Broody Wannabe Parent

[wannabemum12]

Hello

New to the page, and not a parent. Have read a few articles about people feeling broody but seem to have children already.

I suppose I am looking for an understanding place to vent my frustrations.

I am 25, soon to be 26 and recently got married. We have been together ten years, teenage sweethearts and lately I have been feeling uncontrolably broody.

I felt broody before our wedding, since May this year but had a wedding to plan which was a very emotional ride itself, and obviously didnt want to fall pregnant before hand. It kept me busy and occupied, but since the honeymoon I have just wanted to try for children. My husband says he cant wait for children but now is not the time. I am trying to explain what a physical 'pull' it is feeling broody. I feel crazy, I think about it a lot and read everything online about contraception and pregnancy. I'm like an addict! We both have goood careers and we are very happy in them, I just feel like there is something missing, but how can that be if I never had what I want?!

I spoke to my mum, but she has never had that broody feeling, we just all came along, so looking really for someone who understands. I am fed up with people telling me I am too young, because I feel I would love to be a mum, it's like a yearning I am not allowed to act on.

Feeling very frustrated, and find myself googling "how to stop feeling broody" i'm worried it's never going to go away. I am worried about pushing my husband away, I know I shouldnt talk about it all the time! I know it's going to do his head in! Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

Thanks

[moggle]

Honestly, it probably won't go away! I've felt broody since I was in my early 20s and now we're finally TTC it's worse than ever (although at least we re acting on it although with no success!)
You have to find something else to distract you. It's the only thing! New hobby, doing up the house, job that keeps you busy. Etc etc. you also need to stop googling about babies, pregnancy etc. that is not going to help!
This is exactly the advice I give to myself and anyone else struggling with not letting TTC take over their life. In situations like this where you dont have control over the outcome you want, You have to let something else take over a bit. Good luck and enjoy life without kids for a bit longer. Even tho we've been ttc for 12m and I would give anything for a baby, I can still appreciate (a bit) the lie ins, nights out, going on holiday to crazy inappropriate places, and generally being able to be selfish and only think of ourselves.

[LoveBeingAMrs]

Hi Wannabe!

I really feel your pain!! I've not got any children, am 23, been married 13 months and brudy as long as i can remember... The brudy feeling has always been there but always wanted it to be 'right'...

Me and hubby own a house, are married and ever since we got married i have deffo been ready and spent the year being distraught that hubby wasnt ready, (we had a big mortgage and house needed lots of work doing to it)...

Whenever i talked to my family about it they said i should live my life first etc etc... Friends all had kids and encouraged me to trick him in to it, whih i couldnt do as trust is the most basic thing in marriage imo... Properly feeling like no one understoof this gaping hole in my life that was children!!

Anyhow my advise is talk to you hubby, make sure he knows how yoir feeling and exactly what is going on emotiinally... Also try and get his side and any worries he may have which you may be able to help him aleviate.. even if you agree a date in the future at least you can both prepare.. I.e.. Folic acid etc..

Me and hubby have started ttc this month so very excited! I hate to say it but im glad we waited as the house still isnt done a year later (i am actually sat here in darkness while he is playing with electrics in the loft, haha) but it will deffo be done soon and we will both be ready and happy!

Hope it works out for you (and you van talk him round) x x

[NotADriveBy]

Agree with moggle. The main thing that made waiting bearable for me was to list and tick off all the fun stuff we wouldn't be able to do with babies (and we did the same with all the practical jobs that would be difficult to do when pregs).

Another tip: if you are lucky enough to have trusting friends or family with kids who are 3+ year olds, then you could help look after them for a day out at the weekend or half-term. It didn't make me less broody, but did bring home to me how utterly exhausting and immersive the whole thing is. I was very grateful to hand them back to their parents then return to the sofa in a quiet tidy child-free home!

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

I felt the same at your age wannabemum, had also been with DH for a long time.

DH took a while to get his head round it - it's scary stuff contemplating parenthood. Ended up coming off pill a bit after my 27th birthday, was pg within 6 months.

I'm 34 now and have 2 children, was def the right time for us.

[Beksybob]

I was feeling a bit broody too, but I think mumsnet has cured me I've heard a lot about how horrible being pregnant is, giving birth is, looking after a baby is, then there's the all the school related horror (school runs, packed lunches, homework), and then they're teenagers and they hate you. The whole time you'll be skint and constantly guilt-ridden. Yep, if I find myself getting broody again in the future, I'll just come back to the talk section here.

[wannabemum12]

Hello everyone

Thanks very much for all your advice :-)

I have spoken to my husband about how I feel but he is not very talkative about his feelings so maybe you're right and I need to encourage him to let me know his worries and concerns a bit more so we can discuss them. We are off to New York in march which we are going all out for nice hotel, as saving lots of pennies for spending! I am trying to concentrate on thisZ I'd be happy to set a date and look forward to it but hubby says he can't say if he'll feel ready then and doesn't want to give me false hope. I suppose distraction is key! Appreciate all your support, really nice to have people to speak to :-) I definitely agree that i feel like it is something missing though

[KittenCamile]

Hi wannabemum12,

I totally understand how you feel, I have felt like I was going crazy the last 2 yrs. Having a baby was all I thought about and it got me very depressed. Myy DP said I was wishing my life away and that we should enjoy our time together but he has no idea what being physically broody feels like.

My DP has a daughter and I really struggled having her around because it was all I wanted in life, I hated her leaving because I felt compleate having a DC to look after but he was happy how we were.

We have just started ttc and I'm in such a better place now. You have to be careful not to get too obsessed because it can take years to get pregnant and you put so much pressure on yourself.

You should explain how you feel and how impirtant it is to you but I wouldn't keep talking about it all of the time, my DP couldn't handle how I was feeling, he had never exprienced someone wanting a child so bad and was scared (probably still is) that if for any reason we couldn't have one I wouldn't be able to cope as I was making it the focus of my life.

Look forward to your amazing holiday and keep planning little things to distract you. I would stop looking at baby stuff if you can, honestly it will make the wait seem so much longer. I felt like nights out ect were holow because all I wanted todo was stay at home and be a family but I forced myself to rediscover my friends and family and go out again, it was the best thing I could have done, I seriously used to cry daily because I wanted it so badly, I became quite unheathly because of it. Look after your body and your health and try and enjoy this time while you can.

Best of luck

[stalkcalling]

Hi All,

I'm another first-timer on here! I too am suffering with broodiness and have been for the last 4 years. I am a midwife and terribly broody. My job is so rewarding but babies crying around me for 13 hours a day hasn't successfully put me off wanting one of my own!

I am 24, married and to distract myself from my broodiness am applying for a degree in medicine. I have found over the last 4 years that distraction really helps. Making lists of things you couldn't do while pregnant or with small children also helps. I am going skiing in Jan 2013 and then on a 60th birthday holiday in the summer. I have now placed another obstacle in my way which is my 1st and 2nd years of my degree. I SOUND like I have this sussed. Obviously I haven't cause I wouldn't be reading threads on how NOT to feel broody!!

Changing my job isn't an option. 'Forgetting' to take my pill isn't an option a) because its unethical, and b) we've been using natural methods since we were 19 so he's pretty good at the whole not getting pregnant thing now. So in all honesty it never goes away. I still walk past baby clothes and ache. I also watch mothers breastfeeding and can't wait until its my turn.

My husband is my very best friend and we are so in love it makes wanting babies more painful. He will be the best father and support me in whatever I want to do in life. His decision for not wanting children now are practical and I can't blame him for being the sensible one.

So I just want to thank you all for this discussion. Its so good to know I'm not alone. To wannabemum - thanks for starting the thread and all the best!!!!!

[wannabemum12]

Hello all

Stalkcalling and kittencamile, you've explained it so well, an ache is exactly how it feels. I am trying to concentrate on my holiday as it makes me sad every day at the moment. I often cry and I don't want it to take over my relationship. I would never "trick" my husband into becoming pregnant, takes away the magic and romance about what ttc is.

Thanks so much for your advice, it is actually comforting in a strange way that others feel this way and I'm not crazy!! Xx

[Rouen]

It's so nice to read that other people feel the same way I do! It was all I could think about for quite a while, even my Mom had enough of me going on about it. Get immersed in your life for a little bit, enjoy the people around you, and then when you both are ready, take it as it comes. I've heard it said by many of my friends with babies that although they love their little ones to death, they fantasise of a time before now where a lie-in was possible :) good luck to you all xxx

[DaveMccave]

I was really broody from a young teen. I obsessed over it, would read all kinds of birth stories and parenting books obsessively. I worked in nurseries and schools to be around children. I accidentally fell pregnant at 20, and my partner was abusive, but I couldn't abort the baby. She's 6 now, I'm obviously not with her father, and although I wouldn't change it, it's not as amazing as I always imagined. She has behavioral problems and I find her very hard work and I do sometimes feel resentful of what I'm missing out on. You think of this unconditional love, and it's true, but children take a LOT more love than they give, and that is what is so difficult about them. I adored the baby stage, even though she was difficult. But the older she gets the more difficult I find it.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it's never what you imagine. Children are constantly challenging. I always find looking after other peoples children entirely different and much more rewarding than looking after my own. What I suggest you do is write a pre-children bucket list, and focus on that. Travelling, festivals, gigs, decorating, qualifications etc. In the meantime, ask if you can take your friends/family's kids out for the day or over night, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.