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Off the pill, is only one of us trying?

(10 Posts)
frogchops Sun 21-Oct-12 11:11:27

Here's what's going on with me.....I'm not sure if I'm after advice, or just to have a general moan...
With a couple of months my oh has come around to the idea that yes children are going to happen for us.
I have done all of the investigating around finances, as he is a stickler for being safe money wise...and I've investigated that I can access employer mat pay etc. I have spoken to my doctor about coming off the pill which he has ok'd and told me to go for it.
So...I have discussed the fact that I will be coming off the pill to my oh, and although nervous, he is fine with this. He is quite a 'non talker' tbh, and I think it freaks him out thinking about being a daddy, so he doesn't like to overly talk about boys/girls, names, etc....he just rolls his eyes. I'm sure it'll be different if pregnancy actually happens.
I'm just worried that he won't do the 'trying' like I will, I think he'll be fine if it just happens, but actually we only really usually do the deed about 3 times a month ( on a good month!)
I came to the end of a pack of pills on Wednesday and started this months af yesterday....anyone have any idea when I should expect the next period?
Like I said, probably just a moan. Huffff. sad

moggle Sun 21-Oct-12 16:36:54

If I were you, I would just roll with things for a few months. It's really hard going from "definitely do NOT want to get pregnant" to "want to get pregnant RIGHT NOW", so keeping things chilled out I think is a good thing.
Your OH sounds like he is on board in general, but hasn't really been thinking about it too much. This will probably change over time - definitely what happened with my DH. When we started trying, he was excited, but I think a bit scared, and didn't like to talk aboout it too much. It's now 11 cycles later (groan) and he's as disappointed as my when my period comes around again. He talks about it to a few of his friends who are dads/expecting/ttc which has helped, has your OH got any friends in the same phase as him? About 6m in he got a bit down about not having got pg yet and when I was out one evening, spent hours on google researching ttc, my cycles, sperm, etc etc!! I came home to him announcing he was going to cut down on alcohol and coffee and start taking Wellman tablets.
HOw old are you? I don't think there's any harm letting things take their own course for a few months at least, if you aren't pregnant after that maybe talk about doing the deed a bit more often, see if you can get him a bit more interested in the whole thing. He will come round, I'm sure.
good luck!

fanjodisfunction Sun 21-Oct-12 17:07:37

I agree take it easy, just enjoy yourself. Maybe a few months down the line start using opk's so you know when you ovulate, but he doesnt need to know. Hopefully he will just like all the sex. Good luck op.

I guess its hard to say when AF will turn up it could be in four weeks, or shorter or more. Your whole cycle might be different, thats why you should just enjoy yourself for the time being untill you know what kind of cycle you will have after the pill.

frogchops Sun 21-Oct-12 19:57:27

You're right moggle he has actually asked me to understand that he's gone from, 'not really bothered' to actually agreeing that 'he's next' at annoying family do's. lol. We are 29, almost 30....
I'm going to chill about it I think....easier said than done.... But we'll see.
He's not the type to talk to his friends about it, lots of them are very career driven so this isn't on their agenda, or are busy planning weddings rather than babies. I hope the cycle doesn't mess around too much, could do without it screwing up a surprise week abroad I've booked for his 30th in Jan, where I'm hoping the deed can be done more tha usual!!!

Jollyb Sun 21-Oct-12 20:48:49

Hi frog chops - my partner was much the same. He didn't like talking about TTC, pregnancy and had no interest in baby equipment etc.

However since our daughter was born he has been fantastic and is a really hands on dad. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that a lack of enthusiasm now doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care and doesn't want to be a dad.

bonzo77 Sun 21-Oct-12 21:10:28

I think for men reality only kicks in when the baby arrives, or perhaps when it doesn't. The early stages of ttc, and of pregnancy can be a bit abstract for them sometimes. DH didn't get "into" ttc until about 6 months in, and no interest in baby stuff until DS actually arrived. But after all that he's been fab. I do think discussing names before you've even conceived can feel a bit premature.

I think your OH is generally supportive of the idea of children too. I'm not sure if it's normal, but my DH isn't really that much into the whole ttc thing. He thinks it'll just happen. And he even says, if it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world and it's meant to be this way! But this doesn't make him a bad dad (if that's what you are worried about). He's fantastic to our 18mo DD. He does all the nappies in the early weeks (she was bf so that's his task, along with baths). He loves playing with her and making her laugh and giggle.

As for the actual ttc. It's recommended to dtd every 2-3 days. We were more the 3 times a month figure too before we ttc for DD. Our jobs are stressful and we have lots on in the evenings. We just get so tired and not want to dtd iyswim. But anyway, after I came off the pill for a while, we agreed to make time for ourselves and dtd 2-3 during the fertile window. But it helps if you understand your cycle. Have you looked at something like fertility friend? It has a tutorial and a chart so you can learn about it. I don't take my temperature, but just watching my ewcm and also my period. It then can highlight the days you will most likely to be fertile.

Oh and my DH definitely weren't into names. I drew up a short list for him and he wasn't interested until I was about 35-36 weeks pregnant, and I told him DD was going to be born without a name! Do don't worry about that either.

frogchops Mon 22-Oct-12 18:16:22

One it's not so much as me being worried about him as a dad, I know he'll be brilliant. He's such a patient, caring person and kids in general love him.
It's the ttc that I don't think he wants to admit, and his lets see what happens attitude. Maybe I'm being a bit pushy or expecting too much early on. He probably wouldn't entertain a 'lets try to do it 2-3 times during such n such dates' conversation, so I guess I just have to hope we catch it at the right times. I'm investigating my most fertile times so at least they are always in the back of mind, if not in his!!

Just give him some time. Took my DH to understand how important it is to me. I still have to try and arrange it so we don't have things on during the crucial days. And I initiate the dtd during that time too. He knows what it is about ofc. In fact he said I'm only interested in his sperms lol.

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