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So, this could finally be the end :(

(13 Posts)
topbannana Sat 13-Oct-12 18:43:58

DH and I have been TTC for around 4 years now, though a spell in the licensed trade did not help the cause one bit at all hmm
DH would be an "older" father and already has 2 grown up children. I have DS(8) who DH is adopting so effectively we do have a family together, albeit I do not have a biological link to DH.
Yet again this month we have not been successful and quite frankly I am starting to wonder whether I do want to continue.
I had blood tests which indicated that I was ovulating (at that point at least) and DH is about to visit the GP for the much dreaded sperm tests.
The thing is we had already promised ourselves that we would put a limit on the time we continued (as if we did not I fear that some years down the line we could end up as one of those stories in the DM about outlandishly old parents after a freak conception) and now, I sort of feel that we have come to that point, despite DH not even seeing the GP. We neither of us want medical intervention, that was decided a long time ago even if we were eligible
It came about really when somebody asked me yet again if I planned to have any more children and rather than my usual answer ("Goodness no, DS is enough of a handful/ we almost have our lives back/ we could not stand the upheaval etc") I felt the time was right to say though I didn't "We did try but it never happened"
Reading back this seems an incredibly morbid and self indulgent post but I feel better for actually writing down my feelings and who knows what the future holds smile

PinkChampagneandStrawberries Sat 13-Oct-12 18:47:45

No advice but I have been TTC for 3.5 years and I know how awful it is.

Asmywhimsytakesme Sat 13-Oct-12 18:50:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 13-Oct-12 18:53:41

I'm so sorry. I've been trying for my first for two years now, 3MC, no babies.

I'm 38, my DH is 48, so it is getting to the point where he feels he will be too old...

When i start thinking about things like the amount of sodding folic acid i've put away I feel really sorry for myself, but one thing i've learnt through all this is that I'm a lot stronger than i thought as the amount of waiting and heartache i'm prepared to put myself through is a lot higher than I would have believed before I started.

I cling onto the fact that when we eventually get our baby, we might be older but bloody hell will we appreciate what we've got. I've stopped caring what other people think anymore, they will never understand what we've been through.

Now I just make decisions based on the question 'which option can I live with long term'. Good luck x

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 13-Oct-12 18:55:33

sorry for the swearing in my post, btw. Not like me at all!

BikeRunSki Sat 13-Oct-12 18:58:41

I think, sometimes, we know in our hearts that enough is enough, whatever it may be. That in itself can be a relief, closure and a time to move on, regardless of what it is we were seeking to achieve. You've come to a brave realisation OP.

Don't want to read and not reply to this. You have basically capture how me and DH feel completely. We have one DD together. I'm 38 and ttc for another. But we have discussed the same thing that we don't want intervention. And that we will put a time limit on ttc as we don't want to be one of those stories on DM either.

You already have a lovely DS. It is sometimes important to have closure and move on.

Just to let you know you aren't alone.

topbannana Sat 13-Oct-12 20:48:09

Dammit now you made me cry wink
Thanks for the kind thoughts, it means a lot to know its not just us.
bike, you have put into words exactly how I feel. I actually feel a sense of peace about the whole affair now, as if I have accepted that this is my lot and there is nothing that can be done about it. We have done our best. I am also acutely aware that we have DS and that is more than some people ever get so a good reason to be thankful.
I think I may get DH to visit the GP anyway and see what results we get, but in the meantime I am kind of reconciled to it.
Once again, many thanks smile

TheHappyCamper Sat 13-Oct-12 21:02:31

DH are 3 months on from our decision to stop TTCing #2. We tried for a sibling for dd for just over 2 years and I actually feel at peace with our decision. It isn't good for a marriage to keep going indefinitely. We do feel sad that she'll be an only child but are very much focussing on the positives x Big hug to you both. It will be fine x

DizzyPurple Sat 13-Oct-12 21:08:39

Are you sure you want to give up when you've just started tests? Supposing your dh has a low sperm count then he may just need extra vitamins and cut out alcohol to see if things improve. This is what we have been advised as ttc nearly 2 years and all my tests fine. Just repeated sperm test after 3 months of trying to improve things so fingers crossed we might get Lucky!

winkle2 Sat 13-Oct-12 22:21:21

Dizzy - were the results better after 3 months?

Captain - I completely agree with your post. We've been trying for a year and it's heartbreaking the waiting and uncertainty and anxiety. No labour pain can be as bad as what i feel inside.

Fay30 Sun 14-Oct-12 15:52:47

It's tough choice to decide to call it a day, but is that really the end? I mean, no sperm testing for him?
It's hardly "intervention" now is it?
Sperm testing is simple,
Perhaps just get him off any booze, onto some zinc tablets, then take him along for a sperm test.
Then decide to call it a day, but you are so close, I feel, that for the sake of a little tub of Tesco zinc's for about £3.50, well, , , , , , ,just a last ditch, low cost idea.

Fay.

topbannana Sun 14-Oct-12 18:04:59

Once again, thanks smile
We will go for the sperm tests (though our new family Dr was speaking in church today. DH's face was a mixture of shock and hmm when I pointed him out grin)
I wondered whether to lay off TTC until after Christmas, just as a sort of mental break for us, does this sound plausible? In my own mind, using condoms after all this time seems a bit counter-productive (what if the condom stops "the one" getting through?!) but it would allow us to enjoy Christmas and New Year without the stress, before possibly starting again in the New Year.

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