite quickly but had a mc at 9 weeks, which took 4 weeks to confirm the pregnancy had ended. Then waited 5 weeks for af before we started trying again. I feel like we are 6 months behind where I wanted to be at this point. I know that is a bit irrational as I might not have fallen pregnant in different circumstances but hearing everyone else's news just reminds me where I am in this (long) journey.

Hope I don't sound too selfish! This girl has been trying for 2 years so I'm pleased for her, but it just hurts so much inside when you hear other people's news. I can't imagine how it must feel to deal with this over a period of years of ttc. That's actually the scary bit, that I might feel like this for years to come.

Any tips on how to deal with the never ending announcements much appreciated! Keeping my fingers crossed for us all.

amazingmumof6 Fri 16-Nov-12 11:05:19

honey so sorry for all your struggles and loosing baby!

I had a mc 4 years ago, it's devastating.

It is hard to take it on the chin, as you have no choice but grit your teeth and smile!
I wonder if people then always turn to you and ask if/ when you are going to have kids.
that's the worst, having to be defensive and explain yourself, pretend you don't care or not ready or make other excuses etc.

we have 6 kids, but I frequently get the question "are you having any more?", which I tell you is just as annoying as people asking when/if you are having 1st (had that too!) - although of course not upsetting as it is for you!

possible answers, depending on who's asking (I have used them at various times):

- we'll see

- mind your own bloody business

- yes, we've ordered one online smile

- why do you want to know?

- we would have already but she/he died (that wil shut them up)

- yes, but we want twins and that takes longer smile

I think it will be really hard for you to see all the pregnancies and then the babies, and yes I'm sorry but it is possible that some friendships will end because people will be just to busy with baby (and smug), but baby or not you are in a loving relationship and some people don't even have that!

there's no reason why you couldn't fall pregnant soon, as you already have, naturally, so please try and relax about it!
it takes generally 6 months for things to get back to normal after mc, so you are probably more likely to get pregnant in the next year than in the past 6 months anyway.

and no, you are not selfish, and you are allowed to feel sad/angry/bitter/resentment especially when it feels like people rubbing your nose it (even me, sorry!), but perhaps best not to show it.
it is the most hurtful of all things people brag about - yay, we're getting married, bought a new car, new house, great job blah blah blah...

I watch comedy to cheer me up and distract me when I'm down (about whatever) and a new hobby you can focus on could also do the trick of giving your mind a breather.

I hope this is helpful and I'm sending you a big hug thanks

whiterose2011 Fri 16-Nov-12 13:55:23

amazingmumof6 thanks for your lovely message. You are right....I have a great marriage to a fantastic man and I am really grateful that for that. I have a couple of friends who are in their mid 30s and haven't settled down yet and I know they worry about time, finding the right person, having babies etc so I'm lucky in that respect. At least I have all the tools I need to get what I want....they just need to work!

One of the hardest bits is trying to put on that brave face! I guess over time I'll get more used to it if it takes a while to conceive again. In true British fashion, it's a case of chin up I guess.

Thanks again - it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels like this!

Dexidoo Fri 16-Nov-12 14:10:29

whiterose I just wanted to give you some moral support. We are in a similar place- started TTC in March fell pregnant in May but MC in June and not a sniff of a positive since. It is hard, I feel gutted when I think of what could have been, I see pregnant women and babies atwork it really is hard to hold back the sadness. It seems every other week that some friend or other announces they are expecting.

So few people knew about the MC that it sometimes feels like it never happened but I am now concentrating on looking after myself diet, regular exercise and vitamins. Even started reflexology which may do sod all but it is relaxing. Easier to say than accept but what will be will be, and stressing about it isn't going to help.

Good luck x

bluer Fri 16-Nov-12 21:57:46

I know it must be awful to MC but on the positive side you know you can conceive...we've been ttc nearly a year and not so much as a cp or a day late. Try to stay positive, we're looking at the start of tests etc and so far my bloods don't look fab. I know its hard, i'm the only one of my fairly large circle of friends without, but its fun bring auntie and learning nappies and feeding etc. still get madly jealous wheni have to give them back though!

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